Kibum had been standing beside the driveway of Jinki’s house for the past 2 hours, trying to muster up the courage to walk up to the brown oak door and knock. The slip of paper which Jonghyun had handed to him with the address was currently clenched in his fist, crumpled and wrinkled from his overactive nerves. He had been pacing up and down, sitting down and then standing up, trying to work out in his head what to say to his boyfriend’s parents.

The thing was, Kibum was currently just drawing a blank. He had absolutely no idea what to say.

For the umpteenth time, he was questioning where in the world did he get such an idea from. Indeed, it sounded simple enough when he was talking to Jonghyun. Get right down to the root of the problem, isn’t it? Yet, the root here seems much more complex than he initially thought.

As though the situation could not be made worse, Kibum had only slightly over an hour left until Jinki’s soccer practice ended. Time was running out for him. If he did not do it now, he’s pretty sure he would chicken out forever and never come back. 

Kibum sighed and closed his eyes in frustration, hands trembling visibly from nervousness.

He was doing this for Jinki. He had to.

Taking a deep breath, Kibum walked up to the door and knocked.

He rocked slightly on the balls of his feet so that he wouldn’t feel his knees knocking together.

No answer.

Kibum raised his hand to knock again on the door.

But before he could do that, a soft, plaintive voice from behind him reached his ears.

“Who are you?”

****

Slightly startled, Kibum turned around and locked eyes with a small, petite woman sporting medium length brown hair. 

Behind her stood a tall, burly man with sharp eyes and an authoritative air about him, and Kibum could see his eyes instantly narrow in suspicion.

The man, whom Kibum assumed to be Jinki’s father, spoke up next.

“Can we help you with anything?”

Kibum’s brain struggled to find something appropriate to say, and in his half-afraid, half-excited state he blurted out “I’m here to talk to you about Jinki.”

At the mention of Jinki’s name, Jinki’s father’s eyes widened.

“What about Jinki? Have you found him? Are you a friend of his?”

Silence reigned yet again. Kibum’s mind was filled with a blank buzzing, and he was tempted to bolt, but his feet stayed rooted to the ground.

Suddenly, Kibum felt a soft hand wrap around his. He looked at Jinki’s mother in surprise, and was pleasantly shocked when he felt the warmth and affection emanating from the petite woman. Kibum looked into her eyes, and in there he saw – was he imagining things?- comprehension and understanding.

It was then that Kibum finally understood.

This woman may not be related to Jinki in any way, but he saw Jinki’s image in her. The soft, gentle demeanor he had been so enamoured with in Jinki was present in her. The warmth Kibum could feel in her touch was exactly similar to what he felt when Jinki held him close.

Most of all, Kibum could feel the maternal affection in her touch; something which he has never experienced before. Sure, he had an uncle who cared for him and loved him all the same, but maternal love just felt different somehow. Her touch was warm, fuelled by the love of a mother towards her son. In it, Kibum could feel the pain, the hurt and the longing for her son who ran away without an explanation.

Jinki’s mother smiled then; a warm, gentle smile undoubtedly identical to Jinki’s.

“How about you come in, my dear?”

****

Kibum certainly never would have imagined things to play out like this. He was sitting on the sofa in his boyfriend’s house, a hot cup of tea in his hands and Jinki’s mother next to him. Jinki’s father was seated across from them, silent and contemplative.

Jinki’s mother reached out for Kibum’s hand again, squeezing it gently. “You speak first, dear. Tell us everything you know, and take your time.”

Kibum nodded, smiling at the sincerity in her voice and took a deep breath to begin.

“Eomeonim, apeonim, I know you both must be worried sick about Jinki. First, he’s perfectly safe and fine. He’s currently staying with me and my ahjusshi. He’s eating and sleeping well, so don’t worry. I see to that personally.”

Kibum thought he saw a brief upward twitch of Jinki’s mother’s lip, but dismissed the thought, and focused on the matter at hand.

“Years ago, I was in the same orphanage as Jinki hyung. We basically grew up together in that cheerless place, and made it a home for ourselves. We were close as can be, so you can imagine what happened when Jinki got adopted. I was suddenly left all alone in that place.”

Kibum closed his eyes as he let himself be engulfed by the memories of the orphanage. The plaintive whining and crying of sick children, their moans of pain, the harsh barks of the orphanage caretakers…it was all coming back to him now, in a chorus of terrifying sounds.

