part III: thoughts entitled to lee aejung, the dancer
don't spray perfume (because it's all about body spray~)
it’s only 8 days until our debut, and that is something to be happy about.
i found myself immersed in my own thoughts, as i sat there in our quiet practice room.
it was our very deserved break time. rin unnie was sitting in her own corner, fiddling with her phone. maknae and hannie were both lying on the ground, trying to take a power nap.
hyunjae was lying on saehyun.
but of course she was. she always did that.
the dancer of eternity, yours truly, found herself thinking that it was easier nowadays than ever.
it was easier to lose myself to dancing.
the thrill. the power. the beat.
the stress.
the stress went away when i danced.
every time i’m troubled, or every time i think about giving up my dream, music with a strong beat fills my ears and my body reacts naturally.
i can’t help but move along.
dancing is something i can never get away from.
but it is something that we all tire from.
maknae and hannie especially.
those two never did like dancing as much as, say, rin.
or myself.
for han saehyun, it was all about the excitement of hitting that one high note. she liked singing. adored it.
and for jung hyunjae, rapping was something fun, and easy. she enjoyed it a lot.
it makes sense and i understand it.
they were born to do those things. just like how i was born to dance.
in the quiet of our peaceful practice room, the place where we spent most of our days now, a distinct ringtone went off.
there’s an angel in my heart~
changjo was calling.
he recorded that part from angel for hyorin to use as her ringtone personally.
i had to quirk a smile at that.
everyone who knew about changjo and hyorin (the few selective, special people) considered them perfect for each other.
not to be cheesy or anything (maknae calls me cheesy and corny all the time. i can’t fight it!) but there was no changjo or rin without changjo&rin.
i’m not saying that they can’t be apart from one another.
and i am for sure not saying that they are wholly dependent on each other and can’t exist without one another.
it’s just, their close circle of friends consider their relationship to be so natural, and real, that it is hard for us to think otherwise.
honestly, if changjo and hyorin broke up, the dynamics between teen top and eternity would be completely off for at least a long while.
and by a long while, i mean forever.
…oh…teen top…it’s sad that minsoo oppa cheated on his girlfriend. i’ll have to glare and hit him the next time I see him. and yell at him.
which will be in five days. we’re debuting on m.countdown! in five short days.
teen top will be performing don’t spray perfume that day as well.
i heard the animated chatter of rin talking,
and then that faded into the background.
i thought of our upcoming debut.
and i was told, straight up, that if we are not amazing, we’ll be ripped to shreds.
truthfully, i do have faith in myself.
and in my members.
and honestly, i do make one hell of a dancer.
i know we’re going to show everyone up. how can we not? and really, we’re from sm.
that should speak for itself.
and then i thought of how people would react, how things would change for us.
we’ve heard of all the sunbae’s stories. but it’s different once it’s truly experienced, i’m sure.
all the drama, stress, controversies, scandals, lack of sleep, and hard work.
i turned my head slightly and my eyes saw hannie.
han saehyun.
her voice has been hoarse recently.
to bear the burden and title of lead singer must .
if people don’t like our sound, they’ll blame it on her. she, in the eyes of the public, is in charge of making us sound good.
that’s horrible.
it should be based on the talent of all four, even if hannie’s voice is enough to wipe the floor with them.
four times over.
and then i saw maknae, peacefully (or maybe not?) laying on (harassing?) saehyun.
if maknaes are made of aegyo, she definitely should not be our maknae.
but she is, and will stay that way.
maknae is maknae.
(even if she’s not really maknae.)
for reasons that will make her stay maknae forever.
but being a rapper will make her open to criticism too.
that whole stereotype where rappers and dancers can’t sing?
we’ll break that down.
i sighed and just stared at them for a moment.
they were both innocent.
how? i have no idea.
but i want them to stay that way.
i’ll protect them from the horrors and realities of this kind of life.
it can’t be promised or done for sure, but i’ll be damned if something happens to them.
and then there was rin. i turned my head slightly once again.
park hyorin.
she was still talking gleefully into her phone.
leader, princess, face, and main vocal.
i worry about her a lot. she has her own burdens that she won’t share.
we all find out at later times, and sometimes, when it is too late to help.
the leader is supposed to help out the group. to guide, to teach, to solve problems.
to take on burdens.
even if she doesn’t act like a leader, she is our leadah rincess for a reason.
and because of that, she worries me. completely.
she started to sing, very playfully, don’t spray perfume.
my thoughts, at that point, were unavoidable.
chunji.
lee chanhee.
my chanhee oppa.
the girls are convinced that he’s the reason as to why we’re not together.
they believe that it’s krystal clear (see what i did there?) that we like each other.
but in all honesty, it’s my fault.
my fault that we’re kind of awkward now.
my fault that i can’t call him at random times.
and also my fault that i can no longer look him in the eye.
and i’ll tell you why.
jung yunho.
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