Title: Trapped!.. In The Kingdom Of The Forbidden Romance
Author: Chae_Ri08
Genre: Fantasy, Romance
Rated: Yes/No
Status: In Progress
Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/147985/trapped-in-the-kingdom-of-the-forbidden-romance-fantasy-infinite-magic-sunggyu-you-love-kimsunggyu

Title [ 2/5 ]
To be honest, your title is done… pretty poorly… I won't lie. It sounds too long, and somewhat over-thought. It gave me a bad impression on what the story might sound like and that's actually quite a bit of a problem. You could loose a lot of potential readers this way. So my suggestion for this is: think up a simpler title name. It doesn't even have to be related to the plot. Maybe just to the pendant or something like that. Keep it short and simple.

Also, words like 'the' and 'of' shouldn't be capitalized. It's actually a spelling error.

Foreword and Description [ 5/5 ]

The story description is really, REALLY good. It really drew me into the story. And to be able to do that after my bad impression from the title, that's a pretty good achievement. (I am actually the pickiest reader on earth, trust me.) The description section gives the reader a good idea of where they're going and the forward provides a good blurb with a dramatic quote. (I generally ignore author notes, so I won't mark you up or down for them.)

Poster [ 2/5 ]

It's a great poster. I love the textures and the images that were chosen really work well. However… Sunggyu's picture being squeezed like that… it's a real turn off… so if you manage to get that fixed, I would grade you higher in this section, but since it's how it is, I can't really give you extra points.

Plot [ 18/25 ]

I really like your plot, even though I'm not a fantasy or romance type reader. I can tell that I'm in for an interesting adventure and I'm looking forward to seeing what conflicts the characters will face and what the resolution will be. Like I said, I'm a really picky reader, so to get me to be really into a genre that I typically wouldn't touch is quite a feat. However, there hasn't been much development yet, plot-wise, so I can't mark you very well (yet). 

Entertainment [ 13/15 ]

I was thoroughly entertained throughout the reading of the whole three chapters of the story so far. Your descriptive language and well written suspense kept me wanting to know more.

Spelling and Grammar [ 20/20 ]

So far, no spelling or grammatical errors that I could find. Heck, I even put it through spell check because I was worried I was missing something. haha. Great job! Full points!

Writing Style [ 18/20 ]

I like how your writing style is very descriptive. I can really picture where the characters are, what they're doing and how they're feeling. 

The first and second chapters developed the four main characters very well. The audience know what kind of time periods they're dealing with, what character personalities will be interacting with each other and we also know what the general mood of the story is. For this, I'll be marking you well in this section. It is so important to develop your characters quickly after they have been introduced (within the first two chapters) so that the readers won't be confused throughout the reading of the story. The worst thing you can do is have a confused reader who has no idea what's going on because they don't understand why a character would do something, so brownie points there.
 

Ending/Last chapter read [ 4/5 ]

I'm really excited to see the of the conflict so be sure to update soon! I will be subscribing to you!

Score [ 82/100 ]

I only just realised how much of a harsh marker I am…

Reviewer's Comments

I don't really have anything to add, other than great job! It's a really well written piece and the suspense is just right. Like I said, I'll be subscribing so don't disappoint me alright! (; (no pressure LOL)

Happy writing! xTom