I wanna be me, me, me, me.

Ryujin took a deep and quick sigh before the dance break started. Then, almost all her mind was focused on it. Move your feet back and forth. Put your hands down, then bring them up. Stomp your feet and barely hear the sound it makes. Crouch down, trace an arc and slide forward. Hold for a moment and stand. Fists on hips once, twice. Finish the dance break.

What was left of the song seemed like a walk, in comparison. Her mind was almost totally focused but a small part was terrified that she would fracture her ankle again. She couldn't help it: for it to happen would further delay ITZY's comeback, something Ryujin didn't want for the world.

Her wheezes became more audible as Chaeryeong turned off the sound system. Her companions looked at her, expectantly.

“What's up?” Yeji asked.

Ryujin took a moment to assess her body. The muscles in her right leg were just as tight as those in her left, and her ankle was in perfect condition.

“Nothing strange,” Ryujin said with a triumphant smile.

Yeji, Yuna, Chaeryeong and Jisu cheered and applauded.

“You're back in the ring!” Jisu exclaimed.

“What a joy, Ryujin-ah!” Yeji shouted.

“ITZY will be back!” Chaeryeong chirped.

“What a relief, Ryujinie,” Yuna exhaled.

She was the first one to approach to hug her. She squeezed Ryujin tightly against her, murmuring:

“What a relief…”

Ryujin laughed at the collective enthusiasm and energetically returned everyone's hugs.

It was morning, early January. As soon as she was free to walk back and forth with a cane, she had been doing leg exercises and jogging until she was called to evaluate her performance, which had turned out to be quite satisfactory. Wannabe was not the first song she had danced to. She had started out soft and worked her way up in difficulty. She still had LOCO left, and she felt ready to perform it.

Ryujin had to show how much she had missed the stage.

 

---

 

Ryujin and Yuna took a seat on the same couch while their lawyer sat on another once the greetings were over. They were in ITZY's bedroom, just the three of them.

“I was able to talk to Eun-suk and Han-soo,” the lawyer began. “Rather, I was able to talk to their lawyers. They confirmed that their clients had no idea what Mr. Kye was planning to do, and showed me proof that they had cut off contact with him weeks before the attack on Miss Ryujin.”

Ryujin clenched her pants with her hand as she inevitably recalled the attack. She put the scene out of her mind as soon as she could and said:

“What Yuna and I want to know is whether we can sue them for anything related to that.”

“No,” the lawyer replied, shaking her head. “There is no proof that they knew anything, and Mr. Kye himself denies that they were involved in any way.”

Ryujin nodded gravely and patted Yuna's hand.

“Well,” Yuna said, “there's still the question of whether we can sue them for defamation.”

Their lawyer twisted her lips and grimaced.

“We can,” she said, “but I don't think we'll get anything out of it. We don't have strong evidence that they harassed you. Mr. Kye refuses to say anything more about his assistants, and they won't talk, probably on the advice of their lawyers.”

Ryujin rubbed her forehead with her free hand. She was fed up with the subject. She just wanted to shelve it and get on with her life. However, she wasn't the only one affected. She turned to look at Yuna.

“What do you think, Yuna?”

Yuna leaned back on the couch, sighing.

“That if we most likely won't get anything out of it, I'll settle for them swearing never to come near us again.”

“Are you sure? If you want to try, I'll be there.”

Yuna gave her a small smile.

“I'm sure. And I trust our lawyer here.”

Ryujin nodded slightly. She asked her lawyer:

“What do you advise us?”

Her lawyer took a few moments to answer.

“That we leave it at that. Even if after a long trial we win, they won't go to jail for long. Maybe not even for a year. Then they'll walk around like it's nothing. That's if the trial ever ends, because it will be slow and tedious.”

Ryujin weighed her words silently, though she had already made up her mind from the moment Yuna told her she wanted to shelve the matter.

“We won't do anything. Although if you can convey to those two through their lawyers that if they even appear in my or my partner's line of sight they will earn that defamation lawsuit, then that would be fine.”

“I support her,” Yuna said dryly.

Their lawyer looked at both of them and nodded.

“Case closed,” Ryujin thought acidly. A real case closed for her was for those two to end up in the same place as their boss, but you couldn't have everything in this life.

They walked their lawyer to the door and said goodbye to him there. Ryujin sat back down on the couch, with Yuna lying down on it and resting her head on her thighs.

A reflective silence settled over the place. Yuna absently played with a lock of Ryujin's hair as Ryujin scratched Yuna’s head.

“I don't think even with this I'll be able to relax completely,” Yuna's voice pierced the silence like a dagger.

“Yeah… I won't be able to avoid looking over my shoulder unconsciously from time to time.”

