“Ryujin,” Yuna said. “Ryujin, Ryujin, Ryujin, Ryujin, Ryujin!”

She was about to continue but her voice broke.

“Don't cry,” Ryujin murmured. “D-don't cry.”

Ryujin's lips began to tremble. She wanted to say something, but only a sob came out.

Yuna wanted to tell her so many things. She had thought about this moment, imagined it over and over again, with increasing frequency as the days passed without her waking up, but now that she was in front of Ryujin she could only cry, overcome with emotions.

“It's relief,” she managed to say. “They’re tears of relief. I love you, precious. I love you.”

Yuna opened her eyes to look at Ryujin. Her lips were trembling and tears were streaming down the sides of her face, soaking the bandages. Yuna gently wiped away her tears, drying them on her shirt.

“I missed you so much,” Ryujin said in a nasal voice. “I don't know if it makes sense since I was unconscious, but I missed you too much,” Ryujin moved her hand from Yuna's forehead to her cheek and caressed it. “I love you so much…”

Yuna leaned over and kissed her forehead again and again.

“I didn't stop thinking about you at any moment,” she said between each kiss she left on her Ryujin's forehead.

“I'm sure you did,” Ryujin replied. “Bring your cheek closer.”

Yuna complied with her request, feeling Ryujin's dry lips rest on her left cheek. With her hand, Ryujin indicated her to put her other cheek, kissing it as well. Finally, Ryujin took her chin and kissed her shallowly on the lips. Ryujin's lips were parched, but Yuna didn't mind a bit.

“I have to call a nurse and the rest,” Yuna said, still leaning over Ryujin. “But I don't want to be separated from you for another second.”

Ryujin smiled slightly.

“Isn't there a button to call the nurses?”

“Ah,” Yuna remembered. “Yes, there is.”

Yuna pressed it.

“Let's wait.”

Ryujin opened to say something, but closed it again with a rictus of pain imprinted on her face.

“What's wrong?” Yuna asked in alarm.

“My jaw hurts,” Ryujin said almost without removing her lips.

“Damn,” Yuna thought.

“You have a dislocated jaw,” Yuna said, not having found a softer way to say it.

Ryujin looked at her in horror, causing Yuna to cry again.

“Calm down,” Yuna said. “You'd better not talk.”

Ryujin said nothing. Yuna leaned her forehead against Ryujin's and whispered to her how much she had missed her until the nurse arrived. After she asked Ryujin and Yuna a couple of questions, she went out again. Soon after, the others arrived.

Yuna gave way to Ryujin's mother, who cried for a long time holding her daughter's hand. Then Jisu and Chaeryeong approached, both with crystal clear rivers flowing down their faces. Yuna thought wiping Ryujin's tears had done little good, watching her shed more and more as each girl approached. Yeji was the last to approach, and though Yuna had seen her cry the day they first saw Ryujin at the hospital, she couldn't help but be surprised to see her crying hard.

“I thought your cat eyes would dart out when you came in,” Ryujin said. Her voice was hoarse, raspy and nasal at the same time.

“What did you expect? I've been waiting days for you to wake up,” Yeji said, smiling a little.

Ryujin let out a laugh that eventually mutated into a groan of pain. Everyone in the room moved closer when they heard it.

“Calm down,” she grunted in pain. It just feels like I've been stuck with a needle in my abdomen.

“That's not very soothing,” Chaeryeong said nervously.

“I'm fine,” Ryujin said. “Really.”

Yuna looked at her, knowing that she was probably in pain in various parts of her body, but there was Ryujin, playing tough not to worry anyone.

“Did someone call the doctor?” Jisu said, probably thinking the same as Yuna.

“Oh, yes,” Mrs. Shin said. “Your father is coming,” she said, turning to Ryujin.

They talked quietly until Dr. Shin arrived. Yuna watched the man's windpipe go down and up several times in an effort not to cry at the sight of his daughter awake.

“Hi, dad,” Ryujin said, smiling.

“Hello, beautiful,” Dr. Shin the back of Ryujin's hand with her fingers. “I'm infinitely glad you're awake.”

After a while of just talking about how Ryujin was feeling, Dr. Shin cleared .

“Do you want to know what happened?” he asked.

“Tell me,” Ryujin said. “I can take it.”

