Siwon's P.O.V. 

 

All for you

 

My days here in Taiwan remind me of my pre-debut training period. It's feels like I'm in training to become a better person. Doing my best to go to the next level. Working hard to achieve my goal and wanting to be proud of myself. I accepted this job for three reasons. First, I wanted go away to give space to the people I have hurt. I know it'll be hard to face the person everyday who've just wronged you. So I want to keep my distance to make it easier for them to forget and move on peacefully. Second, I did this to get away from all the embarassment I've done. What I did was horrible. I am so ashamed of myself for causing such chaos. And last, I wanted time for myself. Time to ponder on the things that happened. Time to change and become a better person. There are a lot things I need to fix in me. My attitude, my insecurities and most especially my temper. When the time comes, I want to return as new person. Someone who will no longer bring anyone to misery. A person that will make Lee Donghae proud and someone who would be worthy of his love again. 

 

I've been here for quite a while now. 14 days to be exact. And I've been working hard non-stop. Every day I go to different locations to shoot the series. The shooting lasts for about 10 hours. It's really tough and tiring. Traveling to far places from time to time and coping up with a different language and culture is quite a challenge. So every night I come home stressed-out and exhausted. I am not complaining though. Acting is one of my passions and I love what do. But you know I can't help but feel  lonely. The idea of coming home from a tiring day and have no one to talk to is indeed undesirable. Especially on these times that I have a lot of things going on in my head. I'm in dire need of someone who would listen to my stories about what happened that day. What went on the set that day or how this actress was flirting with me... Someone whom I could just let out my emotions to... How I wish that Donghae was here with me. It'll be great to have him here so I could have a reason to be excited going home every day. Or maybe one of the guys at least. Someone who I could just joke around with or have good talks at night. I haven't had a real conversation with anyone since the day I left. I'm scared to call or reach them because I'm not sure if they still want to talk to me after what I did. But God knows how much I am missing them... especially Donghae. I cry myself at night by just wanting to hold and be with him. Wanting to feel his love again. I miss the way he smiles when he gets excited and the way he moans when we were making love... I miss everything about him. All the things that he do that knocked me off my feet... If only I didn't screw things up... all of this would've not happened. I pray to God every night hoping that He would let Donghae feel how terribly sorry I am and help him open his heart for forgiveness...  

 

I came home a bit early today because the weather's acting up. So we packed up ahead of time. Since I have nothing else to do, I figured to check on my e-mails. Wishing that I'd see one from Donghae. But sadly, there wasn't. I guess he hasn't forgiven me until now. Maybe he's still mad at me and doesn't want to talk me yet. I want to ask him so many things. Is he doing fine? Are his bruises gone already? Will he ever forgive me? And the question that bother me the most... Is he dating Eunhyuk now? I try my best to not think about that one. But every once in a while that question pops in my head. I feel troubled everytime I see a vision of them together. But what if that's the case then? What will happen to us? Will we be friends again or will we just ignore each other forever? And... will I be able to handle it? All these questions and skepticisms always make my head hurt. Maybe I should get some sleep already... I was about to close my laptop when suddenly I heard a ring and saw that someone sent me an Instant Message. I immediatly opened it and found out that it's from Kyuhyun. 

 

Of course. It's almost midnight and who else would be on the computer at this hour than Cho Kyuhyun?

 

GaemGyu: siwonnie ^^ 

Siwon407: hello, Kyuhyun. How are you? 

GaemGyu: i'm ok~ and you? how's japan? 

Siwon407: I'm in Taiwan... Anyway, I'm doing good now. How is everybody else? 

GaemGyu: they r all good ! hyukkie already got out of the hospital the other day ^^

Siwon407: Well, that's great news. I'm glad to hear that. 

GaemGyu: yeah, we had a dinner get-together too~ that you weren't there ㅠ.ㅠ

GaemGyu: ya! are u still there? 

Siwon407: Did Donghae come?

GaemGyu: of course~ why wouldn't he? 

GaemGyu: oh!!! yeah, sorry... I almost forgot. dont worry, fishy is fine now. eunhyuk too. his face is back to normal now

Siwon407: Thanks for that info, Kyuhyun. 

GaemGyu: so... when are you coming back?

Siwon407: I'm not certain yet. But I guess I'll be back when I finish filming the series I'm doing. And when right time comes...

GaemGyu: what do u mean?! anyway, we miss you already simba~! can't for you to come back ^^ 

Siwon407: I miss you too. Looking forward to seeing all of you again. Kindly send my regards to the rest of the guys, okay? 

GaemGyu: sure, wonnie ! take care 

Siwon407: You take care of as well. Watch out of Donghae for me. 

GaemGyu: ㅋㅋㅋㅋ yes, captain ^^ 

Siwon407: goodnight, Kyuhyun. 

 

My little chat with Kyuhyun cheered me up in a way. It's enlightening to know that someone misses me. I'm also glad to hear that Donghae is doing fine. I'm happy that he's moving forward and not moping around like me. It seems that he's physically and emotionally healed now. It's also nice that they had that get-together for Eunhyuk. He clearly deserves one. Kyuhyun's message also ignited a spark of hope inside my heart. It boosted up my determination to change and perseverance towards my work. 

 

I can't wait to go back home and see the people I love. I promise to give all my effort to reach my goal. I can't wait to show Donghae the new Siwon. I hope he holds on tight and won't forget me. I wish that his love for me won't fade too soon. He will always be my inspiration and the center of my life. The reason behind why I am doing all of this. I hope that you could wait for me, my love... I'm coming back for you soon.