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Title: Sugar, Spice and Everything's MINE
Author: SkinshipNinjas
Genre: Humour, romance, fluff
Rated: Yes/No (may possibly change)
Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/72511

Title [ 4.5/5 ]

A nice spin on the Powerpuff Girls' trademark saying. I think it's pretty cute, but it's missing that 'something' to make me automatically want to click it. I'd probably decide to read it the second time I pass it or something. However, it's a good title that's short, simple and sticks.

Foreword and Description [ 3/5 ]

I can't exactly say I'm sure what's going on. The worst thing you can do is confuse a reader right in the beginning. Also, there's a grammatical error; 'I thought we were talking about things that. Doesn't. Matter.' This should be '… things that. Don't. Matter.' It's really important not to mess up tenses since you started the sentence with past tense (were) and then had present tense in the end (doesn't). But since you're not fluent in the language, I marked you more leniently.

Poster [ –/5 ]

There isn't a poster so you mark will be out of 95.

Plot [ 18/25 ]

Theres a loft of fluff, but there really isn't much plot. It's mainly drabble and there aren't many big developments in how much I've read.

Entertainment [ 6/15 ]

The first half of the story is pretty much just drabble. It drags on way too much. There isn't enough development to draw me into it enough to want to carry on reading. I really couldn't get past chapter 4. Sorry.

Spelling and Grammar [ 14/20 ]

Your spelling is pretty good, but your grammar and tenses need fixing. Since you aren't fluent in English, you should be getting a Beta reader or proof-reader to go over things with you and help you fix things.

Writing Style [ 12/20 ]

The writing style you used for this story suits oneshot drabbles much better. For a long chaptered story like this, it doesn't work terribly well. You need more flow and your story pacing needs to be faster. Not enough happens fast enough.

Ending/Last chapter read [ 3/5 ]

It's a sort of serious situation, but it's still too casual. I mean, Junhyung is practically smothered with boulders and he can still be sarcastic? I don't know about you, but I fine that just a little but odd…

Score [ 60.5/95 ]
 

Reviewer's Comments

I'm sorry but I didn't like this story as much as I would like to. It really drags on too much and the pacing is too slow. I guess your main issues are continuity and grammar. However, please do not feel discouraged by my harsh comments. Keep writing and I hope you can use my review to help you! (: