Title: How, Sungjonggie Oppa?

Author: ashhhwx3

Title: (1/5)

Your title tells me absolutely nothing about your story aside from who the main character is, which could be gauged from the tags you used. It's not original, and I would honestly glance over it and keep scrolling if I saw this in a list of other stories.

Forward/Description: (3/10)

Already I have found a lot of grammatical mistakes.

"What happens when Kitty ( fic character.) and Sungjong get in bed together and sunjong feeling a bit ?"

If you are going to denote that Kitty is a fictional character, actually spelling that out is a good idea. Also, there should be no period within the parenthesis. Sunjong needs to be capitalized because it is a name, and "feeling" should either be changed to "is feeling" or "feels".

You also use text slang, which is something you should absolutely avoid while writing. Also, you need to make sure that you are capitalizing "I". "I" is a pronoun that is ALWAYS capitalized, no matter where it is located in a sentence.

Aside from that, the forward is a little awkward. Also, I really hope that if these characters are having , this isn't her first kiss! That sounds a little more like to me.

Grammar and Language: (5/20)

Your grammar is really, really poor. You don't capitalize where you are supposed to, and your punctuation is all screwed up. There are also a lot of sentences that don't make any sense because you either forgot words or messed up the word order.

A helpful hint would be to break your story up into paragraphs. You only have two, and I know that turning into paragraphs is hard sometimes but it makes reading it much easier.

The word choice you use is really bad too. I couldn't help but laugh when you referred to a as a, "standing tall worm".  I get the feeling that you really don't know what you are talking about when it comes to aside from the basics, and your writing makes it really obvious.

The way you set up dialogue (in the middle of paragraphs) is hard to follow and is distracting from what is actually going on.

Plot Line: (5/30)

You essentially have no plot line. Your characters eat, they have . That is the end of your story. is made better if there is background behind it, and there is some emotion to it. For it being their first time, there really was no emotion to it.

Character Development: (3/20)

Again, there was nothing in this section aside from that your characters are no longer s. Even with stories that are mostly about the , it is still important to put effort into your characters and give them a bit of a background and personality. All I got from Kitty was that she was an obnoxious girlfriend who likes to say "oppa" all the time and Sungjong was a boyfriend.

Flow: (8/10)

Thank God it ended fast. No pun intended. You had limited detail, which meant that the story went quickly, which in this case was a good thing.

Ending: (3/5)

At the very least, you didn't just end it after they finished. For that, I am grateful.

Overall Score: (28/100)

This really could have been better. You need to work on your grammar, which comes with practice and reading. READ READ READ! You will never become a better writer unless you read. Which brings me to my next point: broaden your knowledge about what you are writing about. Now, this does NOT mean go have (I am a strong advocate of abstinence), but if you are going to write , you have to read . And preferably read good .

I'm sorry if this comes off as harsh, but my intentions are good! They really are.