A/N: Very long because Kun isn't the type to fall for anybody. Disclaimer: Kun is probably one of the most flawed characters I've ever written. He's a ing . Disclaimer because if someone ever is like Kun in real life, you ditch him and find someone new ASAP.

+ Please don't get second lead-syndrome. 

TW: Suicide, Death, 

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So call me stupid, call me sad
You're the best I've ever had
You're the worst I've ever had
And that keeps in' with my head

-11 Minutes, Halsey

2022, Han River

On this particular night, he found himself running by the side of the Han River, the cold air blowing past the cold sweat that had formed on his forehead. He was interning at Saint John’s Hospital and he had just finished his shift.

The male had the tracksuit zipped up fully, the dark blue material making a sound as they rubbed against each other. He loved running at this time, music blasting loudly in his ears. There weren’t many cars, Kun observed. The few that were around would probably be like him—people who worked in shifts or workaholics. He would be both.

His phone vibrated and he glanced at the screen, Ten sending him a picture of Sicheng. He sighed, frowning at the text that came with it.

Ten: sicheng just left pro league. He says it's not working out.
Ten: He’s devastated.
Ten: Jade has been trying to reach you
Ten: she said that your dad wants to talk

Kun put off his phone.

He had so many things to think about, the male slowly going to a stop. He strolled down the side of the bridge, collecting his thoughts. Take it up to him to feel like he had people to string together, a sister to take care of, and a career to continue. Most of the kids—Kun stopped his train of thought before he smiled to himself. Most of the kids were doing fine, with the exception of Sicheng who was going through a life roadblock.

As Kun’s feet slowed down to a stop, he saw a shadow. He wondered if it was his eyes were playing tricks on him. He squinted under the dim light of the street bridge lights that did not illuminate the area where he was focusing on. He frowned when he realized it was a person.

He almost missed her because she had blended out in the background, her bare feet on the railing.

Railing? She was wearing all black. Formal black pants and a long-sleeved shirt, Kun tying everything to a funeral. Her hair was bunned up and she looked like she was in a trance, her eyes straight out into the Han River when she shifted. Kun’s eyes widened, the male registering what she was about to do when he surged forward.

No.

When he reached her, she did not put up a fight. Her body had fallen back against his and that was when Kun realized she was slowly blacking out. Her face was stained with tears and Kun breathed heavily, his body on the ground as he shook her.

“I’m coming,” she whispered softly and Kun froze, his eyes settling on her face when he saw a tear slide down her cheek. “Wait for me.”

Kun breathed, her eyes closing as he held her.

And that was the first time he had met Rouge.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Saint John's Hospital

“You’re going to be a doctor!” I told my twin, running to him with flowers. He turned and I smiled when I saw him beam at me. This is what happiness felt like. “Puts me in a position.”

“Why? Because I got into an elite med-school program yet you’re going to be done with university way before I am?” he asked and I laughed. “You do know I’m not fully a doctor yet?”

“Student, Intern, residency, blah blah blah,” I waved a hand, rolling my eyes. “Same thing.”

Blue. I called him Blue. Blue because it signified the color of his goal. Blue because he wanted to become a surgeon and it was the color of scrubs. Blue because whenever I was blue, he’d be my shoulder to cry on. Blue because it was the opposite of red.

Rouge, he called me. How many shades of red are there? You’re not just a red. You’re rouge. You’re the color of spirit. Rouge because it was the color of the lipstick I used every time I needed a boost of confidence.

Little did I know that it’d be the color I drag across my lips to distract people from my eyes from all the crying.

“Let’s celebrate tonight,” I told him, my twin nodding. “I’ll drive.”

“You drive,” he agreed.

The memory was still fresh in my mind and I expected to wake up in a place that was right where Blue was. I was, however, on a bed and the sinking feeling of dread traveled through my chest when I saw the white walls of the hospital, the stinging smell of alcohol and antiseptic chemicals reaching my nose.

My hand reached up to my arm to feel the IV drip that was embedded into my skin. My head spun and I was about to sit up when a hand reached out and pushed me back onto the bed. My eyes focused on the man in front of me. I’ve never seen him before but he seemed familiar.

My throat was dry and my body felt weak, the male silently running his eyes over my body with an expression of judgment. He sighed and when I caught sight of his name tag, I saw his name.

Qian Kun.

“You fainted. Your blood sugar was low,” he told me, a hand going to press over the IV drip as if to check if it was in place. I didn’t ask him how I got there, thinking to myself that someone must have found me. He too, did not say anything. I flickered my eyes over my surroundings to see that I was in the emergency room, my heart twisting in my chest when I realized that I was looking for a particular person that was gone. “You need to eat.”

