Friday nights littered with kisses and Saturday mornings with Folger's coffee and no breakfast rapidly became Jeno's normal life. Those nights, with stolen restaurant glances and stolen sick days on the side, became the moments that Jeno woke up for every day. But Jeno knew what they were, that those moments were stolen, that they weren't his to keep. They weighed like a small pebble in his heart, slowly growing mass. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear, dear, dearest Jaemin, 

Can you see me this Friday? I know we just met up on Monday... and we saw each other last Friday... but I miss you. Oh god Jaemin I miss you. 

You looked so pretty that day we hiked together. You don't mind if I call you pretty, right? Seeing you in that pretty light, you just looked like... my pretty baby. That's the only way I can describe it. 

You know, I wish all customers at the restaurant were like you. Yesterday was pretty tough, to be honest. It was packed, on a ing Wednesday, so I wasn't mentally prepared. Then this group of older ladies came in... they each sent their food back at least once. AND THEN... I got an 8 top. Of frat boys. Bragging that they were paying with their daddy's card... and they didn't leave a tip. LIKE IF IT'S NOT YOUR MONEY WHY NOT LEAVE A TIP?! Not to get down on rich people because I know you're a rich people, but it's never the other kinds of people that act like that. In the service industry it's easy to feel invisible. But those people make me feel sub human. 

Ugh. I miss you. After days like that, all I want is to curl up in your arms and hear you tell me that everything is going to be okay. Not that I don't want to do that all the time... it just feels less like a want and more like a need when life gets hard. 

Jaemin, my baby, please come to my apartment. There aren't any maids or servants like at your place, but I'll take care of you there. Let me know about Friday ASAP so I can be ready. Mentally...and physically ;)

Love,

Jeno

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Jeno, 

I can do Friday. Of course I can do Friday. It doesn't matter that we've seen each other a lot lately. Actually, it does matter, because somehow it's still not enough. I'll make Friday work. For you, I'll make anything work. And I'll be anything you want. If you want me to be pretty, I'm pretty. If you think I'm pretty, I'm pretty. 

I know what you mean, about disrespect. I see the way my coworkers treat the janitors and coffee-grabbers at the office and waitstaff and workers who serve them on their off time. It ing disgusts me. It disgusts me because I know the way their minds work...we want so bad for them to just be filled with ignorance but really, it's malice. Those women and frat boys...they weren't just being callous. I'm more than familiar with those types; I spent my whole life around them. They meant to hurt you, to feel better about themselves. 

And it makes me want to hurt them. 

Somehow, I promise, I'll stop being a coward and do it. One day, I'll find a way. 

And after I get back at them, all of them, for their ing disrespect, I'll hold you. I'll hold you and tell you everything is going to be okay, because when it's just us, it is all going to be okay. God, Jeno, you take care of me in so many ways. I hope one day I can take of you the same. it, I'm not going to hope. One day I will take care of the same, I will, I promise. I'll hold you and tell you everything is going to be okay.

Holding you is a need, up there with food and water and shelter. It's a need for me too. You know my desperation, right? I'm sure you do. I almost don't have to say it because I know you know but I want to say it anyways, to remind you, to remove all doubt from your mind. 

I'll see you Friday. I'll spend every other day waiting for Friday.

Love, 

Jaemin. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Jeno wasn't sure it was late Friday night or early Saturday morning when he and Jaemin laid in his bed together. Jeno lazily carded his fingers through Jaemin's hair. It was soft but still slightly wet, his usual gel all washed out from the shower they'd taken together earlier. 

It was pitch black out but both of them were up; Jeno could tell by Jaemin's breathing. They'd slept for a few hours after their shared shower. They should've been tired; they'd both gone to work and thoroughly wore each other out when they finally met up. But they were both awake nonetheless. Maybe because they craved each other's company so badly even the middle of the night couldn't keep them apart. 

Jaemin turned to look at Jeno, most of his body still laid on top of Jeno's. His eyes caught the glow from the streetlights, peeking out of the gaps in Jeno's curtains. Jeno pushed Jaemin's dark hair back, only for it to flop in front of his face again. He let his hand rest on the back of Jaemin's neck. 

"It should be like this always," Jeno whispered. 

Jaemin traced Jeno's lips with firm fingers, as if to tell him to be quiet. Jeno couldn't read his expression in the dark. 

