None of the scenarios in my mind, offer the best end of how things should have ended.

If I had somehow killed Jaejoong, I know Dara wouldn’t have wanted it. Not to mention I’d lose my license and be imprisoned. If Jaejoong killed me, I know it would only break Dara more but then maybe it will hurt Jaejoong too. And if the security came, she’d be alive but their secret will be out and both Dara and Jaejoong will be broken, not to mention the scandal it would cause their family. And I’d never have a future with her.

Maybe she chose the best end for us all. After all she was finally free of this place. 

Her family accepted her decision, thinking that maybe things got too much for her. They did not blame me in anyway, in fact they were grateful I was there and sorry that I got involved.

Jaejoong did get his wish. His marriage got cancelled, owing to the fact that he was now also a patient in the hospital. They believed that he snapped because of the pressure brought on by his impending marriage and that he went to Dara for help.

I did not correct their assumption. I just told them that you could never predict how emotionally unstable people would react to situations like how Jaejoong lost it and attacked me and how Dara did what she thought she had to do.

Their family no longer needed to know what happened. Now that Dara’s no longer here, it wouldn’t matter. The secret would only mar her memory. I want to be selfish for Dara. Jaejoong got what he deserved. He does not deserve forgiveness or any sort of peace of mind.

But what do I deserve? Somehow, a life without her and a plague of memories does not seem fair to me.

I could still hear Dara’s words echoing in my mind. These thoughts run through my head in endless loops.

“If only my life could have turned out differently; if I could find something worth my life; if I knew how to love more.”

She used Ifs like we did before. Why would she use Ifs if she didn’t want to have regrets? Was she trying to tell me something?

Maybe her life did turn out differently. Maybe she did find something worth her life. Maybe she learned how to love more.

I was hoping I was able to give her that. That she got a shot at knowing how to live and love. It was just tragic that she died when she was just learning how to.

And I wonder if by killing herself, did she leave me or choose me? Or were both the same, because she had to go so she could choose me? Was I as she put it, worth her life?

I’m back again to the present. Only I don’t want the present to be real. I am wearing white, surrounded by a white room with white furnishings. A young man in a white coat is sitting across from me, asking me something I find unimportant. I ignored his question and focused on the sunlight filtering in through the glass wall and began to tell him my story.

“I loved a star who was afraid of the dark and wanted to be a bird instead. She loved the sun so I made her realize that the sun is a star. Then she told me I was a sun too...”

“I love the sun.”

“When I was younger my daddy told me my nickname Dara meant star so I wanted to be one but stars only come out at night when it’s dark so what’s the point?  A bird maybe, so I could fly away from here”

“But the sun is a star.”

“I think you’re a sun too”

“When I was sick, I learned one thing to be true. I love you sun.”

love exists in different forms. and however sad or tragic it is , love is still love.

this is a different daragon story than my usual but i hope you still liked it. please don't hate me. i wanted to write something different and i was just inspired by the song.

thank you to all readers, subscribers and for the comments.

this is another daragon story finished, but as always the love will continue.