Note:  This chapter is similar in length to the previous one, so make yourself comfortable and enjoy :)

Oh, and from this chapter on, the divergence (or, well, even greater) with reality begins. That is, I made up things that haven't happened and won't happen, so if you read this in a year or two and see clear differences between reality and this fic, keep that in mind: it's fiction.

 

Ryujin knew she'd had a bad time, but it wasn't until she returned to Seoul and lived a couple of days with Yuna back in her life that she realized how horrible it had been.

The exhaustion and melancholy she had carried with her for months faded away. She no longer woke up in the early hours, nor did she wake up with her heart racing. She'd had a stressful couple of days, but she was no longer going into battle against them dragging 100-kilogram weights behind her.

“Hey, are you okay?” asked the girl she held in her arms.

Ryujin shook her head and looked down. Yuna had her neck stretched back so she could look at her.

“Yes, yes,” Ryujin said, Yuna's hair. “I was just thinking again how different everything is with you back.”

“A horrible few months, right? The last ones, I mean” Yuna said. “Like something wasn't right.”

“Yes, just like that,” Ryujin plunged her hand into Yuna's soft hair. “It was worse after the night we talked in the hallway.”

Yuna's eyes drifted to that place. They quickly returned to Ryujin's again.

“I refused to believe you were serious,” Yuna said softly.” For several days I didn't believe it. Then...” she twisted her face.

“I was a total idiot,” Ryujin said.

“Don't say that,” Yuna touched Ryujin’s nose.

“But it's true. I did us a lot of unnecessary harm, just because I was afraid,” she looked at the TV for a moment. “I preferred the easy way. To run away.”

Yuna put her hands inside Ryujin's woolen cap, unsetting it. A shiver ran through her body.

“The easy way?” Yuna said. “It looked like hell to me, and don't tell me it didn't to you. I'd choose this,” she pulled a hand out of her cap and pointed at herself and then at Ryujin, “over that. I understand that you were afraid. Now I do understand. And no, you weren't an idiot at any time.”

Ryujin opened to respond, but Yuna put a finger to her lips.

“What does it matter if we can't be ourselves everywhere?” Yuna continued. “I would trade that freedom for moments like this. With my eyes closed.”

Yuna pulled her finger away and guided her other hand into Ryujin's cap.

“You're right,” Ryujin said. She was relieved that Yuna finally understood the situation. “To live the other way would have been…”

“Impossible,” Yuna completed.

Ryujin smiled.

“Impossible,” she repeated.

She bent down so she could kiss Yuna. Ryujin sighed in pleasure at the touch of the maknae's lips. They were still as soft as ever, so appetizing, so heavenly… Ryujin did not hide the fact that she was a total addict to the kisses of the maknae.

They broke apart when they heard the front door open. Yuna even sat down next to Ryujin.

“I can't get enough of your lips,” Ryujin told her as she adjusted her hat.

“Neither I of yours, Ryujinie, but we better prevent,” Yuna replied with a slight blush on her cheeks. “Could be a staff member.”

“We're here!” Yeji shouted.

“Well, it doesn't look like it,” Ryujin commented.

A few seconds later Yeji, Chaeryeong and Jisu entered the room, carrying bags.

“Next time you will come with us, whether you want to or not,” Jisu said.

Ryujin turned and stuck her tongue out at the three girls, but they had gone to the kitchen.

“Hi, unnies!” Yuna waved her hand. She received three greetings in return.

Ryujin and Yuna went back to concentrating on the movie they were watching.

Someone took off her hat and threw it near the TV. Ryujin turned around with a frown, meeting a smiling Yeji.

“Next time we'll all go out together,” she said, and went into the kitchen.

Ryujin cursed in her mind (she didn't dare do that around Yeji) and went to pick up her hat. Yuna chuckled.

“Mmm, I was planning to take a shower and watch a movie, but with you guys here…” Chaeryeong complained.

“We can act normal with you guys around, you know?” Ryujin said.

“The other time you two didn't exactly seem to be acting normal,” Yeji shouted from the kitchen, then feigned a retch.

