“Ah, so that’s what this is about,” Fay sighed once they had all settled indoors. Her voice was calm though she had not the clearest idea how to follow up, so she stared at the next oldest of the group.

            “I wouldn’t worry too much about it. He was just being friendly, and the fact of the matter is now it looks like we’re all going to the Dream Concert,” Lylah dismissed casually, careful to redirect the conversation to the positive, though she could not be positive that she wasn’t, in part, lying. Everyone, by this point, had been invited to the Dream Concert, but Lylah was not nearly as dense or oblivious as Alex who couldn’t tell friendliness from flirting. She wasn’t far better at distinguishing between platonic affection and feelings either, but she knew she was better at it than Alex, who was scrolling through her phone, too uncomfortable to look at Talia as she continued to seethe.

            “When did you get invited, Fay? Alex piped up, detecting the change in conversation, though she had no doubt it was likely before any of them had been invited.

            “I’m not too sure. Maybe a week or so ago. You know how it is. We talk so often and so casually now, that I don’t know which conversation goes to which day. All I know is I’m going and I can’t be more excited about it!”

            “And I assume Loverboy Daeyeol dropped everything he had just to ask you, Lylah,” Alex snickered lightheartedly at her as she broke into a warm blush before shooing her away and rolling her eyes in typical fashion. “Then, it’s settled. This is going to be a great trip and we’ll be just fine. No need to dwell on anything. We’re reading far too into this,” she declared, still unable to look at Talia who was frozen, staring into the void as she clutched one of Fay’s couch pillows. Alex knew she had no right to be so casual about it. This was not her heart on the line, though hers was nonetheless teetering in the balance. That had not been her crush or lover or boyfriend or whatever Talia had decided to call him mindlessly being “friendly” with her best friend. That was not her place to be, but as her luck always seemed to have it, she had been in the right place at the right time. Any other observer might have thought it the opposite, but the more she dwelled on it herself, the more she realized this was nothing more than another opportunity for her to explore the depths of her own heart. If Seungmin had been flirting with her, she knew that he still had interest in her and that, to some extent, she was allowed to feel the way that she did about him, though her feelings for him paled in comparison to those for Y. If Seungmin had not been flirting with her and was indeed being friendly, this was a prime example of his feelings for Talia. He wanted to make good with all of her friends and had learned to put their brief yet checkered past behind him. He had learned to mature and move on, which would inevitably give Alex all the permission, all the confidence she needed to discard what few feelings she still had for him. In Alex’s mind, it made sense, for better or for worse. There was no middle--- at least not one that she wanted to acknowledge. Looking at the bright side was her specialty, even if the brightness was blinding.

            It would be.

            The hypnotizing yet obnoxious Kakao ringtone jolted her awake from her brief nap. She rolled over and answered without noticing who was on the other end, expecting it to be Joochan finally asking for advice or Jangjun drunk calling as he had once before.

            “Hey, hey, sorry it’s the middle of the day, but can we talk?” Seungmin chimed on the other end of the phone, voice slightly ragged though he did not sound stressed or upset. If she didn’t know any better, she could almost hear his heart beating in the background. What they could have been doing at 4 P.M. on Wednesday was beyond her, but for how long it had been since they had gotten to known each other and their daily lives, she wasn’t surprised.

            “What’s up, bestie?” she hummed, sitting up in bed to pinch the bridge of her nose. It’s not like she was sleeping anyway as she simply wanted a way to pass the time before heading to Fay’s when she was off work.  She forced herself out of bed, realizing the time. She was too distracted to hear, to imagine the wince that he made when that last word nonchalantly escaped her lips.

            “I just wanted to check in, you know, the way that you used to when Y was around. I wanted to let you know that you had someone on your side, too,” he replied innocently. “I was thinking about when we talked a few weeks ago and I was so happy to see you again. It feels like it’s been forever,” he confessed. “That’s not how this is supposed to work,” he sighed.

            “It was nice seeing you again, but you have your own schedules. You’re always so busy giving us Goldeness the best of the best and then you also have your relationship with Talia. It’s only fair that we go so long without chatting,” Alex justified. “Besides, we always have the group chat, even if it is often overrun with whatever thought decides to saunter through Jangjun’s typically empty brain,” she jested. “It’s not the same, but it’s better than the other long-distance friendship I have. Granted, he’s in the military, so it’s even stricter,” she pointed out, “but, I really do appreciate your concern. It’s nice to chat every once in a while. Speaking of, what are you guys up to?” she probed, noticing the silence that befell the other side of the phone. If she didn’t know any better, she would have thought his heart had stopped. She knew what she was doing as she danced around the topic carefully. She didn’t want to mention Y but she also didn’t want to dismiss Seungmin’s good graces. She felt wrong for having picked up his call in the first place, but she truly missed his companionship and the way he scrunched his nose when he joked and the way his angelic voice drifted across the continents and the way he--.

