— Am I being too much?Or I'm just not enough?

 

 

 

Yurina's

 

 

 

What could've been wrong? What's happening to us now? 

 

 

 

Right now I've been questioning myself countless times, Xiaoting's been acting different, she totally changed right after she debuted even before I proposed to her. I know there's something off I'm just forcing myself to shrug it off but this time I don't know what to do anymore, it hurts.

 

 

 

 

Is it wrong now for me to hope that you shouldn't have debuted right from the start?That you shouldn't have debuted especially with her, that it'll be better if we shouldn't got to debut

 

 

 

 

But no, that was your dream come true and I have no rights to take it away from you or even stop you from still pursuing it, you're so happy and I promised to myself that no matter what happens I'll still support you, I'll be happy for you but why am I starting to get hurt now? 

 

 

 

 

I should be happy for you, right? Even though it seems that your happiness is the exchanged of my pain that I'm feeling

 

 

 

 

"Xiaoting I'm sorry, I don't think I can longer fulfill my promises to you" I whisper to her as I can't help not to breakdown while she's asleep.

 

 

 

 

She's still the sweetest and soft person that I met, but her feelings for me changed a lot. I can't feel the same love that she's been giving me before. I've been enduring this for almost a year now, been keeping it all by myself. I feel that she's no longer happy with me, I thought if we're engage it will be fine, we will be fine.

 

 

 

 

But I'm wrong, it gotten worse

 

 

 

 

I got interrupted by my thought when she starts to move from her sleep, I decided to go quickly inside the bathroom because she'll see me crying.

 

 

 

 

"Ai?" I heard her voice as I walk towards the sink. "Yurina?" I gulp so hard as I looked at myself at the mirror.

 

 

 

 

"Yes baobei?"

 

 

 

 

"Where are you?"

 

 

 

 

"Bathroom, just done taking a shower"

 

 

 

 

"Quick please, I'll show you something here at the balcony!" She shouted as I wash my face, as I went outside I immediately stop and just stare at her back, she's looking at the sky, I walk towards her as I gently hug her back, I felt her hand quickly caress my hands and arms.

 

 

 

 

"What is it?"

 

 

 

 

"Look up, it's so pretty"

 

 

 

 

As I look up, I saw the moon, it's shining brightly above us. It suddenly becomes quiet so I decided to pull away as I face her to me, I held her face.

 

 

 

"The moon is so beautiful isn't it, Xiaoting?" I told her.

 

 

 

Please say it back, you know it

 

 

 

Instead of speaking she wears her small smile as she slowly hugs me, and this is the moment my heart slowly breaks into pieces.

 

 

 

Because you used to say 'I love you too'

 

 

 

"Yurina"

 

 

 

"Hmm?"

 

 

 

"Will you still love or forgive me if ever I did something wrong that could ruin our relationship?"

 

 

 

Pang, I felt a pang inside my chest as Xiaoting asked me, I held her even closer.

 

 

 

 

"Baby it depends on what you did, if it's still forgiveable or not." I stop as I pulled away, I can see a sorrow look in her eyes. "Love could fade in a matter of time sometimes, everything in a relationship could change in just one snap."

 

 

 

 

Maybe you have your reasons why

 

 

 

A moment of silence, I can feel her grip at the hem of my shirt. I tried my best not to get emotional.

 

 

 

"Why?"

 

 

 

She shook her head. "Hmm nothing, let's just stay like this for awhile" she said as she continously hugs me.

 

 

 

"Xiaoting, about the engagement—" I didn't got to finish on what I'm about to say as she loosen her hug to me.

 

 

 

 

"Can we not talk about that for now?"

 

 

 

I sighed. "Alright" I said as I frowned. She broke the hug.

 

 

"Let's sleep I suddenly became sleepy" she said as she turn her back to me and went back inside.

 

 

 

She's always like that everytime I talk about our engagement, she always changes the topic and it makes me think and blame myself, she said before that she wasn't ready about it, maybe it's my fault that's why she became like this, because I proposed to her, publicly.

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

Flashback

 

 

 

 

 

I was standing here almost losing my because how nervous I am right now, my hands are slightly trembling and sweating, I'm gonna propose to Xiaoting tonight, my other friends and my parents are here with me, we're just waiting for Xiaoting to arrive because I said to her that we're gonna only have a dinner with my family but the truth is I prepared a surprise proposal that I only myself know. I don't know if this will be the good idea and great timing but I'll give it a shot, I don't wanna regret in the end. As I was keep pacing back and forth I now can see Xiaoting walking not far from me, I raised my right hand as I wave at her, she finally saw me and slightly ran towards me wearing her precious smile. But before she got to hug me I saw her co-members not far, we finally able to hug each other.

 

 

 

 

Wait what, why did she—

 

 

 

 

"Hello ai I missed you" Xiaoting said as she kissed my right cheek

 

 

 

 

"I missed you more baobei" I said as I gently pinched her nose, she notice that I was glancing at her co-members so she chuckles as she held my face.

 

 

 

 

"You and your confuse face, your mom called me earlier told me to bring them with me, so yeah.."

 

 

 

 

"Ow okay, come now they're waiting for you the food is also ready" I said smiling as I held her hand, I signalled her co-members to come as well as they follow us.

 

 

—

 

 

 

My parents have known her for almost a year now and we've been together for almost 2 years, I didn't introduce her to my parents that quick by the thought that they'll not accept what I am and what Xiaoting and I have. But I'm very thankful that the moment my dad asked me if I have a boyfriend and he included the 'girlfriend' part, that was the moment I sudden came out to them and they heartfully accepted what I am and my relationship with Xiaoting. On the other hand, Xiaoting's parents seems not to— I was interrupted with my own thoughts as I heart someone speaks from the microphone not far from our table.

 

 

 

 

This is it, it's starting. I stood up and excuse myself lied that I'll just go to the restroom. The person who'm I might say a host went at the middle holding a wireless microphone.

 

 

 

 

"A pleasant evening to everyone! As you can see we will have a special surprise that about to happen tonight! So if you all may excuse me, may I call on miss Xiaoting Shen to come here infront." The host said and I can clearly see the shock yet confuse face of my girlfriend as she points at herself, not too long she went at the middle beside the host, the host gave her a smile.

 

 

 

 

"What a gorgeous young lady we have here Kep1er's Xiaoting, I know you might be confused by now, may I ask if you have any idea on your mind right now why I called you here?" The host asked as she gave Xiaoting another mic.

 

 

 

 

 

"Uhm yeah, I'm really confused right now" Xiaoting said as the crowd laughs and I chuckled. "Uhh, I don't remember if we have a somewhat surprise performance here for tonight. Guys didn't you inform me?" She asked pointing out her co-members as they shook their head.

 

 

 

 

A staff approach me as she handed me the bouquet of red tulips that I ordered awhile ago along with the mic, the piano starts playing as I took a deep breathe as I fix the outfit that I'm wearing, I'm going to dedicate her a song.

 

 

 

♪ What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind?
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

 

 

 

I didn't leave my gaze at her as I continue singing, she now keeps rotating h