"Red Velvet, please get ready!"

That was the staff calling for Red Velvet, the famous 3rd generation girl group. It's April 23. Red Velvet's comeback after two years of hiatus. 

All the fans are excited to greet them back and see them on a reality show. Other fandoms are also anticipating their comeback since they always produce good songs. 

So were the members. They have been preparing for this comeback since four months ago. Putting a lot of ideas into this album, including performance and melody. 

To conclude, they participated a lot in this comeback. However, they never stop being nervous and doubting themselves throughout the preparation.

Even today, they are nervous about their comeback and mostly they are worried about how their fans will react. 

"We can do this girls!" said Wendy excitedly.

"I'm worried, unnie," whispered Seulgi. 

The oldest member who is standing right next to her stared at her with a comforting smile. 

"You cannot back away right now, Seul. Just remember what we had practiced and take a deep breath. We've done this several times, yes?" Seulgi nodded. 

Irene squeezes Seulgi's hand, reassuring her that everything will be alright. That kind of support from Bae Joohyun will always comfort her in a way no one will be able to understand. 

That kind of electricity sense in her body every time the older girl smiles at her and reassured her that everything will be alright through body language has always been there the moment they went up to that stage and did the Be Natural stage just the both of them. 

Seulgi smiled at Irene as they walked together to the stage. Fans are right in front of them. Screaming their names and cheering them up. 

Hearing that familiar noise and support from all the fans...is like music to their ears. Seulgi can finally stand by her foot all alone as Irene leaves her side to get ready in her position. 

"Look so nervous there, ey?" Said Wendy suddenly waking her up from her thoughts.

"Yeah. It's been two years, you know? I kind of forget how it feels to be up here," said Seulgi.

"Don't worry. I felt the same too! But we got this, Seul! Stay positive!" Said Wendy encouraging her. 

"Yes. We got this, Seungwan," said Seulgi.

Then the lights went off. A sign that is time for them to sing their new song live in front of their fans that has been waiting for so long. Sometimes, Seulgi thought it was unfair for them to wait for so long. 

But sometimes she thought how grateful she is to have them. They are always there to wait. Some of them may be left but some remain to stay. 

For those who leave, Seulgi just hopes they will come back but if not then, she wishes them good luck with their life. Just like what the older girl said. 
 

 

"Congratulation, girls! You did it! It was flawless!" Said their manager.

"Water! Water! I need water!" Said Yeri who has always been the most dramatic person. 

"How was it, Sunny Saem?" Asked Joy.

"You did great, girls! We're going to meet again tomorrow morning for another practice," said her which made the girls groan. 

"I need to rest! I think I'm going to die!" Said Yeri.

"Don't talk like that, Yeri!" Scolded Irene.

Seulgi who stands at the back could only chuckle. Not to Yeri but to Irene for being such an older sister. 

"Told you we got this! See how pretty we are on the television! Look at you, unnie! You look so pretty," said Wendy. 

No one will disagree with that because Irene is known as the prettiest. You cannot beat her beauty. She's the definition of Korean Beauty if you must say. 

Ever since they were trainees, everyone is jealous of her beauty. Her white pale skin is everybody's dream! 

But at the same time, her beauty makes her look cold on the outside. Only people who are very close to her can see her personality behind that mask. 

She's an observant, kind, sensitive, caring, and honest person. That's what Seulgi adores of Irene. She is also a very protective person. She took care of others before herself.

Making her very selfless and sometimes Seulgi just wanted to be there to take care of Irene. Because the older is very bad at taking care of herself. 

She remembers back in the past she was in her room when suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was Irene wearing her usually black outfit.

Typical outfit when she's going out for a walk. That day she brought them food to eat dinner together since they are the only members left in the dorm.

The other three went to their schedules that day and only the two of them had no schedules. It was a reward given by the company after doing the Irene x Seulgi project and...the scandal too.

"I brought us dinner," said Irene. 

Seulgi nodded as she gets up from her bed and went to the kitchen. Following Irene from behind. As always, the dorm felt empty when some of them are doing their schedule.

