January 6, 2019

 

A peaceful sunday morning. Fresh air filled her lungs and she never felt so refreshing and exhilarating. Oh, how she wishes that it really is a peaceful sunday morning. It was never a peaceful morning for the past 4 months. It's torture everytime she opens her eyes as yesterday's happiness were no longer reachable sinks into her. The pain was excruciating. 

 

They say sunday is family day but for Seulgi it's another work day. She curses herself for agreeing to her manager's request of doing some revisions on the designs. 

 

Sa loob ng apat na buwan binabad lang ni Seulgi ang sarili sa trabaho. Wala naman siyang iba pang pagkaka-abalahan kundi magtrabaho. Wala na rin 'yung taong iniipit siya kaya malaya na siyang gawin ang kung ano. Malayang tuparin ang mga pangarap niyang naudlot. For 2 years, she worked as a set organizer sa isang kilalang event management company. Noong una ay dapat panandalian lang ang pagiging set organizer niya dahil hindi naman ito ang pinangarap niya pero nagkandaloko-loko ang buhay niya kaya napilitang ipagpatuloy. 

 

She frustratedly sighed nang wala siyang makitang magandang idea sa Pinterest for the photo booth of her friend's debut na ino-organize niya. She thinks that most of the designs are so ordinary and cliché. Seulgi can't believe she's considering to contact Irene just so she can ask her about some ideas on the visual of the venue. Wala namang problema kasi pinsan naman ni Irene ang debutante but after their official break-up they decided to not contact each other for awhile. Kaya kahit pa gustong-gusto ni Seulgi na tawagan ito ay pinigilan niya ang sarili. Ayaw naman niyang magmukhang desperado sa harap ni Irene. 

 

"Hey..." A woman in her early 30s walk straight to her. It's their marketing coordinator. Seulgi just looked at her, giving her the what-do-you-need look. She knows it looked rude but she really is not in the mood to utter even one letter. 

 

"We need another designer to help my team finish designing before February comes. Wedding reception lang naman, are you up for it?" Seulgi tried not to laugh. May allergy na siya sa mga wedding receptions. She hated it. It brings up sad memories. 

 

"Sorry, I have a lot on my plate right now." Seulgi reasoned and plastered a small smile. 

 

Isa pa sa dahilan kung bakit hindi siya nag-volunteer ay nagbabalak siyang mag-file ng leave for 1 month pagkatapos nang debut ni Karina, Irene's cousin. Kung papalarin ay sana more than 1 month pa ang ibigay sakanya. Dibale hinihintay niya lang na dumating ang araw ng debut at tsaka pa lang magpapaalam.

 

Seulgi went back to what she was doing seconds ago and checked what she needs to buy for the debut. May iilan na sa online na lang bibilhin pero karamihan ay dapat siya mismo ang bibili. 

 

Time passed away quickly and it's now time for Seulgi to go home but that changes after she saw her dear friend waiting for her by the main exit.

 

Babalik na dapat siya sa elevator pero saktong sumara ito. Bago pa siya maglakad papunta sa fire exit ay nahila na siya.

 

When Seulgi overworked herself during that 4 months of loneliness, she also ignored their friends. She ignored their messages, calls and even her own mother who messaged her that her friends stopped by to ask if Seulgi was alright. She felt sorry for pushing them away but she needed to be alone. She needed to make peace with herself which is not yet achieved. That's why she wants to ask for a hiatus. 

 

"Sasampalin na talaga kita, Seul." Napadaing si Seulgi sa sakit nang tampalin nito ang kamay niyang sinubukang alisin ang kamay nitong hinahatak siya palabas.

 

"For a small person like you, ang sakit mo mamalo."  Seulgi teased, grinning wickedly. "May dala akong kotse. Hindi ako sasabay sayo." Pilit niyang sabihin rito pero hindi siya nito pinansin. Nagulat naman si Seulgi nang i-lock nito ang mga pinto. 

 

"Iwan mo na lang muna, hatid na lang kita bukas." Wala na siyang nagawa at hinayaan itong dalin siya sa kung saan. 

 

Nahinto sila sa isang coffee shop na pagmamay-ari nito. 

 

"Boss!" Bumungad sakanila ang isang empleyado na akala mo'y clown kung makangiti ng wagas. Napaisip naman si Seulgi kung hindi ba nangangawit ang panga nito kakangiti. Her friend just nodded at the clown and went straight to her office. 

 

"Kakabago mo lang ng ayos nito nakaraan ah." Seulgi commented referring to the table that used to be in the other side of the office. 