Ryujin felt her cheeks heat up.

“That's not…”

“We didn't know you were awake, unnie!” Yuna shouted, embarrassed.

Chaeryeong looked from the sofa to the kitchen blankly.

“What are you talking about, Yeji?” Jisu asked.

“You don't want to know,” Yeji said in a mournful tone.

“Do you guys want to make it movie night?!” Ryujin raised her voice. “Because I do.”

“Erm, and me,” Ryujin thanked Yuna for helping her change the subject.

Chaeryeong opened , closed it, shrugged and opened it again.

“Okay,” she said.

Yeji's mocking laughter visited the room from the kitchen.

 

---

 

 

“Yuna,” Ryujin called when she saw the maknae heading towards the kitchen.

Yuna stopped walking and turned to look at her.

“What's wrong, Ryujinie?”

Ryujin motioned for her to sit on the couch with her.

“It's been a couple of weeks already and we haven't explained to the others what happened between us,” Ryujin said when Yuna was next to her.

“Do you want us to talk to them now?” Yuna asked.

“Only if you want to. Although I feel we owe them an apology,” Ryujin said.

Yuna hummed thoughtfully.

“Okay,” she said. “Yeah, I think so too. They're all here, so I'm going to make some tea while we figure out what to say to them, okay?”

Ryujin nodded.

Once the tea was ready and the five of them were gathered in the living room, Ryujin cleared .

“Girls, Yuna and I want to apologize to you,” she said, with Yuna sitting next to her.

Jisu frowned.

“About what?” she asked, curious.

“The past few months,” Yuna clarified.

Yeji cocked her head to one side.

“It's not necessary,” she said calmly.

Chaeryeong hummed in agreement with the leader.

“Yes, it is,” Ryujin said. She took Yuna's hand. “Our problems as a couple shouldn't affect you and yet they did.”

“Our performance together in front of the cameras was average,” Yuna continued. “And off-camera we caused problems too: the five of us had few fun outings together, there was awkwardness all the time... Ryujin-unnie and I apologize heartily for that.”

“We are all a team,” Ryujin said, encouraged by Yuna's earnestness. “As parts of it, we apologize for sabotaging it.”

Yuna nodded, emphasizing what Ryujin was saying.

“You guys tried to cheer me up during the time Ryujin-unnie and I were apart after we made peace, for which I thank you infinitely. You are the best unnies I could wish for,” Yuna said with a bright smile.

Yeji, Jisu and Chaeryeong, who wore serious and thoughtful expressions until then, smiled.

“I'm no slouch,” Ryujin interjected before any of them spoke. “Despite being closed and quiet most of the time, you tried to cheer me up, for which I am very grateful. You are wonderful friends. Thank you.”

The room fell silent. Ryujin didn't feel it as an awkward silence. She scanned the expressions of the others and concluded that they didn't think so either.

“I accept your apology,” Yeji was the first to speak.

“I accept it too,” Jisu continued, smiling.

“And I, of course,” Chaeryeong said with a shy little smile.

Ryujin sighed in relief. Until that day, she didn't know how much that matter weighed on her.

“Great!” Yuna said. She giggled, "How about going out today? I want to go out for pizza!”

The others smiled as they listened to their maknae speak.

“I'm free,” Jisu said.

The rest nodded in agreement with her.

Yuna clapped her hands and jumped up.

“Where are you going?” Yeji asked, frowning but with a smile on her lips.

“To change to go out! Duh,” Yuna said.

“But it's just starting the afternoon,” Ryujin said, raising an eyebrow.

“The sun will scorch us if we go out at this hour,” Chaeryeong said.

Yuna pouted.

“Pizza is best enjoyed at night, Yuna,” Jisu said.

“Weeeell, if you say so,” Yuna sounded unconvinced.

“Come on, let's watch a movie in the meantime,” Ryujin proposed.

Yuna's eyes sparkled with delight.

“It works for me,” she said as she lay down next to Ryujin.

