Dear Jeno, 

Sometimes, I wonder what you see in me. Our connection... I know that it's cosmic, sort of beyond who you and I are as people... but there has to be more, right? You must feel the way you do for me for some particular reason. But I can't for the life of me figure out why. I know I'm handsome and I can charm anybody, but those sorts of men come a dime a dozen. I have money but I can't share that with you in the way I want. In fact, I can't even share myself with you in the way I want. 

So please, enlighten me. I promise I'm not fishing for compliments. Well, maybe I am a little. But I want to understand every single part of you, my love, and part of that is understanding why you love me. 

God, what I wouldn't do to kiss your pretty lips again. 

Love, Jaemin. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Dearest Jaemin, 

You fool. You pretty, pretty fool. How could you ever wonder about that? I guess I haven't made it obvious enough. I've got five senses, so I've got five different ways to understand my love for you. 

I know I love you when I see you in the morning when you first wake up, with blurry eyes and messed up hair. And I know I love you just the same when I see you at the restaurant, in a suit and perfect hair. When I see that gorgeous grin of yours, sitting on my kitchen counter and catching my eye for a moment when I'm on the clock. Your body... don't even get me started on your body. But so, so much more than all of that, I know I love you when I see the way you look at a cup of Folger's coffee, at the trees, at me. When I see your handwriting in my mailbox, reading your intelligent, kind, loving letters. Most of all I love seeing the way you move in the world, treating everything and everyone with so much kindness and respect. 

I know I love you when I smell the night air, knowing I'm going to see you soon. I love you when I smell the end of an old fashioned in your glass, because I'll forever associate that drink with you. I love the smell of my soap on your skin. And I love the smell of you after a long day at work, before the shower. I know I'm gross, but it's...you. And I love you. 

I know I love you when I hear the sound of your voice. It's always low and always gentle, when talking to my coworkers or to the stranger you accidentally bumped into on the street. I've never heard anger or frustration in it, every when someone spills all over your suit. I know I love you when you ramble and when you tell me you love me. I know I love you when I hear you speak, late at night and first thing in the morning and when I'm on top of you, rough and a bit strained but free, somehow. I know I love you when I hear you laugh, especially the laugh you do when it's just us two, curled over with a smile that spreads across your whole face. 

I know I love you when I taste coffee and mint on your tongue, or when I eat food from the restaurant, knowing how much you enjoy it. I know I love you when I taste your skin or gel, from a clump of your hair that accidentally got in my mouth when we kissed. Sometimes, I almost feel like I can taste your smile. 

I know I love you when I feel your skin against my own, your lips against my body, my cheek, my lips, your hands intertwined with my own. I know I love you when no words need to even be said and I can just feel that you love me, when I can feel everything that you feel just by being around you. 

Why do I love you? Because everything you do is rooted in respect. And because you're you. And I think I was born to love you. 

Love, Love, Love, Jeno. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Everything Jaemin did was rooted in respect, Jeno meant it. Everything except... them. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Jeno, 

It's a little bit sad, but beautiful, that despite how little time we've known one another, every one of the top five moments of my life includes you. Reading your letter earlier counts as one of those moments. I could barely even move for minutes, glued into place, reading your letter over and over. I...I never thought I'd be loved so much, by anyone. That fact that it is you who loves me this way... I'm just so, so lucky. I need to spend every day giving gratitude for the gift of you that I've received. And make sure you know that I love you just the same. Yes, with each one of my senses too. 

Jeno, I know I love you because I knew I loved you the first time I saw you. People sometimes say that love at first sight is really just lust at first sight, but I know that's not true. I've felt lust before. When I saw you that first time... it was different. I knew it then and I knew it now. I know I love you when I see you puttering around your kitchen, not really knowing where anything goes even though it's your apartment. I see your smile and you in just your boxers and you in your button-up at work and you in your bicycling clothes and I know I love you. I know I love you when I see your glow after working out outside. I know I love you when I see the way your expression changes when you notice me at the restaurant. 

