a/n, reader's discretion due to a few pg15 parts. no but got to be responsible, y'know. n-city has evolved and i'll be posting a whole table soon so it's easy to know who belongs with who. this chapter is considered an end to kun's. see you very soon!

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“This is a recording. By saying your name and age, you are giving me permission to record this for study purposes.”

“Qian Kun. Thirty.”

A beat of silence, the faint sound of the metronome repeatedly ticking in the background. Lee Jeno glanced at the man in front of him, the doctor with a dazed look on his face. They had countless sessions of talking therapy. Over and over again, Jeno had to try to make Kun open up.

His issues were internalized ones and there were no big or small issues in Jeno’s office. They were all important. Everything mattered.

“Can we try to talk about it one more time?” Jeno asked, Kun gulping. “I know it’s a hard memory to visit but…”

Jeno’s voice trailed, the male cutting himself off when Kun nodded. Kun leaned back, closing his eyes and transporting himself back to the beginning of 2027. He chewed his bottom lip, telling himself that a lot of what he was going through now was all his fault.

“I had picked up more hours in Saint John’s hospital,” Kun began. “Just another day. Another day of trying my best. My research was turned down and it took a toll on me.”

Kun remembered feeling defeated. It was funny how he was an adult yet he didn’t know how to deal with disappointment. Jeno told him that adults had to go through that, too. That it was never going to end and that disappointment was dangerous if one did not know how to accept the end result.

“I worked days and nights, thinking that I had to make up for it.” Kun sighed. “I began drinking on the job just to cope. Coffee, whiskey, coffee, whiskey.”

Jeno fought the urge to drop his pen and give him a piece of his mind as a friend, not as a therapist but he had to remind himself that he was at a professional session.

“I think the issue before with Jade also hit me hard because I was handling my family and I was exhausted. I just… I was disappointment in myself because I worked so hard to be where I was at but I was miserable,” Kun murmured, deep in thought as he transported himself back to that time. “Logically, it did not make any sense to me. Was it my fault that things were not going my way?”

Yes, Jeno thought. But Jeno did not say that, Kun clicking his tongue and pressing his lips together.

“And then one day, I had to go for surgery. Emergency surgery,” he said. “I was dazed and I know I should have told them that I was overworked and I had alcohol in my blood but I didn’t.”

There it was.

“Wide open eyes and trembling hands, I thought it’d be a simple surgery but there was a complication.” Kun went through this part fast and Jeno knew he hated talking about it. A reminder of a bad decision. “A senior surgeon took over. I almost had a table death and thinking that I almost cost someone’s life…”

Kun leaned forward and massaged between his eyes.

“Now, when someone is on the brink of death, I find myself running away because I’m not God. I’m scared of what’ll happen to them if I up because—” his voice weakened, “I’ve ed up once and I can do it again.”

“Low self-esteem and depression are empirically related,” Jeno began. “Your self-esteem took a hit and it challenged everything you thought you knew about yourself. About what you could handle and what you couldn’t. With that, even with the things you’ve done before, you finding yourself doubting your abilities.”

Worthless, Incompetent, Inadequate.

Kun, your ambition made you who you are today. A doctor, a well-respected person in society.

However, your ambition was also the reason why it was almost taken away from you.

It made you and it broke you, from inside-out.

Jeno reached over and put off the recorder, both of the doctors basking in the silence of the office. He would often find himself sitting in silence with Kun. Kun liked to think this way and Jeno liked to observe him.

“I have a son,” Kun blurted out and Jeno blinked, leaning forward. Did he hear that right? The session took a turn, Kun spilling everything about Han to Jeno. It was like word vomit, Kun going on and on about Han when he reached the part about Rouge.

“And I love her. I still do. I really do,” he managed to say. “But she belongs to someone else and every time I look at her, it’s just guilt and regret. I regret I did not reach out; I regret I did not try harder and I regret treating her the way I did.”

Jeno was still processing the information, trying to wrap his mind around it. Kun had a son? Rouge was back in the picture? He had met her once, at a dinner and then never again. She was a pleasant woman.

This was beyond Jeno’s scope of advice as a doctor simply because a doctor would be very general in what he would say. He, however, had advice as a father.