The others laughed. It hadn't taken much to change her mind.

---

 

“Comeback? And first full album?!” Ryujin stood up with a start.

Yeji smiled broadly. Chaeryeong and Yuna were talking to each other excitedly and Jisu was puzzled.

“Please tell me we have the name of the album,” Ryujin begged. She was really excited.

Chaeryeong and Yuna fell silent and looked at Yeji, whereupon the leader had 4 pairs of expectant eyes on her. Complicity tinged her smile.

“Do you like Crazy in Love?”

 

---

 

“I feel like Guess Who happened yesterday,” Ryujin said.

“Didn't it? The last performance of 마.피.아. In the morning seemed to have been almost nothing ago,” Yuna said, standing next to her.

Ryujin turned around. The gazebo was empty and, as Ryujin had promised herself, she had checked all the nearby bushes.

She stood again in front of the greenish pond, which reflected the rays of the afternoon sun.

“Crazy in Love,” Ryujin savored the name.

“It's a good name.”

“I can relate to it quite a bit,” Ryujin said.

Yuna laughed, much to Ryujin's delight.

“You can't say that and expect me not to want to kiss you afterwards,” Yuna said.

Ryujin smiled arrogantly.

“Too bad you have to wait,” she replied.

“Is it getting like too late, or is it just me?” Yuna said with feigned puzzlement. “I think it's time to go back.”

“But we just got here,” Ryujin complained as Yuna walked away.

“It's not my fault it's already late.”

“I'm the one driving,” Ryujin reminded her.

“I'll walk back!” Yuna raised her voice.

Ryujin sighed, though she found the prospect of having Yuna eat her up with kisses seductive.

“Spoiled giraffe,” Ryujin muttered as she started walking.

“Did you say something?”

“Nope.”

 

---

 

Ryujin stretched out one arm, then the other. She bent down, resting her weight on one bent leg while stretching the other. She stood up, performing exercises to stretch her back muscles.

“In five minutes the staff arrives,” Yeji said.

The five girls continued warming up to record LOCO's practice dance. Ryujin's gaze happened to meet Yuna's, who was sitting on the floor stretching her legs with the butterfly technique. Ryujin winked at her and went about her business.

A few stretches later, Ryujin interlocked her hands and stretched her arms upward, standing on her tiptoes. Her flat abdomen caught Yuna's attention like a magnet.

“Wow,” Yuna thought, unable to look away. Unfortunately for her, Ryujin turned around. Yuna blinked. Suddenly the room seemed warmer.

She continued with her stretching exercises, though her mind went back to Ryujin. She was glad when Ryujin was in her field of vision again.

Ryujin leaned her trunk back, resting her hands on her waist. Her abdomen was left in all its glory, causing Yuna to feel slightly dizzy.

“Will it be as smooth as it looks?” she thought. The thought was almost intrusive, but once it was inside her mind, she couldn't get it out.

She looked away quickly as Ryujin straightened up. She said something to Yeji and Yeji said something back that Yuna didn't care to hear.

Ryujin did several more stretches, unaware of Yuna's frequent glances at her. Yuna continued to warm up, though it was redundant, as her body was already ready to dance.

“She’s… She is hot,” she thought enraptured by the sight of Shin Ryujin before her.

She felt ashamed of her own morbidness. But just that; she didn't resist.

She began to notice other details: Ryujin's legs, whose muscles flexed when the girl bent down; her arms, which, although they didn't look muscular, were toned... However, what drove the maknae crazy was Ryujin's abdomen. She bit her lower lip hard as Ryujin flexed her abdomen, making smooth lines emerge between the muscles there. Yuna wondered what it would be like to run her fingers there, to feel the soft skin under her fingertips…

Someone coughed, causing Yuna to wince. 

Yuna went to take a drink of cold water, hoping it would clear her mind.

An hour later, the five of them were monitoring the recording. They decided it was the perfect shot, and prepared to move on to the next part of their agenda.

Yuna was folding her towel when Ryujin passed by her side. She leaned toward Yuna, and her breath tickled her ear.