“It was terrible. I cried for Jinki hyung every day and every night, and the orphanage got so frustrated with me they beat me up to make me stop. I never did stop though, but one day the beating got so bad they lamed me for life.”

A sharp gasp was heard, and right after that, Kibum felt his trembling hands encased in the warm, soft delicate hands of Jinki’s mother, and he was grateful for the touch. Jinki’s father frowned at this new piece of information, suddenly looking all stern and serious.

Kibum shivered slightly, recalling how he sat howling in pain for hours after the beating.

“I don’t know how I got through life there like this, but somehow I did. I got my lucky break not long after, when my birth father’s brother came to pick me up from the orphanage one day and brought me back to live with him. His care and love did a lot for me emotionally, and I was slowly healing, but I never did  forget hyung and the promise we made as children.”

Flashback

“Together forever, right, hyung?” Little Kibum said, snuggling into Jinki’s side as the two boys curled up together in bed one stormy night.

“Yes, Kibummie, I promise. Together forever.” Little Jinki stuck out his pudgy pinky finger, and Kibum stuck his out, linking them in a pinky promise.

Kibum smiled fondly at the memories, and lifted his eyes to look at Jinki’s parents.

“I never knew how huge Korea was, eomeonim, apeonim, until I tried to search for Jinki hyung. I still went back to the orphanage frequently to visit the children there and play with them, and I tried to get some information regarding Jinki from the administration, but they wouldn’t tell me anything and they said that such records were kept confidential. I felt like I was hitting a dead end.”

Jinki’s mother, by now, was rubbing soft comforting circles with her thumb on the back of Kibum’s hands. It amused Kibum how similar Jinki was to her; the older boy loved to do this to Kibum whenever they were cuddled up together, or just sitting beside each other. It finally struck Kibum that Jinki’s loving antics towards him were probably all borne out of the woman sitting beside him right now. With that thought in mind, he felt even more guilty thinking of the pain that Jinki had brought to his parents by leaving home.

“Just when I thought all hope was lost, and in a real of luck, my ahjusshi ended up becoming the coach in charge of Jinki hyung’s school soccer team. That was how I was initially alerted to the fact that I may truly have found Jinki hyung again. He let me sneak into the school to watch soccer practices, and even watch Jinki.”

Kibum sighed as he stared listlessly at his right leg, an eternal reminder of his ordeal at the orphanage and what he had lost.

“I knew it was him but I didn’t even dare to approach him. I was scared of what he may think of me, and at the same time I wasn’t even sure if he really would remember me. He was after all, adopted by a nice, caring and loving couple, so why would he remember a silly promise made in childhood?”

Jinki’s mother tenderly Kibum’s hair, the gesture comforting and warm just like his hyung’s touch.

“Of course, after a while I learnt that I had too little faith in hyung. He came to the orphanage for me one day, while I was there, and that was where we met again.”

Kibum was about to continue but at this point, he was stopped by Jinki’s mother.

“It’s ok, darling. We know the rest. You don’t have to continue.”

Kibum looked imploringly up at Jinki’s parents.

“Eomeonim, apeonim, I love Jinki hyung. I really do. All these years, I was going crazy wondering where he was, what he was doing, if he still loved me. When I found him again, I felt like a part of me which died off a long time ago came back to life. I know I’m being selfish but I really cannot live without him by my side.”

A tear escaped Kibum’s left eye, and rolled down his cheek slowly.

“I know Jinki has always been a good son, and while it may be unorthodox for him to love another boy, our feelings for each other are nothing but pure and sincere. Can i….can I request for eomeonim and apeonim to let me love Jinki hyung and for Jinki hyung to do the same? Please?”

Kibum really didn’t want to cry in front of Jinki’s parents, but he just couldn’t help it. It wasn’t quite the thought of Jinki’s parents rejecting him that scared him, but it was really the thought of them being unable to accept Jinki which really got to him. He loved Jinki but he didn’t want Jinki to lose his parents’ love because of him. He felt remorseful and guilty because he felt like he was being a real selfish prick for wanting Jinki to himself when he knew that his parents also wanted Jinki as a good son, and being together with Kibum would mean that their obedient little boy may not be viewed favourably in the eyes of others.

Jinki’s mother then reached over and hugged Kibum tightly. Kibum, who never felt the embrace of a mother, began to cry even harder. 

“We’re sorry Kibum. We’re sorry for taking Jinki away from you, and we’re sorry that you had to go through so much at such a young age.”

Kibum sniffled and looked up at Jinki’s mother. “No, eomeonim, it’s not your fault.”