“Kun,” he began to the older man. “When a father is stable and happy, the child will follow his footsteps. Prioritize yourself. Healing is a process.”

“I’ve always put myself first, Jeno,” he said to Jeno, the psychologist shaking his head,

“Not that way.” Jeno smiled. “Not your achievements first, Kun. Your peace of mind. Being satisfied with yourself on both good days and bad.”

Kun knew that it was a challenge to feel that way but he did not argue with Jeno, telling him that he’d give it a try.

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Han, the reason why we say we love you is that despite everything that was been happening, we all painted a lovely picture for you to see.

And even if Yixing’s heart was breaking, and Kun was hurting, they made it a goal to show you the same smile every day. I still slept in Yixing’s bedroom and even after the conversation the other day, the house was stuck in an emotional black hole of lies.

I to my back, hearing Yixing’s breath labor when he asked me if I was awake and I nodded into the darkness. My hand found his, my fingers slipping through his as I squeezed them. Kun had no idea what was going on between Yixing and I and we both liked it that way.

We plunged ourselves into the daily routine of waking up and going to work.

“Rouge,” Yixing said suddenly and I tightened my grip on his fingers. “I need to remove myself.”

Two weeks since the night he had held me to his chest and told me he loved me and that he knew I was not in love with him. I knew what Yixing meant but I didn’t know what to say to that.

“Remove yourself?” I asked softly, but I already knew the answer.

“Remove myself, Rouge,” he murmured. “Remove myself from everything. There is no space for me here.”

“And where will you go?”

He did not say anything, turning towards me. For the first time in two weeks, Yixing hugged me to sleep, his arms wrapped around my waist and my back against his chest. I had no idea what plans Yixing had but I could not help but hold his hand throughout the night just praying that it’d work out.

For Kun, for Yixing, and for me.

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Yixing was in his office, his eyes on the screen with an email open in front of him. The email was sent to him around February, an offer of a lifetime. The moment he saw the letter, he knew that he had a choice.

He had then contemplated asking Rouge to come to him to New York. His study was approved and it was published, Yixing telling himself that this was a milestone. That night, however, when he saw Rouge and Han in his apartment, he couldn’t make himself say it.

Now that things were shifting and Kun was in the equation, Yixing found himself thinking that there was no better time than now. The doctor inhaled sharply, rubbing the back of his neck while he reread the email.

Kun had no idea what had happened between Yixing and Rouge, thinking the two were still together. Yixing decided that as an older man to both of them, he’d have to take matters into his own hands. He called Kun over to his office, the younger male looking exhausted.

Yixing cracked a smile at how beat up Kun looked, both of them giving each other a nod.

It was funny how some people thought that they’d be competing—for the same girl, for the attention of a two-year-old child, but Yixing knew that they both respected each other in their own way. That was how it was supposed to be.

Kun sat down and Yixing reached for his laptop, turning the screen to the younger male. Kun leaned forward, running his eyes over the words. The first thing that registered to his mind was that Yixing was given a great opportunity.

The second thing that registered was that it was in New York.

“New York?” Kun asked, looking up. His eyebrows were knitted and Yixing nodded. “Uh… Congratulations.”

Kun wanted to ask him what his plan was next. Yixing knew he was itching for answers. Did that mean their whole arrangement for Han would face a change? Did that mean that Yixing would not be around anymore?

Or worse… Did that mean Rouge and Han would be going to New York? With Yixing?

Kun dreaded the latter. It would mean he wouldn’t get to see Han. His mind began to think of the worse scenarios that would happen and the possibilities of him finding a job in New York when Yixing smiled.

“I’m going, Kun. To New York,” Yixing said and before Kun could ask, he beat him to it. “Alone.”

Alone, Yixing said. Kun did not want to ask about Rouge. In the end, she was his girlfriend. It had nothing to do with him about how Yixing and Rouge handled it. He did ask if he told Rouge and he said he didn’t.

Not yet.

“She’s your girlfriend,” Kun said softly. Yixing looked away. Not anymore, Yixing wanted to say. “She deserves to know.”