Dr. Shin filled her in on what had happened. Ryujin blanched as the man continued talking, and Yuna wanted to tell him to stop, but she restrained herself, thinking that he was her father, and he had to know his daughter well enough to know that she could digest the information he was giving her.

“How long has it been since they put me in here?” Ryujin asked when her father had finished. “I guess five days or so. That's long enough.”

Yuna shared a glance with the others present.

“It's been fourteen days since you entered the hospital,” Mrs. Shin said softly.

Ryujin tilted her head as if she had been slapped.

“What? I've been sleeping for fourteen days?”

“Not exactly,” Dr. Shin interjected. “There were periods when your brain activity was higher, which means you did a lot of thinking, and you even woke up once. You lost a lot of blood, and your body had to work very hard to repair the damage. It doesn't matter now: you are awake. Now you have to eat something by yourself so the nurse can come later.”

The last part had been said with an authoritative tone that left no room for discussion, judging by Ryujin's sigh.

“I can't eat with one hand,” she said, frowning.

“I'll help you,” Yuna said instantly, earning incredulous looks from everyone, even Ryujin. “If you want, of course,” she murmured, feeling her cheeks heat up.

New tears came from Ryujin, and everyone asked her urgently what was wrong.

“Ah, I don't know,” Ryujin replied. “I really don't know why I'm crying. Mmm, I accept your proposal, Yuna. Mom, you stay here too.”

“We'll go get the food,” Yeji said, motioning to Jisu and Chaeryeong.

Dr. Shin whispered something to his wife and left.

Yuna sat on Ryujin's right side, while her mother sat on the left.

“How are you feeling?” Mrs. Shin asked.

“If I try to bend my abdomen it hurts, my nose also hurts a lot, when I started to speak my jaw hurt and… my right leg feels strange. I mean, it tingles and hurts. It's weird.”

Ryujin's right leg was the one that suffered several stab wounds, but Yuna didn't know if what Ryujin described was normal after such injuries.

“It'll just need time to heal,” Ryujin's mother said, though she didn't sound very sure of herself.

Yeji, Jisu and Chaeryeong brought Ryujin's food, wished her well and left. Yuna took charge of feeding her, not avoiding feeling strange under the watchful eyes of Ryujin's mother. At that moment, it was Yuna who felt like the mother.

 

---

 

Yeji, Jisu, Chaeryeong and Yuna had moved to JYP to be near the hospital where Ryujin was as soon as Ryujin was admitted. If it were up to Yuna, she would stay at the hospital all day, sleeping sitting on the bench in front of Ryujin's room, but Ryujin had flatly refused to let her do that.

“No way,” she had said. “You'll doom your back and neck if you do that. Stay at JYP, even if it's just to sleep (because I doubt you'll listen to me if I tell you that you don't need to accompany me all day).”

Yuna reluctantly agreed. As soon as she got out of her singing or dancing lessons, she would go straight to change to go to the hospital to talk to Ryujin. Many times, she would find her asleep, but it was no longer because of tranquilizers or sedatives; she simply slept. Yuna spent five days repeating the same process, until the sixth day, while talking to Ryujin, Dr. Shin entered the room.

“Good afternoon, daughter, Yuna,” he greeted. “I have news.”

“Shoot,” Ryujin said. “I hope it's good, dad.”

“You've been here for 20 days. Your shoulder is back in place, it will only take physiotherapy to get the mobility back in it. The wound in your abdomen is healing properly, but you will have to move very carefully so that the esophagus doesn't tear, nor the scar”. Now that Yuna was falling, she hadn't seen the wound in Ryujin's abdomen, nor the ones in her leg. “Your nose healed while you were sleeping thanks to the treatment we gave you. Your jaw will take one to two months to recover completely; you can't talk much for long periods of time and, when you yawn, put your fist under your chin to avoid opening your mouth too much,” Dr. Shin paused to take a breath. “As for the wounds on your leg…”

Yuna felt her stomach turn. Ryujin squeezed her hand tightly.

“Your right ankle is fractured, so maximum rest is indicated. If all goes well, in two months you'll be able to put weight on it. Moving on to your thigh, one of the stab wounds damaged the sciatic nerve superficially. We did tests to confirm that, coupled with what you've told me about the tingling and pain when you move your leg.”

“And what does that mean in Christian?” Ryujin said, fear tingeing her voice.

