Hi, I’m Jaejoong and I’m a part-time moneylender.

My parents can’t stand the sight of me because I didn’t turn out the way they wanted me to, and I don’t mean that in a good way.

My family’s pretty much screwed up and I’m sure I’m the only sane one in it.

My parents are both chain smokers and enjoy their alcohol a little too much. My grandmother, who has the attention span of a goldfish (well, maybe a few seconds more than it), once told me that they had tried feeding me beer instead of milk while I was still a baby because that was the only form of drink available in the fridge. I was even more surprised when she revealed that it was my very much elder than me sister (18 years older), who stopped them when she walked past the living room. Does my grandmother not care about my welfare as well?

Thank god for my sister’s divine intervention, or else I would have died very much earlier in my life due to the overworking of my poor ‘baby liver’.

Yes, my parents had openly told me that I was an accidental child, in front of my fifth grade elementary school teacher during a parent-teacher conference when she said I had a tendency to daydream in class.

‘Daydreaming? Jae, you are too well behaved. When I was your age, I was already skipping class and hiding in the toilet cubicles and peeping at girls with their undies down,’ he bragged while driving us home after the conference.

‘Dad, that’s gross. Everyone deserves to take a piss or dump peacefully.’

‘Not when I’m around,’ my dad cheekily told me.

Why wasn’t my mother the least bit pissed at my erted dad?

Oh right, she’s practically on a high every single day of her life after the day she first experimented with drugs. Normal humans take pills with water, she practically chews them up like sweets. She would definitely be able to identify any tablet available in the world after tasting it. I’m still wondering why she hasn’t passed on from overdose yet.

I face palmed. I swear, my dad acts a whole lot less matured than me, despite me being only 8 then (I skipped grades in school. Having an IQ of 166 is a miracle, since both my parents were elementary school dropouts).

‘Jae, I’m so appalled that you’re doing your homework on a ing cruise! It’s a ing holiday! Just throw that away and enjoy yourself!’ my dad groaned at the sight of my Chemistry worksheets.

‘We’ll only return to Seoul the day before school reopens which means, it would be absolutely impossible to finish all my assignments in one day,’ I said irritably, protecting my worksheets as my dad reached out to grab them from the table.

‘How did you manage to bear such a ing nerd into this ed up world?’ my dad asked my mom before finishing a glass of Martini in one big gulp, at 9 am in the morning.

‘How would I know, it’s your ing fault!’ my mom snapped.

‘Mom, Dad, both of you had unprotected and hence, I happened,’ I pouted, beginning to answer the fifth question on the worksheet.

‘ your life, can’t you just say the word ?’

‘I don’t like that word,’ I sulked.

‘, , ! IN YOUR ING FACE!’ my dad hollered, he’s obviously drunk.

When all parents were supposed to be proud of their kids getting good grades in school, they went on a holiday in Las Vegas to escape from having to attend my high school graduation ceremony. And I was the Valedictorian that year, giving the first speech to such a large crowd in my life. It was such an honor for me but it was the biggest embarrassment to my parents.

Mom, Dad, I’m sorry I didn’t turn out the way you wanted me to be. You wanted me to be bad a** like you both but I never could. You gave me a cigarette when I was ten but I preferred to on lollipops. You gave me s to play with but I liked flower arranging more. I’m really sorry I turned out too nerdy and girly for your likings.

Asking for permission to study in a university was hard, especially when your parents had a phobia towards education and detested it with all their hearts. It was worse when the degree you wanted to pursue was in their terms, ‘lame’.

‘A degree in Floristry? WHAT THE IS THAT?’ my dad bellowed over dinner, which consisted of almost raw beef and a bottle of gin, in which he drinks directly from the bottle itself.

‘Flowers, gardens, design,’ over the years of speaking with my Dad, I had perfected the art of communication with him as only the use of key words effectively gets the message across to him.

‘YOU ARE SUCH A MORON! And I thought you were supposed to be smart,’ my dad stuffed a quarter of his steak into his mouth like a barbarian.

‘Need parent’s consent, to apply,’

‘Ask your mother.’

‘Coma, right now,’ (What it actually means: ‘She’s in a coma right now.’) she had a terrible slip because she smashed a bottle of absinthe onto the floor while she was high on some drugs.

‘Right, I forgot,’ my dad didn’t look the least bit guilty.

‘Can I?’

‘Let’s both benefit from this tragedy.’

‘You mean situation.’

‘Same thing. I’ll give you a million dollars. If you are able to double this money within 6 months, I will sign your ing admission thingy.’

‘Deal. Sign first? No double amount, personally quit. Promise.’ (What it actually means: ‘Deal. But how about you sign the admission forms for me first. If I am unable to double the money, I will personally quit school. I promise.’)

‘Okay, deal,’ he signed the papers grumpily.

You must be wondering, how did my dad get hold of a million dollars right?

Simple, my grandfather was a property tycoon so when he died, my dad inherited everything because he was the only son. Of course my grandfather hated my dad. Who wouldn’t, I mean, he was a really dumb alcoholic and addict.

Now that money was running really low, (Not that we’re bankrupt though, it’s just that my dad had already spent 90% of the my estimated $80 million he had inherited), I had to device a plan to double this million dollars.

If only I knew how the stock markets worked… but I doubt that would be able to give me 2 times of my money within 6 months.

And that’s how I decided to become a moneylender. I just hope this works.