Calm... They had to be calm, or at least act like it. Shaking would be showing a sign of weakness, of distress. Crying or pushing away those crazy people would also be a sign of fear and hysteria. As the car pulled up to the front of JYJ's new apartment building, Jaejoong was reluctant to shake the sleeping pair in the back seat awake. So peaceful, finally relaxed, Jaejoong didn't want to drag them back into the world of reality where chaos and insanity ran amuck in their own lives. Even on his most hated enemies, Jaejoong wouldn't subject them to this constant form of confinement and torture.

It broke Jaejoong's heart when Junsu unconsciously cried out as he put a hand on his shoulder to wake him. The man's arms flailed and lashed out, trying to rid himself of whoever was touching him. A stinging slap reddened Jaejoong's cheek. Gripping Junsu's wrists so he'd stop beating around, Jaejoong, afraid of his voice cracking with sadness and guilt, murmured softly, "Junsu-ah... Wake up. We're home."

Junsu opened his eyes and blinked a few times, ridding his soft, brown eyes of the few tears he'd spilt in anguish. He glanced around for a moment, taking in his surroundings and remembering where they were. Beside him, Yoochun rubbed his head where Junsu had accidentally elbowed him. 

"Come on," Jaejoong said. "Let's go inside. I promise that they won't touch you, Susu." 

Junsu sighed and picked his bag up from the floor. "You can't promise that, hyung. They'll find a way," he muttered. 

Jaejoong nodded, knowing Junsu was right. The three held a breath as the oldest's hand gripped the door handle tightly. This one piece of a car made of plastic, metal, and tinted plexiglass was the only thing standing between the band and their sanctuary; but it was also their only shield from the fans. Even to remove the shield for a second to retreat into their fort was a risk, because their fans were like tigers and cheetahs, but faster, like lions and wolves, but more vicious. 

Jaejoong's hand fell away from the handle of the door and he turned to Yoochun. "You and Junsu go first," he ordered. "I'll go last."

Junsu's eyes widened. "No! Hyung, I'll go last," he offered. "I'll be fine. I promise! You don't have to--"

"Junsu, you were shaking when you got in here. You've been touched enough for today," the singer said softly. "You and Chunnie go on first. I'll be right behind you both."

Yoochun carefully climbed over the seats, patting Jaejoong on the back with one hand as he took Junsu's hand with the other. "Prepare yourself, Joongie," Yoochun advised before he threw open the door and yanked Junsu out of the car.

Jaejoong followed closely behind. The walk to the building wasn't fast enough. Jaejoong tried his best to keep the fans away from Junsu and Yoochun, but they were like a wave, water rushing everywhere and no one could stop it. It washes you out to sea and suddenly you don't know where you are. Jaejoong was lost in that sea, only ravenous girls surrounding him, tugging at his clothes and feeling him up with their greedy hands. Plunging forward into the throng, attempting to find an exit, Jaejoong clenched his teeth, finally understanding what Junsu always went through. 

Squeezed, d, rubbed, Jaejoong wanted to cry as the grubby hands of girls felt him up from knee to shoulder and everywhere in between. Keep calm, he remembered. Showing fear wasn't acceptable. Jaejoong clenched his teeth as he staggered through the crowd. There was a distinct hand feeling up his thigh. Bold, daring, unafraid, and lustful, Jaejoong could sense that this fan wanted nothing more than to really touch what was hidden in his pants. Discomfort creeping up on him, Jaejoong's steps quickened and he finally spotted Yoochun who was near to hitting a fan while dragging Junsu up the stairs. Security guards were already pooling out of the elevators to try to hold back the psychotic fangirls. 

Gripping tightly onto Yoochun's elbow, the latter shuddered visibly, glaring behind him only to realize it was his own hyung. Stepping into the lift, the trio gazed out at the sea of fans, eyes dull with weariness and lips as thin lines painted by the brush of indifference. But Jaejoong's eyebrows furrowed, a sign of wonder and curiosity. While all the other girls tried to press forward against the guards, there was one girl standing plainly in the front with nothing in her hands at all. Jaejoong would recognize her anywhere. Glazed eyes with a wide grin, that'd been the fan who had violated him at the airport. She'd followed them home. She was a sasaeng fan.