“Kun, did you check on—” a voice said, a male coming up behind him when he saw me. His face softened when he saw me. “You’re awake.”

Hwang Minhyun. My twin’s best friend.

“Rouge,” he began and I closed my eyes, not wanting to see his face because he reminded me so much of Blue. “Oh, Rouge.”

And that was how I ended up sobbing in his arms, ashamed of what I almost did. He patted me on the back, tucking my face against his neck and I saw Kun stare at us, his expression blank.

“What were you thinking?” Minhyun asked, shaking his head as he pulled away and I didn’t say anything to that, my head hanging low. The feeling of losing a twin was like losing a part of you. Like your heart would never be whole again. “You need to rest. When you left the funeral—”

His voice paused, Minhyun’s voice cracking. He too, was mourning.

“Rest,” Minhyun told me kindly. “Rest and I’ll send you back home when you wake up.”

No. Anywhere but home, I thought.

“Don’t tell them,” I croaked to Minhyun. “Please don’t tell them.”

It was hard enough for them to lose their golden child.

“I won’t.” Minhyun pressed his lips together. “I won’t.”

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

If he ever had to visualize real pain, it would be the way she looked, her back slumped on the bed and her eyes brewing with tears. Kun found himself thinking that there was more to her life that he did not know, the male unable to look away.

He pitied her.

The thought did not linger, Kun stepping away to give them some privacy. He had heard of Blue. The SM Medicine prodigy and one of their best students passing away from a car accident. Blue had gotten accepted into the prestigious medicine program. He knew that Blue had a sister, he didn’t know it was a twin.

On certain days, Kun found death easy to handle. It was how desensitized he was to it. Today, however, the thought haunted him. That death could not be cheated even if you were a doctor. He watched Minhyun tell her to rest, Kun closing the curtains behind him.

This is why he hated the emergency room. He hated how there were more people crying there than all the funerals he had attended put together. He hated how panicked people were, how there was a different world altogether in between those four walls.

“Kun,” a voice called out and he saw Minhyun closing the curtain, walking towards him. “Thank you.”

“It’s nothing,” Kun said. “Right place, right time.”

“You’ve just finished your shift, right?” Minhyun asked and Kun saw how tired he looked. “Do you mind staying for thirty minutes more? Keep an eye on her. I’ll go wash up and change into my clothes.”

“You practically live here, Minhyun.”

“Says you. You’re back here, aren’t you?”

Because she tried to jump off a bridge, Kun thought. A very high bridge. He nodded, deciding that it wouldn’t hurt to give Minhyun a helping hand. Minhyun had always traded shifts with him whenever he asked for it.

“I’ll keep an eye on her,” he said, glancing at the closed curtains. “Don’t worry.”

Minhyun gave him a grateful smile, the doctor heading to the fourth floor. Kun didn’t know how long he waited, the male sitting near the nurses as he watched people walk back and forth. He didn’t want to admit that he was shaken up, Kun rubbing his forehead tiredly when he decided to see if she was asleep.

But as he walked to where her bed was, he saw that the bed was empty.

Where was she? Kun whipped his head around to scan the place when he noticed that she had ripped the IV drip from her arm. Kun turned back to ask one of the nurses if they saw her.

“Oh, she signed a few papers and left, Doctor,” one of the nurses said, Kun frowning. “Did you know her?”

Yes, Kun said. He did know her. He knew her face, the way she looked when she decided to give up on life.

“She just left and she didn’t take her insurance card with her,” the nurse said. “I left to get it from the record room because I saw her name was stored in this hospital but when I came to give it to her, she had already left. I called her number but she did not pick up.”

Kun’s eyes fell on the insurance card, the male breathing a sigh.

“It’s okay.” His fingers picked up the card as he studied it, Kun’s gaze going to the door that she must have walked through to leave the hospital. He wouldn’t make it. He knew very well that she would be gone by now. “She goes to SM. I’ll be on campus next week for a seminar, I’ll give it to her.”

Kun nodded, his finger tracing the edge of the card slowly before he pocketed it.

He hated to say it but he hoped she’d still be alive.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A week after

I didn’t know how to fill in the empty space that Blue left. I began to pretend that he was still around. I texted him for lunch. I kept his clothes. I created a world in my head that made me feel like he was still around. Just for now, I told myself. Just until I feel like I could stand on my own two feet.