“Won't she be able to dance again?” Yuna surmised. Absolute terror seized her. If Ryujin couldn't move her leg properly for the rest of her life she would have to retire from life as an idol.

“No, please don't.”

“It means that the stab wound tore the sciatic nerve,” Dr. Shin said. “Not completely, not even close to that. It was very slight and superficial,” he said, palpable relief seeping into his voice. “You will have to stay here for another ten days so that we can monitor the evolution of that wound. If we conclude that it doesn't require surgery to connect the nerve fibers, you'll have to go to physical therapy for a few months until you fully recover.”

“A few months,” Yuna repeated in her mind. She felt horrible for Ryujin. She remembered that day in the park that Ryujin had told her what she wanted to do in the future. Return to the stage, perform in concert. They hadn't stepped on any stage for six months now. First, the news of their relationship. Now this. Yuna wanted to scream that it was unfair, that Ryujin didn't deserve this, that neither of them deserved this.

“Months? Months!?” Ryujin raised her voice. “I'm not even going to be able to go for a walk for a long time, am I?”

She closed her eyes and fell silent.

“You'll just have to wait, daughter,” Ryujin's father said, leaving the doctor's mask behind.

“I've waited long enough,” Ryujin mumbled.

Yuna stared at the ground, keeping her frustration and anger at bay.

“I'll leave you two alone,” Mr. Shin said. Before leaving the room, he said, “Patience, daughter.”

 

---

 

Ryujin did not need to undergo surgery. She was discharged in early July, with clear indications that she would have to remain in bed for a long, long time.

“Mrs. Shin,” Yuna called. She waved her out of the room, leaving Ryujin with Yeji, Jisu and Chaeryeong.

“Yes? What's wrong, little Yuna?”

Yuna held back a smile at the nickname. Ryujin's mother had started calling her that a couple of visits to Ryujin's house after she had introduced herself to her as her daughter's girlfriend.

“I understand that you will be alone with Ryujin most of the time, right?”

“That's right. My husband has to attend to his hospital. I'll ask for a leave from work; I wouldn't dare to leave Ryujin home alone. I'll pile up a lot of chores at work, but I don't mind.”

Yuna nodded as she finished speaking. She thought about how she'd still have to go out to the store at some point, or how she'd probably sleep with one eye open in case Ryujin needed something.

“I wanted... I wanted to propose something,” Yuna said, gathering her courage. “It's better if two people take care of Ryujin-unnie. If one has to leave, that leaves the other with Ryujin-unnie, so… Mmm…”

Sudden shyness prevented her from continuing.

“Do you want to stay at our house to take care of Ryujin?” Ryujin's mother asked, her eyes widening.

Yuna felt her ears heat up.

“Uhm, yes,” she murmured. “I'm sorry if that's too forward,” she said quickly. “Or if you don't want anyone else to live with you. I completely understand, and I know you're perfectly capable of taking care of your daughter, but I thought, uhm, you could use some help,” Yuna spoke faster and faster. “I also understand if you think that someone younglikemecan't getmuchhelp and-“

“Yuna, Yuna,” Mrs. Shin interrupted her. “Calm down,” Mrs. Shin pursed her lips, and Yuna thought she was upset, but realized that the lady was holding back a smile. “I was thinking of hiring someone to help me, but I knew Ryujin would completely refuse to be approached by a stranger to take care of her, and I was thinking of how to convince her of that, but you come and tell me this,” the lady took Yuna's hand. Ryujin's mother's skin was soft, similar to her offspring's. “Are you sure? I don't want you to add this to the list of things to worry about…”

Yuna wanted to cry. The last month she felt like crying too much in a row with each other. She didn't like it.

“Ah,” she managed to blurt out. “I'm sure. I was so afraid this last month, something I never want to feel again, let alone fear for Ryujin-unnie's well-being. If you really allow me to stay in your house until Ryujin-unnie recovers, I promise I'll help you in any way I can and more,” Yuna felt tighten, so she blew out a breath with her hand. “I can't be separated from Ryujinie so soon.”

Yuna realized belatedly that she had called Ryujin Ryujinie in front of Ryujinie's own mother. Ryujin had told her a long, long time ago to call her that only when they were alone together, although she had broken that rule a long time ago as well. But it was different to call her that in front of the girls than it was to call her that in front of her mother.

“Excuse me, I meant Ryujin-unnie,” she corrected, embarrassed.

