A/N: Thank you all for subscribing! Here's another chapter, hope you like it, and thanks for all the comments and support! (:

****

It was a dreary and depressing Saturday morning, the sky outside Jinki’s bedroom window overshadowed with dark cumulonimbus clouds, threatening heavy rain. A stray lightning struck across the sky, momentarily illuminating the dark sky but disappearing as soon as it had come.

Jinki lay in his bed, currently experiencing a peculiar feeling of being both awake and yet exhausted; exhausted because he had been unable to sleep well the past few nights ever since the day of his soccer game. His dreams were plagued by soft whispers and elusive shadows; teasingly close but never staying for long. He always woke up with such a strong sense of loss it was frightening. It seemed worse than those dreams he had before. Previously, Kibum had at least been an existence in his dreams; now, Kibum was nothing more than a presence that never lingered long enough.

Jinki truly felt that he was going to lose Kibum a second time.

Quietly, a tear trickled down Jinki’s cheek. He wasn’t sure if he could handle the pain of losing his Kibum a second time.

Spurred by that thought, Jinki wiped the tear from his cheek and sat up in bed. The only way to avoid losing Kibum again was to find him.

But how? There were many Kim Kibums around; searching for his Kibum like that was akin to searching for a needle in a haystack. He needed a definite lead, something that would lead him directly to Kibum……someone who used to know him perhaps? Somewhere…..?

Jinki suddenly gasped. The orphanage.

Of course. It was so simple. Simple enough, but Jinki shivered at the thought of having to go back there. It wasn’t exactly a place that he would like to revisit under normal circumstances.

Still, his current state could hardly be considered normal, and he feared that he was going to go insane soon if he didn’t get some definite answers as to Kibum’s whereabouts.  

Kibum’s worried face that day at the soccer game popped up in his head again.

Steadied, Jinki got out of bed to wash up and get dressed. He was on a mission.

****

 “Your orphanage? Son, are you alright?” Jinki’s mother said, perplexed, as she raised a soft hand to rest it gently on her son’s forehead.

Jinki flinched away from his mother’s touch, and his mother looked shocked.

Jinki may not be her own flesh and blood, but the young woman had fallen in love with the innocent-looking young boy at first sight, his bright crescent-shaped eyes and dazzling smile having stolen both her and her husband’s hearts from the moment they laid eyes on him.

She and her husband had tried many years for a child of their own, but sadly, were unable to conceive. Desperate for a child to call their own, they searched countless orphanages in South Korea until they lighted upon Jinki’s. The moment those crescent-shaped eyes met theirs in that cold, dark, dreary room, they knew that Jinki was destined to be their son.

Over the years, Jinki had grown up from an adorable, obedient little boy into a stunningly handsome young man, intelligent and adept at all he did. He was well-mannered, respectful to his elders and a filial son in all ways. Those who met him instantly took a liking to him. They were glad that they practically rescued him from that cheerless, cruel place which was no substitute for home in any way.

Which is why both parents were shocked at their son’s request for the address of his old orphanage. The past was taboo in this household, unhappy as it was, and nobody relished the idea of resurrecting those old ghosts and bad memories.

Yet, as the middle-aged couple now looked at their grown up son, his masculine jaw set in a stubborn line, calmly demanding the name of his childhood horror, they could not even imagine that this is the precious, beautiful boy whom they adopted so many years ago.

“Jinki, dear…” Jinki’s mother began in a whisper. “There’s no need for you to go back there. Nothing is there for you. What you have is here, with us, your umma and your appa who loves you more than anyone in this world…”

Jinki bowed his head. “I’m sorry umma, appa. I know you are against the idea, but this is something very important to me. I’m already 18 years old; I’m old enough to know what I want and make my own decisions. I’m not even asking for a lot. Just give me the address of the orphanage and I will make my own way there….”

Jinki’s mother opened to protest yet again, her large soulful eyes b with unshed tears. “Darling, we’re just doing what we think is best for you…..”

An uncharacteristic, unfamiliar anger surged through Jinki like a tidal wave. Before Jinki knew it, he was shouting.

“What is best for me? For me?! Since when has my life by dictated by you? Who are you to tell me what to do anyway? You’re not even my real parents!”

