10.

                The metal spoon clinked against the ceramic glass as she stirred her hot coffee, the steam rising from the pool of creamy brown liquid. Soaking in the silence of the early morning, Izzy sat at the counter in the kitchen. Sunlight was just beginning to stream in through the large glass windows, perfectly falling on the skin of the young woman’s cheeks.

                As soon as she had gotten out of bed, she had rushed out to the living room to check on her “brothers.” They were all still sound asleep just as they were the night before, although sprawled out into slightly more unsightly positions. Izzy was already wide awake, but didn’t want to wake anyone else just yet, so decided to relax with a cup of joe by herself, still in her pajamas. Luckily for her, the camera crew hadn’t arrived at the home yet.

                Soft footsteps padded on the tiles behind her. Turning her head, Izzy was met by the sight of a half-awake Donghae, his sleep-ridden hair sticking up in various directions, a lazy smirk on his soft, perfectly curved lips. “You look like you’re ready to party or something.” The young woman eyed him up and down, taking note of his pajama bottoms and wrinkled shirt.

                “Yep,” he took strides towards her, pulling out a chair and sitting at the dining table next to his television sister. “I hope my partying won’t keep you up, granny.” His coarse fingers flicked at the hem of Izzy’s choice of sleepwear: an embarrassingly old-fashioned cotton nightdress, with a lace-rimmed collar and polkadots. She blushed, and embarrassedly crumpled her hands into her lap.

                “It’s comfortable,” she muttered, her face turning pink as the dress itself. “And it’s totally y. I’m turning you on right now, aren’t I?” Izzy tried to turn her embarrassment into a sarcastic joke, flashing a bright white smile at the male idol.

                Donghae paused for the slightest of momens before grinning back and nodding , wetting his lips unconsciously with his tongue. “Sure, grandmother. I could just kiss you right now.”

Izzy’s heart beat fast upon hearing those words. She wondered if he had known about the peck she had given him last night- quickly deciding to forget it ever happened. But his mouth seemed to beckon to her. The rosy skin appeared soft and moist, and Izzy couldn’t help staring, wondering if kissing the man’s lips would be more fun than kissing his cheek.

                Almost immediately after having the thought she shook her head violently, strands of loose hair flying about. She couldn’t be having such thoughts. Even though Donghae really was attractive.

                “Are you okay?” His voice pulled her out of her inner denial. “Maybe I should kiss you to wake you up, since you’re already wearing a sleeping beauty gown.” He laughed at his own silly joke, but something about his words triggered a minor panic attack in his “sister”.

                Izzy stammered. “Oh, uh, um, yeah. Sorry, I was just a little.. preoccupied.” The heat spread from her face down to her neck, and she stood up from her seat. “I’ve got to go get ready now, for your recording later today. Do me a favor and wake all the other members?” She didn’t wait for Donghae’s reply before scurrying away from the kitchen and back into the safety of her private room.

                Behind the locked bedroom door, Izzy’s chest heaved. Although she was leaned steadily against the wood, her head was spinning. She remembered how Donghae mentioned kissing not once, but twice in their conversation. Flustered, the young woman resolved to push the matter away and focus solely on the filming for the day. She could worry about Donghae and kissing and kissing Donghae later.

                “Donghae! I want to kiss you!”

                Pulling her eyes away from Super Junior, who was performing on the latest music show stage, Izzy turned her head to the side to see one of the many ELFs shouting out her love for the fishy idol. At first, the reality show star was shocked at the fan’s confession, as well as at the irony stemming from the situation, but then a smile spilt over Izzy’s face and giggles escaped .

                The sound of her laughter caught the attention of some of the fans, and they suddenly recognized her. “Hey! Aren’t you that SuJu’s ‘sister’ lady?”

                Izzy froze; her eyes widened slightly. If fans recognized her and they turned out to be quite the envious type, things could turn ugly quickly. She glanced at the younger girls’ eyes and took a deep breath, deciding to just own up to her ‘title’. “Yes, I’m Im Izzy. Nice to meet you!” She kept her voice cheerful and bowed as politely as possible.

                Luckily, these particular ELFs were very excited to be in the presence of another female who had the honor of being in Super Junior’s presence. They began swarming her, bombarding her with questions about the men’s habits and quirks. Izzy nervously looked at the camera before just smiling at the girls and nodding or shaking her head to answer. Every gesture she made seemed to draw out giddy laughs from the fans and Izzy honestly found herself enjoying some of their company.

                “Unnie,” one of the girls tugged at Izzy’s arm. “Are you going to marry Donghae-oppa?” Her friend joshed her shoulder, hissing about inappropriate things to ask.

                Izzy was momentarily shocked. “W-what? Why would I?”

                “Because you guys are in love!” The other fans were starting to give that one girl strange looks, and her friend became more agitated.

