I arrived in NY two days ago. Though I had initially made up my mind to face him, I backed out in the last second. My distorted heart drifted in the air as I found myself walking the streets of NY. Thoughts of mine was filled with his voice, smile, touch and the sweet smell of M&Ms which made my senses jump in confusion. I tried my best to engulf my thoughts on another subject than him, only to be suddenly awakened as a girl screamed Jin out aloud. My eyes zoomed in the direction of the voice as to be shown the frustrated Jin surrounded by a crowd a girls. An acoustic guitar is heard in the background and I stepped towards him slowly to the beat of my heart. No matter how hard I tried to persuade myself to turn back, my feet wouldn't listen to me. I finally appraoched him and I stood there watching his impatient self.

"senpai" I mumbled to myself.

I knew that he couldn't have possibly heard me but I was anticipating  for him to turn around. His eyes enlarged and brightened; he looked as if he found the cure for his frustration. When he turned around and faced me, he released a sweet thankful smile as if it was the end of his suffering. The time seemed to have slowed down and my heart pounded away the noise, only the sight of him reaching for me could be seen through my eyes. He grabbed me by my hand and hugged me tighter and tighter as if he was giving me an eternity of hugs. The time stopped. My worries took the form of tears and overflowed from my eyes slowing dripping onto his jacket. It started snowing and time once again began circling my world. When I finally came to reality, I was sitting on a bench, amazed by how much it has snowed. I stared at the sky and tried to catch the little snow clouds descending from the sky. Though I didn't look, I felt him sit next to me. He handed me the coffee cup and I couldn't bring myself to look at his face.

My cheeks were burning just by the thought of what just occured. I drank the coffee for most of the time and stared at it for the rest. I circled the top of the plastic cup with my index finger as my eyes followed it Then I stared at my flushed face from the reflection of the dark brown chocolate coloured coffee. Out of nowhere, he apologised. "why, why, why do you have to apologise, isn't it my fault because of me...because of...." I wanted to express my feelings but my thoughts died without even being able to speak it. He considered my feeling but it only tortured my guilt of driving him into a corner, unabling him to move. So he flew away without a sound. He began apologising even more. My anger was rising as my tears began dropping. I couldn't face him no matter how much he pleaded, I was ashamed at myself of not being able to respond to him, I wanted to tell him the truth badly, wanted to relieve him of his guilt but, I couldn't bring myself to do it. So, I stood still, releasing my pain as I broke down.

A refreshingly cold hand rustled my hair cooling my overheated head. As if it was a reflexive move, my head lifted desperately wanting him to see my face."I'll apologise, so please look at me" I thought to my self as I stood there pouring my feelings out. My eyes were wide shut. I couldn't look in him the eyes all I could do was express my gratitude through these tears, secretly hoping that he would accept it. He wiped away my tears and replied to my selfish confession, "I'm so glad you're here with me". More than anything, those words seemed to have made me go insane, and even still my heart skips a beat everytime I remember it. 

Next Day....

"Oi, Kazu wake up"

"hmm"

Damn, is it already 10am. I'll have to hurry up if I want to eat breakfast. I got up and went to the toilet. Still sleep deprived, I was unstable. I got ready and went downstairs. As I was pouring the milk on my cereal, a big yawn escaped.

"Kazu, what time did you get back last night? I mean you disappeared yesterday when we were on our way to the studio" my manager questioned.

"oh, that, I just went on a walk touring the area" It's best if I didn't mention that I met with Jin.

"well you got here before us anyway" He dropped the subject and went back to eating.

"Well, it was a good thing you weren't there, we had to meet that bastard" Junno fell to his chair.

Junno always respected Jin and he was his favourite out of all of us. Ever since high school he was Jin's kouhai, and when he suddenly left he felt betrayed the most because he thought Jin abandoned him. I can't even think of telling Junno that it was my fault that Jin came to US.

"hmm so you guys met him" I sat down carefull at the end of the table

"yeah, and he was acting like none of this ever happened" Koki began eating faster in anger.

I bet Jin was feeling guilty, so he didn't want to face them.

"Oh, yeah I forgot to say today we're going to have a record session with him" Kazuki san added.

"with who?" Junno asked.

"With Jin"

"WHAT??!!!" Everyone exclaimed, even me.

After yesterday, how am I suppose to face him. After all, I don't have the right to see him. Because of me he had to go through all this pain, because of me he ended up coming here. I will give him up and finally he will be set free from the guilt he bears. Though I know it's impossible to stop loving him, I will endure this pain on my own. Finally, he won't suffer anymore hopefully.....