Usually, this place is very crowded. Mostly because of Yeri and Sooyoung. They are unstoppable. Anyone in the room can hear them bickering at each other. Then there's Wendy, trying to stop them from killing each other.

Meanwhile, Irene and Seulgi could only laugh at them. Sometimes they also help Wendy. But most of the time they just enjoy watching them.

However, since it's only the two of them left in the dorm, the room felt empty. No bickering. No screaming. Nothing. Sometimes it felt peaceful but most of the time it felt empty. 

While preparing the plates and cutlery, Seulgi was watching Irene. Something is off ever since the news about Irene. She became quieter than usual. 

She was there that day. It wasn't her fault. That person only exaggerates the situation when it was his fault. Irene did nothing wrong but she has to apologize for doing the right thing. 

When the members asked her about her feelings, she went like 

"I'm okay. This is the cost of living as an idol, right? Don't worry. I'll be fine," said Irene with a smile on her face.

But Seulgi knew. It was something for Irene. She has maintained a good reputation since their debut. Everything about her is almost perfect. That day she was just scolding that person for not doing his job properly which will affect the whole schedule.

Everybody who works in the industry knows very well how chaotic it is when someone wasn't able to do their job properly. If it's about a technical problem, they are able to tolerate it.

However, it was human error. That person brought the wrong costumes for Irene. The older member wasn't even scolding that hard. She was just telling him to do his job properly and be careful next time.

She didn't even yell at him. But that person just had to make things more complicated.  If he wants to apologize, he could have just asked rather than making false accusations on social media. 

Even if he does ask, no one thinks he deserves an apology from Irene when clearly he was wrong. 

"Unnie," called Seulgi.

But Irene didn't hear that. 

She's wearing a black hoodie with a hat and a mask covering her face. Seulgi has been eyeing her. Irene keeps looking down. Avoiding her gaze. That's when Seulgi decided to walk toward her.

"Unnie," called Seulgi as she tapped her shoulder too.

The older girl was surprised and drop the food she was preparing. Clearly, she's not okay. 

Lately, she has been receiving hate comments on the internet due to her action. She doesn't deserve it at all. Seulgi wishes she can speak for her as the witness but being in the industry for so long allows her to understand, that any kind of action will only hurt Irene more. 

"I'm so sorry. Gosh. Why am I so clumsy today? Seulgi, you can jus-"

"Talk to me, unnie. I know you're not okay," said Seulgi cutting her off.

"What do you mean? I'm okay, Seulgi," said Irene still trying to convince the younger girl. Seulgi sigh. Her hands carefully reach out for Irene's hoodie and mask.

The older girl didn't even resist. She let Seulgi take off her hoodie and mask only to reveal her red and swollen eyes. It breaks her heart to see Irene like this.

Her heart fell off a cliff seeing her older sister in this state. She doesn't deserve this.

"You can stop pretending, unnie," said Seulgi assuring her that is okay to be not okay sometimes.

At that moment, Seulgi could hear crying in front of her. Tears started to fall down her cheeks as she continue to sob. Crying her heart out and Seulgi reach out to her. Hugging her gently.

Cause she felt like the girl she was hugging could break easily at this moment. Tapping her back carefully, assuring her that everything will be alright and that she's not alone.

"I'm here, unnie. I'm here. It's okay. I'm here," said Seulgi. 

That day, Irene slept together with Seulgi. Seulgi thought it is best for her to accompany Irene just for a day. That way, Irene will feel less alone and Seulgi can be there to take care of her.

It was something Seulgi don't want to experience anymore. Her heart sank in a beat just by seeing her older sister cry like that. She doesn't know if her heart is able to witness that moment again. 

"Great job, everyone! See you guys tomorrow!" Said the staff members.

"Thank you for your hard work!" Said Red Velvet members. 

"Finally! It's time to go home!" Said Yeri excitedly.

"Lazy ," said Joy. 

"What did you say, unnie?!" Asked Yeri furiously.

"Guys, stop. Do you guys have to fight everywhere we go?" Asked Irene.

"Better stop guys before mom gets mad," teased Wendy.

"Aish, you!"

Seulgi smile. 

