Happiness. Jinki felt his heart bursting in happiness. Why though? A boy ran past him, shouting playfully over his shoulder “Come catch me if you can!” The boy’s smile was magic.

Kibum?

The two of them were in a beautiful park, lush greenery surrounding them at every turn, the air filled with the sweet smell of flowers and freshly mown grass.

Jinki ran and caught him, but as soon as his hands touched the boy, his figure began to melt away into nothingness, like wax slipping off a candle.

Jinki could hear distant screams.

“Jinki! Jinki! You’re not going to leave me! JINKI, I LOVE YOU!”

He next found himself deep within the recesses of a forest, overgrown with undergrowth and tall, threatening trees. He saw human bones and skulls all scattered on the floor around his feet.

Death, Jinki thought. This place is Death.

“JINKIIIIIIII” a shrill scream pierced the air.

Jinki’s heart leaped. He knew that voice.

“Kibum! Where are you?” His voice made echoes around the empty forest, but Kibum never did answer him.

He never did.

Lee Jinki awoke with a start.

Not again, Jinki thought. Not that old dream again.

He turned to his side and looked at the clock on his bedside table, the digital numbers glowing brightly in the dark.

2.43 am.

He sat up in bed.

He’s always had this dream since he was a young boy, after his foster parents took him away from the orphanage he spent most of his formative years in. The dreams became less frequent as he progressed steadily through school, proving to be a brilliant model student, and all-rounder whom everybody loved. His life was nothing short of smooth-sailing. He had parents who loved and pampered him, numerous friends, was the top scorer of his cohort every year, and was even the vice-captain of the school’s formidable soccer team. He thought that he could forget about Kibum; the beautiful boy he once vowed to spend the rest of his life with.

It seemed easy at first; Lee Jinki was handsome, popular, with many friends and with all the girls in his high school wishing to date him. He had always wondered though, why his life seemed so empty despite him having every single thing imaginable. It was a difficult feeling to describe, but it was like a kind of longing which could not be satisfied.  Lately, the dreams have become more of a common occurrence, and after every dream, Jinki realized that his longing was for Kibum, and it just grew stronger everyday.

Yet Jinki’s rationality struggled to accept that. Kibum was gone from his life years ago; he had no way of knowing what had happened to the boy. Sometimes he will have a sudden strange impulse to revisit the orphanage on his own, but something seemed to hold him back. It was as though he was afraid of what he would find out there; that Kibum was dead, or that something else terrible had happened. Once this thought crosses his mind, his resolve would die down, and he would become even more convinced that he would rather remain ignorant of anything else that might have happened there. And even if he did find Kibum, what would he say to him? Would Kibum even remember him?

Jinki closed his eyes, images from his dream earlier flashing through his mind. The thought of the human bones and skulls at his feet made him sick; was it some sort of sign that Kibum was already dead? Or that he was in danger? Jinki’s stomach churned at the terrible thought, and he dropped his head into his hands, pulling his covers tighter around him.

 When he first lived with his foster parents he begged them everyday to take him back to the orphanage to see Kibum, even if it’s just for once, but his pleas fell on deaf ears.

“There’s no need for you to go back there, precious. We love you and we’ll never take you back to that place. Forget him Jinki. Soon enough you’ll meet someone who will love you just as much as we do.”

But Jinki loved him. Was it really love though?

These dreams. What do they mean? Why are they coming back all of a sudden? At the mature age of 18, Jinki cannot dismiss these dreams as mere childhood occurrences. They had to mean something. But what?

Recently, Jinki had even been awoken in the middle of the night from the sensation of someone’s breath against his neck. It should have scared him in normal circumstances, but strangely enough, it did not. Instead, he found the presence comforting and warm, and even longed for it. But each time he looked around, he would find nobody in his room. It was like trying to hold water in his cupped hands. He would be fighting to grasp the presence he longed so much for, but the presence never stayed for long enough. And that just made him feel even more frustrated .

 He could still recall that memory though. It was seared in his brain, clear as day.

 As kids, Jinki and Kibum would often cuddle up in bed together, with Kibum’s arms firmly locked around him and the feel of his steady breathing luring Jinki to sleep. The sense of security and comfort that Jinki would feel just from that mere memory always astounded and yet intrigued him.

Jinki sighed heavily, laid back down on his bed and looked up at the ceiling.

Kibum?

Where are you? Are you safe? Are you alive?

But most importantly…..do you still love me?