“A habit that will stay with us for a while,” Yuna said heavily. She lightened her voice as she said: “But it will go away.”

“Will it?” Ryujin wondered. If it happened, it would be months down the road. However, she let Yuna's optimism wash over her.

“You're right, Yuna,” she said with a smile. “We just need time. In the meantime, let's concentrate on ITZY.”

“Okay!”

They spent the rest of the day in the bedroom, healing each other with each other's presence. It was quite an effective balm.

 

---

 

“Daughter," her mother called to her, “your father and I are going to Jeju for a couple of weeks.”

Ryujin looked up from the phone.

“Vacation or…?”

“Vacation,” her mother said with a smile.

Ryujin smiled in return, but her smile had an ulterior motive.

“Okay, when will they leave?”

“After the Seollal.”

Ryujin returned her gaze to the phone, her mind scheming.

Scheming something that had been germinating for many weeks.

 

---

 

It was the third day since she had been home alone. It wasn't the first time she had been totally alone; Ryujin's parents took this kind of vacation at least twice a year, during which Ryujin had the house to herself. There was not much difference from when her parents were there: Ryujin did not invite anyone except her friends on those days, usually to spend the evening watching movies or talking (something she also did with her parents at home). She didn't throw parties on the sly (Ryujin felt it was disrespectful to her parents) and kept the house clean.

In short, it was the same as usual.

She didn't complain: she could turn up the volume on the TV without being scolded.

She spent the first two days thinking. Thinking about what she wanted to do gave her two things: excitement and a terrible fear that gnawed at her soul. Her heart was racing and her hands trembled slightly at the thought of the fictitious scenario.

“It might be crazy,” Ryujin thought over and over again during the first two days alone at home with her cats. The thought didn’t make her relent.

She probably would have delayed the start of the project even longer, but a message from Yuna made her wake up once and for all.

Yuna: “Ryujin-ah, I'm going out with Jisu-unnie shopping today!”

Ryujin: “Aaah, have fun :DDD”

As soon as she sent the reply, she called Chaeryeong.

“Jin-ah,” Chaeryeong chirped as she took the call.

“Ryeongie, I want you to accompany me today to do something important,” Ryujin said, watching the Sun rise on the horizon.

 

---

 

Ryujin looked strange.

Or so Yuna felt.

The older of the two would sometimes stare out the window, as if absorbed, until Yuna called out to her. Hearing her, Ryujin would shake her head and focus her brown orbs on her, smiling slightly. When Yuna would ask her what was wrong, Ryujin would answer nothing in a voice that indeed indicated nothing out of the ordinary.

“But there is something…,” Yuna thought insistently. However, she dismissed her suspicions as soon as Ryujin returned to normal.

Having Ryujin's house exclusively for the two of them was something Yuna didn't know she needed until she had experienced it. She could coo and cuddle with Ryujin as much as she wanted and at any time with the assurance that no one would disturb them. A much better place than ITZY's bedroom if she wanted to spend time with her mate.

Ryujin told her a couple of times that she couldn't visit Ryujin as she had business to attend to, which Yuna understood and even understanding, she still pouted sadly when she read Ryujin's notice.

“How clingy you two are,” a little voice pointed out to Yuna in her mind. The little voice was not mocking, but rather dreamy.

Nothing in Yuna's being believed that being clingy to the extreme with Ryujin was a bad thing.

Presently, Yuna was playing with her cat when she got a message from Ryujin. She pacified Sarang and picked up the phone.

Ryujin: “The winter cold is fading away”

Ryujin: “I invite you to come to Namsan Tower tomorrow night at seven o'clock”

Ryujin: “I want to try the French restaurant there”

“Perfect,” was Yuna's first thought. That restaurant was said to be exquisite, and besides, Yuna had a gift for Ryujin. She had bought it days ago, but she didn't want to give it to her just like that. This was the perfect excuse to do so.

Yuna: “I accept, my dear”

Yuna: “On one condition: I pay”

Ryujin: “WHAT? But I'm the one inviting you!”

Yuna: “Accept or I refuse outright”

Ryujin: “...”

Yuna could almost hear Ryujin mumbling: “You're such a big-head…”

Oh, if she tuned her ear, she was sure she would hear Ryujin, back at home.

Ryujin: “Ok”

“You're going to fight to pay the bill when we're there,” Yuna muttered with amusement.

Yuna: “Good girl”

Ryujin: “Blablabla, I have two conditions”

Ryujin: “Let's put on the hanboks, like last time”

Yuna arched an eyebrow, despite knowing that no one was watching. A condition Yuna would be happy to fulfill. Any excuse to wear the flowery garb was welcome.

Yuna: “Ok, and the second one?”