I’ll see you for dinner, Blue.

I got your sweatshirt. Why would you leave it with me? Now, you have nothing to wear. I stained it, by the way. I hope you don’t mind.

Mother called today. I wish you were here to protect me. I thought of you today.

I miss you. I miss you so much.

People didn’t understand. Go to class, they told me. Stay busy. That’s what I did—I cried in class. I cried in between breaks. I cried while making coffee in the morning and at one point in time, I just stopped crying.

At one point in time, I just decided to hurt silently, my voice losing its power and I couldn’t sing anymore. People asked me if I was okay but I knew they didn’t care. No one cared unless it was them.

I sat down in one of the soundproof rooms, my hands fiddling with the papers in front of me when the door opened and someone stepped in. I looked up to see Taeyong, the male giving me a kind smile. Taeyong was a sound engineer major that graduated years ago. He was a teacher's assistant in his free time. I’ve spoken to him twice. Once when he taught a class. Another time when he told me to sign a petition for a friend.

He was hardly around now, working for some big company and I would see him come back to SM on some days to hustle on the side.

“I didn’t know this room was taken,” he said and I cleared my throat, gathering the papers in front of me. He seemed to notice that I was going to leave, Taeyong shaking his head and raising a hand. “No, no. It’s fine.”

“You can use the room,” I told him hastily, Taeyong reaching out to place a hand on my arm. I had snatched my hand back almost immediately, looking up to meet his eyes that looked worried for me. “I was about to leave.”

“Rouge,” he began and I froze. Only family ever called me that and as the name rang out in the room, I felt my stomach churn. Taeyong smiled. “Red suits you.”

Red suits you.

Blue used to say that. Over and over again. You’ve always been a fighter. I reached out to touch the lipstick that stained my lips, Taeyong dropping his hand.

“You’ve always been a fighter,” he said and I could feel my eyebrows furrow. I looked up to see Taeyong moving to the door before he gave me one last look, the male shutting the door behind him. I fell back onto the chair, my fingers raking through my hair when I closed my eyes.

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

A knock on the door.

“Hey, someone is here to see you.” She was a senior and she must have seen the confusion in my face. “He… He says he’s a doctor. He came to give you something. Insisted on seeing you.”

Minhyun? I groaned internally. I was not ready to see him. Not yet. Not after I ended up leaving the hospital a week ago. I thanked her and decided that I must have worried him and that is how I ended up in the garden of the Music department, seeing the flash of a doctor’s coat.

But it wasn’t Minhyun. This person was shorter, his hair brushed back. I stopped by the entrance of the garden when he turned just in time, the male’s eyes not faltering when he recognized me.

Qian Kun.

The same name tag, the same doctor's coat. I blinked, Qian Kun not moving from where he was at so we both stood there for a moment, wondering who’d make the first move he looked down and took something out of his pocket.

A card.

He strode towards me, stopping right in front of me. It was like a silent transaction, Kun running his eyes over my features before I felt him reach down to grab my hand. His fingers wrapped around my wrist, the male checking my wrists before I heard a relieved sigh. Left hand, right hand.

He then pressed an insurance card into the palm of my hand before he stepped away to leave.

“I’m not going to kill myself,” I blurted out, turning to see that he had stopped by the door. “Not anymore.”

I saw his head move, the male not turning around when he spoke.

“Good.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Blue, I’m doing quite well. I lifted weights today. Aren’t you proud? They are heavy, Blue, but not as heavy as how I feel when I think of you.

I studied today and each time I think of the fact that you’re gone, I tell myself that you deserved more.

Blue, I’m sorry for surviving. It should have been me. Please forgive me.

Gym. Class. Home. I decided to keep a schedule and not stray from it. On some days, it was hard to keep up but it was better than nothing. On some days, I mourned for Blue over alcohol. On some days, I spent them with Minhyun.

“Did you get your insurance card?” Minhyun asked one day and I nodded, digging into the ice cream. “I heard from Kun that he went to give it to you.”

“Yeah,” I nodded, the memory of Kun checking my wrists flashing through my mind before I shook my head to dispel all thoughts. “Yeah. He gave it to me. He doesn’t talk much, does he?”

“Nah, Kun’s always in his own world. He’s always so busy,” Minhyun told me, massaging his shoulder. “God knows how he finds time to do everything. He’s always running around doing things on his own.”

“Mhmm,” I pressed the spoon against my bottom lip. “Are you close to him?”