 

"You mean four months ago?" Seulgi paused. She felt guilty and tried to give her friend a timid smile. "Anong pinaggagawa mo sa buhay mo at hindi mo kami sinisipot?" Diretso nitong tanong. Seulgi practiced what she's gonna say to her questions during that awkward ride but she automatically forgot what she practiced. She panicked when she can't remember what to say so she sticked with what her usual self would say. 

 

"Busy ako." She hurriedly said in panic and she badly wants to dig a hole; bury herself in it because Wendy looked irritated by her answer. 

 

"Busy ano? Busy mag busy-busyhan para iwasan kami?" Exactly. That's what she wants to say but decided not to. Sabihin na lang natin na Seulgi ignored them for a selfish reason. 

 

"Pero busy talaga ako! Maraming inassign sa akin na events." Lie. Si Seulgi mismo nag-insist na i-assign sakanya ang mga events na 'yun. Syempre tutol duon ang manager niya pero nauto naman niya iyun na kaya naman daw niya. 

 

Tinitignan lang siya ni Wendy na parang hindi ito naniniwala sakanya. Nakapagtataka lang na dati ay naniniwala agad ito sa mga sinasabi ni Seulgi ngunit ngayon ay akala mong may trust issues na ito sakanya.

 

"Look, I'm sorry if I have been neglecting you guys and believe me, I was really busy." She flashed her a sincere smile hoping that it would make the blonde girl believe her. 

 

"You know that you can always count on us, on me, right?" Nanlambot naman si Seulgi. Hindi naman niya intensyon na baliwalain ang mga kaibigan niya nang sobrang tagal. Sadyang marami lang siyang iniisip. 

 

"I know..." 

 

Sandali silang natahimik. Hindi alam ni Seulgi kung awkward para kay Wendy pero para sakanya oo. Hindi niya alam kung saan titingin. Wendy, on the other hand, is amazed to see her friend like this for the first time. Hindi naman kasi mahiyain si Seulgi pero ang itsura niya ngayon ay alam mong guilty at hiyang-hiya siya kay Wendy. 

 

A knock on the door interrupted them. Mabilis pa sa mabilis na binuksan iyun ni Seulgi dahil nakalock ang doorknob at tsaka tatakas muna siya sandali.

 

Gulat siyang napatingin sa taong nasa harap niya ngayon. Hindi siya makagalaw. Para bang naging bato siya sa gandang nasilayan. Sobrang nakakaakit ang mga mata nito na nakatingin rin sakanya. Ang mga tenga nitong sobrang cute. 

 

Natauhan naman siya nang mag-excuse itong dadaan kasi nakaharang si Seulgi sa daanan. 

 

"Wends, ano uhm una na pala ako. Marami pa akong aasikasuhin." Natatarantang paalam ni Seulgi at akmang aalis na kaso biglang natakot sa sumunod na sinabi ni Wendy.

 

"Try to leave now and I'll tell tita about what you did." Ashamed, Seulgi dragged herself limply to the farthest sofa. Walang laban si Seulgi kasi alam niyang seryoso si Wendy sa sinabi. Mangyari na ang lahat-lahat h'wag lang malaman nang nanay niya ang kahihiyang ginawa niya. 

 

Pinagsisisihan naman niyang hindi siya umupo malapit sakanila kasi hindi niya marinig ang pinaguusapan nina Wendy. Hindi niya alam kung binge lang talaga siya o sadyang sobrang hina nila mag-usap.

 

Halata naman sa expression nila na nag-aaway sila. Pinipigilan niyang hindi matawa kasi ang weird ng mukha ni Wendy kumpara naman kay Tzuyu na ang ganda pa rin kahit naiinis. 

 

"You have Seulgi naman ah, she can clearly help us and make the work easier." Nagulat naman siya sa sinabi ni Tzuyu. "Bakit naman ako nasali sa away." Pilosopong sabi niya ngunit sinugurado niyang mahina lang. 

 

"Hindi siya pwede." Nakakatakot ang malamig na boses ni Wendy. Hindi naman ito ganito dati. Madalas itong mabait at mapagbigay sa mga empleyado nito. Naawa naman si Seulgi kay Tzuyu na nahihirapang pilitin si Wendy. 

 

"Ano ba yan? Baka pwede naman ako makatulong." Nagliwanag naman ang mukha ni Tzuyu sa sinabi niya pero agad namang umepal si Wendy. 