Jinki’s mother began crying openly at Jinki’s words, never believing that those harsh words could come out of her gentle and affectionate son. Jinki’s father, though initially stoic throughout the whole encounter, flinched visibly at the harshness and venom emanating from  those words.

“All my life I’ve did my duty as a filial son; doing well in school to make you proud. I’m grateful to you, umma and appa, I really am. But I cannot emphasise how important this is to me.I need to find that orphanage.”

The middle-aged couple sat silently, not moving an inch.

Jinki took a deep breath.

“Fine. If you’re not helping me, I’ll  use others means to find out.” Jinki his heel to leave.

“Wait.”

Jinki turned around, surprised at the fragility present in his father’s deep tone. His father walked closer, and engulfed his son in a bear hug.

“We’re sorry Jinki. That day I saw you in that orphanage, vulnerable, lonely and sad, I swore to take you out from that place and protect you. Although your request is unexpected,and as much as we don’t like the idea, appa knows that you’re a grown young man now. We don’t want to deny you of something that seems so important to you. “

Jinki’s father disappeared into the bedroom, returning afterwards with a large manila envelope. Jinki took it, staring, wondering what it contained.

“These are your adoption papers. It will contain everything that you will need. I’m sorry, this is all we have. I hope it’ll be of use to you.” That being said, Jinki’s father hugged his son again, squeezing his shoulder ever so slightly, whispering in his ear “I love you…”

****

Jinki felt like he had been travelling for ages.

The landscape outside the moving taxi he was in began to change drastically; from buildings and townhouses to small countryside cottages. He had no idea where he was, but strangely enough, it didn’t scare him. Contrary to that, he felt more serene and settled than he had  ever been before. Watching the landscape rush by in a blur, he felt like he was travelling back in time.

After a while, the sudden stop of the taxi jolted Jinki out of his daydream.  Jinki looked outside and saw that he was directly outside a grey, imposing-looking structure, looking more like a prison than an orphanage.

An involuntary shiver ran down Jinki’s spine and he pulled his jacket tighter around him, paying the taxi driver and stepping out with an air of trepidation.

A gust of frigid wind blew, piercing through Jinki’s jacket as he walked up the winding stone path to the large grey structure.

****

 “E-excuse me?”

Jinki couldn’t help but stammer as he approached the front desk. He felt slightly giddy from the heavy atmosphere of dread and deprivation lingering throughout the whole building. It was so overwhelming he could hardly breathe. Far off in the distance, he could hear the distant sounds of a child wailing; it make him sick to the stomach.

Gosh, Jinki thought. No wonder appa and umma didn’t want me to come back.

“What do you want?” the curt receptionist demanded.

“W-well, I was just wondering if….”

“Hurry up, I don’t have all day to be sitting around listening to your pathetic whimpering! I get enough of that everyday. Either say what is your business here or get out.”

“Ummm….i-I was….”

The surly receptionist’s lip curled, about to hurl another insult at Jinki, but his ensuing words were swallowed by the sudden excited chatter of children, and joyous laughter filling the air. The receptionist cocked an eyebrow, eyes trailing over Jinki’s shoulder to focus on the source of the sudden disturbance.

Jinki turned around, and swore he could hear the rush of the blood in his ears before his eyes focused on the slim, petite figure at the far end of the hall, each hand holding the tiny hand of a child and with many more behind, following him.

It’s him.

It was strange; the whole dreary atmosphere in the orphanage seemed to vapourise the instant Kibum appeared in the hall; the smiles on the faces of the children seeming almost surreal.

Wordlessly, Jinki walked forward, and clasped the surprised boy in his arms tightly, inhaling the sweet scent of lavender which instantly eased his uneasy heart. The scent of the other boy was unfamiliar, but oddly, Jinki felt as though he was coming home. The sense of comfort that washed over him was indescribable.

Jinki pulled back, staring deep into those feline eyes which had haunted his dreams and every waking thought for the past eighteen years. Kibum’s eyes were swimming with so many emotions; confusion, hurt, happiness, wariness. Jinki was dazedly thinking how that was even humanely possible; when he felt a soft hand intertwine with his, the slim fingers fitting perfectly between the spaces of his thicker and more masculine fingers.

Still dazed, Jinki felt a gentle tug on his hand and looked, stunned, into Kibum’s feline eyes, full of love and tenderness.