“Not really. He’s definitely nicer than most, I can say that.” Minhyun chuckled. “He bakes good cookies and all he does he study. I hear he’s a hotshot in the Med department.”

“Hear?” I echoed, Minhyun shrugging. He told me that he was never interested in rumors. “I see.”

“He asked me how you were the other day,” Minhyun began and I was surprised to hear that. “He asked if you were still alive.” Minhyun swept his eyes over to me and I sighed, placing the fork down.

“I’m not going to—”

“I know, I know. It’s just… I get worried sometimes,” Minhyun said and I nodded. I understood. “You’re a fighter, Rouge. You’ve always been. In your own way.”

“Blue always said that,” I told him and for the first time, I was able to smile at the mention of my twin brother.

“I know. He told me that. He told me that he was always proud of you for going for what you wanted.” Minhyun reached out and pinched my cheek. “He’d still be proud of you.

“Can we talk about something normal?” I asked suddenly. I did not want to cry in public and I knew I had to learn how to heal without having to rub the wound with salt over and over again. Minhyun agreed, going to his phone when he opened up his Instagram.

It hasn’t been long and I was just trying to make do.  

“I saw you are following this girl,” Minhyun began, showing me her face and when he showed me the profile, I saw that she was one of my juniors. He wiggled his eyes at me and I stared at him. “What? Be my wingman. Be useful.”

I chuckled softly, grabbing his phone to inspect her face closely.

“Is she your type?” I asked, Minhyun nodding. At least he was always honest. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Really? I mean, dinner with her would be nice.”

“And what am I supposed to do?” I asked, frowning at him. “Tell her to go to dinner with me and invite you to tag along?”

“Sounds like a plan.” Minhyun shrugged before he began to scrape the sides of the ice cream bowl. “It’ll be less awkward if you’re there. Do you know her well?”

“I’ve spoken to her a few times,” I told him, nodding. “She’s nice. That’s all I know about her. Won’t I be third-wheeling if I have dinner with you both? I rather just send her off and leave.”

“I can just always invite one of my friends and it’ll be a double date,” Minhyun said it like it was easy. I gave him a tired smile.

“None of your friends are qualified to go on double dates. The last time I went on a double date with you, he had to leave halfway because he had surgery to go to.”

Minhyun had only doctor friends and it was hard to even sit through a conversation with them. Minhyun made a face at me pointing that out. He told me that it was hard to be a doctor and date at the same time but that didn’t mean I should give up on trying to match him up.

“What do I get if I do this? Other than another one of your doctor friends bailing on me halfway?” I asked, Minhyun chuckling.

“I’ll try to invite one of my doctor friends who’ll keep his end of the bargain.”

“And that bargain is going out on a date with me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Hey, you’re a catch, okay?” Minhyun told me, narrowing his eyes at me. I smiled at that. “I have a few friends that would kill to switch shifts with me. They call me the ‘lucky shift fairy’.”

That is how I ended up talking to Stella, a girl with blonde short hair and bright pink lipstick, asking her to go out on a double date with me. She was surprised but she responded with so much enthusiasm, the female beaming at me.

“I heard that you weren’t doing very well, Sunbae,” she began. “But it’s good to hear that you’re finally putting yourself out there!”

Not for me, Stella. The double date is actually for you, I thought.

I nodded, telling her that we’d both have a great time and that I really liked the guy and just needed a girl to keep me company when it was actually the other way around—Minhyun being smitten by Stella. He would often ask me for updates. Did I see Stella today? Is she excited to meet him as he was?

“And who are you meeting, Sunbae? Is he nice? Tell me all about him,” Stella demanded a day prior to the blind date. I had no idea who Minhyun was going to bring so I told her very vague information.

“Doctor. Both of them are doctors.” I cleared my throat. It was funny because since I told Stella about the blind date, a friendship had blossomed in the process and I found myself talking to her more than I usually did. “He’s… kind, I guess.”

“Is he handsome?” Stella asked, her big doe eyes fluttering slowly. “I can’t wait to fall in love.”

Same, I thought.

Stella was bubbly and Minhyun was charming. What a great couple-to-be. I had forgotten about Minhyun’s friend that was supposed to come, Minhyun telling me that he’d be a bit late. After fifteen minutes of tuning them out, a bag was placed in the seat across from me and I saw Qian Kun adjusting his watch as Minhyun looked up to greet him.

“Oh, hey. You made it,” Minhyun said, Kun nodding.

“Traffic.” His answer was curt. Minhyun asked Kun what he wanted, Kun glancing down at the menu. “What did you order?”

