You weren’t exactly sure when playing pretend turned to just having your imaginary friends around, but it did. You surmised it was probably around the time you started thinking boys were cute and you wanted to kiss, hug, and date them like all the actresses you’ve seen in movies and on TV did. Those who used to play princess with you, and protected you from the evil men who wanted to make you clean a house for living slowly morphed into just guys who were always by your side. They made you smile, held your hand, and gave you a sense of comfort you only felt when they were around.

You didn’t feel alone.

So it was no surprise that Felix joined you when you were dragged along to an impromptu trip to the zoo with your family. You loved your family, you really did, but sometimes they were just a bit much - especially your cousins. They were younger than you and two years apart from each other and always at each other’s throats. Your mom and aunt always assumed it was just their age difference. The oldest one is into different things than the younger one and eventually, they would grow out of it. Well, you really hoped they would grow out of it faster!

As it was, they made the whole car ride nearly unbearable, but luckily Felix was by your side and holding your hand. You’d give a squeeze every now and then, taking a quick glance at him before looking away. You weren’t sure if it was because of his smile or because you knew secretly that he wasn’t really there - or at least not there for the rest of your family. You could see him clear as day, but you knew others couldn’t. It because all you wanted to do was lean against him and talk to distract yourself from the shouting of your cousins, but you couldn’t. It was disheartening but in a way, this was just something for you. Your safe space and your secret that no one could take away from you and you found a little bit of solace in that. 

It was mid-afternoon by the time the horde that was your family finally got inside the zoo. And after a huge argument of where to start on the map - and how your mom refused to walk the entire park - you were finally on your way to the train station. It was the cutest thing you had ever seen in a zoo, a train that went around the entire park - stopping at specific exhibits for patrons to get off and meander around - and giving an overview of the entire area. 

You were overly excited about it because it was a “ride” but also it was a train and you had never been on a train of any sort before. The line for it was pretty long, only made more annoying because your cousins started hitting each other. By the time you finally got onto the train, you were ready to pretend like you weren’t a part of that family. Sitting on the inside, you leaned your head out of the open window to get a better gauge of the train, a smile tugging on your lips as excitement raced through you. The conductor sounded the horn as the last of the passengers boarded and the train started moving. 

Your heart raced with excitement as the train started to gain momentum, another horn sounding as it finally pulled out of the station and began its journey. You could hear Felix’s deep voice rumbling next to you and you turned to look at him. The look of what you could only imagine was absolute adoration was radiating across his face, eyes scrunched up cutely as he flashed you the brightest smile that you had ever seen. It was so Felix and it reminded you of why he was your sunshine. That smile alone could make any horrible day so much better and in that instant, the anger and frustration of being with your family melted away, along with everyone else. It was just you and Felix, sitting side by side as the train rounded another corner and the different monkey exhibits came into view. 

“Look look!” You said quickly, tugging his hand to pull him closer as you pointed at one of the exhibits. “It looks like Changbin.” You giggled, Felix, joining in on your laughter. 

“You’re right! But don’t tell him we said that.” He snickered, holding a finger to his lips and you nodded quickly in agreement. While You thought it was funny, Changbin surely wouldn’t and you didn’t want to upset the other. The train chugged along the tracks and eventually came to a tunnel that signified a change in contents and with it, changes in the animals that could be seen.

 As with the train, you had never been through a tunnel before either, having lived in a place where tunnels weren’t a common aspect of driving. darkness was coming and you squeezed Felix’s hand slightly in apprehension. “It’s okay, baby.” He whispered gently, removing his hand from yours in favor of wrapping an arm around your shoulder and pulling you close against him. You flushed, a small smile etching across your face as you laid your head against Felix’s shoulder just as the train entered the tunnel. Darkness washed over the whole locomotive and you let out a soft whimper. You weren’t scared of the dark necessarily, but there was still something uneasy about not being able to see what was right in front of you. However, with the lack of sight, it felt like all your other senses were heightened. 

Suddenly Felix’s cologne was much stronger than before, surrounding you in a warmth that you could only describe as ‘man’. And every twitch his muscles gave reverberated through your body. You could feel as he shifted, turning towards you. Fingers gently brushed against your jaw and you lifted your head, looking in the direction of where you assumed Felix’s face would be. His fingers continued to move, gently gliding over your cheek before his thumb ran against across your lips. He repeated the motion a few times before moving his hand away, fingers gripping your jaw. There was stillness for a split second and then you felt the gentle press of Felix’s lips against yours. Your eyes fluttered closed as you melted into the kiss, returning it shyly at first, wanting to keep the kiss light and gentle. It felt absolutely wonderful, and it was technically your first kiss with Felix. He felt experienced as he tilted his head and slotted your lips into a better position. The kiss itself felt like sunshine and dandelions on a hot summer day. It was everything you’ve ever associated Felix with and more. 

It was utterly perfect. 

He pulled away a moment later, and just as your eyes opened the train exited the tunnel and you were flooded with the bright light of the sun, wincing at the stinging pain of the light. You closed your eyes quickly, rubbing at them to hopefully try and help them adjust quickly as discomfort coursed through you. You dared to open your eyes a few seconds later, and thankfully you weren’t as sensitive to the light as you had been. Looking towards Felix, you were saddened to see him gone, the space beside you now empty and cold. 

You glanced around the train, taking in the couples and families that were looking out the windows, awestruck at the animal exhibits they were passing by. You didn’t see Felix anywhere, though you shouldn’t have expected to. It was rather stupid of you to think that maybe he had gotten up and moved to a different seat. Why? When just moments ago he was kissing you. It was a stupid thought, but it had given you hope and chased away the abandoned feeling that was once more trying to claw its way into your chest. 

The train pulled into the next station, coming to a slow halt and you wondered if maybe you took this moment to refocus your mind and energy, Felix would come back. You averted your eyes, staring at the back of the plain white bench seat in front of you. You let your mind wander, conjuring up the beautiful image of Felix and the galaxies that dusted his cheeks. You could feel the air shifting around you and you were sure that he was almost back. But a voice shouting broke your concentration and the feeling vanished. 

“Y/n! Let’s go!” Whipping your head up, you watched as your family shuffled off the train and you quickly rose. Rushing down the aisle way, you grabbed the railing of the steps and carefully stepped off the train, jogging to rejoin the train wreck that was your family. Your mom was busy spouting off a plan of what everyone was going to see,  but you were half-listening. You were sad, alone now and you didn’t think Felix would be coming back. In a way, it was probably for the best. After that kiss, you didn’t want to do something that might get you weird stares from strangers or even your own family. While you missed Felix dearly, you knew that you would see him again soon enough. You just had to get home and back into the sanctity of your room.