“Thanks for the checking out, honey,” Ryujin whispered huskily.

She walked away, leaving Yuna wanting the earth to swallow her up.

 

---

 

Ryujin climbed out of the van with her friends. The sun caressed her skin gently, for it was early in the morning. It would be several hours before it would get really hot.

A small group of people, almost all with cameras, became agitated when ITZY was in their field of vision. It didn't take long for the flashes to emerge.

“It's impossible to calm nerves during the first presentation,” Chaeryeong said beside her.

“We'll do well. As always,” Ryujin said, waving to the cameras.

 She liked those kinds of photographers. Calm, they kept a safe distance and only appeared at the right moments. Some of them might even run fansites. A far cry from those so-called sasaengs.

The girls broke the line and made their way to the facility where their first presentation would take place.

 

---

 

Who was by her side this time was Yuna. She made hearts with her fingers and other gestures for the cameras.

Yuna had kept her word. She varied her position during each arrival at the musical programs and spoke only occasionally to Ryujin.

“You can relax a little,” Ryujin suggested.

“What are you talking about?” Yuna frowned.

“We can talk more in front of the cameras,” Ryujin said. “No problem.”

“What if an inappropriate word escapes me? A love or a sweetheart?” Yuna kept waving at various cameras.

Ryujin mimicked her as she kept talking.

“You've never called me love,” she said, amused.

“But sweetheart,” Yuna replied.

Ryujin shook her head.

“As you see. Are you nervous?”

“About being the special MC today? Yes,” Yuna said.

“You'll do fine. I'll be by your side as long as I can.”

“Hmm,” she looked unsure.

They started moving towards the building, with Yeji in the lead. Ryujin stood beside Yuna as they walked and took her hand. Yuna turned to look at her, her eyes reflecting alertness.

“What are you doing? There are cameras right there.”

Ryujin squeezed her hand.

“It's okay,” she said. “We're just friends in their eyes, no big deal.”

Yuna didn't protest anymore. Ryujin knew that this gesture would comfort the maknae.

 

---

 

Yuna took a deep breath. She had lost count of how many times she had repeated the same process. She saw the microphone in her hands, not surprised to see it shaking slightly because of the trembling of her hands. The nervousness would not go away, and it was not long before she was about to go on stage.

Yuna would have to speak in front of a bunch of cameras, something that would be broadcast later on a television channel, which would be seen by thousands of people. What if she made a mistake? What if she drew a blank? She wouldn't have her script up there on stage. Yuna would be extremely embarrassed with the staff and with her fellow representative.

Yuna's heart jumped nervously as she was beckoned onto the stage. She walked on legs that felt like jelly next to her partner.

Her gaze darted from side to side as they set up the cameras. Her team had already performed and Yuna guessed they would be changing. There would be no familiar faces to look at.

“It's better this way,” she thought. That way none of her unnies would see her if she made a mistake.

“Please don't let it happen. Come on, Yuna, you can do it,” she mentally encouraged herself.

Yuna's gaze suddenly stopped on a girl with black and blonde hair. She connected her gaze with Ryujin's. Ryujin smiled at her showing all her teeth and waved her arms. Yuna smiled at the sight of her and was tempted to approach her, but she couldn't.

Ryujin subtly executed the movements of a choreography while exaggeratedly moving , hoping that Yuna would catch what she meant. It took Yuna a few moments to understand what she was doing, then it dawned on her. It was a part of Dalla Dalla's choreography, the one where they said “we got your back!”.

I've got your back.

Yuna nodded vigorously, making Ryujin's smile widen. Ryujin was about to hit someone, even with her subtle movements. Yuna burst out laughing as Ryujin bowed again and again by way of apology in front of a frowning site employee.

Yuna’s nerves diminished considerably.

 

---

 

How happy Ryujin was to read tweet after tweet from MIDZY.

Most of them said they loved LOCO and the album, as well as the outfits from the performances. Comments dedicated to Yeji, Jisu, Chaeryeong, Yuna and herself abounded. It was a relief to know that they were doing well.