"See you guys tomorrow! I'll go first, okay? Bye unnie!" Said Seulgi.

"Make Seulgi unnie as your example, Yeri. See how hardworking she is!" Said Joy.

"Don't forget to eat dinner, Seul," said Irene.

"Thanks, unnie. Bye!"

 

Seulgi POV 

A few days later~

"Seulgi unnie! This is bad news! Bad news!" Said Joy panicking.

I just woke up after literally having three hours of sleep. Yesterday was quite hectic for me as I was doing a shooting for a luxury brand advertisement and then went to a reality show as a guest then proceed to dance practice until midnight. 

It was 2 in the morning when I arrived home. This is life as an idol. You sacrifice your private life and your goodnight's sleep. But everything is worth it when you get to have fun and enjoy what you love.

I love singing and dancing. Moreover, I get to do it with my friends whom I consider my family. Being with them makes me happy and excited all the time. 

A life without them...I couldn't even imagine. Especially Joohyun unnie. We've been together since the beginning. We went through everything together.

She was always there for me and I was always there for her. We're like sisters. Inseparable. 

However, as much as I love them like I love my parent, waking me up in the morning only having three hours of sleep it's not toleratable. 

"What the , Sooyoung? I'm having my sleep right now!" I said angrily.

"This is urgent, unnie! Irene unnie and Wendy unnie are dating!"

At that moment, I knew...I'm so ed up. 

My heart sank to the bottom. Suddenly I could only feel sadness inside me. It felt so hurt that I feel like I want to cry at that moment. Why? Why do I feel like this?

"Unnie? Are you there?" 

"Oh? Y-yeah. I-I'm here. So...did the company know?" I asked though I can feel how hard it is for me to say it. Like my throat prevents me from asking that question. 

"I don't think so. But last night Wendy unnie told me and said they kissed in a public place! I'm scared if the paparazzi catch their moment and decided to leak this to the internet," said Joy.

I gulped. Why does my heart hurt so bad? Why does it actually want someone to catch their moment and leak it to the press? Why does my heart want to hurt them?

No. This can't be real. This must be a dream. I must be having a delusion. Right? This is wrong, right?

"Did you ask Wendy and make sure there was no one else there?"

"I did. But you know the press. They are capable of camouflaging themselves," said Joy.

She got her point. 

"Since when?" 

Though honestly, I didn't want to know but somehow...I just felt the need to know. I gulp in nervousness. Not knowing why is this hurting my heart.

"Wendy said since a week ago," said Joy.

A week ago...

A week ago...

A week ago...

Joohyun unnie should have told me...but why she hasn't told me anything? Or...she's afraid? Why? We shared each other secrets! 

We're...like sisters! We are there for each other from the beginning. Why... she didn't tell me anything? But that's not the point.

I felt like...I lose.

What am I losing, huh? Why do I feel like I have failed? What is this confusing feeling? 

"What do we do now, unnie?" Asked Joy.

Honestly...I don't know. 

"I don't know," I said.

 

After that day, none of them speak about that. Not even Irene. It's like nothing happened. Meanwhile, I keep asking myself why am I feeling so empty and sad all the time.

I keep avoiding Joohyun unnie. Trying to be very careful when I am near her. I don't speak that much with Seungwan, either. It's like...I'm pulling myself away from them.

My heart told me to do it but my mind is confused about my own action. I think it's true what people said. Sometimes the mind is unable to understand the heart. 

Today we have a group schedule. A radio schedule which I am thankful cause I don't really have to talk much and there's no camera there. Maybe there is but we are wearing a mask. I'll be wearing a hat too. 

To cover my...face? I'm not good at hiding my emotion sometimes. 

After manager unnie picked me up and drove us to the salon, I saw them already there. Sitting next to each other and talking about something. I didn't even want to know what are they talking about.

I just walk past them and get my hair clean. Then Yeri came followed by Sooyoung. Aish...These two are always late.

"Are you fighting again?" I asked.

"No, we didn't. Sooyoung unnie cannot leave Haenim alone until her sister came. That's why we are late," said Yeri. 

"Ya! You're also late! You forgot your purse that's why we need to go back!" Said Sooyoung.

