Look, I did get it done! And my packing is done as well. HOORAY!

Title: Second Ride

Author: missterious

Title (3/5):

It suits the story, but it isn't all that interesting and doesn't capture my attention.

Forward and Description (10/10):

I'm giving you a ten for the cute poster because I don't really have a forward/description to judge. Though I do like how you are challenging yourself with your equation.

Grammar and Language (20/20):

I didn't see any grammatical errors, and congratulations, you used several words that I would not know out of context! This is impressive, as I usually have to explain what words I use mean to my friends. I also like your writing style, it has a nice, smooth flow to it.

Plot Line (25/30):

It was a little clichéd. I mean, really, how many fics are on this site that have amusement park scenes? I think I myself have written at least two (I will not deny my guilt, though they are in older fics.) But at the same time, it worked for you for what you wanted to convey about your characters.

Character Development (20/20):

Again, congratulations! You managed to develop your characters and give them a growing personality in a one-shot. This is incredibly hard to do, and most people fail at it. The thing that I liked about this story was that it was about the characters, not the plot. To me it seemed like you thought of where you wanted to go with your characters thoughts and then thought of the plot, which isn't something most writers do. A lot of the time I find that fics don't have characters and plots that match well, but you did a wonderful job with this.

Flow (8/10):

It was a tad slow, but that's okay because it is a one shot. If you wrote at this pace for a multi-chaptered fic it would drag out. Plus, the extra words you used only benefited the story.

Ending (5/5):

It was so sweet I wanted to puke. But that's just me, I don't like sweet. But really, after the cotton candy, could it have ended any other way?

Total Score (91/100):

Overall, I enjoyed this story. It was cute and fluffy, which everybody needs once in a while. I don't know who this group is, and honestly, I didn't even realize that the narrator was a girl as well until the very end! Forgive my ignorance? The only suggestion that I can really give you is to work on creating more original plot lines. Other than that, great job!