Ryujin: “Dessert will be at my place”

“She prepared a dessert herself?” Yuna wondered. The prospect warmed her heart: she loved it when Ryujin cooked for her.

Yuna: “Peeerfect”

Ryujin: “^_^”

“Of course! I guess this was what had her nervous,” Yuna thought. Maybe Ryujin was afraid her dessert wouldn't be liked? Ryujin ate her head off about that sort of thing every time.

Yuna was sure she would like it.

 

---

 

The doorbell rang, whereupon Yuna knew Ryujin had arrived. Her hanbok rustled as she got up from the couch, putting her phone away in her purse. She had put on compact powder, mascara and dark cherry colored eye shadow.

As she opened the door, she debated whether to pay attention to Ryujin's slightly open mouth at Ryujin's astonishment at the sight of her or the bouquet of roses she carried against her chest. As a result of not being able to decide, her eyes went from one place to the other.

Ryujin seemed to regain her composure with a smile. She extended the bouquet toward Yuna.

“For you, my dear.”

“Ah, thank you, Ryujinie,” Yuna said as she took it. She inspected it for a few seconds and smelled it. They smelled very good. “They smell excellent.”

Ryujin smiled wider and gestured vaguely towards the inside of the house.

“Go put it somewhere comfortable, I'll wait.”

Yuna nodded and went to put the flowers on the table in her room, removing the books and notebooks from the surface. She walked quickly back to the door and took Ryujin's outstretched hand.

There was a certain formality during the whole process. It vanished when they entered the car. There, Ryujin turned and examined her face. When she finished, she said:

“You look beautiful, stubborn heart.”

Yuna let out a laugh and mimicked her actions. Ryujin had makeup similar to hers, with the difference that her eye shadow was a golden pink.

She was an out-of-this-world beauty.

“You look delightful,” she cooed.

She leaned toward Ryujin, kissing her chastely.

“I hope you were serious about letting me pay,” Yuna said as she returned to her seat.

Ryujin tilted her head to the side as she said:

“Of course I was.”

The lie came out badly disguised, and Yuna laughed because she knew it was on purpose.

 

---

 

The view of Seoul from the cable car during the day was nice, but at night it was spectacular.

Lights. Lights from tall buildings, from one-story houses, from the seemingly endless cars driving the Seoul streets, from the city's attractions... They all combined to give Yuna the wonderful view of a city as thriving and modern as Seoul was.

“Much prettier at night, isn't it?” Ryujin's calm and deep voice brought her out of her reverie.

Yuna gave her a quick glance before turning her attention back to the glittering city.

“Yeah… It's fascinating,” she said.

With her eyes wandering from building to building, Yuna thought it was curious that Ryujin would ask her out on a date in such a formal manner. It wasn't the date itself, as Ryujin and she had gone to dozens of different places together so far, including restaurants and coffee shops, but the formality. They didn't go to fancy places like the one that was their destination that night, and Ryujin hadn't given her flowers on many occasions either. It was, Yuna concluded, a fitting date for February fourteenth, a date that was still a week away.

“Is she planning something? That thing about not ordering dessert in a fancy restaurant…,” Yuna rambled. “Or maybe I'm overthinking the situation.”

Did it matter? No. She never looked for any downsides to going out with Ryujin.

Hell, going out and sitting in a park to talk was still a great plan if it was Ryujin accompanying her.

“Yuna!”

Yuna gasped and shook her head from side to side. Ryujin was already out of the cable car and was looking at her worriedly, her arm outstretched.

“Ah, yes,” Yuna stammered. “I was daydreaming.”

She laughed to emphasize what she was saying and stepped out of the transport, taking Ryujin's hand in the process. The hand-holding turned into an intertwining of hands, and so they made their way to the Namsan Tower.

The park was abundantly lit with tall poles of powerful white light. Some railings and their eternal padlocks were out of reach of the light, but others were bathed in it, so that their love locks displayed their message all day long. Ryujin and Yuna's padlock was in the latter group, as they noticed when they detoured to take a look at it. Despite not having visited the place since she and Ryujin had left it there, she remembered perfectly well where it was.

A surge of emotion swept through her at the sight of the lock and its blue heart.

“It's a dream to see it there,” Ryujin said, touching it.

“One come true,” Yuna said with joy suffusing her being.

Ryujin's dimples greeted her as she fixed her attention on Yuna.

“I love you.”

Yuna dipped her finger into Ryujin's dimple, eliciting a giggle from her.

“I love you.”

There were phrases Yuna would never tire of, “I love you” being the first of them all. How long had it been that way? Ever since Ryujin first said it to her, that afternoon in ITZY's dorm.