“I will tell her,” Yixing assured him, Kun standing up. Another wave of change would be coming for the three of them. The stars were shifting to the right direction. Yixing consoled himself. Pain now but it’ll all work out.

Everything in life was meant to work out.

Kun’s leave left Yixing alone in his study, his eyes falling on the photo of him and Rouge on his table. Yixing closed his eyes and for the first time in a long time, a single tear slid down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away.

He was heartbroken. More than he’d like to admit and it that he wasn’t angry or mad. He was, to put it simply, unhappy. What medical school did not teach their students was how to deal with the pressure the right way.

“Three more weeks,” Yixing said to himself. “Let’s handle this for three more weeks.”

He trusted that Kun do the right thing when he would be gone. Rouge was not his to keep—not anymore. The tapping of the keyboard began, Yixing writing a letter to accept the job and when he finished it, his fingers froze over the send button.

He hated how he still hesitated. That was how much he loved Rouge, Yixing rubbing his forehead when he called her. Maybe he could fight for her…. He loved her, didn’t he?

But he was forced to make the decision when she answered the phone and her first question was, “Is something wrong with Kun?”

And it hit him, right in the face, Yixing biting down on his lower lip with Rouge on the call.

“Nothing,” he managed to say, “Kun’s fine. Just… Missed you.”

His voice came out strangled.

“Yixing, are you okay?” Rouge asked and Yixing hummed. “Do you want me to see you?”

And be reminded of how much I love you and how much you love someone else? Yixing told her that he was fine and that it was just a stressful day at the hospital.

“I love you, Yixing,” Rouge said before she sighed. “I have to finish Taeyong’s make-up. I’ll see you at home?”

“Sure,” Yixing replied. The moment the call ended, he pressed on the send button and just like that, he felt a wave of relief.

That is how Yixing knew he made the right choice.

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[Dino ABC!]

“Han!” I called out to my son who was in the kitchen with Kun and Yixing. “Yixing, did you pack his milk powder—”

“I got it,” Kun butted in, shaking a bottle of milk before placing it in Han’s bag. Han had been going to daycare every morning and it was an addition to our schedule because we then had to wake him up every morning. Han loved school.

Han thought he had amazing friends and it was obvious that school maximized his creativity. He just started recently and I found myself worrying about what would happen to him since Han hardly mingled with kids other than those in the hospital playground but the teachers said that he was a “golden child”.

It wasn’t long before I found myself being pulled into every mother group out there. I did not like them. I thought they talked too much and the fact that I came every morning with two handsome doctors did not help my reputation.

The drive to school was short-lived since it was near our apartment and as I got down from the car, Han hopped down. He had a bright yellow backpack on his back, Yixing and Kun offering their hands to him while I trailed behind the two fathers.

“Come, Mama!” Han called, giving me a fleeting look. People were saying that Yixing and Kun were together and I was the original wife to one of them before they found each other. I could see a few mothers shaking their heads at our arrival, Yixing and Kun not paying them any mind.

I did not blame them. The way the two acted over Han would drive me to think the same way. I scampered after them, stopping in front of the classroom to see Kun undoing Han’s shoelaces.

“Papa is going to pick you up today, okay? Your Appa is going to be busy,” Kun said and Han nodded, not letting go of Yixing’s hand. “And then we’re all going to go buy some groceries because we don’t have groceries at home.”

“We’re out of dairy milk,” Yixing said, his eyes on his phone that was beeping loudly. “We also need to change the lightbulb in the bathroom. I showered in the dark today.”

Kun nodded at Yixing’s words and I blinked. How domestic, I heard someone say. What did she do to lose one of them to the other?

“I’ll change the bulb when we get home. Didn’t the nanny say that we’re also out of floor cleaner?” Kun asked, standing up and grabbing Han’s backpack. “Go greet Mrs. Sky. Hi, Mrs. Sky!”

“Hi, Han!” the female teacher beamed. She had sparkly eyes and long earrings. I noticed that her nose was red but she had a smile plastered on her lips. “How are you today?”

“Good! Hao!” Han burst out, raising his arms above his head and going to hug her. “Alright, sounds great! We’re going to do some art and drawing today. Go say goodbye to your…” She paused, unsure of what to say before she opted for “parents”.