 “Join us?” a smile from those pouty, luscious lips was all it took for Jinki to obey, letting the soft velvety voice hypnotise him, and giving himself in to the simple sensation of pleasure and bliss that washed over him with just the sensation of Kibum’s warm hand lacing with his chilled one.

As they stepped outside into the frigid air, Jinki realized that he could no longer feel the harshness of the chill. In fact, he could feel nothing, nothing at all. His mind was blissfully blank. All he could feel was the warmth of Kibum’s soft palm against his.

****

Kibum and Jinki sat side by side on a park bench, watching the young orphan boys playing in front of them. Their peals of laughter filled Jinki with an inexplicable sense of happiness quite unlike any other he had felt before. Kibum and Jinki’s hands were still intertwined, and silence hung in the air between them, heavy with burning questions, but Jinki felt strangely at peace. He had thousands of questions to ask Kibum, but all of those questions faded into oblivion as he relished in the simple sensation of being close to Kibum and finally being able to grasp in his hand the beautiful creature whom he had lost but was now holding tightly.

Suddenly, Jinki felt soft hair tickling his neck. Looking down slightly to his left, he realized that Kibum had laid his head on his shoulder. Gently, Jinki unlaced his hand from Kibum and Kibum stiffened slightly. Jinki then slid his arm around Kibum’s shoulder, his hand going up to his head to the soft strands of his hair. He could feel Kibum relax and snuggle more into him.

Sitting in such a comfortable position, Jinki just wanted to revel in this moment. But there were things he needed to know.

“Kibum?” Jinki whispered softly.

“Mmhmm?” Kibum hummed in reply.

“Why did you run away from me at the soccer game?”

A moment of silence passed between them yet again. The moment of silence stretched on longer, and Jinki thought that Kibum had fallen asleep.

Suddenly and wordlessly, Kibum stood up, and Jinki’s body instantly tingled with the loss of the warmth from Kibum’s body.

Kibum began to walk slowly over the where the children were playing.

It was only then that Jinki noticed something strange about Kibum’s gait.

He was limping.

Jinki’s heart clenched in his chest and he suddenly felt sick, his mind awash with images from his recurring dreams earlier. The skulls….He was right then, something terrible had happened to Kibum.

Kibum turned around then, and Jinki’s heart clenched even more painfully when he saw the tears rolling down Kibum’s beautiful face.

“Hyung.” Kibum said, his fragile and plaintive tone tugging at Jinki’s heartstrings.

A moment of silence followed yet again, and Kibum slowly limped over to Jinki, kneeling down in front of him with some difficulty and laying his head down on Jinki’s lap.

“In the days after you left with your foster parents, I cried, raved and made a fuss day and night. The orphanage workers couldn’t control me and I was locked in the cellar for weeks. One day, I even tried to escape the orphanage, and they got so frustrated with me they gave me a beating. It was such a terrible beating they busted a nerve in my right leg permanently.”

Unconsciously, Jinki’s hand reached out for Kibum’s, squeezing it tight.

“The ordeal that day left me permanently lamed. I’m lamed for life, hyung. An invalid, a throwaway whom nobody will ever want.”

Overcome with emotion, Jinki hoisted the younger boy up onto his lap and pulled him to his chest. Kibum’s words, to anyone else, may have been just a recollection; a story. But to Jinki, those words spoke volumes more. The shame, the humiliation, and self-hate in those words were clear to Jinki as day.

“If you were hiding from me because you thought I would love you less because of whatever happened, then you’re mistaken.” Jinki’s heart broke when he felt the younger boy trembling in his embrace, the spot on his shirt where Kibum had laid his head on getting slowly wet.

“I’ve always loved you. It killed me not knowing where you were and what happened to you. I wasn’t ever able to forget you. My foster parents were nice to me but I always felt empty and unaccomplished. I felt as though as important part of myself was missing. It was you, Kibum. I love you Kibum. Hyung loved you back then and I still do now. Even more so now, if that’s even possible.”

Amidst the laughs of the children still engaged in their play, oblivious to the earthshattering moment between the two boys, Jinki whispered softly in Kibum’s ear.

“To everyone else you may be nothing; an invalid, an abandoned child. But to me you’re everything.”

Jinki hugged the boy closer to him, ignoring the ceaseless vibration of his phone in his pocket.

Nothing else in the world mattered to him now.