“The box set. It’s good,” Minhyun said. Stella’s eyes lit up, the female thinking that Kun was the person I was waiting to have the blind date with. “This is Stella and this is….” Minhyun waved his hand, Kun flickering his eyes over at me. “Rouge.”

Rouge. I guess that was when the nickname started to be used by everyone.

Kun nodded. I knew he knew who I was, the male falling down into a seat in front of me. He cleared his throat and I saw that his smartwatch was lighting up constantly.

“Did you ask for a shift change?” Kun asked Minhyun casually, my friend nodding.

“Of course. Put your name instead.” Minhyun clasped his hand over Kun’s shoulder. That was why Kun was here, I thought to myself, watching as Kun raised a hand to ask for an order. He wanted to switch shifts with Minhyun. “Why are you picking up more hours at the hospital? You’re already packed next week.”

“I’m collecting them,” Kun answered, pulling the sleeves of his shirt up. “Want to finally get away from the ER. Further studies.”

“Thinking of cardiology?”

Kun nodded, the food set in front of me when I saw him look at my plate that was untouched. Minhyun turned back and I heard him begin to get into another conversation with Stella, leaving Kun and me indulging in silence.

“How are you?” he asked suddenly, the expression on his face unchanging as he pulled the wooden chopsticks apart. I my lips, wondering why I was so nervous.

“I’m fine.”

“I see you’ve been eating,” he stated and for a moment, his eyes met mine before I brought my gaze back to my food. I nodded, reaching for a chopstick and removing the plastic covering it. We both ate in silence, Minhyun and Stella’s voices cackling beside us as he cracked a joke.

“Thanks for giving me my insurance card,” I began, wanting to break the awkwardness. Kun glanced at me, nodding.

“You left without collecting it. You might need it for future use,” he said back. I removed the lettuce from the soup, thinking to myself that it looked soggy.

“There is actually a lost and found in the Music Department. Next time, you can give it to the office. It’s easier.” I didn’t know why I was saying that but I was desperate to keep the conversation going.

“Wanted to check on you,” he replied before taking in a spoonful of rice. He chewed and I noticed he had a blank stare in his eyes like he wasn’t particularly thinking of something but he also wasn’t very in tune with his surroundings. He also didn’t seem to think that our conversation was awkward, Kun pointing at the lettuce that I had isolated from the rest of the dish. “You should eat your greens.”

“I don’t like how soggy they are.”

He swallowed. “Still.”

“Kun, tell Stella about that one emergency case we got,” Minhyun urged, Stella, asking him what he was talking about. “That couple, remember?”

Kun choked on his food and I slid a glass of water over to him, Minhyun laughing.

“Oh. That couple,” Kun murmured.

“Why?” I asked, wondering what they had witnessed.

“I think it was four months ago,” Minhyun narrated. “A couple came in because they were doing it and his phallus got stuck inside of her.”

“Phallus—Oh, his !” Stella shrieked, flapping her hands around with amusement. “How is that possible? How’d it happen?”

“Vaginismus,” Kun said suddenly, his face back to looking like he was thinking of something else. He took a swig of water, a hand reaching for a napkin to wipe the side of his lip. “The girl had muscle spasms on her private area.”

“What’s worse is that the female was a mistress,” Minhyun said, rolling his eyes. “It was the woman’s wife that called the ambulance because they couldn’t separate the two.”

Stella let out a laugh and I found myself cracking up, a hand going up to scratch my nose.

“It’s funny. Isn’t it, Sunbae?” Stella asked me and I nodded, shaking my head at the absurdity of the situation. “Was the wife at the hospital, too?”

Kun and Minhyun nodded.

“With divorce papers,” Minhyun told her, Stella commenting how she wouldn’t know what she’d do if it ever happened to her. I looked over at Kun to see that he had finished his food and that he was simply listening to everyone talk. He was waiting for time to pass and all I did was finish up my food when Minhyun glanced at me and pointed at his phone.

I took my phone out and saw that he texted me.

Minhyun: Will be bringing her to a movie.
Minhyun: like 1 on 1

I smiled at that, nodding to show that I’d drop myself out of this double date.

Minhyun: bring Kun with you
Minhyun: I already texted him

I frowned at Minhyun, wondering why’d he’d do that when I saw Kun unlock his phone, reading the text when he locked it once again. It didn’t take long for Kun’s eyes to settle on me when he spoke.

“Let’s go.” He said it so casually, the male nodding at Stella. “It was nice meeting you, Stella.”