"Gosh. I can't hear this anymore," I said and at that exact moment, I finished washing my hair. 

I went to my sit, completely far away from the two of them. It seems like they don't realize I'm here already. Why do I care anyway? I guess the world is just the two of them.

Well...enjoy!

"Seulgi. Ya, Kang Seulgi"

"Eh?" 

Then I look at the mirror only to see her standing behind me. She's wearing her usual make-up. Well...she doesn't need heavy make-up. Her bare face is pretty enough.

The make-up artist just needs to give a few touches here and there. Gosh, even after years had passed she was still as beautiful as the first time I met her. 

Her beautiful white pale skin and those beautiful doe eyes. I start to realize the reason why people are not able to keep their eyes away from Joohyun's unnie face. That is because her face is very attractive. 

You can stare at her face without getting bored.

"Seulgi. You're alright?" Asked Irene unnie.

"Yeah. I'm alright. Why asked?" 

Suddenly, I can see her stare change into cold and her body language told me she was being defensive right now. ...I just realized I sounded very rude earlier. 

"I'm worried about you. Am I not allowed to do that?" Asked her. 

"I'm sorry, unnie. Hmm...yeah...I'm good. Just didn't get enough sleep," I said. She sigh.

"I'm sorry too. I know you're tired. Here. Drink this."

She offered me orange juice to lift up my mood. I should reject her offer, right? No? She's going to be mad? I think so...

"Thanks, unnie," I said as I took the orange juice from her hand. 

She left me a smile before she went back to her seat and I can see Seungwan talking with the hairstylist unnie. Discussing her hairstyle for today's schedule. 

What is going on with me? I have never been like this before. Sensitive, emotional, and confused.

 

"Annyeong haseyo, we are Red Velvet," we said together. 

The MC welcome us all and the radio went completely flawless. I was so focused on answering the questions rather than paying attention to those two playing together.

Coming to a radio show has been our routine every time we did a comeback. Which is one of the activities I like the most.

How so? Well, there's minimum movement and we are here just talking with the MC, having fun together. 

Meanwhile, the other schedule requires us to work really hard. It doesn't mean I hate it...it just...I need extra energy for it.

Right now...I don't exactly have tons of energy left ever since the news Sooyoung shared with me.

Even until now...my best friend nor the oldest member said anything to all of us. It doesn't matter though.

The two youngest won't understand a bit about their relationship. Me? I understand it all.

But what I still don't understand is why? Why they didn't tell me? Why do they have to keep it a secret from me?

I felt betrayed...being left...hurting and it's painful to kick my every day to the point I didn't get enough sleep because despite how hard I tried to erase my thoughts about them it's still there.

"Seulgi-sshi!"

Yeri nudge me all of a sudden, waking me up from my thought. I look around my surroundings only to see eyes on me.

Did they call me? 

"Ahh, yeah," I said.

"There you are! Finally came back to earth! So, we were talking about love. One of the fans asking you guys about your idea type and we would like to know from you!" Said the MC. 

How cliche...

The thing I have been trying to get away from can't seem to leave me alone even at a time like this.

"Oh well...never really thought about it, honestly," I said which made the MC laugh. 

"Please don't come up with lies, Seulgi-sshi. Your fans might match you up with the wrong person," the MC joked.

"I'll keep that in mind. Hmm...my idea type...a kind loving person...I guess?"

"Unnie! You need to be more specific!" Said, Joy.

"That's true!" Wendy added. 

I bite my lips. What else I should say? 

Then I turn to Irene unnie who is waiting patiently for me to answer the question. Her eyes stared at her warmly like always.

But somehow, I can see unexplainable emotion hiding behind those beautiful doe eyes. Pain lingering behind those eyes.

What pain? And why? 

I turn my eyes back to the MC and look down, confused. Why does my heart hurting? 

This feeling...has been lingering for so long. Since the day I heard the news.

As I stared at her prior, I just knew what I have to say to the audience. There's this certainty inside me that tells me to say it all.

Honestly...