 

"Hindi nga siya puwede. Marami na siyang inaasikaso ngayon, sa ibang organizer na lang kayo magpatulong." Wendy said with finality and gave Tzuyu a cold glare. The latter sighed in defeat and bid goodbye to her boss and to Seulgi. 

 

"What was that about?" Seulgi asked immediately when Tzuyu left. Wendy looked at her weirdly before answering her. "It's none of your business." Of course Seulgi wouldn't let that slide. Curiosity is killing her. 

 

"Binanggit niya pangalan ko, I think I have the right to know why." The way she said that and giving Wendy a stern look, it was so suspicious for the blonde girl.

 

"It's just about some small welcome party for the interns in our hospital tsaka akala ko ba busy ka doon sa debut ni Karina? Kung magsalita ka akala mo willing tuparin." Now, it's Seulgi's turn to look at her with suspicion. Hindi siya sigurado kung may double meaning 'yung sinabi nito pero na-offend siya nang slight.

 

"Wala naman akong sinabing willing ako. Ang sinabi ko lang baka may maitulong ako." Seulgi can't help but roll her eyes at her best friend. She's getting annoyed and she's trying her best to control her temper but it looks like Wendy is trying to test her. "Oh talaga sharmaine, pakyu." She gritted her teeth; took a deep breath and paused for a moment to compose herself. Think of happy things. Seulgi said to herself and started to think of something nice that can calm her down. Suddenly her heart thumped wildly when Irene's beautiful face flashed through her mind, smiling so tenderly as ever. She shooked her head quickly and forced herself to forget about that image. She'll take note to pray later before she sleep, she can't have that breathtaking beauty haunt her. 

 

She became aware of Wendy's presence and her face automatically flushed red with embarrassment.

 

"You've improved." Wendy commented thinking that the reason of her flushed face is because of anger.

 

"Shut up." Seulgi can't bring herself to meet her friend's eyes. She deeply breathe once more and sat in the chair. 

 

"How's the preparation for the debut?" Wendy asked. Kanina pa niya iyon gustong tanungin kaso napakaraming satsat ni Seulgi at mukhang iniiwasan niya rin itong sagutin. "Great. May bago akong client bukas, wedding reception ang event." See? She's clearly trying to change the topic.

 

"Ikaw lang nagdesign mag-isa?" 

 

"Yes. Rushed pa nga eh kailangan daw before feb tapos na." Seulgi answered without thinking. A smirk formed in Wendy's face. 

 

"Hindi bat kayong dalawa ni Irene ang dapat na nag-aasikaso diyan? bakit ikaw lang?" Seulgi was taken aback. Confused about the question she looked up at her friend who seems to be smiling at her fakingly. Son of a . Seulgi thought. Ngayon niya lang narealize na pinagloloko nanaman siya ni Wendy. She was flustered but still answered her question. "She asked me if it's okay if ako na lang sa decor at siya na bahala sa production at sa pag manage ng mismong debut." Walang ka-ganang-ganang kwento niya. 

 

"Then pano ka niya nakakausap when she needs to check on your work?" Seulgi registered the question first before answering. Mahirap na baka ano pa ang masabi niya. "She sends someone to inspect my team. We're not in speaking terms as of now." 

 

"You asked for space?" Wendy asked figuring that they probably need it after a year of arguing over and over again. Wendy thinks it's stupid kung manghihingi pa silang dalawa ng space when they could have done that long ago. Edi sana maayos pa ang relasyon nila kung dati pa lang inaksyunan na nila. 

 

"No, she did." That left wendy in confusion. That's not the Irene she knows. The irene she knows would do anything to have seulgi by her side even if they were both struggling. She just shrugged at the thought because she had enough of the stress the couple gave her. She was the one who witnessed how Irene and Seulgi's relationship blossom through the years, and it sure was frustrating to also witness how their relationship died. 

 

"Edi masaya kana?" That question. That exact question that she keeps asking herself. Masaya ba siyang hiwalay na sila officially? Masaya na ba siyang malaya na siya? Masaya ba siya ngayong wala na siya? Hindi. Hindi alam ni Seulgi ang sagot at napapagod na siyang hanapin ang sagot. 

 

"I...I don't know." She replied in a very unsure tone.

 

She'd been stirring different emotions deep within her. Emotions that made her happy, angry, sad and empty at the same time. These feelings made her befuddled. These feelings made her question herself if she's by any chance still in love with her ex-girlfriend. She was a mess thinking about Irene. A terrible mess.