Title: All That's Left of Him

Author: dancesingkpop

First off, I would like to apologize for how late this was. I had finals week this past week so I didn't do much of anything but study. And then yesterday I slept for 16 hours, so I'm sorry I didn't get around to this until now!

Title (4/5):

It's not all that original of a title, but it does fit the storyline nicely, especially when you reach the ending and it all comes together.

Forward and Description (8/10):

Your forward and description both let on to what is going to be happening in the story. However, they are a little lack luster and don't particularly intrigue me about what is going to happen with your story.

Grammar and Language (16/20):

Your grammar is fine, however your writing style is very cut and dry which makes your story dull to read. You can help this by stepping away from the basic sentence structure and making them more complex. Using commas and semicolons can help expand your language, making it more interesting to read. Also, while I am not a fan of first person I will let it slide as you used it correctly. If you can, try and step away from it as it clouds the reader's perception of other characters.

Plot Line (15/30):

There was absolutely nothing original about your plot line. I could find it in a hundred other stories and it would all be the same. Giving something unique to your plot line can help turn a generic story into something special.

Character Development (10/20):

You don't do anything to really develop your characters. They are quite cookie-cutter, actually. The loyal girlfriend that gets hurt by the cheating boyfriend. Even though it is a oneshot, it is important to describe characters and give them something that sets them apart from every other love struck or heartbroken character out there.

Flow (4/10):

The pace was rather slow, and I could have written your entire story in about a paragraph and it would have been just the same.

Ending (2/5):

I saw the ending coming from the first paragraph, so nothing shocked me about it. Also, you tried to make it heart-wrenching, but the lack of character description just means that the reader doesn't feel close to your character which lessens the impact of the break up.

Overall Score (59/100):

You have potential as your grammar is certainly not the worst that I have seen. However, you need to improve your writing style (which really just comes with practice and experimentation). As for story ideas, try to come up with something original and exciting, don't just write the same story that everybody else has written.