Ryujin stopped before entering the alley that allowed her to shorten the distance to her house. She really liked using that alley, even though it was somewhat lonely (as there was nothing of interest in it). There was a sign nailed to one of the two walls, which read: A SMALL SHORTCUT CAN BE TURNED INTO THE LONGEST HIGHWAY IN THE WORLD.

Ryujin frowned. Since when was that sign there? Well, it didn't matter.

She wandered into the alleyway, wondering if Yuna would like what she had just bought. The gift was inside a nice bag that....

Wait a second, where was the bag?

A hand covered and a second later a cold metal kissed her neck.

Ryujin tried to gasp, but the blood flooding prevented her. She put her hands to her neck to try in vain to stem the bleeding. She fell to her knees and then collapsed, face up.

She tried to breathe, tried to get up, tried to speak, but nothing would take.

A figure rose before her, and though shadows scampered across his features, Ryujin knew who it was.

“I won't make the same mistake twice, Ryujinie,” the thing said and crouched over her, the bloody knife coming closer and closer…

 

---

 

Perhaps it was the kick (so hard that it pushed Ryujin down a few inches) or the terrible pain shooting through her leg from the same kick that woke her up.

Ryujin sat up in bed, gritting her teeth. It had been a long time since that pain had visited her.

“I wish I'd never done it again,” she thought, searching with her eyes for the aspirin. They were on the bedside table as usual, just like the water.

Ryujin reached over there but retracted her hand with a curse. No, she would endure the pain like the stubborn girl she was.

“You bastard,” she muttered through her teeth. “You son of a , I hope you rot in ing prison.”

Ryujin wished her words would come true. She had no idea how many years in prison the reporter had gotten, but she was sure it wasn't enough. Even three life sentences would not be enough to make up for what he had caused.

They would never be enough to make up for the two terrifying months ITZY spent during the scandal of Ryujin and Yuna's relationship. They wouldn't make up for the trauma that Ryujin now carried, one that caused her excruciating fear when she thought of the possibility that someone else was stalking her or her friends from the shadows. They wouldn't make up for Ryujin and Yuna's late nights when the former woke up in the middle of the night, prey to pains coming from her damaged nerve. They would not make up for the hell that Yuna had lived through while Ryujin was unconscious in the hospital.

They would not make up for this black hole in her life ever.

Ryujin dropped to the floor, hissing in pain. Yuna wasn't there that night. She had switched to staying alone on weekends at Ryujin's house, something she agreed to after much prodding from Ryujin.

Lucky for me, Ryujin thought. She never wanted Yuna to see her like this ever again. She crawled over to the curtains and pulled them back, opening the window afterwards. She leaned against the sill, wheezing from the pain. The frigid night wind greeted her. Her head ached from the rude awakening.

“You really came close to killing me because you had the balls to do it,” Ryujin mumbled.

She remembered the conversation she had had in the hospital with her father, when they were both alone.

“Yuna told me that I spent two days in a place that didn't allow visitors,” Ryujin said, unable to ignore the pain in her jaw.

“That's right.”

“I came close to dying during those two days, didn't I?” Ryujin asked bluntly.

Her father gave her a sidelong glance and continued to take notes on the various knick-knacks in Ryujin's room.

“No way, daughter,” he said.

Ryujin let out a bitter chuckle.

“Don't lie to me. It won't kill me if you say it now.”

Her father put the notebook and pen in the pockets of his robe and faced her with a conflicted expression.

“You lost a lot of blood,” he said. “When I first saw you, you were so pale that part of me thought it was too late.”

Ryujin looked up at the ceiling and closed her eyes. She had assumed as much, but having a doctor tell her that made the situation take on more weight in her head.

She had been about to walk away and leave Yuna's life, her parents', Yeji's, Jisu's, Chaeryeong's life shattered.

Just because a madman had wanted it that way.

Ryujin looked up at the black night sky, trying not to focus entirely on the pain in her lower half. It was like the pain one experienced after running for a long time without first warming up or being in poor physical condition, only multiplied tenfold.

Ryujin knew that holding a grudge or hatred was not good. It soured one's existence. However, she didn't hold grudges or hatred.

Well, a little bit she did carry around inside, but she only let it out on nights like this, when the reporter's shadow came back to haunt her. In these kinds of situations, she couldn't help but feel a twisted joy at the thought that whoever had put her in her current situation was locked up in an unpleasant place.

