I arrived at Kame's hotel room before him, wanting to apologize but after seeing him, I wanted to help him even in a little way to relieve his stress and worries. He fell to sleep soundlessly and my restless heart calmed down as I dropped next to him. My hand reached and my fingers brushed his fringe which was half covering his eyes. Then, they traced his eyebrows, following with the nose to the lips. My fingers froze on his lips and my eyes floated on passion. I immediately got out of bed and walked back and forth. Wanting to change my mind, I sat in front of the TV and began changing the channels as I pleased.

Unknowingly, I slept. When I woke up, I saw and felt Kame kissing me. My eyes began blinking rapidly, unable to respond or to at least think! He opened his eyes and he was in a shock as I was. That moment, which I couldn’t differentiate between reality and illusion, tangled me up in knots, which blocked my response. My mind was in confusion as I slapped myself across the face to get hold of myself while staring at his face. I repeatedly told myself that it was only a dream, but the temptation to touch his face which was innocently gazing up at me was unbearable. But the thought of him vanishing into air as I touch him, refrained me from doing so. I stood up in a flash and walked out of the room. My beating heart wanted to explode and my thoughts could only think about his face. I stopped walking fast, and turned around to realise my surroundings. By this time I was already outside the hotel. I looked up to the sky and thought, was it okay to leave him there?

*Next day, in the recording room*

We still had to do our new song but the mood in the room was definitely not friendly. I looked up at Kame, his face was buried in his jacket and his cheeks were glowing red. Though we were left alone by our managers and the director to “interact” not even one word escaped from anyone’s mouth.

Breaking the awkwardness, Ueda senpai began, “so exactly how should we describe our relationship”

The silence stood still, but senpai still carried on, “well for me, it was natural to be with you guys…I…I just enjoyed our high school days… all the fun we had”

His words were genuinely simple but it was spoke with feeling which touched me deeply. I lifted my head and looked at senpai as he carried on.

“I don’t won’t us to end this way, with misunderstandings...with regrets and unspoken words” Everyone’s eyes were full of questions and I just realised, as well as love, my friendship with them is also important.

 “So is okay to let our friendship end this way? I mean did this friendship only mean this much to you guys?”  Everyone was deeply in thought as they dwelled in senpai’s words. For a moment there was silence but it was broken by Junno as he stood up. I looked up at him.

“I…I hate Jin” His words were straightforward as he said with a childish face, which almost made me laugh, but I kept still.

“why do we have to do this with him, I mean he’s the one who left us without saying anything, he didn’t even think about me…I always idolized you…always…I watched you…but you never cared about me” His voice was shaking and his clenched hands were shivering, as tear drops fell to the floor. I never knew he did all this and I was ignorant all this time, I hurt him a lot, huh. I stood up and slowly made my way towards him.

“It’s all…all your fault” his eyes were closed as he muttered stutteringly.

“Yeah…-my eyes fell to the floor- it’s my fault…I’m sorry” His shivering wouldn’t stop. I felt useless and guilty. I wanted to help him somehow, and wanted to tell him, that it’s alright, I’m sorry. My hand touched his arm in pursuit of wanting to reach him but someone slapped it away.

“Get off of him” I turned around to see Koki, his eyes were full of jealousy.

“Sorry” I took my hand away from him; also Junno seemed better but surprised at what Koki did. It took me a while to realize which feelings Koki possessed towards Junno.

“Wait…don’t tell me” Koki’s face blushed in embarrassment.

Aah, I’m such an idiot. Little bits of laughter escaped from me as I thought of it, eventually I began laughing as hard as I could, but this time everyone began laughing. I wonder how long it was since we have laughed like this together; I missed it, didn’t I? I hope you all can forgive this selfish me and let me in to your world and you are always welcome in mine.

Love is important but friendship is also important. I only cared for Kame and myself, when did I began excluding them? I’m grateful to them for helping me, for being there with me and one day will come when I will repay it back to you. For now, I’ll try my best at this friendship and hopefully, we’ll go back to our old selves. But this time there will be a slight change. Kame will be mine, as my friend and as my lover.