“Oh,” she began, standing up halfway when she looked over at me. “This was fun. I’ll see you around, Doctor.”

“Likewise,” he answered and I stood up, Kun grabbing his coat. “I’ll pay, yeah.”

“Sure. See you at the hospital, man.”

Kun nodded and I followed him, Kun heading over to the cashier to pay. I grabbed my bag to pay him for the food when I felt his hand lay on my wrist, pushing it down gently. When I looked up, I saw him nodding at the cashier, taking his card back.

He moved towards the door and I followed him, both of us stepping out of the restaurant. I cleared my throat, Kun looking at me like he had forgotten I was there when I bowed.

“Thank you for the meal.” I went back up, passing him a smile and he nodded when he heaved a sigh. I wondered what he was thinking of when he spoke.

“How, really, are you?” he asked. He began to walk by my side and I saw that we were both headed in the direction of the parking lot.

“You really have nothing to worry about,” I told him and he scoffed. We were standing in front of the fountain in the mall, water shooting up in the air. “Really.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Qian Kun never understood why people thought that death was the easy way out. He had always found himself thinking of her in his free time—not her, specifically. Just the way she looked when he found her. He wondered what went through her mind. He wondered if anyone around him ever felt that way.

He had asked Sicheng a year ago, the male staring dully at the wall as countless articles came out about him. Kun was once scared of what Sicheng would do and that is why as he stood before her, he found himself thinking that if she could get through it, Sicheng could too.

“Let me send you home,” Kun said suddenly, and then she was sitting beside him in the passenger’s seat. She did not argue with him and she did not say anything the rest of the ride until he pulled up in front of the SM dorms, Rouge clearing .

“I meant to thank you,” she began.

“For the insurance card or for that night?” he asked and she looked like she wanted to say something but she stopped herself. “If you have anything to say, just say it.”

“I’m not depressed,” she said it like she hated being associated with the term. “I was. Not anymore. I’m sad and I was in a depressive state. There is a difference. I’m trying to be happy.”

Kun listened to her. In his mind, he thought that it was okay to be depressed. It was a medical term. She had her hands trembling on her lap as she tried to make her point.

“I’m a fighter,” she said it like it was a mantra, Kun glancing at her. She was staring at nothing. “I really am. You have to believe me.”

Her voice rose and Kun couldn’t help but nod.

“I do,” he said. “Your brother was a good kid.”

Her eyes welled up with tears at Kun’s words. He knew Blue. The male was four years younger than him. He was going to work at Kun’s hospital for a fast-track program and he would have been placed under Kun’s supervision to shadow him as a junior if he was still alive. He spoke a lot about his sister.

Kun did not want to tell her that. Instead, he reached out to place a hand on her head as she cried at the mention of her brother.

“You’ll be fine,” he said and she sniffed, rubbing the back of her hand against her eyes. She didn’t say anything and after she calmed herself down, he saw that she took out a tube of lipstick. She reached up and pulled down the mirror, coloring her lips red before she smiled at the mirror like she was trying to fool herself.

“Thank you,” she said shyly. “For the ride.”

He nodded, Rouge stepping down from the car when he called after her, the female turning back to look at him from the sound of his voice. Kun found his eyes immediately focusing on her red lips.

“Eat your greens,” he told her and her eyes curved up.

“I’ll try.” She smiled as she waved.

“It’s not up for debate,” Kun replied. She bowed to him before retreating back into the dorms.

He wouldn’t hear from her for weeks to come but Kun would find himself thinking of her, the image of her face flashing through his mind every time he saw the color red. Red was striking and red stuck to the eyes. It was the color of blood.

“Let me ask you a question,” he asked one of the nurses one day. “Is it normal for women to put on lipstick to make themselves feel better?”

“Totally,” she answered, cleaning the wound of one of the patients in the ER. “Definitely normal, Doctor. It’s psychological. You look good, you can trick your brain into masking all your emotions.”

“Huh,” Kun murmured. He knew the human mind was complex. “I see.”

“Why, Doctor? A girlfriend I don’t know of?” the nurse asked and he shook his head. He wondered how she was and if she was holding up okay, Kun going back to his rounds. He didn’t have to wonder for too long because it wasn’t long until he saw her again.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Blue, I love you. I love you so much, it’s keeping me alive.

I want people to talk about you.

I want people to never forget you.

If I want that, I need to stay alive.

I love you.

SM UNIVERSITY, School Festival

The music department was a big part of every school festival SM had. I found myself busy, trying to keep up with my curricular activities in trying to help my department hold the school festival. One of the things I was nervous about was the fact that we held a fundraising auction. What were we auctioning?