“Bye, Appa!” Han waved. “Bye, Papa.”

“Han, say bye to your Mama, too,” Kun said, leaning down to kiss his forehead, Yixing following suit. I saw my son just look at me and nod.

“Okay, see you, Mama!”

Yixing chuckled, turning to tell me that it was because he knew I would always come and pick him up. I gave Mrs. Sky the lunch I was holding so she could prepare it for Han later and we watched as Han disappeared into the classroom.

Then the tiptoe-ing would start. The two men seemed to have more interest in Han more than I did. I trusted Mrs. Sky and was happy with the daily reports she would give me. Yixing and Kun, however, liked to see it with their own eyes.

Doctor’s curiosity, they said.

Kun motioned to Yixing, calling him to the clear window where the other parents were standing.

“He’s there,” Kun said and I followed them, Yixing squinting. “He’s playing with the blocks. Who is that kid? Pretty girl.”

“That’s Yoojin,” a mother said, smiling at Kun. “She’s my child.”

Yixing nodded, giving her a dimpled smile right back. “Adorable.” He then brought his attention back to Han. “Take a picture.”

It was obvious that if one were to look at Yixing and Kun’s gallery, it would be of the same kid, just different days. I shook my head, deciding to head to the bathroom. I laughed softly to myself, thinking of the other day when Kun and Yixing had decided to put Han’s motor skills to a test.

They asked him to pour a glass of water. Toddlers could not control their hands and Han did a horrible job. He had no idea why he was pouring so many glasses of water. Water was everywhere.

Despite my son making a mess, Kun was adamant that Han could get into MENSA. Yixing said he’d make a great surgeon. How they concluded that from a glass of water that was half-filled and a counter that was close to an ocean was beyond me.

Coming out of the bathroom, I saw Yixing and Kun deep in conversation with the moms.

“And… Is the mother in the picture?” one of them asked, Kun and Yixing looking at each other in confusion. “Is Han adopted? You make a great couple—”

Kun frowned, processing her words as Yixing tilted his head at the lady, taken aback by her assumption.

“I…” Kun began, nudging the older man with his elbow. “I mean, you think…”

“No, no, no…” Yixing shook his head. “No, we’re not together.”

“He’s with the mother,” Kun butted in, pointing at me. “I’m the biological father.”

“Yes,” Yixing snapped his fingers, everyone staring at the two doctors. I turned red, Kun clearing his throat when the mothers nodded, pretending to understand. “We better go, honey—I mean, Kun.”

Yixing was flustered, pulling Kun away by the elbow when I broke out into laughter. Yixing pressed his lips together asking what I enjoyed about it so much.

“It’s just funny,” I told Yixing, the male breaking into a smile. “You do know they don’t believe you, right?”

It did not stop there for Han’s journey in daycare. We were called in one day by Mrs. Sky, the female telling me that she wanted to talk about something. It was private and as all the children filed out of the classroom, Mrs. Sky whipped out a drawing.

“Before this conversation, I do want to tell you that there is no discrimination. I think you’re amazing people but Han showed this drawing to everyone and I don’t know how to go about it because a few mothers had expressed… concerns.”

I reached for the drawing, turning it over just to pale. Han had drawn two men smiling and I was holding a pole. There were square blocks on the floor.

“The other mothers think that…” Mrs. Sky didn’t want to say it and I groaned, covering my face with my hands. Kun took the photo from me and stared at it.

“Well, he’s got the skills, you got to give him that.”

“Where? Let me see.” Yixing tilted his head at the photo. “What’s wrong with the picture?”

I had to explain to him that the mothers would think that I was a stripper for two men and the squares drawn on the floor were money bills they were paying me to dance in front of them.

“Mrs. Sky,” I began, folding the photo. “Uh… the pole is actually a broom. The squares are the dinosaur ABC flashcards. These two teach him every night while I clean the house.”

I was embarrassed, Mrs. Sky grasping the situation before waving a hand. She said she’d handle the mothers and that they had no right to judge me like that over a picture but I knew she was also thinking about it when she first saw it.