She stopped on a tweet that included a photo. It was her and Yuna holding hands, heading to one of the music programs. The tweet itself read:

“OMG the 2Shin is back, we WON”

It had a thousand favorites. Ryujin raised her eyebrows in surprise. She jumped in to read the replies to the tweet.

“We were in a drought during Mafia, we deserved something already”

“2Shin stans stand up!!!!”

“they beat the divorce allegations”

Ryujin knew they were joking, that they didn't know the truth and never would, but she liked seeing that support, even if it was fictitious. She squeezed the button heart and put the tweet behind her. No one would know she had given her a favorite, as she used a generically decorated account. She liked to call herself a fandom insider.

She saw a tweet in English, though she was able to translate it:

“Until the picture of 2shin holding hands came out, I hadn't realized how little content we'd had ☹”

Someone responded:

“Right? Were they fighting or what? Pls I missed them so much”

“Guess Who was the worst era for 2Shin stans”, someone else wrote.

“If only they knew,” Ryujin muttered.

“What?”

-Ah, you're right there,” Ryujin said, looking at Yeji on the other couch.

“How can you forget about my presence, Shin Ryujin?” Yeji said, offended.

 “I don't,” Ryujin rolled her eyes. “Even if I wanted to.”

Yeji grunted, but said nothing.

Yuna arrived after a while.

“What are you doing?” she asked in a mushy voice.

“Watching Bubble,” answered Yeji.

“Read MIDZY reviews,” Ryujin said. “They talk a lot about your rap on Twenty.”

Yuna smiled.

“I've heard a lot from Bubble that they were amazed,” she said and puffed out her chest, proudly.

“No wonder,” Ryujin said.

Yuna sat down on the only available sofa.

“What else do they say?” she asked.

Ryujin glanced sideways at Yeji. The leader was smiling at the phone. Ryujin remembered something her mother used to say to her as a joke when she caught Ryujin smiling while looking at the phone: Who has you smiling like that, daughter?

“About us” Ryujin said. “There are pictures of us holding hands.”

Yuna raised an eyebrow.

“Yes? Is that right or wrong?”

Ryujin shrugged.

“Ships are very common, so it doesn't matter,” she looked at Yeji again. Yeji didn't react, “Do you know what they call ours?”

Yuna stuck out her lower lip in concentration.

“This... I think it was Ryuna.”

“Well, yes. But there's also 2Shin.”

“I prefer Ryuna,” Yuna wrinkled her nose, and Ryujin thought offhandedly that she was very cute.

“Me 2Shin.”

“Sounds like some mathematical formula,” Yeji commented.

“It's cute,” Ryujin said defensively.

Yeji continued typing rapidly, saying nothing.

“I'd like to see MIDZY's expressions if they knew we were really dating,” Yuna said.

“There'd be chaos between them,” Ryujin chuckled. “They'd go crazy.”

“Although it won't happen,” Yeji swept her gaze over the couple.

“No, of course not,” Ryujin said, frowning.

“It's just a harmless thought, unnie,” Yuna supported.

Yeji continued to stare at them for a moment, tapping the phone with her fingernail.

“Good,” she said, and returned to the phone. She smiled.

Ryujin and Yuna looked at each other questioningly, but decided not to ask.

“I'll go make some tea,” Yuna said, going to the kitchen.

Passing by Ryujin's side, Yuna her cheek. Ryujin smiled instantly and turned to watch the maknae walk away. Yuna had her head turned to look at her, a smile gracing her lips. Ryujin blew her a kiss and Yuna's shoulders shook as the maknae let out a giggle.

Ryujin turned to look at Yeji.

“Do you remember our ship, Yeji-unnie?” Ryujin asked with a smile still on her lips.

“Ryeji, right?” she answered.

“That's the one.”

“And ours, Yeji-unnie?” Yuna said from the kitchen.

“Easy. It's…” Yeji frowned. “Ehm... I don't remember.”

“It hurts me that you don't remember.”

“What a dramatic maknae,” Yeji said. “Which one is it?”

Silence rubbed the air for a few seconds.

“I don't know,” Yuna said.

Ryujin laughed.

“Yuyeji?” Yuna suggested.

“It doesn't sound very good,” Yeji said. “Yeyuna?”

“That one sounds worse!” Yuna said.

Ryujin burst out laughing.

“Look it up on the internet, Ryujin,” Yeji asked.

“Nah,” replied the short-haired girl. “I'll go to the room for a moment.”

Yeji glared at her as he walked away.

“Hwangshin!” was the last thing Ryujin heard before she closed the door.

 

---

 

“Tell us, Yuna-ssi, have you been crazy in love lately?” asked the announcer of the radio program they were on.

“Well... Yes!” Yuna replied.

The smiles fluttering on Ryujin, Chaeryeong, Yeji and Jisu's faces died as soon as Yuna said the affirmative. The gazes were locked on her, but no one would notice that they were filled with tension. Ryujin, instead of looking at her, wandered her gaze around the cabin ceiling, wondering what would happen if Yuna told the truth right there. She wished and dreaded the idea in almost equal parts.

“Oh, yeah? What a surprise!” the announcer said, oblivious to the situation. “Can you tell us who it is?”

Yuna looked at her companions, leaving Ryujin last.

“MIDZY, mom, dad, unnies, sister…” Yuna said, using a disengaged and innocent tone.

Everyone in the booth let out an aaaaahhhhh as a sign of understanding and laughed. Yeji in particular looked like five tons had been lifted off her shoulders. Ryujin… Ryujin would keep Yeji's look at Yuna in her mind for whenever she wanted to laugh. The leader looked ten years older for a moment, and Ryujin thought Yuna was in for a good scolding at home.

 

---

 

“I'm going home for a couple of days,” Ryujin announced.

“And that?” Yeji asked.

“My parents complained, half-jokingly, half-seriously, that I visited them too little,” Ryujin said with a hint of embarrassment.

“They’re right,” Jisu said.

They had decided to go to JYP's cafeteria, for a change of routine.

“You reminded me that I should visit my parents too,” Yuna said.

“You should take advantage of it now, before the year-end awards come closer,” Yeji suggested.

“The thing is…” Ryujin and Yuna said in unison.

Yeji and Jisu rolled their eyes.

“You’re not going to suddenly fade away because you don't see each other for a few days,” Jisu said with a hint of weariness in her voice.

“Exactly,” Yeji echoed. “Besides, we are talking about your parents! Go on. That's an order.”

Jisu let out a chuckle.

Ryujin blushed.

“Are we really that clingy?” Yuna asked shyly.

“Honey,” Jisu said. She looked at Yeji and they said at the same time. “You have no idea.”

Laughter erupted from the two elders as Ryujin and Yuna blushed in embarrassment.

 

---

 

“I know it's only been a few days, but I miss you already,” Yuna said through the phone.

“I miss you too,” Ryujin stepped out onto the porch of her house. The cold night air chilled her lungs.

“I'd like you to stay here, with me,” Yuna sounded longing.

“A tempting idea, but if I started staying at your house often…” Ryujin twisted her face, knowing that Yuna would not be able to see her.

“Yeah, I understand. At least we have the apartment.”

“And you still can't sleep with me,” Ryujin said sourly.

A sigh came to her over the line.

“Unfortunately.”

Ryujin had only slept with Yuna once before, but she remembered that night as one of the best in recent years. The warmth Yuna emanated, her breathing, which was pacing as she fell asleep, Ryujin even remembered her looking beautiful just awake.

She wouldn't be able to repeat that for who knows how long. In fact, that had been almost a year ago. She couldn't go, alone, to stay with Yuna. Nor Yuna with her. Ryujin's bed in the apartment was spacious, but Yuna couldn't just sleep with her, the reason being the building staff. Sometimes they would enter the bedrooms, unannounced, to make sure that no artist had brought a stranger between their sheets.

“They don't have cameras because they consider it invasive, but they go and do that ,” Ryujin thought the first time it happened. If they caught Ryujin and Yuna snuggling, they could sell the information later, or punish them severely.

Ryujin felt uneasy. She raised her head to the sky, hoping the frustration would go away.

“There are many stars tonight,” she said, changing the subject. The idea was not to torture themselves with things they couldn't do.

“Yeah?”

“Yup. It's weird to see so many in the middle of such a big city. You know, light pollution and all.”

“I'll have to check it out,” Yuna muttered.

Ryujin picked up indistinguishable noises through the line and then a door opening.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Going out for a moment to look at the sky.”

“Oh.”

“Let's see… Yes, there are more stars than usual. It's very rare for that to happen.”

“Yeah. I guess that makes it more special for city people like us. This is seen every night by farmers, or people who live in the countryside. For them it will be commonplace, trivial. I, on the other hand, will remember it for a while. I still remember the last time I saw such a starry sky.”

“That night in the mountain glade?” Yuna said.

Ryujin smiled.

“Just that.”

“That's also the last time I remember seeing such a beautiful sky. Though I also remember that night for something else.”

Ryujin laughed briefly.

“A combination of the two. Anyway, I wanted to add that our relationship is like seeing this sky: the moments that are common for other couples are special for us…”

“And that's why we have to appreciate them more, because they are rare.”

“That’s it,” Ryujin lowered her voice. “That's just it.”

“I wish it weren't so,” Yuna said wistfully.

“Me too, honey,” Ryujin camouflaged the sadness in her voice. “But we're different.”

“Dalla, dalla.”

Ryujin smiled, though the smile trembled a little. She opened , but closed it, not knowing what to say.

“Ryujinie?”

“I'm still here.”

“What's wrong? Was the joke too silly?”

“No, I was just thinking nonsense. They're showing a movie I like on TV soon, so…”

“Ah! Sure. See you, Ryujinie. Enjoy your night.”

Ryujin buzzed in assent.

“You too, Yuna.”

The next thing Ryujin heard was a beep, then silence. She stood on the porch for a while, sorting out her thoughts. She didn't want to think about the same old thing, but she couldn't help but fall into that hole.

Ryujin had noticed the look Yuna gave the other couples when the two of them were out together. Couples holding hands without even thinking about it; people cuddling next to each other for warmth in the chilly autumn air; couples melting into warm embraces, oblivious to what was going on around them.

Couples doing couple things unconsciously.

Of course, why should they have to be? No one was judging them for being male and female and even less were they going to blink if they were ordinary people.

Meanwhile, Ryujin had to be conscious of everything she did, just like Yuna. No hugging in public, no holding hands in broad daylight; just walking and talking as if they were mere friends. It wasn't even totally peaceful in ITZY's bedroom: her manager might walk in or a staff member might walk in to tell them about something. Ryujin was forced to separate from Yuna quickly. She was forced to let go of her lips or forced to stop inhaling the scent of her hair. Ryujin resented living like this, and she knew Yuna did too. Ryujin could see it in her eyes, longing, as she watched another couple stroll in the fresh air.

Yuna didn't say anything, but Ryujin knew what went through her mind every time she saw such a thing: I wish we could be like that.

And every time, Ryujin thought the same thing.

“Forgive me for not being able to give you normalcy, Yuna.”

“I'm sorry it has to be this way.”

Ryujin remembered what Yuna had said to her in that mountain glade: I don't regret falling in love with you.

That sentence only caused Ryujin more pain.

She went back into the house.

 

---

 

Yuna: “I'll be an adult soon!!!”

Jisu: “It's still a month away kekeke”

Yuna: “In the blink of an eye it's already December!”

Yuna: “I hope you guys have lots of presents for me by then”

Yuna: “You have time to get them”

Yeji: "Demanding girl”

Ryujin: “X2”

Chaeryeong: “X3”

Jisu: “X4”

Yuna: “ㅠㅠ my unnies are bad unnies”

Yeji: “We'll see, Yuna-ah”

Yeji: “For now we are going to focus on the year-end a