Title: Moments I Don't Forget to Remember

Author: KPossible 21

Title (5/5):

I really liked your title. It was unique and intrigued me about your story. Also, as the plot line developed the title began to make more sense.

Description and Forward (9/10):

It was a little scattered and I had to sort through what was author notes and what wasn't, but I really liked your usage of quotes and the selection of that line was perfect.

Grammar and Language (18/20):

Aside from a few typos, which is easily solved by proof reading a few days after you wrote the story, there wasn't much wrong with your grammar. You thought you had tense problems, but you really don't. To a native speaker it sounded perfectly natural. That's generally a good rule of thumb to go by. If you're not a native speaker, I understand it can be slightly more challenging. If you were talking about being confused with what to use for the flashbacks, what you did was fine. English is a flexible language when it comes to tense usage. You can use present and past tense in the same sentence and still be perfectly fine.

As for the first person, which I usually hate, this was actually really well written! I actually don't think it would have been as good if you had made it third person.

Plot Line (30/30):

This was definitely original! I haven't read anything like this, from a fanfiction or novel perspective. I really enjoyed reading it, and even though it was more emotion and description than actual plot, it worked.

Character Development (18/20):

I really loved how well you developed Amber's character. However, I was kind of disappointed that there wasn't anything more about Paris' father. I get the feeling that this was based off of a prior story, so that may be why I was confused. I either got that he either died or simply left Amber before Paris was born.

Flow (10/10):

Your pace was perfect, any faster and it would have been rushed and any slower and it would have been a drag to read. There was enough detail to get the meaning and the emotion across, but you weren't excessively wordy, which is important.

Ending (5/5):

I loved how you used quotes throughout the story, and then the poem at the end was absolutely beautiful and summed up everything you were trying to get across through your story.

Overall Score (95/100):

First off, can I just hug you for writing Amber as a straight woman! Most stories you find are about her being gay. Which, I really don't have a problem with, except as far as the rest of the world is concerned, she is straight. So props for that! Also, you used the word nappies. I had NO IDEA what you were talking about until I saw you spelled labor 'labour' and I realized it was British English. I'm an ignorant American, forgive me? I really, really, really enjoyed reading this story! I was squealing and you gave a new perspective on motherhood that isn't really looked at. Especially unmarried motherhood. So....

CONGRATULATIONS! You got an A! *throws confetti*