“The second thing I want to talk to you about is Han’s language skills,” she said to us. She then proceeded to tell us that Han could speak very well—it was just that he was mixing languages together. He’d start with Korean and then end with Mandarin. It was confusing the other kids and her too, since she had no idea what he was saying sometimes.

I looked over at the two Chinese doctors, glaring at them. It was their obsession with Mandarin and since I spoke Korean to Han, he picked up both languages simultaneously. She told me that it was best to talk to a child development psychologist to know what to do next since she knew that what happened at home was our decision.

She was not one to dictate what Han was supposed to learn as his primary language.

Kun said he knew just the right person, bringing us to the one person who would know what to do.

The Coping Center was where we went, Lee Jeno watching Han very closely as he was given a stress ball to play with. Yixing was beside Han and it surprised me that Jeno did not seem very surprised when he saw Han.

Kun told me that he was the only person he told. Jeno is my Sicheng, Rouge. I noticed a few things when Jeno’s kids came. They had their hands on their foreheads, the twin walking up to me before smiling. I wondered what happened, Jeno catching sight of them covering their forehead when he demanded to know what they lied about.

“I told them that if they lie, it appears on their forehead. It goes away with a kiss,” he told Kun, Liz and Sal pouting before they exchanged looks. “Now, what did you lie to me about?”

“Nothing, Pops!” Liz exclaimed and I was taken aback by the British accent that had exploded from young girl. Jeno must have seen our expression because he raised a hand to explain.

“You know I went to England for my doctorate, right?” he asked Kun, the male nodding. “Yeah, I brought the kids and I decided it just wasn’t for us. Two months in England and they got a British accent. I came home one day and Bunny was playing the Korean ABC very aggressively in the background.”

“I was!” a voice chirped, Jeno’s wife walking in and plopping down on a chair before sighing. “Hi, Kun Oppa. I know you, you’re like… the leader of the other group of N-CITY.”

Kun blinked. Yixing looked amused at the situation, Jeno shushing his kids. It was becoming a tea party, Bunny pouring us tea before chattering on.

“Jeno had to go get his doctorate and I said, yes… Let’s go! Let’s reach for the stars, Jeno! But those were dark and stormy times, Oppa. Dark and stormy times,” she murmured, her eyes growing big. “Very dark and stormy—”

“They get it, Bunny,” Jeno snapped and Bunny sighed. “First it was when they started calling Bunny ‘Mum’. Then it was then they started calling me ‘Pops’. I get it, the people there. They ask the kids sometimes. “Where is your Mum and Pops?” but then I realized that the twins got attached to the food there.”

“Every day!” Bunny frowned. “Every day! Mashed potato, a lot of ketchup, fish and chips. As Asians, we know that potato is not the best carb, rice is! Potato this, potato that!”

“Came home one day with the bags all packed and Bunny crying. She wanted to go home. This was the first time she took initiative. Bunny never takes initiative. She even drove to the airport, handled the rented car and the lease and booked the tickets.” Jeno shrugged, Bunny beaming at us. “Now our kids actually eat rice. A doctorate can be done online so I’ll do that.”

“And the moral of the story is?”

“Moral of the story is that kids absorb languages and culture at a time like this, Kun.” Jeno cleared his throat, shooing Bunny out. “Baby, I’m working. Go look after the children. Be one of them, I don’t care.”

Bunny scowled but went to Han and the twins, sitting on the floor as she tried to merge herself in their little society of forehead-covered lies.

“I get that Han has been speaking Mandarin at home, watching Korean TV and going to school and learning English, too. It is true that kids absorb languages very fast but the problem here is that Han has no idea what is English, what is Mandarin or what is Korean.”

“Is there any way to combat that?” I asked. I did not want my child to speak in broken languages.

“The only way to do that is to be able to help him format and categorize which is which. Stop him when he mixes Korean and Mandarin together. I spoke to him when you first came and I heard him say “Wo de Chingu”.”

Kun chuckled, Yixing telling him that it wasn’t funny. It could cause development and speech problems.

“Increase quantity, increase quality. Don’t babytalk him, just speak to him like you would a friend. Speak slowly and surely in one language and ask him to repeat it. Then tell him that he’s speaking in Mandarin. Han can learn Korean at school.”