The girl's eyes bore back into Jaejoong's own shaded ones. He knew she could see right through the lenses. Sasaeng fans had powers like that. A shiver crawled up Jaejoong's spine, and thankfully, the elevator doors closed and the group began their ascension up toward their apartment. As soon as the doors were completely closed, Junsu and Yoochun sighed out a breath they'd been holding. 

"It's over..." Yoochun sighed.

"That is until tonight when they try to break in," Junsu added. 

"I just want to run away," Jaejoong said. "I'd take you all with me and we can just live normally again."

"Such wishing would take a time machine," Yoochun snorted. 

"But that's our Jaejoong, a dreamer," Junsu giggled. 

Jaejoong couldn't help but grin a bit. Of course Junsu could coax a relaxed smile out of anyone, and Jaejoong was glad that in these times Junsu was with him. So how was Changmin and Yunho? Changmin was practical, not hysterical. Yunho was calm and fierce, not usually emotional but compassionate. How were they dealing with these fans? Were they as broken as JYJ yet? Maybe they'd already cracked but SM hadn't released anything about it. No, that couldn't be. Yunho was strong, stronger than Jaejoong. And Changmin was too young to be driven over the edge yet. He had such a high tolerance level for everything. 

"I bet they're fine, Joongie-ah," Yoochun muttered.

Jaejoong turned to Yoochun. "What?"

"Yunho and Changmin..." he said. "They're fine."

"How did--"

"We're Soulmate," he interrupted. "And since when aren't you worried about them?"

Junsu grinned. "YunJae~!" he squealed.

The three laughed for the remainder of the ride in elevator, but wide grins were replaced by solemn frowns as their enclosed box opened up into a waiting world that may or may not have ravenous fangirls waiting for their arrival. Luckily, the boys made it safely into their dorm before any of the fangirls had made it up the lift to follow them. 

Jaejoong sighed. Life was hard when you had to keep running. A convict is what he felt like, always trapped and pushed around, confined. He was a pet on a very short leash, told where to go and what to do, only able to function when his master was around and allowed him to. There was no freedom. Glancing around the bright room, thin curtains providing little protection from the oncoming bright streaks of sunlight through the window, Jaejoong scrutinized the living area--a flat screen television perched on the wall to his left and a small white couch pressed against the opposite wall. 

Junsu and Yoochun already had scuttled off into their rooms, checking to see if anything had been stolen while they were gone. Who knew when fangirls would pay their dorm a visit, occupied or unoccupied? As the two ransacked the place for missing items, Jaejoong was wrapped up in his own thoughts. Tossing his bag next to the couch, he slowly slid the curtains open, afraid of what he'd see. And yet, there was that mob of fans, screaming, waving, jumping up and down. They went ballistic over just seeing Jaejoong looking down on them, like a god from the high heavens. But again, there was that one girl who stood out among the others, dressed like a normal young girl with jeans and a frilly shirt, but she was unnaturally scary with her wide eyes and stretched grin. Did it hurt to smile like that all day? 

Quickly pulling the curtains together again, the singer plopped down onto the sofa, propping an elbow on the armrest. With his chin resting on the heel of his palm, Jaejoong's bones screamed to him their weariness. His heart thudded loudly in his chest, an aftershock of being thoroughly examined by erted hands and from seeing the zombie sasaeng fan still grimacing creepily. Throwing his shades against the opposite wall, Jaejoong shook in fear. How much longer would they suffer through this? Always living in fear and being pushed and pulled around like the obedient dogs they've been nearly all their lives, Jaejoong wanted to weep in self-pity, but his masculinity wouldn't allow him to shed tears. 

Only three times in a man's life should he cry, his father had told him. He should cry at birth; a second time when you break up with a girlfriend; and a third when their manager didn't give them food, but that was a joke at the time. Crying didn't prove a man's toughness or determined his masculinity. To Jaejoong, it was a weakness. Sure, crying was good once in a while, in joy or in sorrow, but to cry in public when it was not during an award show was not something he would allow himself to do. To cry in front of his fans was to take down a barrier he'd designed so carefully and meticulously so the sasaeng fans couldn't penetrate his thoughts and emotions. To show fear and cry in self pity was to hand his weaknesses over to the insane fans and allow then to toy with his emotions and life for their own amusement. It was enough to have their desperate faces haunt his dreams, but to have them plunge their fingers and hands into his life and push and pull him, shake and shove him around, and completely turn his life even more upside down than before was nearly the same as letting them take hold of his neck and squeezing the remaining life out of him, the rest of his bitter, acidic essence that he would rot in forever. 

