Isang linggo. 

Isang linggo na ang nakakalipas simula ng huli kong makita si Karina. 

They all gave up and told me that she..she's already gone. 

But I refused to to believe that, 

They didn't find her body. 

I know she's alive. 

Alam kong nagmumukha na akong tanga sa ginagawa ko pero panghahawakan ko ang sinabi ni Karina na hindi niya ako iiwan. I don't know kung nasaan siya ngayon pero alam ko at nararamdaman kong buhay siya at babalik siya. 

Agad kong pinunasan ang luha ko nang marinig ko si Ningning na kumakatok sa pinto ng kwarto ko. "Ate papasok na ako ha?" I looked at her, she was already wearing her black clothes para sa memorial service ng ate niya. "Hindi ka pa magbibihis, ate?" I couldn't look straight at her, I feel so guilty..this won't happen kung hindi dahil sa akin--kung hindi dahil sa gulo ng pamilya namin. 

"Ate Winter.." umupo si Ningning sa kama ko atsaka hinawakan ang kamay ko. "Ate would love you to be there.." Ningning smiled weakly, kita ko ang pamamaga ng mata niya at halatang hindi rin siya nakakatulog ng maayos. Ramdam ko ang paghaplos niya sa kamay ko, Ningning never made me feel guilty at all palagi niyang sinasabi sa akin na hindi niya ako sinisisi or even si daddy sa nangyari. 

"Ning..this might sound so crazy but..naniniwala akong buhay siya.." agad na bumagsak ang luha sa mga mata ko ng yakapin ako ni Ningning. "Gusto ko rin maniwala Ate Winter.." Ningning breathes deeply, "Alam kong mahirap ate..even me I don't know..I don't know how to live without Ate Karina..siya na lang yung meron ako e..." she bit her lip to stop herself from crying but she failed miserably nang bigla na lang siya magbreakdown sa harap ko. 

"Hindi rin..hindi rin madali sa akin..hindi madaling gumising sa araw araw na..na hindi si Ate Karina yung unang babati sa akin ng good morning.." Ningning chuckled painfully. "I will no longer get any message from her kung nasaan na ako, kung kumusta ako kahit nasa school lang naman ako, kung kumain na ba ako or kung ano pa.." hinigpitan ko ang pagkakahawak ko sa kamay niya. "Pero Ate..hindi magiging masaya si Ate kung titigil ang buhay natin pareho..s-she told me na no matter how hard it gets, we need to find a reason to continue.." tiningnan ako ni Ningning sa mga mata ko. "When our parents died, she lost her will then  she remembered me, dumadating naman talaga tayo sa punto ng buhay natin na hinang hina tayo..na parang ayaw na natin..but Ate Karina realized na..I'm still here and she has a reason to live..and nadagdagan pa yon nung nakilala ka niya.." Ningning smiled at me, "Sobrang mahal ka ni Ate Karina.." napayuko si Ningning habang umiiyak. 

"Nung umalis siya sa ospital that night, to save you..nakita ko kung gaano kadeterminado si Ate iligtas ka..I was scared for her..I was scared na baka hindi ko na siya makita but..she told me na babalik siya with you..at alam ko rin na that night she already made her choice.." 

"And that choice was you, Ate Winter. She'll save you no matter what.." naramdaman ko ang pagbigat lalo ng dibdib ko, sobra sobra na yung kinuha namin kay Ningning. Una yung magulang niya tapos ngayon si Karina.

"Gusto kong magalit sayo, o kaya kay Mr.Kim but Ate wouldn't want that, she taught me better..I can't blame you for something you didn't want to happen..wala naman may gusto nung nangyari..hindi magiging madali pero..I have to be strong so I can make my ate proud..I promised her, I'll make her proud." 

"Ningning.." 

"Tsaka ate isa pa..pakiramdam ko hindi mo pa talaga tanggap yung nangyari..that's why you're still hoping.." 

"They didn't find her body.." 

"Sinabi rin nila na posibleng naabo na yung katawan ni Ate sa lakas ng pagsabog na nangyari diba..?" hindi na ako nakasagot sa sinabi ni Ningning, hinawakan niya ang magkabilang pisngi ko atsaka pinunasan ang luha ko. "Ate Winter..you can take your time but..wag mong pabayaan ang sarili mo..hindi matutuwa si ate kung makikita ka niyang ganyan.." 

"And..kung buhay man si ate, sana nagpakita na siya sa atin..but it's been a week..wala naman siyang ibang pupuntahan." 

May point naman yung sinabi ni Ningning e. 

Maybe..

In denial ako, 

Kasi ayaw kong tanggapin yung totoo. 