Jinki’s mother smiled and ruffled Kibum’s hair lovingly. “No, darling, it’s nobody’s fault. Honestly, Jinki has spoken to us about this before, but he left us before we could even speak to him properly. It hurt when he shut us out and refused to listen to us, but now that we’ve heard your piece, we know that our son hasn’t changed one bit. He’s able to love and protect another wholeheartedly, and that really is good enough for us, nevermind if the person Jinki chooses is a boy or a girl.”

Jinki’s father, who had mostly been silent throughout, finally spoke up. “Jinki is a good boy. He still is. I just wished that he spoke to us properly about this. It would have saved us a lot of worry, not to mention saved you and your ahjusshi a lot of trouble by having to accommodate him at your place. He didn’t have faith in us as his parents to love him for who he is. Sure, he’s different, but that doesn’t make us love him any less. I just hope that after this, he’ll be able to understand that we love him not because of his achievements or what he has done, but because of who he is. And Kibum, I’m sure you agree with me on this.”

The stern expression on Jinki’s father’s face finally gave way to an easygoing smile, his eyes twinkling.

“Kibum, dear?” Jinki’s mother’s soft tone broke the brief silence.

“Yes eomeonim?”

“Please….tell Jinki to come home. Our door is always open for him. We miss him so much.” These words were nearly whispered, the gentle woman’s eyes swimming in affection and longing.

Kibum could feel his heart breaking for her.

****

Kibum felt like his nerves were set on autopilot when he stepped into his apartment. Judging from the time, as well as the great stash of soccer equipment and bags in the living room, he knew that Jinki was already home from practice.

The experience over at Jinki’s house had been nothing short of surprising for Kibum. He had expected Jinki’s foster parents to be hard, demanding and unrelenting people. Given the way that Jinki was handling the situation, this conclusion did not seem to be a far-fetched one for Kibum. Yet, now that he has met them, he couldn’t help but feel how wrong his boyfriend was to have treated his parents in that manner.

Worst of all, he felt immensely guilty. He knew it was irrational to feel this way, but it was really because of him that Jinki reacted this way.

He can still remember the hurt in Jinki’s parents’ eyes when they recounted how Jinki didn’t even give them a chance to speak to him properly.

Kibum had started towards his room, too absorbed into his own thoughts to notice Jinki leaning against the doorframe, staring at him.

Before he knew it, he felt a pair of soft lips press gently against his for a moment and pull away quickly, and Jinki’s goofy grin materialised in front of him.

Surveying his boyfriend’s features, Kibum must admit that Jinki looked cute; hair still wet and tousled from his shower, goofy grin showing off his rows of white pearly teeth.

“I hope you’re thinking of me.” Jinki grinned even wider.

“Huh?” Kibum countered, slightly thrown off-guard by the sudden statement.

“You had this really dazed but adorable expression on your face, and you know I’m a er for all the times you look cute. I can only hope that there’s only me up in that beautiful head of yours.”

Kibum bit his bottom lip, silently contemplating how he should broach the topic with his boyfriend. Truth be told, he was genuinely upset with Jinki. He was here; being completely carefree and untroubled, while his parents were back home, worried sick and fretting over his safety.

And Kibum himself was an accomplice, though an unwilling one in actual fact.

Jinki’s smile slowly began to fade when he noticed the unnatural stillness and quietness from the younger boy.

“Kibummie? Is something wrong?”

“Hyung….”

“Please don’t scare me Bummie, tell me what’s wrong. Why are you like this? Has something happened?”

Kibum sighed.

“Hyung, I went to see your parents.”

Jinki’s eyes first registered surprise. Then anxiety. And then developed into full-blown panic.

“You went to see them? How do you even know where I live? And did they say anything to you to hurt you? They-“

“Hyung,” the single word was spoken but there was something different about it. There was a touch of annoyance and lament in Kibum’s tone which Jinki had never heard before.

“Just so you know, they were far from that. They were very nice and understanding, and treated me well. And just so you know too, you broke their hearts when you left them without a word. You’re their precious only son, hyung. How could you do that to them?”

Jinki was at a loss. Kibum had never gotten upset with him before this and now he realised that he didn’t know how to handle Kibum or soothe him in this state.

“I never had the privilege of having parents, to experience true paternal and maternal love. You had that privilege, but you threw it away for your own needs. You have no idea what I will be willing to give up to experience a love like that.” Without Kibum even realising it, tears were rolling down his face again for the second time that day.