He kissed Jaemin firmly, deliberately, and he was home. When they pulled away, Jeno could feel Jaemin's quickened breaths fanning across his face. 

"Jeno I love you," Jaemin mumbled, so quick Jeno barely understood, and slammed their lips together before Jeno could answer. 

Jeno's heart felt like it was going to burst, pressing his whole self against Jaemin's body. But he wanted to answer, he had to answer, so he held onto Jaemin's arms and released his mouth. 

He looked up at Jaemin staring with wide eyes, shaking a little in his grasp. 

"Oh baby... I love you too. So much." 

Jaemin shut his eyes and exhaled, and Jeno could feel every ounce of tension release from Jaemin's body. 

Jaemin opened his eyes again slowly and took his time to lean in close. 

"I love you," Jaemin mumbled against his lips and kissed him again, languidly this time. Jeno followed, letting himself bask in this feeling for the very first time. He loved. And he was loved. 

"I love you," Jeno said lowly as he pulled away. 

"I love you too." There was a smile in Jaemin's voice but when Jeno reached up to cup his cheek, there was wetness on his skin. 

Jeno pulled Jaemin down so their foreheads rested together. 

"I love you," he whispered. 

"I love you too," Jaemin mouthed, barely visible in the dark. 

Jeno looked up at his love. And as corny as it was, he could've looked up at him forever. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear sweet baby Jaemin, 

I've been floating on a cloud since the other night. I feel so stupid and silly, but so out of it that I can't even be mad at myself for saying I'm stupid and silly. 

I'm glad you said it first. Even though I really feel that way, I would've been too scared to say those words to you. So, thank you. Thank you for having the courage I don't. Because now that we've said it, I don't think I can live without knowing your feelings. 

People throw the words I love you around pretty casually, which isn't a bad thing. Love is a beautiful thing and saying it makes anything you want beautiful. But in this context...the context of, I dunno, love? Love between two people who have no outside obligation to each other, who love each other just because they love each other, you know? But to say I love you in this context feels so beautiful and magical and right. 

Hope that makes sense. It's after work and I'm rambling, as usual. I wish I could say this to you in person but I just have to get it out, and the closest thing to you I have is paper and a pencil and a stamp and an envelope. So I'll get it all out in this letter to you. And maybe one day, I can tell you everything I want to say in person. 

I hope one day we don't need the letters. I really, really hope so Jaemin. 

This is so stupid but sometimes it feels like my love is getting too big for the letters, and it's going to break the letters open. Does that make sense? 

Not much makes sense in life, I think, generally. But you make sense. And you can usually make sense of my silly words. 

I hope I never get off of that cloud. I want to stay on that cloud, made of your love, forever. 

Love, 

Jeno

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear my love Jeno, 

I did something a little stupid. I bought us a car. I mean, Jeno, I've bought cars before. I already have a few cars actually. But this car is different...it's a used car. I bought it on craigslist. Have you ever used craigslist? It's a strange site. Well, I bought a used car from craigslist. It's a grey toyota from 2005. I've never bought a toyota or a used car before. And I bought a parking space at a garage a few blocks from my house, even though I have enough space in my garage for a couple more cars.

But it's our car. Nobody is gonna recognize me in a car like that. I can take us places and go to your house and do, almost, anything in that car. That's why I'm calling it our car. Jeno, my love, you deserve a rolls royce, a mercedes, something beautiful and nice. But we have to do what we have to do, so our car is going to be a seventeen year old toyota. But it's ours. And to me, anything that's ours is special. 

Jeno... I always wanted a man, ever since I can remember. And you're... a man, a real man. Everything I've always wanted. I think I would've loved you even if I'd never seen your face, if all I'd done was hear you speak and read your letters, hear about how you lived your life. 

This is all just me saying how grateful I am that we get to be each other's love. That you are my love and I am yours. You have given me something that I thought I would never have in my entire life. And it's the most precious thing I've ever had, and that I ever will have. 

Tell me when you have the time, when you're free, and we can take our car and get away. Somewhere we won't be recognized, where we can be free, just for a night. Just us and our car. 

I hope I haven't bored you with all of my car talk. It's just.... it's so nice to have something tangible, that's all ours, and just ours. 

Love, love, love, love, love, 

Jaemin