So this is it. This is the judgment day for me. OMG. I’m so freaking nervous that my knees literally wanted to fall. I always feel this nerve-wracking nervousness whenever I’m going to sing in front of a lot of people or someone that is very important. Well, who’s not gonna be, it’s the legendary, scary and full of constructive-slash-destructive criticisms that even your tiniest, ugliest part of your body will be noticed?

 

What happened yesterday? Yes, Ji Hye unnie took me home after resting for a little while. Unnie gave me tips regarding the audition I’m going to do tomorrow.

 

“Dongsaeng, what do you think is your weapon?” She looked at me intensely while holding my shoulders.

 

“Ummm… Uh… My voice…? My talent I think?” I moved a little backwards because she’s so close that really became awkward at that moment.

 

“NO!” she said with conviction “Your greatest weapon must be and should be courage.”

 

“Huh? I… I don’t unders—well, yeah because he’s the sajangnim but is he really that scary?” I asked then I realized I looked like an idiot.

 

“’That scary’? ‘THAT SCARY’? He’s not just ‘That scary’ he’s HORRIBLY SCARY!” when I looked at her, I told myself that this girl is more retard than me.

 

“Okay, so what should I do?”

 

She composed herself and suddenly, it’s like the real Ji Hye unnie is back in its human form, “Whatever he says, whatever the things you hear from him that will make you down, don’t let it affect you, because that’s his one way of testing the talent. You will hear a lot from him, yes, like A LOT, but you have to endure his words, even if it’s so painful, you have to prove him wrong, arasso?” she patted my head.

 

*GULP*

 

“Hey, if you’re gonna be that weak then just go back where you come from, I’m trying to help you here because I believe in you.” I can see the sincerity in her eyes.

 

After some advices she gave, she went home and wished me luck. So yeah, here I am today, it’s like I’m facing one of the darkest hour of my life yet might be the reason for me to shine so bright (isn’t that a rhyme? Kkk~).

 

The scheduled audition is 1pm and I deserve an early bird award for coming ahead of time, this is me when I’m nervous, earlier than you can imagine. Anyway, it’s only 10am when I arrived at YG building; I went straight to the reception area.

 

“Hi miss is—“

 

“Are you Kelly? Ji Hye-ssi gave you this note; she’s with 2NE1 in Japan.”

 

“Okay. Kamsahamnida.” I frowned a little after seeing the note.

 

YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CAN DO IT! HWAITING DONGSAENGIE!

-JI HYE UNNIE J

 

I feel so all alone at this moment. I felt like no one’s gonna support me. My stomach is so weird it’s like I’m going to vomit anytime and I’m getting pale and cold because of nervousness, oh gosh I think I’m gonna pass out. I touched my forehead because I think I’m not feeling well, and then I remembered what unnie told me last night.

 

‘YOUR GREATEST WEAPON MUST BE AND SHOULD BE COURAGE’

 

‘I BELIEVE IN YOU’

 

That helped a little and calmed some of my nerves down. Ugh! I think I’m going to die anytime.

 

I went to the reception again and ask the direction to the restroom and I went there. I was looking at the mirror for, I think, 5 minutes from the moment I entered the restroom. I was getting numb because of the nervousness, it seems like I don’t want to do it anymore.

 

“Okay, I’ll quit. I can’t take the pressure anymore.” I decided to just go, but when I attempted to open the door, a girl pushed it first and we blocked each others’ way. I stared at her, she looks familiar.

 

She spoke Hangeul that’s why I cannot understand what she’s saying except the part when she said ‘kenchanayo’

 

“Huh? Um, mianhe but I don’t speak Hangeul fluently. Are you asking if I’m okay?” it seems that she barely understood what I’m saying. I just answered ‘neh’. Her eyebrows connected, and as if I’m reading her mind, I think she said I’m weird. Really loud for a thought, huh?

 

I exited the restroom with my head bowed down for feeling uneasy, when suddenly I bumped at someone.

 

“Oh, mianheyo.” My head hurts and I feel nauseatic when I realized it is Seung Hyun oppa.

 

“Ouch! You again!!! You lazy scumbag foreigner!” he touched his shoulder because that’s where my head bumped. “Hey, are you okay?”

 

I slowly opened my eyes finding out I was in a familiar place. It’s the room where I took some rest to relax my sprained ankle. I’m here again.

 

“I’M ACTUALLY HERE YESTERDAY!” I got up.

 

I was so frustrated that I didn’t realize I’m not alone I looked at my right side and the familiar mint green hair ice cream face was sitting on the corner near the window and looking intently at me with those freaking tantalizing eyes with a hipster glasses— yeah, it’s TOP.