“Focus on Mandarin at home?” I asked before pointing to myself. “Doctor, I don’t speak Mandarin.”

“You can learn,” Kun told me, patting my arm. Yixing seemed to agree. “Besides, Rouge, you already know a few words.”

“Words… Not the whole language, Kun!” I exclaimed. “Is it really needed for Han to learn Mandarin?”

“Yes,” Kun and Yixing chorused with a nod of their head. I glared at them.

“Sometimes I feel like he’s more you and Kun’s child then mine,” I complained when I heard a very loud ‘Oi! Chap!’ from one of the twins, Jeno eyes widening almost instantly.

“Elizabeth, what did I say about saying ‘Chap’ in this house?” he asked Liz who pursed her lips at her father, Han walking up to us.

But we noticed something weird. Han was covering his forehead.

“Han….” Yixing began, narrowing his eyes at the child. “What did you lie about?”

Han blinked. “Appa can see? See star?” he squeaked.

“Kids are a journey,” Jeno murmured. “A journey, indeed.”

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The moment Yixing told me that he wanted to talk, I was afraid of what I might hear. The text was simple, an “I need to tell you something.” but I kept staring at it, wondering what he was going to say. I ran everything in my mind and thought that maybe he would want me and Han to move out. 

I was ridden with anxiety when Yixing finally showed up late at night and I had fallen asleep on the couch. I heard the front door close. Han was already sleeping and Kun had been in a hospital shift for two days now. I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder and I shot up, Yixing gasping at my sudden motion when he chuckled.

“Rouge,” he began and I blinked sleepily. “I was going to carry you to the bed—”

“What was it that you wanted to talk about?” I blurted out, Yixing freezing before he smiled. He seemed to know how worried I was, Yixing loosening his tie and telling me to get some sleep. That we could talk about it some other time but I shook my head.

“Why are you so worried?” he asked, teasing me with his voice when I dropped my head. That is how I ended up back in the bedroom, Yixing falling onto the pillow beside me. “I’m here now.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked automatically, turning to him. “What’s wrong, Yixing?”

Yixing fell silent for a moment when he sighed. “My study was published and I got an email back in February, offering me a job in New York. I’d be able to work and take part in a research, Rouge.”

I knew—I just knew what he was going to say.

“Back then, when I saw the email, I told myself that I didn’t need it. And I thought of how I would tell you, thinking that you might want to come along but I knew that you wouldn’t want to leave Korea. You refused to move in with me, the chances of you moving with me was close to none so I—” He paused. “I didn’t tell you about it.”

I pressed my lips together. The study, New York… Was that what he wanted to tell me back in February while we often went on dates and he would seem like he had something to say?

“But now… Now, maybe it’s Kun. Maybe because he’s in the picture that I feel like it’s easy to leave,” Yixing murmured. “Like I was meant to leave, Rouge. I hope you understand.”

Understand?

“Yixing, I don’t need to understand anything. You’re doing what’s best for you.”

“I think Kun finding out was meant to be,” Yixing told me. “Like it was meant to happen and now that he’s here, this is how it’s supposed to be.”

That was when I realized what he was trying to say.

“You’re leaving for New York,” I said. That was the first point. Yixing nodded. “And you want me to continue what we have with Kun instead.”

“Rouge, don’t say it like that. You’re not continuing anything with Kun. He’s not taking my place in your life. I’m still always going to be here.” Yixing tried to say. Yixing my hair. “I want you to be honest with yourself. Would you have come to New York with me if I asked?”

No, I said in my mind.

“Would you have been up to have a life with me?” Yixing asked. My silence was the answer and he smiled. “I thought so.”

He seemed to have made peace with it and because of that, I was forced to do the same.

“When are you leaving?”

When he told me the date, my jaw dropped. “That’s in a week, Yixing.”

He nodded, a small smile on his features.

That night, I tried to clear my mind. I had always been way too emotional for my own good and I always held onto what felt safe and comfortable. Yixing was comfortable and Yixing was safe but was Yixing what I always wanted?