"My ideal type....someone who is always there to listen, observant, the one who could cook me a meal every day, someone who understands my needs without me saying anything, someone who cares deeply to the point that person forgets to take care of themselves. Someone who is always there to take care of my clumsiness and the person who I knew for over 10 years." 

That's it.

One.

Two.

Three.

It last for about 30 seconds I guess before someone starts to speak. Commenting on my answers. The silence, I mean. 

At that moment, I knew I ed up. Very ed up. 

That question...it wasn't supposed to be there that time. It shouldn't have. But that topic keeps on hunting me...inside my head...apparently not only in my head but it's everywhere.

And I get to pay the price for my reckless action...

 

"Manager unnie was being concerned, that's all. It won't be such big news by tomorrow morning," said Irene unnie assuring everyone in the chat room that everything will be alright. 

Just a brief update.

After the radio show, the manager unnie scolded me for being too honest while answering the question. 

Another thing, she specifically wondered about attitude today. She said I wasn't being myself today. 

I do agree with her, though. Nonetheless, I didn't say anything after her feedback. 

We went back to our own house after the schedule. Some of them went back to their parent's house and some of them stayed in their own house.

I'm one of the members who stayed in my house. Didn't feel any good about going outside.

Though honestly, it's hard being alone inside your own house. Moreover, the fact that your mind keeps on playing games with you. 

Games that you don't even know how to win and know the rules of it. 

Anyways, after the schedule Sooyoung, Yeri, and Wendy comforted me. Ask me if I'm okay, etc.

I told them I'm alright. I was just being honest, that's all. Sometimes this industry needs pure honesty instead of lies and lies just to please the audiences.

Meanwhile, Joohyun unnie didn't say anything on our way home. It wasn't odd of her actually.

But I guess...part of me hoping for her to comfort me. 

I sigh as I throw myself on the sofa in my living room. It's an indescribable pleasure of rest.

Knowing you get to award yourself after working so hard in a day...it felt very much...enjoyable.

Only what's bothering me is the hurting heart and a hole inside of me. Those are...unexplainable. The pain I've been trying so hard to find the source and the cure to it. 

Loneliness is not helping at all. 

*Knock *Knock

As I was about to close my eyes and drown myself in dreamland, someone knocked at my door. 

I didn't recall any guests coming to my house today. Specifically, I didn't invite anyone to come today.

I'm in a mess.

Lazily, I approach my door without even bothering to see who is behind the door through the intercom. 

If that person is a thief well...just take everything, I guess. If that person is a killer...I guess it's my faith. So...just kill me. 

Once I open the door, I can smell the familiar scent of lavender. Very calm to the point I knew who that person is.

She's wearing a mask, a hat, and another black hoodie with black pants. Typical outfit when she's out.

Though I could only see her eyes, I still can't stop myself from being amazed at her beauty.

Guess that's the perk of being the most beautiful person in South Korea.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi"

Her gaze tells me she's worried and wondering. That's how easy for me to read her face. Aside from earlier at the radio show.

"Do you mind if we go somewhere?" She asked.

I never said no to her. Never once in my life. With just a nod, I open the door widely, welcoming her in, and told her to wait for me while I'm changing my outfit.

The theme is not to attract a lot of attention and you would like to remain unseen among the sea of people. Or else...you'll be eaten by them. 

You do know what I mean. I decided to wear something casual. After all, I'm just going out with Joohyun unnie. So, I'm wearing a jogger with a hoodie, a mask, and a hat.

Wearing a mask has been a habit if you're an idol. 

"Let's go," I said. 

 

It's very unusual of her. She never drives. Never. Perhaps she drives once in a time but she rarely does that because she prefers to walk. Especially when she's with me.

But I guess...things change. 

"I'm taking us somewhere far. That's why I brought my car. Oh and I brought snacks to at the back. I know you always eat snacks on a long drive," said Irene unnie.

She knows. No. She remembers. She remembers every little detail about me, about us red velvet. It's no longer a coincidence or a surprise anymore because I'm used to it.

"Thank you" is all I could say to her.

From the corner of my eyes, I can see her smile slightly with her eyes focused on the road. Not wanting us to get into an accident. She's always been very careful.