                “She’s just kidding,” the friend tried to apologize by bowing while simultaneously pulling her friend away. Izzy’s ears captured the sound of the girls’ voices as they shuffled away.

“Stop with your shipping those two!”

“But I won’t; can’t you see they’re perfect together?”

Now uncomfortable, Izzy flashed an awkward smile to the remaining fans around her. “Well, I think I should go now; it was nice meeting you all.” She gave a twinkling wave and polite bow to each person and hastened away. Izzy weaved her way through the people and equipment to meet her idol brothers backstage. They were resting before having to go on again to perform another song.

                “You guys are doing great!” Izzy gave a thumbs up to the men. She waved as they milled about, doing whatever they needed to get ready for the performance.

                As soon as she laid eyes on Donghae, something stirred inside the young woman’s chest, and her face began to burn. She avoided meeting his eyes, and perched herself on one of the dressing room couches, fiddling with her phone and hoping no one would pay her much attention.

               “Izzy, are you alright?” Donghae flopped onto the cushion next to her, carelessly draping an arm around her shoulder. The close contact, which wouldn’t have bothered Izzy much before, caused her to jolt and shoot up from the couch, shifting back and forth with her feet. She still couldn’t meet Donghae’s face.

                “Uh, yeah. I’m the picture of health, Donghae,” she tried her best to act normal, smiling at him, but still not meeting his eyes. “I’m so fit I could even go out onstage with you guys,” she joked, striking a SPY pose. She stayed like that for a while until the men were called to go onstage and perform their next track. “Good luck, everyone!” She smiled and waved, but her mind was racing, thinking of everything that had just happened to her that day. As soon as all the Super Junior members left and she was alone, Izzy collapsed onto the couch again, sighing as she fell.

                Doubts and questions began to float through her mind. Did she really seem like a good match for Donghae? Did she even like him? Did he like her? Izzy looked at her phone, and decided that she could use some help in sorting everything out. She pressed a few buttons and brought the phone to her ear, waiting for her friend to pick up.

                “Hello?” After a couple of rings a familiar voice sounded over the receiver, and Izzy felt her muscles relax as soon as she heard the first syllable.

                “Jiyoo!” The television star shouted her librarian friend’s name into the phone.

                “Izzy? Oh my gosh, it’s really you! Aren’t you supposed to be filming and playing with Super Junior? What happened? Tell me all about life with 12 hot males!” The librarian squealed over the receiver.

                “Life with these 12 dorks has been good,” Izzy chuckled. “I’m supposed to be filming, but I remembered how long it’s been since I talked to you, so I gave you a little call.”

                “Yah,” the other woman complained. “Yeah, what’s up with that?” Her tone changed swiftly, turning from a cute spazzy greeting to a cute teasing pout. “Im Izzy, to make up for this injustice you have done in not calling me sooner, I demand you spill the details on what I really want to know: Is Sungmin really as cute in person as he seems on TV?”

                At her friends silly question, Izzy giggled. “Yes, definitely. Sungmin is a cutie.” Her eyes darted around the room. Thankfully, she was alone now- the members had gone out to perform and Izzy could see them on the television screen in the corner. They looked about halfway done with the set, so Izzy decided to get straight to the point with Jiyoo. “Listen, Jiyoo, I need some advice.”

                She heard a giggle over the line. “Does this advice involve certain romantic opportunities with one of the more handsome but extremely fishy members?”

                “Have you been spying on me or something?” Izzy asked into the phone, a hint of red creeping across her face.

                “I don’t need to when it all is broadcasted on national television. Or have you already forgotten you’re a reality show star?”

                Izzy jolted up. She whipped her head around, checking for any cameras, before remembering that they had all left to go film the Super Junior performance. She was truly alone in the room. “I really almost did forget,” she sheepishly spoke into the phone. “Everything just feels so natural with them,” she explained.

                “And you seem like you’re having lots of fun. Especially with Donghae,” Jiyoo countered. “So what do you need advice on? How to figure out if he likes you? Because I’d bet a million bucks that he really does.”

                Izzy sputtered, choosing to ignore her friend’s gamble. “But that’s exactly why I need advice. I’m having an amazing time on the show with these guys, and I feel great; like a real sister of Super Junior. But,” she faltered, unsure of how to say what she wanted to. “Today I realized that some people think that there’s something going on between Donghae and I, you included.”

                Jiyoo was quiet for a moment, before coming back with a serious answer. “You mean you don’t like him at all?”

                “Well, I-“ Izzy thought hard. “If you call giving him a little peck on the cheek ‘liking’ him, then I guess I do?”