            “That’s right!” he perked up at the memory. “That’s why I called! I was thinking about it, and I don’t know if I should say it, but I can’t hold onto it much longer. Frankly, I’m surprised Jangjun didn’t say something about it first.”

            “What is it?”

            “We’re having a comeback next Friday—well, I guess Thursday your time? I think you’ll—”

            “I’ll love it! O my god, I have been waiting SO long for this comeback. I know that we just saw you and you have all been so so busy since them, but I was in desperate need of this comeback. There’s just something so genuine about everything you guys do and—” she rambled shamelessly, speaking straight from the heart. While she would never consider herself a greedy fan, especially knowing the daily lives of the members through their conversations, there was something so rewarding, so calming, in everything they did. She had seen it at the shows. She had experienced it at the party. She felt it in her heart. Where there was Golcha, there was peace, whether it was by talking to them or listening to their music.

            “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think this was the first fancall with you and you didn’t know us at all,” he smirked to himself, glad this was only a voice call as he blushed on the other end of the call.

            “Like, I know we know you guys and I’m forever grateful for that, but when it comes to the music you make, there is something so genuine and appealing about it that I just want more of it all the time. You guys are so fresh and dedicated to your craft that I can’t help but to cheer whenever I hear of a comeback. It’s nothing short of an addiction, one I’m okay with.”

            “Do we really mean that much to you?” he asked slowly, taken aback at how bold she was with her words. He wondered how Talia would react once he told her. Would she be as open with her heart as Alex was? Would she be as supportive?

            “Is that even a question? Of course, you are!” she exclaimed mindlessly, too excited to tailor her words, too starstruck to remember the very real, very emotional person she was talking to. “I’ve been in Kpop a very long time, likely before any of you were even trainees, and I have my fair share of groups that I’m ride or die for. Golcha happens to be one of them, even if I never expected it,” she confessed.

            “What do you mean, you didn’t expect to fall for us?” he asked, curious though a slight hint of despondence drifted in his words.

            “Well, like I said, I’ve been in this Kpop game a very, very long time and though I was still president of Kpop club at the time you debuted I—”

            “Wait, you were president of Kpop club? Like at a university? They have that there? You have time to do anything with your college, especially make and run a club about liking people like us?” he asked, truly astounded, making Alex shrink slightly at his words. She could only imagine how difficult schooling was, let alone for an idol, in a country in which test scores determine the rest of your life. Though she had always been an academic, favoring school and leadership activities over partying and clubbing, she felt she had spent much of her college career coasting. The degree had been a breeze and, though she made plenty of connections and had garnered the trust of top experts in the field, she felt she had spent much of her college in a daze, never challenged, mostly bored. Even as a teacher, she found her job, though overstimulating, easy in practice. If she had to, she could whip together a week’s worth of lesson planning, engaging activities, and homework in less than two hours. She felt she had it too easy, especially compared to Seungmin and the others who, regardless of their schooling, always had their hands—and minds—full, juggling busy schedules and each other. She had dreamed once of becoming a top Kpop choreographer, but she realized that the hustle and bustle would be far too much for her to handle. She liked the easy way out, even if it made her feel lazy in comparison.

            “Well, yes, I was also working full-time since I had to pay for my own schooling. I don’t know how scholarships and student loans work over there, but I’ll be paying off mine for some time now. I think Kpop and Philosophy Clubs were what kept me sane, to be honest.”

            “So, you were working, too?” he probed. “How on earth did you do it?”

            “Well, I guess it was do or die,” she answered nonchalantly. “I don’t have any family out here after my mom left shortly after I went away for college, so I really had to do or die. It’s taught me a few things, I’ll say that much. Like, keeping a strong mindset and prioritizing, although I am sure that you are far more familiar with that than myself considering all that you guys do—and keep doing—for us Goldenness,” she praised.

            “I guess that is what keeps us sane. Seeing the smiles on your faces, hearing our names being cheered, meeting people like you…” he trailed off, his angelic voice embracing her in its warmth. “I guess it all worked out since you were talking about us at Kpop Club,” he smirked pridefully.

            “Well, that’s the thing,” she began, not sure why she was mincing words, sure that it wouldn’t hurt his feelings. “At the time when you debuted, I had already been listening to Kpop for 9 years and I really didn’t want to follow a bunch of new groups. I remember doing Debut of the Weeks and Comeback of the Week, but I don’t remember mentioning you guys. I didn’t have anyone in the club who knew of you yet, so I just didn’t get that suggestion—and I wasn’t looking anyone up on my own. That, I didn’t have time for, unfortunately.”