The best driver among the Red Velvet member. That's her unspoken job. Taking care of all of us. 

Even when no one asks her to...she always cares for everyone. More than she cares about herself. 

The whole drive was quiet. Only songs interrupt. I don't say much. Honestly...I didn't say anything. Neither does she. Seems like she's in deep thought and I don't want to disturb her. 

We have never been this awkward before...When I look back, we always have fun together. Until a week ago...I pull myself away. Wondering to myself why I did that. 

The only reason that makes sense to me is that I feel betrayed. By my own best friend. By Joohyun unnie. However, that reason seems not enough for me.

Perhaps for my heart. It says there's more but what? I wonder. 

Sometimes during the ride, I would glance at her. Staring at her beautiful side profile. It's true what people said on social media. She's pretty from every side of her.

Even when she's sitting beside me, all quiet, doing absolutely nothing but driving, she remains perfect. Just like the Goddess of Beauty. 

Her personality adds more to her beauty. 

Beautiful. 

Perfect. 

An Angel lost on earth. 

 

She turns off the engine as soon as we arrive at the place she never mentions where. Perhaps if she kidnapped me, I wouldn't mind at all. As long as I'm with her, I think I'll be fine. 

"Come on"

Technically, this place is familiar to me. We went here during our trainee days. When we felt exhausted from all the training and classes, we went there by bus. 

A familiar hill with beautiful scenery of the sky above us and the city across us. The sun has set. What a shame. Joohyun unnie loves the sky and she always took beautiful pictures of the sunset. 

I remember it always brings a smile to her face. She admires the beautiful orange and purple sky in the evening. Waiting for it to be eaten by the darkness. 

She walks to the top of the hill with a little jogging and I followed her slowly. Then she sits on the grass with her leg across each other. Just like an invitation, I sit next to her.

Enjoying the beautiful night sky with skyscrapers over us. Thinking back it's been a while since the last time we actually enjoyed the beautiful sky.

Our schedule is quite packed these past few months. Always on the road or inside the company building. Is this why she took me here? Just to enjoy a beautiful night sky?

No words were spoken after our arrival here. 

I wonder what should I say.

"It was beautiful what you said on the radio show," she said breaking the silence between us. 

Still talking about the radio show, I guess. Why is it such a big deal now? 

"I was just being honest," I said. 

"You're an honest person, Seulgi. I always admire that," she said without sparing any glances at me. 

"Which makes me wonder who is the person you were talking about," she said.

A person? 

I didn't talk about anyone. I was...telling what's in my mind. 

"What do you mean?" I asked turning myself to her. 

It took seconds for Joohyun unnie to answer my question. She turn herself to me, our eyes met and I can see her eyes telling me how surprised she is. More like disbelief. 

"Seulgi. What you said earlier...it was pure honesty. I know you. We know each other for over 10 years. Do you expect me to believe your lies just now?"

Maybe I was fooling myself to believe that everyone in that room believes I was just trying to entertain the audience with my honesty. When there's something else hidden. 

Something I didn't dare to reach or admit. 

"I guess I need to work harder," I said. 

Rather than saying anything, Joohyun unnie releases a rather heavy sigh than a chuckle. Which is beyond my expectation. She is usually a calm person. 

But this time, I saw the desperation in her eyes. 

"Seulgi-ah"

Her eyes are looking across the hill. Staring at the city light. Meanwhile, my eyes are locked on her. Somehow I could see the sadness on her face. 

Pain that I can't seem to describe and find where. Just like how my pain is. 

"I used to love someone, Seul. I think I still do, actually. I remember her beautiful eye smile. Her iconic monolid eyes. She was so determined to debut. She works very hard even today. She never gets tired, I guess. She is also a bit clumsy, you know. Somehow unable to throw an arrow properly. Oh! She also loves pringles very much. I told her once it could kill her but she shrugged it and say Pringles is my friend. It won't kill me"

The air suddenly felt cold. My heart beating so fast and my body felt numb. 

I keep listening. 