Mrs. Shin smiled broadly.

“Don't apologize. More than once, I've heard you call my daughter that. She loves it, and I find it endearing too, so don't apologize for that.”

Yuna scratched her head, speechless with shyness.

“It's okay, little Yuna,” Mrs. Shin continued, “If your parents agree, then you can stay at our house without any problems.”

“Thank you very much, Mrs. Shin,” Yuna said, gently shaking Ryujin's mother's hand.

“To you for being so attentive to my little girl.”

“She's my little girl too,” Yuna said with a big smile on her face, which twitched as she realized what she had said.

Mrs. Shin gawked at her, and Yuna wished she could hide on another planet.

 

---

 

Ryujin had a sullen air about her since she had been told she wouldn't be able to walk for long. Perhaps she thought no one had noticed, but Yuna had. She confirmed her suspicions when Ryujin's mother remarked that her daughter seemed too quiet.

For Yuna there wasn't a single day when she wished it was all a bad dream. She wished she could wake up cuddled in Ryujin's arms, back in JYP, her only concern being when ITZY would comeback.

That doubt was answered the day Dr. Shin said it would take Ryujin a long time to walk again, let alone run or dance.

She felt tired, even if she didn't want to show it. Singing lessons, dancing lessons, both were marred by the absence of one of the members. She was not well. There was a piece missing from the puzzle, a cog in the machinery.

Ryujin didn't protest when Yuna told her she was moving in, and Yuna didn't know whether to take it as a good or bad sign. Even though Ryujin's mother told Yuna that her taking care of her daughter was enough, Yuna still helped with the housework. Cooking, washing up, laundry, going out to the store, you name it, Yuna was happy to do it. It was the least she could pay for her stay at Ryujin's house.

Ryujin... Ryujin was rather quiet. She would stay for long periods of time in the living room, looking out, doing nothing else. If not there, she would just lie on her bed, watching TV or the phone without much interest. When Ryujin and Yuna would set out to watch a movie or a series, Ryujin would complain little about the plot and the stupidity of the characters. Yuna understood it was because of the jaw, but she sensed something else behind it.

Ryujin slept a lot, but ate regularly. Yuna saw in Ryujin's eyes something out of the ordinary when she fed her. It seemed to be embarrassment, but she refrained from commenting on it, even though she felt bad about herself. Why was Ryujin embarrassed? Yuan understood that no adult liked to be fed, but she was her couple, her partner in love. Was it because she was younger than her?

“We should bathe before it gets later,” Yuna said.

Ryujin stopped looking out the window, focusing her black eyes on Yuna. She had pronounced dark circles under her eyes.

“Okay.”

Yuna took the wheelchair and carried Ryujin to her room. She couldn't use crutches or canes, not with her left arm useless at the moment and her ankle still recovering.

Ryujin's house was quite big and had two floors, which did not surprise Yuna: Ryujin's father was a doctor and owned his own hospital.

Most of the rooms were on the second floor. Since it would be a constant ordeal to wheel Ryujin up and down the stairs, they had arranged for one of the guest rooms on the first floor which was quite spacious. 

Like the previous times, Yuna helped Ryujin undress. She couldn't bathe alone, so Yuna bathed with her to help her. There was no embarrassment on either side: Yuna knew Ryujin's body as well as her own.

After removing the bandages, Ryujin leaned back against the sink, facing the full-length mirror.

“I look horrible,” she said, grimacing.

Yuna scanned Ryujin's body with her eyes. Her ribs were marked against the skin, an image that was accentuated when Ryujin raised an arm or when she turned her trunk. The scar on her abdomen always attracted Yuna's gaze like a magnet. It was reddish, but it was closed and clean. Nearby, more or less diagonally upward, was the place where her rib had been fractured. There was no visible mark on the site, but Yuna knew to avoid touching it. It had barely been two weeks since Ryujin had been discharged: it would take at least another four weeks for her rib to heal.

The left arm rested against Ryujin's body. The splint was removed in the first week at home, but she still couldn’t move her arm at all, except for physiotherapy. The bones in both arms were visible, as were the cheekbones. The cheeks had lost volume, and Yuna often wondered if she would have enough fat in them to make her dimples appear. She didn't know, as Ryujin had not smiled to make them emerge even once. While it was true that Ryujin ate as she normally did, the pounds her body had to put on to keep her alive would not be replaced overnight.