People. Me and a few other girls.

I did not like the idea but it had been a tradition for quite some time for SM to hold these kinds of events for s and giggles. Sometimes, best friends would buy each other to save each other’s asses.

It was a joke until new rules were implemented and those from the same department weren’t able to bid. A music major wouldn’t be able to bid for a girl from a music major. I hated it but then Minhyun told me to relax.

“I’ll be at the school festival,” he told me. “You keep forgetting that even if I’m a doctor, I’m still studying.”

“You’re going to bid for Stella!”

“Stella is going to be auctioned?” he asked and I realized that he had no idea. I nodded and he waved at me. “Well, bye-bye.”

“Minhyun!” He chuckled, a hand going around my shoulders. “What if no one wants me?”

“Please,” he told me, a smile plastered on his face. “Every department has two representatives. If no one wants you, I’ll ask the other representative to buy your time. It’s not like we doctors have time to scout out girls.”

“And you are a representative because?”

“Because I’m Hwang Minhyun,” he replied. “Usually popularity plays a big deal. Funny how these things are still a big thing in our lives when we’re running around trying to save people.” He sighed. “It’s a long journey for us medical students, my dear,” he told me, winking. “Alright. See you tomorrow!”

Tomorrow did come and I found myself standing on stage, hands behind my back with my lips painted red. That’s the sister of Blue, I heard from a few people around us, the med student that got into an accident while she was driving. Her brother didn’t make it but she did.

I tried to tune the voices out, Stella beside me as she was auctioned off to Minhyun. Minhyun gave me a thumbs up and waved a hand back and forth as if to tell me not to worry.

My name was called out followed by voices that began to auction for me. It was a surprise how many people were willing to buy my time when a voice bid quite a high price, my eyes widening when I heard his name.

“Going, going, gone to Qian Kun! The Department of Medicine!” the MC said and I saw him standing by the side of the stage, Kun raising an eyebrow at me. Qian Kun?

He was the other representative of the Department of Medicine, Kun offering me his hand as he helped me off the stage.

“You’re expensive,” he said to me, the corners of his mouth lifting up into a smile.

“You could have auctioned for someone else.”

He shook his head. “It was either you or that girl from engineering but my best friend has his eyes on her. Meet Chittaphon Leechaiyakul, Cultural Studies,” he moved a hand over to the male standing beside him.

“My lady,” his friend greeted. “I’m a graduate. Class of 2020. Came back to uphold the SM tradition.” He winked at me. “Alumnus, unlike my friend here who still has five more years to his education.”

Kun flickered his eyes over to his friend and I smiled.

“Ten, at your service. Have fun with this grumpy old man,” Ten told me. “Now excuse me while I try to win the heart of an engineering student—”

“His interest is not going to last long,” Kun told me, shaking his head before he frowned at Ten. “Aren’t you talking to some girl online?”

“Online and someone being physically here are different,” Ten sang, beaming at him. “A heart has many rooms, Kun, there is space for everyone.”

“Player,” Kun murmured, Ten frolicking up the stage to claim his prize. He turned to me and then we stood in silence as everyone walked past us, Kun scratching the back of his neck. “What do people your age do?”

“You’re speaking as if you’re way older than me,” I pointed out, Kun tinging pink.

“I am.” I raised an eyebrow. I had no idea how old he was.

“I’m four years older than you,” he told me. “I’m not old. You’re just young. You’re actually younger than most of my friends.”

I blinked. I had no idea who he was talking about.

“I’m twenty-one,” I told him. He chuckled.

“I’m twenty-five.” He frowned. “Is this your last year of university?”

I nodded. “Next year, March. How about you?”

“Don’t ask.”

He looked around and I thought that he looked like he didn’t belong in a place like this. Like he did not fit in but a part of me liked that about him. Someone suddenly grabbed his shoulder.

“Qian Kun!” the person said, shoving coupons into his hand. “Coupons that came with the auction. Have fun!”

Kun looked down on the coupons before he showed them to me.

“Do you know how to cook?” he asked and I smiled.

“Doesn’t hurt to try.”

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Kun liked her smile. He guessed it was because she looked so innocent. The male wondered if he was that lost when he was twenty-one. It was a celebrity cooking class and Kun knew how to cook, he actually enjoyed doing it in his free time. As they entered his car, he gave her the coupon.

“Hold onto them for me,” he told her and she nodded. She was so obedient. Kun saw her stare at the coupon. “Do you have any idea who he is?”