"One day, there was a thunderstorm. A big one. I went to her room and we cuddled. I remember she told me God was mad that day and I don't need to hear him getting angry. All I need to do is hear her voice. Singing to certain songs. It was a lullaby. Without realizing it, I drifted to sleep and woke up the next day with her still lying beside me. A small snore. It was cute" 

All she said...it was so familiar. The pain inside my heart is very painful. Like I'm getting a heart attack. I'm trying my best not to cry. Not when I'm with her. 

This is wrong.

This cannot be true.

"Does it sounds familiar to you, Seul?" 

It does. It does, unnie.

But I can't seem to find the nerve to say it. Her eyes are full of desperation. Pain. Loneliness. Something I have never seen before. It was as if her happiness was being away from her. 

After all this time, we share the same feeling. Only I was too dumb to realize it. 

What have I done? 

Her eyes are watery. Ready to fall. My heart sank to the bottom. Hurting as much as she does. Knowing the pain she has is caused by me. I'm the reason for her pain but at the same time, I was also her source of happiness. 

Things change so fast, didn't they? 

"Gosh. Why is it so hard for you to just admit your feeling, Seul?"

I can hear the desperation in her tone. The Joohyun unnie I knew wasn't like this. She was calm but not this time. I think the pain she's feeling has been lingering inside her.

Now, it begs her to come out. 

"The person I love is you, Seulgi. It's always been you"

Clenching my jaw hard. Hands clenching so hard beside me. Showing my knuckles turn to white. Nails hurting my palm which I don't mind at all right now. 

"Unnie"

"But I can't hurt, Wendy. I love her as much as I love you"

"It's not fair," I said. She scoff.

"We're talking about fair now, huh? Tell me how is it fair when you put me in a confused position, Seul?"

"I-"

"You never told me your feeling. I keep wondering...I keep giving you signals...but you never notice"

Signals...

Looking back...I think I was the one who wasn't aware of that. Why?

"If only...if only you were brave enough to admit your feeling...we could have been together a long time ago" 

Am I being selfish if I told her we still can do it, right now? 

It does sound selfish when I, myself never really confess my feeling to her. Meanwhile...Seungwan has the gut to admit it. I...I'm a coward.

"I'm sorry," that's all I could say to her.

Two people sitting on top of this hill. Crying together with the pain we caused together. Destiny is not with us, I guess. Her tears broke into million pieces.

While I...try very hard to remain strong. I want to be strong for her. Told her that I accept the consequences I didn't know. 

"I love you, Seul but I love Seungwan too"

"She's brave," I said.

"Seungwan...she...she was there for me. Loving me. Care for me. Just like how you did. But yours...wasn't enough," she said.

I have to accept the pain I caused, right? I'm here because of me, right? 

I shouldn't have cried. I should take responsibility for my own reckless action. These are the consequences of not being honest with myself.

Not admitting my feeling toward the person I love the most. Not realizing it sooner until someone stole my girl away. 

I lost her. I lost my...love.

"She was brave enough to confess, Seul. She makes me better"

"More than I do?" 

My body stiffens. Nervous to hear her answer. But I expected nothing less from her. The pain is too painful for me to bear. It grew numb to me. 

"More than you do" 

The night seems to be sad today. No wonder. It witnesses a very heartbreaking confession. Two people love each other so much but can't be together. 

One person wants the other. But the other has someone else feeling she needs to take care of. 

Sad, I know. 

"Unnie" I called her. But she didn't answer. She still mourning. 

Gently I grab her chin, push her face up, and force her to stare at me. I still can't believe I am the reason why her eyes are so red and watery right now. 

I used to make her smile. Laugh endlessly. Something I always cherish by the end of the day. 

But right now...I am the reason for her pain and tears.

"I want you...but I was too late," I said which make her cry even more. 

Hands pulling her closer. Engulfing her in my hug. Patting her back lightly. Assuring her that I am here but she knew I'm here as her friend. Nothing more. 

"I'm sorry, unnie. I'm sorry. Seungwan will take care of you. She will make you smile...she will make you happy...more than I do. I'm sorry for being an idiot dongsaeng. I guess...I really am an idiot"

 

My ideal type...is you, Joohyun unnie. I was describing you.