“I'll be sure to hire the best lawyer in Seoul when the time comes,” Ryujin mumbled, not taking her eyes off the sky. There were few stars.

The trial had not taken place (the law was a slow and tedious process), but Ryujin did plan to press charges. Even if she didn't, the reporter would still stay in prison for a few years, but with the help of a good lawyer they would go from “some” to “quite a few”.

“Only on these occasions will I deign to think about your horrible existence,” Ryujin thought, massaging her right leg. The pain was subsiding.

“When these attacks are completely behind me, so will you,” Ryujin promised. No one, not even Yuna, would ever know of these moments when Ryujin let out all her bitterness. Moments when she would turn from a smiling, calm girl to a being who wished evil on another. Although, in Ryujin's opinion, that other deserved it. She didn't wish him death, but she didn't wish him happiness either.

Not one bit.

Ryujin closed the window and returned to her bed. She left the curtains open. The night light comforted her.

 

---

 

The JYP building was still the same as ever, despite the months Ryujin had gone without seeing it. The various company groups, represented on posters, were still welcoming visitors, as they had always done.

There were a few reporters, a fact that Ryujin didn't know if it was fortuitous or if they would somehow know that this was the day Ryujin would try to regain some of her normal life, but she didn't care. As long as they kept their distance, everything would be fine.

They took several pictures of her, and Ryujin made sure to smile at the cameras, even with her facemask on. She would have given a couple of handshakes, but her hands were busy with her crutches.

“I've even missed this,” Ryujin said as she walked. “I hope I didn't look too pitiful in those pictures.”

“No way,” Yuna said.

“You're still pretty imposing, even with crutches,” Yeji said.

“Yep, just as photogenic as ever,” Jisu said. She opened the door of the building to let them in.

“And just as pretty,” Chaeryeong added.

The four of them had gone to pick her up at her house, a gesture Ryujin found touching. So much so that she felt a slight urge to cry, but she did not. She felt she had seen and shed enough tears for a whole year.

The inside of JYP was still cold. Ryujin needed help climbing some stairs, which was quickly provided by her friends. Yuna took her crutches while Jisu and Chaeryeong supported her.

“Thank you,” Ryujin said when they reached the top.

“On your order,” Jisu said with a small smile on her lips.

“It's almost time for vocal lessons,” Yeji reported.

“Then we'd better hurry,” Chaeryeong said.

Ryujin rolled her eyes.

“I'm going as fast as I can,” she said.

“Which isn't much,” Yuna said. She smiled at the glare Ryujin and the rest gave her with a glare. “Just kidding.”

“When I play the joke of not speaking to you for the rest of the day, I hope you smile just the same,” Ryujin said.

The others laughed, making her smile out of inertia. She had really missed teasing her friends (and girlfriend) and having them .

 

---

 

“Now, let's dance,” Yeji said when they were all gathered in the hallway.

“I'll you,” Ryujin said, earning curious looks from the others. “I'll just sit and watch you, of course.”

“Perfect,” Yuna said, smiling.

“It's not exactly the old days, but…” Chaeryeong said.

“It's an improvement,” Jisu said.

As they headed to the practice room, Ryujin evaluated her performance in the studio. After warming up , she had gone through a couple of songs. Ryujin was quite relieved to find that she didn't sound horrible. She did sound a bit rusty, but her instructor told her that with constant exercise she would be back to her old self.

“Your voice has only suffered a little disuse,” her instructor had said. “You didn't hurt your throat or neck during your accident, I understand, so nothing involved in the action of singing is damaged. With a few sessions, you'll start to sound just like you did before.”

“And luckily I'm a rapper,” Ryujin thought. If she sang more than rapped, it would be harder to recover her technique.

Ryujin shot a complicit glance at Yuna, who returned it. It was the same room they used to meet in when no one knew about their relationship.

“Shall we start with ICY?” Yeji asked when they were inside, ready.

Ryujin sat down on the couch that was directly in front of the mirror, behind her friends.

“Better Wannabe,” she said.

Jisu gave her a dirty look.

“We'll get tired as soon as we start,” she said.

“It's not that tiring,” Ryujin said in a disinterested tone.

Jisu smiled falsely at her, leaving a "you think so?" expression on her face.

Ryujin burst out laughing, seeing her laughter accompanied by Yeji's, Chaeryeong's and Yuna's.

 

---

 

Yeji and Chaeryeong were still the same old dancing monsters, Ryujin observed. Jisu was keeping up with them smoothly, despite their complaints.