Jinki reached out to cup Kibum’s face in his hand, but Kibum moved away from his touch and walked away.

Kibum’s last words pierced right through Jinki’s heart.

“I’m awfully disappointed in you, hyung.”

As Jinki stared at Kibum’s retreating back, he realised that there were so many questions he had that were left unanswered, but none of those mattered anymore.

He just wanted Kibum back.

****

The night was chilly and still, silent except for the occasional hum of a passing car on the road the apartment was situated on.

The two boys were lying together on Kibum’s bed. However, things were different tonight.

On any other day, there would hardly be an inch of space between the two boys, as Jinki wraps an arm around Kibum, spooning him from behind and sniffing the addicting scent of his strawberry-scented shampoo, letting the sweet, tender and unassuming presence of the younger boy lure him to a sweet dreamland.

Tonight, Kibum had strayed to the outermost edge of his bed, and left a space between his and Jinki’s bodies. Jinki’s hand was currently lying in that empty space, feeling cold and craving for the warm tinge of Kibum’s skin.

It was not like Kibum was outright refusing to have any contact with Jinki, but Jinki really did not know how to approach the younger boy when he was in such a mood. His anger, though not excessive, unnerved and displaced Jinki in every way that he thought possible.

God knows how Kibum even managed to meet his parents. Looks like Kibum was certainly a lot more capable than he had thought.

Of course, Jinki thought. Having to go through his growing years in that hellhole of an orphanage must have hardened him beyond anything else.

The night stretched on listlessly, and from the even sounds of breathing from the other side of the bed, Jinki knew that Kibum had fallen asleep. But he himself was wide awake, thoughts coursing through his overactive mind, replaying Kibum’s words to him like a mantra.

And he was subconsciously starting to reflect on his actions.

Leaving home really did seem like the most logical thing to do at that point in time; despite how foolish it seemed to him right now, on hindsight.

How else could he have dealt with the rejection that he was going to face from his parents.

But then a tiny voice spoke up from the back of his head. If there was even a rejection in the first place…..

Indeed, Jinki thought. Was there even a rejection in the first place? Come to think of it, I didn’t even give umma and appa a chance to react. Heck, they wanted to talk to me that night didn’t they? But I brushed them away…..

Staring at Kibum’s silhouette in the lightly illuminated darkness, Jinki was slowly beginning to understand the younger boy’s frustration with him.

He kept wanting me to go back home and speak to my parents but I didn’t listen to him either….

That was when Jinki realised; his actions of late have been very unbecoming of his character. He had foolishly believed that what he was doing was right…when in reality he had simply been hurting those around him. He thought that he was protecting Kibum, but was just using that as an excuse to put off facing up to his parents and his newly-discovered uality. All those hours Kibum spent trying to coax him to talk to his parents properly were testimony to how much turmoil Kibum had been undergoing trying to talk Jinki round.

He had obviously been unfair to his parents…to assume that they were going to reject him, to not even have enough faith in their love towards him.

Not to mention Jonghyun. His best friend had been trying to get through to him for so long, trying to help him, understand him. But he had been pushing Jonghyun away relentlessly.

He must have felt so neglected, Jinki thought morosely, facing Kibum’s turned back. Exactly like what I’m feeling right now.

This was a chance for Jinki to set things right again. He had upturned his own life singlehandedly lately, but he also knew that he was finally waking up from his self-induced stupor.

Reaching out cautiously to Kibum’s soft brown locks lovingly, Jinki’s heart leaps in joy when Kibum turns around at his touch and snuggles closer; right into his embrace. For a moment, Jinki thought he had woken the younger boy up, but Kibum’s eyes were still softly shut in slumber.

The ball of warmth close to his chest and his thumping heart was enough to put Jinki to sleep yet again, putting an end to his sleepless night.

****

A/N: Sigh. Finally.

I'm so happy that you guys still remained to be my subscribers though i'm such an irregular updater. I'm so sorry ):

Here it is anyway, i really do hope it is up to standard but i personally don't think so. Sorry also for any grammatical errors or weird expressions, i've been caught up with work lately and i don't have time to proofread properly since my freshmen orientation camp is coming up tomorrow and i was packing while proofreading. Bound to be some mistakes i overlooked.

Please do comment, and if you've been a silent reader but you do like my story, subscribe! (: Thanks again to all my commentors/subscribers for your support, you guys are the best!

Will be back after 5 days, so ciao for now! (: