As I went out the president’s office, tears never stop falling from my eyes; I was very disappointed to myself because I let precious things slip from my hands. This might be the answers to my dream and yet I just let it pass through without even fighting for it. Wait, that’s right, I’ll still give it a try. I wiped my tears away and compose myself, I stood for a moment and think twice, thrice and even four times and yes, I will go back to the office and prove myself, there’s nothing to lose if I try and the president might give me another chance. I went back and as I was approaching the door, my heart was pounding loudly and I hope no one can hear it. Then I knocked.

 

A clicking sound indicated that the door is now open and as I was pulling the door, I saw Jiyong in front of me and he was pushing the door to go out.

 

“Kelly-ssi, it’s nice that you’re here, I was about to follow you, good thing you came back!” then he hugged me.

 

I was taken aback by that hug, though he was not my bias, he’s still the G-DRAGON, leader of my most favorite boy band, “Gomawo. But why?” I was puzzled.

 

“I asked sajangnim to give you a chance…” then he move closer and whispered, “…but I will be punished if you disappoint him, so give your best shot, okay? I believe in you.”

 

A wide smile formed my lips and I hugged him back, “Thank you, Jiyong oppa, thank you so much!” then I pulled away.

 

“Good luck, kid!” That made my smile wider and as I turned to the other members, they are cheering silently except to that guy in mint green hair. I smirked at him. “Off you go.” Jiyong oppa said.

 

I was really nervous when I walked towards the office, my knees were shaking and my hands are sweaty and cold. I pushed the door of Sajangnim’s personal space and there he was, sitting and doing something on the computer, it’s as if he didn’t notice me.

 

I was silently standing when he spoke.

 

He spoke in Hangeul, still not looking at me. Then silence devoured the office once again, seconds passed and he grabbed his phone on the side of the table and contacted someone. Because I can’t understand the whole thing he said over the phone, I became really nervous because I heard some familiar words like “babo”, “yeoja”, “apa” and “English” that is pronounced as “inggurish”. So I thought that, maybe he said…

 

“Please get this stupid girl in front of me and tell her to go back where she came from and I don’t want to say this in English because she’s just going to get hurt.”

 

Then he hung up the phone. A few minutes later, some man in a suit came in his office and YG spoke in Hangeul again talking to the man in suit. He nodded and said, “Sajangnim to tell you what he said to me a while ago…” I swallowed, “…he told me that because he doesn’t wanted to look stupid in front of a girl, I will be here to translate everything and his English speaking skills will hurt both of your ears.”

 

Then I was about to laugh, but I managed to cover my mouth and compose myself. Then the president said something again and the man in suit started to talk again.

 

“Sajangnim said, you have to sing one english song, one song of your language and one korean song…” then the president whispered something again, “…for the English song, he requested ‘Listen” by Beyonce’ in a standard tune and you can pick for the last two categories…” then whispered again, the face of the man in suit looks like disappointed and smirked, “…you… you may start singing once I’m not at the office anymore.” Then he left.

 

The moment the man left, my hands become so sweaty and cold at the same time and when I started to let my voice out, it was kinda hoarse that’s why I cleared my throat then proceeded, I ignored everything I was feeling right that moment.

 

Listen…

To the song here in my heart

A melody I start but can’t complete

Listen, oohh ooh

To the sound from deep within

It’s only beginning to find release

Oh the time has come for my dreams to be heard

They will not be pushed aside and turned

Into your own, all coz you won’t LISTEEEEEEEEEEN! Listen!

I am alone at the crossroad; I’m not at home in my own home

And I tried and tried to say what’s on my mind

You should have known oh!

Now I’m done believing you

You don’t know what I’m feeling

I’m more than what you made of me

I followed the voice you gave to me

But now I’ve got to fi—nd my o----wn

MY O---------WN!

 

Then sajangnim was expressionless as expected, then he called the man in suit—the translator again.

 

“Sajangnim said, because you know that you are able to hit high notes, you get too excited that somehow you are like losing the feel of the song and stop staring at the floor as well, it’s as if the lyrics are written there and loosen up, you look so stiff and expressionless.” Then the translator went out again.

 

 I picked my favorite song of our language and sajangnim look pleased but still that same poker face, how did I know? I just felt his aura became much lighter than a while ago when I was singing Listen. I think it’s because I can sing comfortably at my own language.

 

Then he told me to pick a Korean song. As I was searching for one I in my brain, my mind suddenly went blank.