The one Ryujin noticed most was her girlfriend. Partly because she found her beautiful and because she loved Yuna's face of concentration as she danced, but also because of her own dancing. Ryujin thought she danced just as well as herself, maybe even better. That she was so amazing being only eighteen was a fact that always blew Ryujin's mind.

Her legs itched to dance with them. It was a lousy idea, Ryujin knew, but how to contain her desires? It was very difficult.

“At least I can stand here, watching,” she thought. It wasn't the same in a thousand years, but she was able to sit, to laugh, to talk for a long time without her jaw aching. She could turn around, shrink in on herself and rest both legs on the floor normally, without fear of tearing a stitch or her leg protesting.

“I'm knackered,” Yuna snorted. She let her hair down and dropped to the floor. Her hair spilled across the floor, so long it resembled a black carpet.

“Yuna,” Ryujin called.

Yuna moved only her eyes towards her. She raised her eyebrows in question.

“Why are you so beautiful?”

Yuna opened but said nothing. Ryujin heard someone choking (it seemed to be Yeji) but kept her gaze on Yuna.

“Ahm, this... Because yes,” Yuna half murmured.

“Now they're going to compliment each other in front of us? “ Jisu asked jokingly.

“Maybe,” Ryujin said with a half-smile.

“That's not like you, Ryujin,” said a surprised Chaeryeong.

Ryujin shrugged her shoulders.

“Life's too short to be coy,” she said and then winked at Yuna, who let out her characteristic chuckle.

“I can take it,” Yeji said when her coughing fit had passed, “but no snogging.”

“Please,” Jisu said.

“And thank you,” Chaeryeong finished.

Ryujin and Yuna looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

“As you wish, bosses,” said both of them.

 

---

 

Her JYP room was neat and tidy.

“Don't you sleep here?” Ryujin asked after sitting on her bed.

“Sometimes,” Yuna answered sitting next to her. “The others I sleep with Jisu-unnie: I don't like to leave her alone.”

“How sweet of you,” Ryujin cooed. She pinched her cheek, and Yuna pulled away with a grunt.

Ryujin stood up and took Tuk and Cabbit's stuffed animals in each hand. They were clean and smelled of Yuna's perfume.

“Do you sleep with them?” Ryujin wanted to remain serious for teasing the maknae, but she couldn't suppress a smile.

“Uhm... yeah,” Yuna said looking at her feet.

“That's nice,” Ryujin said sincerely. “But remember: never separate them.”

“I don't, they always go back to their place in the morning, together.”

Ryujin put the stuffed animals down on the table and sat in the chair, putting the crutches aside. She patted her thighs to get Yuna's attention.

“Thank you for taking care of my room,” she said. “Why don't you come over so I can make it up to you, my love?”

Yuna's eyes filled with excitement.

“Sure.”

 

---

 

“It'll be a short walk,” Yuna said as she entered the Olympic Park.

“I can stand to walk around with these things for quite a while,” Ryujin said as she stood beside her.

Yuna twisted her lips in a doubtful gesture.

“We'll stop if I get tired,” Ryujin promised. She found it annoying that everyone saw her as a weakling, but coming from Yuna she found it a little less irritating.

“Okay,” Yuna agreed.

“So that's it?” Ryujin thought. She expected more protests from the maknae, something along the lines of "let's just take a short walk" or "you shouldn't get tired", but she wasn't complaining.

“The leaves are reddish,” Ryujin commented.

“And they're falling already, even though December is a month away,” Yuna stopped and plucked a brown leaf from a low tree.

“In my experience, that means winter will be strong.”

“Oh, that means there's going to be a lot of snow, isn't it?” Yuna asked in an excited voice.

“Yeah, most likely,” Ryujin said with a smile. The winter of 2020 hadn't brought much snow, and the winter of 2021, none at all.

“I want to make snowmen! And angels too,” Yuna looked up at the sky with pleading eyes.

Ryujin could not wipe off her smile. In fact, it got bigger. Hearing Yuna talk like this was priceless to her. Every time the maknae spoke excitedly, Ryujin's mood warmed up.

“We'll do it together,” Ryujin said.

Yuna proceeded to laugh and stood in front of her. Ryujin was about to ask what was wrong when Yuna hugged her.

“Ah!”

“It's a deal, Ryujinie!” the girl said.

Ryujin frowned without wiping the smile off her face.

“You're very giggly. More than usual,” Ryujin said, sinking her face into Yuna's neck. She could do it without bending down, which reminded Ryujin how tall Yuna was.