"Hindi kita pipilitin kung ayaw mo sumama ngayon, Ate Winter..pero gusto kong sabihin sayo na we'll be fine. Ate will always be there for us." niyakap ulit ako ni Ningning atsaka niya hinalikan ang ulo ko. "Nasa cemetery na raw sila Ate Minju, papunta na rin kami ni Mr.Kim..sabihan mo ako kung susunod ka sa amin ha?" hindi na ako sumagot, I wanted to say sorry pero alam kong sasabihin lang ni Ningning na wala akong dapat ipag-sorry. 

Everyone was gathered for Ate Karina's memorial service, nandito lahat ng kaibigan ni Ate Winter, pati mga kaibigan ni Ate Karina sa gym, sila Kuya Johnny at ang buong tropahan nila Kuya Taeil. I never saw them cry, ngayon lang. Halos hindi rin matigil ng iyak si Ate Ryujin at Ate Minju dahil ang tagal nawala ni Ate Minju tapos pagbalik niya ito pa yung maabutan niya. Si Ate Yeji naman..kita ko ang sakit sa mga mata niya pero sinusubukan niya magpakatatag. Giselle was standing beside me, when we heard about the news..she never left my side kahit na hindi pa rin siya totally okay. 

Napatingin ako sa picture ni Ate Karina, she looks so pretty. I barely see her smile but once na ngumiti siya grabe talaga. I miss her so much, and I know it's not gonna be easy. All my life..si Ate Karina lang yung kakampi ko, it's gonna be so hard without her. The program continued and we all stayed silent for two minutes to pray for her soul. After that we were given few minutes to give our last message to her. 

Nauna na nagpunta si Ate Minju sa harapan habang umiiyak. 

"I..just met Karina few months ago but napalapit na talaga ako sa kanya. She saved me, twice. And I won't ever forget about that..I might be dead if not because of her.." Ate Minju paused, sinusubukan niya pa ring magsalita kahit na hirap na siya dahil sa pag-iyak niya. "I was gone for a month and..pagbalik ko ito yung mababalitaan ko..it..it pains me..I--I miss you, Karina..Until we meet again.." pagkatapos magsalita ni Ate Minju ay lumapit siya sa akin at niyakap ako. 

"Thank you, Ate.." I looked at Ate Ryujin she wanted to walk in front so bad but alam niyang hindi siya makakapagsalita dahil hindi matigil tigil ang pag-iyak niya, kaya naman nag-step up si Ate Yeji. 

"Karina..was the most selfless person I know." Ate Yeji tried to keep her cool but she failed when a tear fell from her eye. "I don't want to cry, I don't want her to see na I'm crying for her.." she chuckled. "Karina is the type of person..na uunahin yung iba bago ang sarili niya..I did not expect to be comfortable around her..she wasn't the type na magiging comfortable rin sa akin but..believe it or not we sort of had a connection, like bestfriends..we spent short time together but..Karina did a lot of things para sa iba..and kahit para sa akin and I admire her for that..and Karina if you're hearing me..I just want to tell you na ikaw lang yung pinayagan kong gawan ako ng nickname dahil ang iksi iksi na nga ng pangalan ko pero pinaikli mo pa.." Ate Yeji laughed a bit, habang umiiyak. "We'll see each other again for sure." Ate Yeji walked towards me as well at niyakap ako. 

Sumunod naman sila Kuya Johnny at Kuya Taeil, they promised Ate Karina na they will protect me, and I won't be alone kasi I still have them bilang mga kuya ko. I can't help myself but to cry kasi kitang kita ko kung gaano kadami nagmamahal kay Ate Karina atsaka isa pa..makakasama niya na sila mama. Pagkatapos nila ay sumunod na ako, inalalayan ako ni Giselle sa pagpunta ko sa harap. I looked at them, crying. 

"Ang sabi ko..mag-sspeech lang ako kapag nag summa laude ako sa graduation e.." I bit my lip and breathe deeply. "It's..so hard for me to stand here right now..it's painful to lose someone like my Ate Karina but..gusto kong sabihin sa inyo kung gaano siya kabuting tao, she was a great person. Ever since I was a child, I always looked up to her, she was my role model and Ate Karina didn't know that..I wasn't able to tell her..kung may regrets man ako..yun siguro yung hindi ko man lang nasuklian lahat ng paghihirap ni Ate para sa akin..hindi ko man lang naparamdam sa kanya na mahal na mahal ko siya..sobrang..selfless niya..hindi ko siya nakita na inuna ang sarili niya, it's always gonna be me or ibang tao. I want to be with her until we grow old..we're gonna be the best sisters in the whole world.." I paused, nahihirapan ako magsalita dahil sa luha ko. "But I know it's not gonna happen anymore.." pinunasan ko ang luha ko. "Seeing all of you here right now..is a proof how great she is as a person. Ate Karina..ang daming nagmamahal sayo oh.." napatingin ako sa may bandang likod nang may makita akong babaeng nakatayo, habang nakasuot ng shades at naka hoodie na itim. 

I know it was her. 

Ate Winter. 

"Ate Karina, you helped me to live even through the most difficult of tim