Title: HATE x HATE = (L.O.v.E)^2? [Changed to: In the Labyrinth of Love]
Author: NomightyCopYCaT
Genre: Highschool Romance, Comedy
Rated: Yes/No
Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/136205/hate-x-hate-l-o-v-e-2-comedy-leejoon-romance-thunder-you-highschoollove
 

Title [ 1/5 ]

Personally, I really, really dislike your title. (I'M NOT BASHING. JUST GIVING AN OPINION.) My initial impression after reading the title was 'Oh great, another fic written by some kid who tries too hard.' because honestly, that's what it looks like. I'm personally really fond of equation-like titles, but this one was just a bit too long and took me a little while to wrap my head around. I won't tell you to change it, because the title might be relevant to the story later on, but it's really just.. I don't know how to word it other than awkward. :/ Sorry. 

Foreword and Description [ 4.5/5 ]

Your foreword is quite interesting and really draws me in. I've never read a foreword quite like this one so I was immediately curious. I want to know what happens after she opens the letter. WHERE IS THE LETTER FROM ANYWAYS. WHY IS IT THERE. WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE VANILLA. (Great, now I'm hungry.) I didn't really like the comic sans font though.

Poster [ 3/5 ]

It's an alright poster and it compliments the story well, but the quote is a bit confusing because it's hard to tell who's saying what.

Plot [ 19/25 ]

I quite like your plot, its pretty original (although I can see some cliches parts, but then again, every story has some form of cliche-ness to it). I like where it's going so far, and I was really surprised to see the principle and nurse's connection to the characters. As I always say, it's nice to come across a story that catches you by surprise. The only criticism that I can give for this section is that you need to step up the plot a bit, and soon. If the rest of the story continues like this, it would be a bit of a drag on by the time you finish. Bring in a conflict soon! 

Entertainment [ 12/15 ]

I'm feeling really entertained so far. It's cute to see the three bickering and so on.

Spelling and Grammar [ 19/20 ]

Your spelling and grammar so far is impeccable. I can't find any consistent mistakes and the only ones that I picked up are hardly worth recognising. Great work!

Writing Style [ 17.5/20 ]

I really like how your writing is descriptive, however I think it could do better if you focused on the characters emotions just a little more. You have to try really hard to bring their emotions out to view, especially negative emotions since it's really easy to feel upset, or frustrated for someone. This is mainly just to further connect the audience and if you can connect enough, you will be able to make the readers feel angry, upset, worried or happy for the characters as they read. Also, your writing drags on a bit. There's a bit too much real time involved in the story. (Real time means that it shows what's happening. 

Eg.

Real time: I woke up in the morning, got dressed, washed up, ate breakfast, walked to the station, got on the train and walked the rest of the way to school.

Cut: I woke up in the morning, got ready and went to school.)

Ending/Last chapter read [ 3.5/5 ]

I feel like something exciting is going to happen soon. I'm looking forward to seeing how this party goes!

Score [ 79.5/100 ]

Reviewer's Comments

Overall, it's a good story with a good plot. Your writing style makes it interesting to read and the descriptive writing really helps the story along.