[CONTENTID1] Forever -Sequel to "as Always" [/CONTENTID1]

A/N: I suggest you to read chapter 4 “as always”, before reading this one :) [/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]

Somehow my feet took one step after another. I didn't know how I could walk, how I even came here, the only thing I knew was that I saw you. Well, not exactly you, but the place where you were laying, sleeping peacefully without being hurt anymore. As I stood in front of you me knees started to shake and I fell down on the ground. How could you leave me? Why did you leave me? I could feel the tears running down my cheek and of course I knew all the answers, I knew why you left me, I knew what happened to make you feel horrible like that. It was me, I made you cry, I made you decide to leave this world.

A long time ago, we talked about adopting a child, so our little family would finally be complete, but whatever we tried, whoever we talked to, they always said that a couple like we are would never be allowed to take care of a child. It was hurting you and I knew that, even though you tried to hide it from me. You seemed more cheerful than ever, cooked my favorite food, smiles the whole day, but your eyes didn't show me that you're happy. That's when I decided to do something. I wanted to see you happy again.

So I started to look for another way, we could have went to another country, start another life there, but I wasn't sure if you would become happy without your friends. And then, one day I heard our friends talking about the solution I was looking for. Even though they were just joking around to cheer you up, it seemed to me like the perfect way. We needed to find a girl, just a random person who would be giving birth to our child and leave it in our care.

And like that, everything started to get worse. As I finally found someone, she bothered me the whole time. “I can't do it, if we don't look like a couple”, she said “how should I explain it to my parents that if I get pregnant without being in a relationship”, she tried to explain me. The fool I was, I thought she was right. I went on some so-called dates with her, even kissed her, but I only had you in my mind.

I was afraid that you could leave me, so I told you to stay at home, I called you every day at the same time to see if you really stayed at home. I become some kind of control freak, because I really really never wanted to leave you. Somehow it became impossible for me to show you what I really feel, you've always been the most important person in my life, but I couldn't show you anymore. The only thing I thought about was, how to get that little pregnant.

Too late I realized that she only used me. One day at work, I heard her talking on her phone that she tricked me, she took the pill the whole time, without letting me know. She wanted to make me leave you. Of course I broke up with her, after hearing that, even though we never really had something like a relationship, it felt like breaking up.

That night I came home later than I promised you. I knew you would be mad at me, at least you wouldn't show me, but I knew that I had to talk to you, to explain you why I have been like that. When I entered our apartment the table was se