“This person? Not really.” She shook her head. “I don’t watch cooking shows.”

It was silent for a while, Kun driving and Rouge staring out the window as the car sped through Seoul to make it to the cooking class. Alas, as they reached there, they saw that the class was almost full. She stood beside him, not knowing what to do when Kun decided that he had to take the lead.

“Apron,” he instructed and she grabbed an apron, slipping her hand through the hoops. He reached for her first, Kun pulling towards him gently to tie the strings behind her back. When he was done, she turned and grabbed his shoulders.

“Let me do yours,” she told him, Kun hearing the determination in her voice. She raised the apron in the air, moving his arms to hook the apron up, Rouge pulling it from behind. “Am I doing it right?”

He could not see, Qian Kun moving his fingers to feel the knot. She had tied it two times. Well, he’d have a hard time undoing it when the time would come. He didn’t tell her that, Kun simply nodding as Rouge’s eyes twinkled with satisfaction as she waited for instructions from the chef.

Onions were her greatest enemy. The male saw her tear up as she cried over the chopped onions. He couldn’t help but laugh.

“Did you not soak it in the water first?” he asked, Rouge shaking her head.

“Was I supposed to?” she asked back. God, she definitely could not cook. She had reached up and Kun instinctively yelled out to her not to touch her eyes but the damage had already been done and she had tears running down her cheek. She could not open her left eye and Kun had to pull her away from class, his hands on her shoulders as he began to lead her to the bathroom.

She squinted when she saw that they were headed to the boy’s bathroom, Rouge digging her feet against the floor.

“Why are we going to the male’s bathroom?” she asked, Kun trying to push her through the door.

“Because I can’t go into the girl’s bathroom,” he told her, Rouge shaking her head. “It’s fine, I just need to use water on your eyes.”

He laughed at how scared she looked at the idea of going into the men’s bathroom.

“Do you want to remove your eyes?” he asked and she squeaked.

“What if someone comes in to pee and I’m inside?” she asked, Kun telling her not to worry.

“I’ll protect you. I can’t check up on you if you’re in the girl’s bathroom,” he said and she finally allowed him to lead her in. He tilted her face up with a finger to blow into it just to see that it was red. He wet his handkerchief, pressing it against her eyes.

She smiled at him with one eye, Rouge telling him she was a pirate.

“You are. Now, go wash your hands before you’ll be a blind pirate,” he told her and she turned around with much difficulty, Kun adjusting his arm so he was still pressing the fabric against her eyes from behind. He watched as she ran her hand under the tap water. “More soap. Get rid of the onion juice.”

She brought her hands up to her nose to sniff her fingers before she made a face. She added soap, Kun removing the handkerchief from her eyes to see the swelling was gone and it was just red. She turned back to face him.

“Why did you have to touch your eyes?” he asked and she frowned at him. “Don’t you know that the eye area can be sensitive?”

“Okay, sorry,” she apologized and Kun wondered why she was apologizing to him. “It’s still burning.”

“I know it is,” he said, Kun turning her face to the side to stare into her eyeball.

“My eyeball is rolling,” she told him and he laughed, the door of the bathroom opening as two men walked in. He saw how her expression changed, Kun running the handkerchief underwater one more time before pressing it against her eyes. The men gave them a look and Kun shot a look back, taunting them to say something but they did not, doing their business and finally leaving.

“I think we need to leave. I don’t think I should be in the men’s bathroom.”

“What are they going to do about it?” Kun asked her and she pressed her lips together. “Let’s see them try to say anything.” He thought she cared too much about what people thought of her.

“What are you going to do?”

“I’ll shoot their eyeballs with chopped onions,” he replied and she cracked a smile.

“I’m kind of sad,” she admitted suddenly, Kun taken aback by her words. “Other people get to bring their food home and I didn’t even get past the first stage of chopping up the ingredients.”

“Cooking is like that. Sometimes, it works out. Sometimes, it doesn’t.”

“But you could have gotten a nice meal if I hadn’t messed up,” she told him. “Sorry.”

“I can get a nice meal anywhere. What I don’t get anywhere is a girl touching her eyes after chopping an onion with her bare hands,” Kun replied and he could see the way her skin turned red.

“You’re not,” she told him, Kun telling her that she was right. He wasn’t joking. “I’ll just make you a nice meal instead. How does that sound?”

“That sounds dangerous,” Kun told her. “So how about I do the cooking?”

“Okay.” She pushed herself away from the sink, both of them exiting the boy’s bathro