Finally, her right leg was not touching the ground, but was slightly retracted. Her right ankle was still wrapped in a splint.

“Damn bastard,” Yuna thought with a dull hatred inside her. She didn't know what had happened to the assailant, and Yuna's blood boiled at the thought of the fact that he had escaped.

“I hate seeing me like this,” Ryujin mumbled.

“Don't say that,” Yuna reproached quietly.

“But it's really ugly,” Ryujin said, still looking at herself in the mirror.

“To me you're still as beautiful as ever,” Yuna came closer and ran her hand down the side of Ryujin's good leg.

“It's good that someone believes it,” Ryujin said with a half-smile.

“You must believe it too. You're going to get better, love. You and your body. You just have to be patient,” Yuna Ryujin's hair.

Ryujin's half smile disappeared.

“You sound like my father,” she said, sounding irritated.

“He's right, so it makes sense for me to say the same,” Yuna sought her gaze through the mirror. “Don't get exasperated, Ryuijnie.”

Ryujin waved her good arm as if shooing away a fly.

“Let it go. Let's go take a bath.”

Yuna helped her sit on the chair inside the bathtub. She couldn't help a grimace when she saw the back of her right thigh. Four scars adorned the canvas of her skin, creating a macabre painting. One that doubled as a reminder, one that seemed to whisper directly into Yuna's head: Look how we've sullied Ryujinie's pristine skin, don't we look good here?

Yuna shook her head and stepped into the shower. Ryujin the faucet, letting the warm water slide down their bodies. There was enough room to squeeze a chair in with room to spare.

“Warm water is the best, don't you think?” Yuna asked, manipulating her hair to get the water into all the nooks and crannies of her hair.

“Uhm? Yeah, I guess,” Ryujin said absently, running her good hand over her face.

“You guess? We can put the cold water on if you prefer,” Yuna said with a smile.

Ryujin neither looked at her nor smiled back; she just raked her scalp.

“No, I think it's fine like this,” Ryujin said, with no trace of emotion in her voice.

“It was a joke,” Yuna said, wiping the smile off her face.

Ryujin looked at her, saying nothing. Yuna held her gaze, wondering what was going on behind the pools that were Ryujin's eyes.

After a few seconds (ten or fifteen), Ryujin gave a small smile.

“I know,” she said, showing some joy in her voice. “It's just... I don't know, forget it.”

Ryujin pulled her in and wrapped her in an embrace to which Yuna couldn't help but inhale out of breath.

“Your side and your arm,” she said worriedly and with a tense voice.

“You're not touching either.”

Yuna held her uncomfortably, not moving a hair's breadth so as not to hurt the girl.

“Now that I remember…” Ryujin said, making Yuna's body vibrate with her voice. “You have to buy the shampoo you always use.”

Yuna frowned.

“Which one? The one that smells like oranges?”

“Yes, that's the one,” Ryuijin said. “Your hair has lost that scent since you've been here.”

“I left that shampoo at home,” Yuna said, her voice lightening. “I didn't bring it with me.”

Ryujin her wet hair.

“Well, next time you go out you have to buy one.”

“Sure, I promise.”

Ryujin detached herself from her, still with the small smile on her face.

“Good.”

They didn't talk anymore for the rest of the bath.

 

---

 

The conversation they had in the shower was the longest they had had so far in recovery, and it had happened two weeks ago, in the third week of July.

Ryujin was still quieter than usual. Yuna thought, hurt, that it was only with her that he acted this way, but she realized that she behaved the same way with her father and mother. It wasn't hostility that surrounded her, but a kind of strange passivity. She didn't even tease Yeji when the girls came to visit, which Yeji remarked to Yuna when they went to the kitchen together.

“She doesn't throw barbs back at me,” the leader said, frowning. “Not at the beginning of her recovery and not now.”

“I've noticed,” Yuna replied, pouring glasses of water.

“Is she still quiet all the time?”

“Yes, though she smiles more often.”

“Something is something,” Yeji said quietly, peeking into the living room. “Chaeryeong and Jisu have noticed, as expected, but they don't say anything.”

“I think it's best not to force her into anything,” Yuna said, playing with the glass in her hands. “I make sure to tell her a couple of times a day that everything is going amazing, even if she only responds with "Perfect" or something like that.”

“