                Her friend squealed. “You kissed him?” More laughter, from both women. “Izzy, when you play around with him on TV, there’s all kinds of . You definitely like him and there’s chemistry between you guys; it’s incredibly easy to tell even though you’re supposed to be siblings.” Her words made Izzy freeze. “You should totally ask him out or confess or something.”

                “But wait,” Izzy tried to argue. “That’s just it. We’re supposed to be siblings, not lovers.”

                “Who cares?” Jiyoo started to sound a bit irritated. “Do you like Donghae or not?”

                “Well, I don’t know, Jiyoo,” Izzy’s voice suddenly took on a sarcastic tone. “I suppose it wouldn’t be strange at all for two people, who act like siblings on nationally broadcasted television, to suddenly announce they like each other and will get together, nevermind the show and all of the male’s female fans.”

                “Answer my question!” A screech from the other end caused Izzy to have to pull the receiver a few inches away from her ear.

                Her heart was beating fast from just the thought of it. Izzy furtively glanced around, glad that no one was around to listen to her awkwardly embarrassing admission. “Yeah, I like Donghae.”

                “More than friends? More than siblings?”

                “I like him more than as a friend, more than as a sibling,” Izzy repeated, her voice gradually decreasing in volume as she felt her face get red. Her eyes flickered up to the screen of the television mounted in the corner; Super Junior was bowing to the fans and seemed to already be on their way backstage.

                “What do you like about him?” Jiyoo was persistent.

                “He’s handsome, and charming, and kind. He’s silly and teasing, too, but he has these moments where he’s the most caring man on earth.”

                “I don’t see what the problem is then,” the librarian replied. “I have to go now, someone wants to check out a book. It’s been busy without you. Come back soon, Izzy!” Jiyoo bid farewell with a few last urgent words. “But only after you’ve confessed to Donghae!” The phone clicked, signaling the end of the call.

                Izzy stared at the phone in her hands, considering her friend’s advice. Her fingers tightened and loosened their grip around the gadget out of nervousness. She honestly didn’t know if following the spastic librarian’s words would be best or not, and Izzy didn’t want to have to make such a tough decision.

                Suddenly, Donghae came in through the dressing room door, as if manifesting into flesh straight from the crevices of Izzy’s troubled mind. His chest was heaving after dancing so hard on stage. He came in alone; the other brothers must have been doing something else with the broadcasting staff. Izzy, now aware of how she felt about him, felt unusually embarrassed in his presence and turned her face away.

                “Hey, what’s wrong?” Concern flooded over his features as he inspected her once more, stepping close.

                “Ah, no, nothing!” Izzy’s voice became higher-pitched, and she chided herself for acting so weird. She reminded herself that she shouldn’t let her feelings get in the way of the show.

                Donghae walked right up to her and put his hand to her chin, turning her face so that their eyes were staring into each other. His breath was floating on her lips. “Are you sure?” His voice was a low growl. “Is there anything you need to tell me?”

                The proximity and the coincidental correctness of his question was dizzying to Izzy, but at the same time, it brought her to her senses. She raised her chin in defiance, and looked at Donghae with proud eyes. “Yes, I’m fine,” she spoke, a hint of a grin on her rosy lips. “How come you’re acting so protective, anyways?” She tried her best to act normal.

                Something strange seemed to pass through the idol’s eyes, before he took his hand away from her face and shuffled a few inches backward. “Maybe,” he began. Something in his voice made Izzy want to shudder, whether out of anticipation or fear. “Maybe it’s because I love you.” He plainly confessed, looking at her with vulnerable eyes and a nervous smile.

                Izzy couldn’t believe her ears. “Uh, like a brother loves his sister?” She dumbly spat out. She desperately hoped Donghae didn’t mean what she thought he did.

                He shook his head. “No. Like a husband loves a wife,” was the definitive answer. His voice was steady, and his eyes pierced hers. One look was all it took to make Izzy blush; to let her know that what he said was the truth.

                Izzy felt a mix of emotions. He liked her! He didn’t see her as just a sister, but more. She wanted to run into Donghae’s arms, yet there was one thing stopping her: the show. How could she tell the executives and the country that she fell in love with her brother? The whole dynamic of the show would be ruined, her relationships with all the other members would suddenly be very awkward. Not to mention the wrath of the fans. The young woman remembered how the fans looked just earlier when the whole issue with her and Donghae had been brought up. Izzy thought about what she told to Jiyoo over the phone, about how even though she had feelings for Donghae, she truly enjoyed spending time with Super Junior as a whole as well. How could she give up the show that she loved so much up?  

                And she made a decision.

                “I- I’m sorry,” she said, turning away. It was the first time in her life she couldn’t find the strength to smile. She stayed quiet, waiting for his reaction.

                At first the room was quiet. But then, “I understand,” was what she heard. Then the sound of Donghae leaving the room hit her ears, leaving her alone to wonder what she had just done, what she had just given up.