Same Old, Same Old
Love Me Another WayIt's a new day, but Seulgi is still the same person from yesterday. The feelings are still there and they're messing with her brain and subsequently messing her dance steps. By the third time she makes a mistake, Joohyun asks if she would like a break, which she quickly refuses, knowing they don't have much time to practice today. The leader then asks their dance instructor for a break nonetheless, knowing full well the reason Seulgi is so out of it today.
"Hey, do you still want to talk about yesterday?" Joohyun asks in a hush voice as Seulgi opens the cap of her water bottle.
She takes a few gulps and swallows before asking back, "Can I?" There are still so many things she would like to say, but based on yesterday's conversation it seemed like the case has already been closed.
"Of course." Joohyun pats her back with a smile. "We'll talk after practice, okay? Now, concentrate on your dancing!"
Seulgi makes onother mistake, receiving a playful scolding from the instructor, but it goes smoothly after that. Another short break is rewarded for them before they move on to the last song they will perform at a music festival tomorrow. When practice is finally over, Seulgi follows Joohyun out to look for an empty room where they can talk in private, successfully finding one on the second floor.
"Did you even sleep last night?" Joohyun asks rethorically while switching on the lights and turning on the AC. She then sits herself down on the long armless sofa, eyeing Seulgi, expecting her to speak.
Seulgi feels herself panicking all of sudden, not knowing what else she could say to the other woman. So she tells her exactly that. "I don't know what to say."
Joohyun chuckles, then pats the seat next to her. "Sit down then. We can just rest here for a bit."
Seulgi moves obediently to sit. She stays mum, trying to take a deep breath while playing with the drawstring of her sweatpants. It feels so stuffy in this room, she suspects that it has been a while since the last time the AC was .
"Hey, I don't know what to get Sooyoung for her birthday. Do you know what she's into these days?" The leader strikes up a conversation that has nothing to do with her and her feelings. Bless her sensible heart.
"I just ordered this very cute custom dog house last week. It hasn't arrived yet." Seulgi shares.
"I want to get something for her though, not her dog." Joohyun pouts. Seulgi remembers Joohyun almost forgot Sooyoung's birthday last year and had come up with a terrible present last minute. She's probably determined to redeem herself this year. Also, she doesn't like dogs so of course she's not spending a single dime on poor little fluffy Haetnim.
"I'm sure you don't need my help. You're the expert of giving gifts." Seulgi teases, knowing how well-anticipated Joohyun's annual holidays gifts are to their staff and dancers. She really spoils the people closest to her and Seulgi thinks it's very endearing.
She also notices the couple items Joohyun has with her stylist. Matching shirts, matching shoes, and who knows what else. She's sure Joohyun has been showering that woman with expensive gifts. The leader has never formally announced that they're together or anything, but people around them kind of suspect that there's something going on between the two. Not everyone, obviously, only the people closest to her who knows she swings that way. While for others, they probably look like very good friends who have similar taste.
"Tell me anyway if you think of something, okay? She's always the hardest to buy presents for."
Seulgi nods. She then turns to her side and Joohyun follows, making them face each other. "Unnie, I'm sorry about yesterday. I never planned on telling you that, but these days I just feel.. my heart feels so full, it hurts. It's like someone keeps filling a glass of water and it's already full but the water wouldn't spill out."
Joohyun seems suprised, much more than the reaction she gave last night. A worried frown crosses her face. "So, it's quite serious then? I thought.. I thought it was just a silly attraction. You know, the kind that you don't care enough to do anything about."
"I think so." Her voice comes out weak.
Joohyun folds her legs, making herself more comfortable on that couch, preparing for a long conversation that is about to come. "Then I have to apologize for the way I behaved last night."
"Huh?"
"I'm sorry if it felt like I didn't take you seriously, or if you felt belittled-"
"No, Unnie. You have nothing to apologize for." She puts her hand on Joohyun's knee assuringly, stopping the unecessary apology.
"I just thought.. you know, like how I had crushes on people and I was just enjoying from afar like that crazy hot American choreographer, or that totally straight radio host or BoA-unnie?"
"Like people you have no chance with?"
Joohyun seems a little taken aback by that. "Wow, I'm a bit offended here."
"Sorry, that wasn't what I meant." Seulgi says, trying to find words to fix her mistake.
"Relax, I'm just joking." Joohyun chuckles, hitting her arm lightly before she inches closer with a serious face. "Seulgi, do you really think that if we were in different situations, you would have no chance with me?"
She gulps, feeling her heart beats nervously. "What do you mean different situations?"
"If we're not Red Velvet's Irene and Red Velvet's Seulgi."
Seulgi doesn't understand what that means, why would there be a different if they're Irene and Seulgi or Bae Joohyun and Kang Seulgi. "I don't know. I mean, look at you, Unnie." She answers simply, pointing at Joohyun's figure.
"Look at yourself!" Joohyun seems a little frustated. "Seulgi, if I didn't know you since your diaper days-"
"You didn't know me since I was still wearing diapers! Even Yerim wasn't wearing diapers anymore when we first met her." She protests loud and clear.
"Tsk, it's a figure of speech, dummy." Joohyun scoffs. "If, let's say, you were a stranger sitting alone in a bar, I would certainly hit on you."
" ... " Seulgi sits there dumbfounded, not sure what to do with that information. She's sure that the thought of Joohyun hitting on her has turned her face red. She has seen Joohyun hitting on someone and it was lethal.
"Sorry, that totally didn't help at all." Joohyun smiles apologetically, turning to sit back properly facing front.
The sound of the old air conditioner is quite loud, burying the sounds of their breathings. Seulgi leans back and let the couch sustains the heaviness of her heart. This feels more tiring than two hours of dance practice.
"Seul.."
"Yes?" Seulgi turns and is greeted by Joohyun's side profile. She lets herself enjoy the front row seat to the beauty that is Bae Joohyun, feeling so lucky yet so unlucky at the same time.
"Do I have to worry about this? About us?"
Seulgi can hear the sadness in her tone and she feels pricking pain in her chest. "You have nothing to worry about, this won't change anything." She says, trying to sound as convincing as possible.
"What can I do to help?" Joohyun turns to her, looking at her with those sweet doe eyes; so sensitive, so loving, so ready to help. "If you need space, I can give you space."
"No, don't! Don't avoid me, please. I don't think I can function without you by my side, Unnie." She pleads. The possible consequences of her action finally hit her. "Our friendship is much more important to me than whatever stupid feeling this is, so please just.." She sighs in frustation. "You don't have to do anything. I'll sort this out by myself."
Joohyun stares at her for a while, making it really hard for her to breathe properly. "You can always talk to me. We can figure things out together. But if you find that uncomfortable then.. please talk to someone. Anyone." She puts her hand on top of Seulgi's. "You know I don't like to share my hardships with any of you, right? I have to admit that it is.. very difficult and very lonely at times." Seulgi is about to interject but she doesn't let her. "I'm the leader, so it's my responsibility but I don't want you to have to go through that."
"Unnie, you can always tell us things, we're not kids anymore. I'm 25, you're 28. Three years is not as big of a gap as it was when you were 18 and I was 15." Seulgi whines. She knows how Joohyun keeps things to herself, they all do, but to hear her saying how difficult it is truly breaks her heart. Joohyun has done so much to take care of them, to protect and to shield them from problems.
"We're not talking about me right now, we're talking about you." Joohyun says with a finality in her tone, a sign that Seulgi shouldn't circle back to that subject.
"I know what to do, Unnie. You don't have to worry about me."
Joohyun suddenly gives her such a war
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