I know I love you when I smell the warmth on your skin, cuddling beneath the blankets. I know I love you when I smell you making coffee for us before I'm even fully awake. I know I love you when I smell the scent of fresh bread and wine at the restaurant, knowing I'm about to see you, even if it's just for a quiet word and a glance or two. 

I know I love you when I hear you giggle at me for not knowing something obvious. I know I love you when I hear you talking on the phone with your mom, so much gentle love in your voice, even if you are whining like a little boy. I know I love you when I hear you mumble in my ear in your sleep. I can never decipher the words you're trying to say, but somehow, I always get what you mean. I know I love you when you tell me good morning. I wish I could hear you say it every single day. 

I know I love you when I taste myself on your tongue and when I taste the coffee you've made me. I know I love you when I taste just about anything, really, and wish I was tasting it with you. 

I know I love you because you know just how to touch me, in every context. You always know how to make me feel exactly the way I need to feel in that moment. I know I love you when I feel the roughness of your fingerpads and when I can feel how much you love me with no words or touches. Yes, I feel the same way you do. It's like... we were meant to be, you know? Nothing, nothing could have kept us apart. And nothing will keep us apart. 

Love, Jaemin. 

~~~~~~~~~~

It was hard for Jeno to think of how stupid he was being when Jaemin's lips were on his mouth and Jaemin's hands were squeezing his waist, grinding against him, a button or two of theirs, Jeno wasn't sure whose, popping off of their nice shirts. 

Jeno was being stupid, though. This was the third time this week they'd snuck off to go make out in the bathroom at the Sign of the Dove. It was truly a miracle that they hadn't been caught. 

Maybe if one of Jeno's coworkers walked in, they'd assume it was two waiters or something. After all, Jaemin's suit pants looked an awful lot like the pressed slacks the waitstaff had to wear on the clock. But based on context... if they remembered Jeno and Jaemin's early flirtation... if they noticed Jeno missing from the floor and Jaemin missing from his table... they'd be ed. They'd be so, utterly, completely, ed. 

So Jeno forced his mouth off of Jaemin's, as painful as it was. 

"J-Jaemin," Jeno stuttered, his voice hoarse, in the quietest whisper he could manage. "We're so ed, if we get caught. W-we can't." 

Jaemin didn't speak. He just let out a half whine, half moan against Jeno's mouth. And how was Jeno supposed to resist that? 

So he pushed down his worry, slammed Jaemin against the bathroom door, the cheap metal hinges rattling, and captured his pretty, pretty lips again. 

And when Jaemin undid the button and zip of Jeno's pants with shaky hands, reaching inside, Jeno was really stuck. In the best way possible. 

Jeno had to pull away to catch his breath, Jaemin never stopping, Jeno resting his head on Jaemin's strong, broad shoulder. 

"It's kind of funny, isn't it?" Jeno breathed out. 

Jaemin chuckled a little, keeping up his movements. "Kind of." 

It was kind of funny... doing it in a bathroom stall on the clock. If Jeno was on the other side of it, walking in on what they were doing, he knew he'd probably have a quick laugh and save it as juicy gossip, no judgment. 

But things were different. It wasn't just a hot customer and one of his coworkers screwing around. It was a powerful, married man who regularly brought in his very very nice wife who had no idea what her husband was up to at his favorite restaurant. What they were doing... it could never be a silly moment between barely adults in a public bathroom. It was... a gross violation of trust. 

Jeno's coworkers would never understand what they had. But maybe they didn't need to. 

. It was so unfair! Life was so cruel, to not allow them to be stupid kids together. 

Jeno took a deep breath. , man, Jaemin knew what he was doing. And what a waste of these few moments to spend them ruminating on something that wasn't going to change. Even if the weight of that ruminating was beginning to grow in Jeno's swirling mind. 

"Love you," Jeno whispered in Jaemin's ear before kissing him with everything he had. 

"Love you too," Jaemin spoke against Jeno's mouth, muffled by their kisses. "Love you so much." 

And Jeno forced himself to forget how to think and just ing feel.