Yuna allowed herself to feel nostalgic as she resumed her walk to the Tower. It had only been a year and a month and a bit since that moment when Ryujin connected her tear-crystalline eyes with hers and said "I love you, Yuna," but since then it was essential for her to hear it every day.

Not having listened it during the fourteen days Ryujin lay prostrate on a hospital gurney had lacerated her soul.

Before the pain produced by the memories of those moments returned to her mind, Ryujin squeezed her hand gently.

Yuna looked at her out of the corner of her eye, but Ryujin was still staring straight ahead. It seemed like it was a spontaneous action and she didn't know what had attacked Yuna in her psyche, but Yuna appreciated the gesture anyway.

She didn't waste another second with murky experiences. She marveled instead at the purple led lights that bathed the facility at the foot of the Tower. Then she scanned the inside of the facility with enthusiasm. At night it was all a different place.

The Korean restaurant from last time was on the third floor, something Yuna felt was already quite a height, but the French restaurant they were heading to this time was on the seventh and top floor.

“Can the views get any more spectacular at that height?”, Yuna asked herself as the elevator went up and up.

They separated their hands as soon as they reached the entrance of the premises. They had to disinfect their hands (the specter of pandemic would haunt humanity for a couple more years, Yuna augured) and Ryujin led the walk to one of the circular tables in the place. Yuna took a seat in the fluffy gray-colored chair, with Ryujin doing the same across the table from her.

Ryujin told her they would arrive twenty minutes before the appointed time, and so they did. Dinner would be served at half past seven and it was eleven past seven.

Yuna looked out the window to her right. It was tall and the glass was so immaculate it gave the impression that it didn't exist. Perfect, in Yuna's opinion, because the network of lights down there showed no flaws.

“It's amazing,” Ryujin commented.

Yuna averted her gaze to it. She was looking out the window.

“I don't like heights,” Ryujin continued, “but it's undeniable that it grants out-of-this-world views.”

It was noticeable that she didn't like heights. Yuna had noticed her clutching the cable car bar tightly, or stiffening when the Wheel of Fortune cab they were in reached the top. Yuna would pull conversation out of her to get Ryujin to relax, which worked every time, though Ryujin's eyes kept looking into the void with reluctance.

“I'm the opposite,” Yuna said.

Ryujin smiled sideways.

“You stick to the railing and even lean over to watch the fall,” she shuddered. “I don't understand how you can.”

“Nothing is going to happen to me! It's perfectly safe,” Yuna said.

Ryujin shook her head.

“Even so…”

Yuna smiled. She thought it was cute that Ryujin had such a fear. If she could ever get Ryujin to overcome it, she would be proud of herself.

She swept the city with her eyes.

“Do you know which way your house is?” Yuna asked, pointing outside.

Ryujin frowned in concentration and looked as far as the window and the next ones reached. She pointed her finger and Yuna followed the course of it, finding only indistinguishable buildings.

“Around that area,” Ryujin said.

“How do you know?”

“Because of the shape of that building, the one that looks lonely in the middle of so many houses.”

With such indications, Yuna soon found the building. The only special thing about it was that there was no other building nearby.

“I saw it,” Yuna said, triumphantly.

“Well, somewhere over there is my house.”

“Do you think you can point it out?” Yuna asked mischievously.

Ryujin snorted.

“Sure,” she said sarcastically. “If you want, I can also tell you who's walking past it right now.”

Yuna stifled a laugh and looked at Ryujin, who looked at her with amusement.

They talked about their day (they both paid close attention to each other even though both of their day looked similar: wandering around their respective houses when they were bored of gadgets or playing with their respective pets) until there were five minutes left for them to take their order.

Yuna evaluated the menu and decided on the option that read "Korean sirloin steak with green salad, asparagus, bone marrow and olive sauce". It sounded appetizing and, besides, she was curious about the bone marrow. She knew what it was, but what did it look like in a dish? There was only one way to find out. Ryujin, meanwhile, went for a dish described as  “Spanish pork chop with spiced honey mustard sauce.”

As the food arrived, Yuna fiddled with the necklace Ryujin gave her. She wore it whenever they went out together, and Ryujin did the same. Satisfaction coursed through Yuna's arteries at the sight of the S hanging on Ryujin's chest.

Both girls thanked the waiter when she brought their plates. Yuna inhaled deeply at the meaty aroma, which made her stomach salivate and growl. If it tasted as good as it smelled (and looked), then she couldn't wait another second.

“Bon appetit,” Yuna said.

Ryujin winked at her as she picked up a fork and knife.

“Bon appétit.”

Yuna exhaled a sigh of pleasure as she tasted the food. The taste of the meat combined with that of the green room, in which Yuna tasted mostly garlic flavor, made her smile.

She tasted the asparagus, olive sauce and marrow separately. She wanted to slap