“It's because we were finally all together again in the studio,” Yuna said. “I love having you there.”

“Heh, I'm glad to be with everyone again too.”

“I'm not lying when I say that you make everything around me become brighter when you're around, Ryujin,” Yuna whispered, Ryujin's hair.

Ryujin bit her lip, feeling her heart flutter.

“It makes me happy that you feel this way about me,” Ryujin said softly. “I feel something similar when I see you.”

“Ah, getting emotional in the middle of a park isn't a good idea…”

Ryujin broke away from Yuna. The maknae was smiling broadly.

“There's no bad place or time to tell you how grateful I am for your existence, love,” Ryujin said.

She caressed Yuna's cheek, who placed her hand on top of Ryujin's.

“I like that philosophy,” Yuna replied.

She took Ryujin by the sides and kissed her. Ryujin closed her eyes, letting happiness completely overwhelm her. She never resisted it: there was no reason. She caressed Yuna's arms with some effort and stood on her tiptoes, wanting more of her Yuna's lips. Yuna squeezed her tighter and leaned into her. The atmosphere was heating up.

Ryujin reluctantly pulled away when she heard voices in the distance.

“Eating each other's mouths in the middle of a public place sure isn't a good idea,” Ryujin said as they resumed their walk.

Yuna tapped her on the head.

“We weren't "eating" each other's mouths!” she said, embarrassed.

“No, we weren't,” Ryujin said sarcastically. “We were just seeing how far our tongues would go in each other's mouths.”

“Stop it!”

Ryujin just let out a laugh.

 

---

 

“Hello, MIDZY,” Ryujin said to the camera in a cheerful voice. “How long, right? I hope you're well. I had the idea of recording something for you today when I'm alone at home,” Ryujin set the camera on the tripod. As she did so, she continued talking. “Since I can't move around much while carrying a camera, I've decided to cook something and then eat it,” she manipulated the camera until the screen covered the kitchen counter, inhabited by various ingredients. “Something like a mukbang,” she finished with a smile.

Now that everything was back to normal in the world (music programs had full audiences again, bands were touring different countries), Ryujin felt left out. It wasn't just that she felt that way, it was that way. ITZY had been inactive for a year, not counting the commercials with the different brands. Ryujin tried to think that it was a year they would make up later, but it still ed her up not to be in front of her fans like before, in 2019.

Communicating with them was the least she could do. MIDZY had to know they hadn't been abandoned.

“I'm going to make something classic: bibimbap,” Ryujin said as she picked up the vegetable chopping knife. “Oh, and galbitang,” Ryujin made sure for the last time that the camera covered the counter, her hands and the upper half of her body before she started chopping vegetables. “I won't talk too much in this part to, you know, avoid an accident,” she snorted a snort that was symbolic of a chuckle.

That it seemed strange to have a camera filming her worried her. Had it been that long since he'd last had one in front of her?

“Rice is the easiest thing in the world to make with a rice cooker,” Ryujin commented as she poured the cups into the rice cooker. “When I was little, you had to make it with a pot. Waiting for the water to boil, pouring in the rice, making sure it didn't stick... What a time,” she looked at the camera. “Why do I sound like an old lady?”

While the rice was cooking and the vegetables were boiling, Ryujin picked up the leftovers and cleaned the counter.

“This winter will be harsh,” she said. “Remember to wear quilted jackets, the kind that go down to your knees if possible. Those make you look like a kimbap, but they keep you warm.”

She paused the recording. She washed her hands and served the food. It took her ten minutes to bring everything to the table.

“It really is a pain to carry these things around,” she thought as she looked at the crutches.

She set them aside and slowly stood up, leaning against the back of the chair. Like the few times she had done so, she gritted her teeth expecting to drop like a sack of potatoes when she lost support, but nothing happened.

Since she had discovered she could walk, she did so when no one was home. Neither her doctor nor her physiotherapist had told her she could do it, but a few steps didn't hurt anyone.

Ryujin walked to the living room, keeping an eye on her right foot when it was her turn to rest it on the floor. Nothing, it didn't hurt.

A big smile took shape on her face. She couldn't wait to walk as she always had.

She walked back to the table with a slightly faster pace and her heart fluttering with nerves.

“Well done, Shin,” she thought.

She looked at the turned off camera. She turned it on.

“Well, it's all ready,” she pushed the steaming plates with one arm. It looks good,