Jaejoong glanced up as he heard Yoochun shuffle towards him. The baritone, unmasked of his sunshades, glided past the oldest and gingerly took hold of the thin curtains. 

"Don't!" Jaejoong croaked, alarmed. 

Yoochun looked at him, a surprised expression on his face. His features softened in understanding and he guessed that Jaejoong had already opened up he curtains a moment ago and hadn't liked what he saw. 

"She's out there..." Jaejoong hissed, huddling his knees to his chest. 

"They're all out there," Yoochun snorted. 

"No," the older insisted. "She is out there. The creepy, zombie one. The sasaeng!!"

Yoochun frowned and sat next to his hyung, draping an arm around his shaking shoulders. "They're all sasaeng fans, hyung," he said.

"But that one!" Jaejoong tried to explained. "She... It's like... Creepy..." Giving up, he laid his head on Yoochun's shoulder and batted his eyelashes. "You know which one I'm talking about, right, Chunnie?"

The younger chuckled deeply, patting the singer's tangled hair. He nodded. Suddenly, a heavy body landed on Yoochun and Jaejoong's lap. 

"Joongie, you shouldn't do aegyo," Junsu complained, gazing up into Jaejoong's face from his position on top of his thighs. "It ruins your y, cool guy image."

Yoochun laughed and hit Junsu's back lightly as Jaejoong giggled softly. If there were someone Jaejoong needed to go to for a good laugh, it'd definitely be Junsu. No matter how odd or pathetic he could be, he was a factor that Jaejoong wouldn't want to live without. Sometimes it felt like Jaejoong was a wilting flower, begging for nourishment and water; Yoochun was his friendly neighbor flower who always came to take care of Jaejoong; and then Junsu was the sun, shinning down on the two flowers, giving hope and encouragement to live another day. And who was the water? Yunho and Changmin. They were a missing nourishment in Jaejoong's life, and back when they'd been five, it was always one of those two who would make sure Jaejoong would survive, physically and emotionally. Changmin and Junsu constantly reminded him to eat because he'd be so focused on his work he'd forget; or when the sasaeng fans got to him, Yunho and Yoochun would be there to calm his frayed nerves. 

"I saw that sasaeng fan, too, by the way, at the airport," Junsu said randomly, playing with some loose string from Jaejoong's shirt.

Jaejoong glanced at the man in his lap. "You did?" 

Junsu nodded. "You looked like you were going to cry. It looked so uncomfortable, and I was thinking, 'I'm lucky I don't have someone touching me like she is to Joongie hyung.' And then I almost smacked myself thinking that, because hyung was in pain and all I could think about was how it wasn't me. It was selfish of me."

"Junsu..." Yoochun said softly as the other whimpered. "It's not your fault. You're human. We all think that way sometimes."

"She's a scary one," he muttered. "She's the one fan that scared me the most. I saw the way she stared at Chunnie. It was like she was a ghost and you were her victim to haunt forever. And then in the elevator, she was glaring right at Jaejoongie. I thought he would burst into flames!"

There was a moment of silence as the two oldest tried to calm their maknae down, whispering sweets words of encouragement and sanity for their sake as much as his. 

"Hyung..." Junsu's soft voice said, coated in worry.

"What is it, Susu?" Jaejoong asked, petting the usually energetic man's hair, soft and straight. 

"Do you think they'll ever go away?" he asked, tears already in his deep brown puppy eyes. 

Yoochun frowned and rubbed his friend's back, soothing his riled nerves as Jaejoong bit back a snort. 

"Since when do bees and wasps stop stinging innocent people?" he retorted. 

Junsu lowered his head and bit his lip, stifling his frightened cry. The things Jaejoong would do just to rid them of even only one sasaeng fan was monstrous, but for the crying man laying on his lap, he'd do anything to prevent his river of tears.