The door slammed shut and I stood up almost immediately, the bed creaking softly. When I pushed open the door, Kun was in the kitchen with his coat off. He was taking multiple gulps of water, the male looking exhausted and I moved out of the bedroom.

He must have seen movement in his peripheral vision because he turned around, the mug going down onto the kitchen table. He seemed surprised and I stepped out, giving him an awkward wave when he nodded politely at me.

It was awkward because the past few weeks, we did not talk about what had happened. It was an unspoken rule and Han was always around. Here I was, in front of Kun, accepting the future that was to come.

A future with the both of us.

I greeted him with a good evening and he checked his watch, telling me that it was midnight. I laughed, not wanting to go near him because the things he made me feel just by standing there. His scrunched-up sleeves and his glasses hanging in front of his shirt.

He broke the silence, clearing his throat before asking me if I wanted to go for a drive.

We did go for a drive, me beside him in the passenger’s seat as he began to speed down the streets of Seoul to the N-CITY district. It was a simple drive and we ended up by the Han River, Kun parking the car where there were a few people drinking when he looked out the window.

“Did he tell you?” he asked and I nodded. “Did he ask you to go with him?”

“He didn’t have to,” I answered. “He knows my answer.”

“What are we going to do, Rouge?”

“About Han?”

“About us,” he answered and I fell silent. “I know you aren’t together anymore. I figured it out.”

“Nothing,” I told him. “We do nothing.”

“And why is that?”

“Because as much as I’m in love with you, I’m scared of how you’ll hurt me. Having a son does not change that.”

Kun nodded, his eyes out to the waters. “I agree.”

We were not fit for a relationship yet and maybe one day we would be. There were scars of the past and tears of the present to handle in order to get a bright future and that night, Kun promised me that he’d try to fix himself before he’d fix his relationship with me.

“Promise me that you’ll talk some sense to me if I ever lose my mind, Rouge.”

That night I learned that Kun did not trust himself and it would be a journey for him to reach the point of inner peace. I reached over and give him my pinky.

“Promise.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Kun had decided that the first step to becoming mentally healthy again was to lessen his workload. He was okay with lowering his pay and he decided that he wanted to spend more time with Han. More time than just sending him to school and seeing him in the evening.

The time was ticking and Yixing had a few days left before he would be able to leave, the two doctors trying to explain it to Han clearly that Yixing would not be around much anymore. Yixing had bought Han a globe and Kun walked in on them that Saturday morning, Yixing pointing at New York for Han to see.

“This is New York,” he said, Han bouncing up and down on his lap. “And this is Korea, Han. Appa will be in New York and Han will be in Korea.”

Han stared at the countries, blabbering under his breath. Rouge smiled to Kun, the female pushing the coffee cup to him as Kun thanked her.

“Appa will visit every six months so Appa will see Han every six months,” Yixing continued to say, Kun taking a sip of coffee. “Okay, Han?”

“Okay,” Han answered, still not understanding the severity of the situation. He had no concept of distance or any idea of time, Han simply cuddling up to Yixing. “Appa!”

“Yes?” Yixing asked and Kun could see a flitter of sadness in his eyes when he kissed Han on the nose. He’d miss Han, Kun knew. Yixing was trying not to show it. It was one thing leaving Rouge, but it was another leaving Han. “Kun, Rouge. I need to go head over to see a few of my friends today.”

Rouge nodded. “You told me you’re meeting a few high school friends today?”

“Mhm, a few people from EXO High,” Yixing smiled, carrying Han up in his arms before plopping Han down onto Kun’s lap like it was the most natural thing to do. “You two have fun.”

“With what?” Rouge asked almost innocently, looking up from the newspaper she was staring at. Yixing patted Kun’s shoulder, the younger male blinking before Yixing shrugged. “You’re leaving now?”

“Time is of the essence, love,” Yixing said back, laughing softly. He felt so free now and as the time to leave edged closer, the more he felt as if a new chapter was coming. Yixing’s leave left Kun deep in thought when Han bit his chin and smiled.

Kun wiped the drool off his face, Rouge giving Han a warning. No biting, she said and Han beamed at her. It was obvious he was in a very good mood.

“Do you have anything to do today?” he asked and she shook her head, Kun finally deciding to say it. “Can I bri