 

I felt my blood rushed up to my cheeks and I became giddy when I looked at him. Then I realized I was staring at him for a long awkward time and I noticed his thick eyebrows went upward, then he stood up and walk towards me.

 

“M-mianheyo TOP-ssi.” And I bowed my head.

 

He just stood beside the bed and put his arms on his waist, “Are you a stalker?”

 

My giddiness was replaced by anger and I forgot everything who he was even the part than he’s an idol and my bias, then I also stood up “WHAT? You’re asking me that? You sure have a lot of nerve, huh? Omo, ottokae.” Because I’m standing too close to him, I literally scream everything I said on his face. Then I felt like I’m going to collapse because I felt dizzy. I touched both of my temples. I still feel nauseatic, I almost fall but the mighty hands of my handsome bias is there to catch me and he pulled ,e closer to him.

 

“Kenchanayo? You look so pale, what happened.” He looked me in my eye, I was like hypnotized.

 

Until he spoke again, “Is this one of your schemes? You will act like you are dizzy just to get close to your bias?”

 

And my so called hypnotism disappeared.

 

I pushed him away and sat. “You ffffff----- freaking bastard!” then I remembered something. “Wait, what time is it?”

 

“It’s time for you to go back wherever you came from.” His annoying smile flashed at me.

 

“I’m not playing with you.” This time I think he seriously took what I said.

 

He headed to the door then pointed something on the bedside table, and then he left.

 

It’s already 1:20pm. IT IS ALREADY FREAKING 1:20PM!!!

 

I panicked then picked up my bag and I hastily went out of the room. I saw TOP on the hallway and asked him.

 

“Where is the president’s office?”

 

“Under the basement, near the parking area.” Then he smiled.

 

I don’t have time to think why he did that so I just left him and ran towards the elevator. When I was already inside, I pushed the basement button. I searched for my phone inside my bag to look at the time and it’s already 1:30PM.

 

I’m already in the basement and all I see is a pool of cars with a dim light setting, it’s just a plain parking area. But because he is TOP, I believed in him and still look for the president’s office. I was searching for it until I realized I was being fooled. My vision is getting blurry until stream of tears rolled down my cheeks. I was fuming with anger, and then a security guard saw me.

 

“Miss, non-employees are not allowed here.”

 

“I know. Where’s the president’s office.”

 

“At the top floor, why?”

 

Thanking him was not in my mind at this moment; I just went back to the elevator and pushed the last button. I am so angry at him that I swore to God I’m gonna punch him hard on his face when I see him. I’m still crying when I reached the top floor, but I composed myself after alighting from the elevator.

 

I already saw the sign on the door that it was the president’s office, I hope he will not notice that I cried, but it will never erase the fact that it’s already 1:45pm.

 

I was about to knock but fear devoured me but I will definitely not let it win so I still knocked three times and opened the door to find out that BIGBANG members were there and I made eye contact with TOP, and a look of success was drawn all over his face that made me more angry at me.

 

“Yes?” A tiny voice for a man asked, only to find out that it was THE SAJANGNIM OF YG ENTERTAINMENT. Yang Hyun Suk.

 

I was taken aback and it’s like my insides are shaking and wanted to leave me also and escape this nerve-wrecking situation, I literally can’t speak, but good thing, my knight in shining long hair came to rescue me, Jiyong oppa.

 

“Sajangnim, she’s the one I’m talking about.” He stood and walked towards my direction and put his arms around my right shoulder, “You do have a scheduled audition at 1pm, right?” he checked his wrist watch and he slowly remove his arms around my shoulder and gave me a worried look.

 

“You know the rules, Jiyong and you know what I definitely hate the most.” YG looked at me with an expressionless face.

 

It feels like all my blood was drained from my body, this is almost the moment I’ve been waiting for and now it turned to stone. My hands were cold and my knees were shaking because of the mixed negative emotions I feel right now. Blaming TOP-ssi will be the most wanted request of my brain right at this moment but even my lips and my head felt disappointed that it rather fell silent than talk. I know Jiyong is really worried about me, I took the courage to lift my head up and saw the other three BIGBANG members, Youngbae oppa, Sungri oppa and Daesung oppa have their sad and sorry faces. I looked at TOP-ssi again and he looks so relaxed like nothing happened.

 

“Mr. Kwon…” I said to Jiyong oppa with all the formality left in me, “…thank you for the trust, but I have to go. Thank you again, Sajangnim.” And as I pushed the door of the president’s office, tears rolled down my face.