 

“Yah! Don’t mek mi hweyt (Don’t make me wait).” His accent was so strong, and by the looks of him, he seemed bored so I panicked. As I was searching he spoke again,

 

“Sing Lonely, popular… song…” the president was trying to say that I should sing ‘Lonely’ because he’s sure that I know it because it’s popular. But because I thought of something, I was somehow challenged by my thoughts.

 

If only it’s possible, if only Sajangnim could let me. Then he spoked again.

 

“Tell me…” then he pointed at his head then pointed at me “…what?”

 

“I was thinking if you can let me sing a duet song. It was simple but it’s really my favorite.”

 

“What song?” Sajangnim asked.

 

I was hesitating to say it but I can see Sajangnim is quite getting annoyed at my antics so I just blurted it out, “I Know by Seungri featuring IU.”

 

“Simple song…” then he grab his phone again and spoke Hangeul

 

I thought that I made a mistake and he’s going to kick me out and he was calling the guards to accompany me outside, Oh My Gosh, Jiyong oppa will be disappointed , he’ll be punished and it’s because of me what will I—

 

The door opened and here he is. My freaking second bias, Lee Seung Hyun. I think he’s singing with me. I’m so happy.

 

“Hi, Kelly dongsaeng! I heard you wanted to sing with me, is that true?”

 

I was star struck again even if I already met him yesterday, “Yes, i-is that okay with you, Seungri-ssi?”

 

He put his arms around me and leaned closer, “Oppa, call me oppa—“

 

“Seung Hyun, enough… (spoke Hangeul)” sajangnim’s voice boomed.

 

I looked at Seungri oppa and I can see the professionalism all over his face, then he faced me and smile, “Sajangnim will prepare our minus one without the backing vocals, he will allow us to sing the whole song and you must impress him, okay…” I nod then he snake his arms around me again, “…I believe in you.” Then he gave my cheek a light peck and I froze, all my insides went giddy and everything. I wanted to jump because Lee Seung Hyun kissed my cheek, Oh my gosh, my dirty cheek is so lucky, it stained my poor Seung Hyun’s lips OMG I’m so embara---

 

“Seungri…” Sajangnim shouted, then spoke again.

 

Seungri said sorry and removed his arms around me and smiled again. Everything was prepared and the song started to play

 

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh yeah yeah…

 

Seungri oppa and I smiled at each other; he seemed satisfied of what he’s hearing.

 

Seungri oppa’s part first, then the refrain

 

Nae maeumi neoege malhare (Neoege malhale [that’s me]).

 

Then the chorus

 

I know neol bogo isseul ttaen
onmome jjaritan jeonyuri heureuneungeol baby
I know uri hamkke isseul ttaen
isesang mueotboda deo bichi naneungeol
Cause I

 

The blending was perfect and all then it’s my part now, but it’s really IU’s part that I’m just taking part in.

 

Some day nugunga naege dagawa
eorisukhan malturo cheoeum mareul georeotji
mwonde geureoke meosinneungeonde
nareul darmeun kowa ibeul gajin neon naui namjangeol

nae maeumi neoege malharae
neoramyeon eodideunji hamkkehandago Cause I…

 

The 3-minute song ended with Seungri oppa clapping, he hugged me.

 

“You’re good at adlibs and improvise, you’re really good! I’m glad I sang with you.” He held both my shoulders.

 

Sajangnim spoke in Hangeul.

 

Then Seungri oppa spoke with an unreadable face, “Dongsaeng, Sajangnim said to wait for results tomorrow, we can go outside now.”

 

Sajangnim is working with his computer again.

 

“Kamsahamnida, Sajangnim. Annyeong Haseo!” then Seungri oppa and I left the room.

 

I saw the other three Bigbang members waiting outside, I looked for Choi Seung Hyun but he was not there. Jiyong oppa aproched me and asked me, “What happened, dongsaeng?”

 

Then Seungri oppa talked to Jiyong oppa in Hangeul. Jiyong oppa gave me an unreadable expression and he spoke, “Seems like someone’s having his punishment today.”

 

Then he faced me, “Let’s take you home.”

 

I felt the world crushing down on me; I felt like cold water was poured on me, I think this is really not he time for me. Tears are forming in my eyes but I was fighting it hard not to cry.

 

“Jiyong oppa, thank you so much…” I faced the others especially Seungri oppa, “…thank you all” and I bowed in 90 degrees. When I looked at Jiyong oppa, I guess he already knew what I meant.

 

I want to be alone for a while.

 

I want to cry by myself.

 

I want to be alone.

 

It’s over.