I woke up in the middle of the night with a rustling sound. It kinda scares the out of me. I grabbed something that I can use as a weapon and try to make my way in the living room.

"Jesus ing Christ!" I ing yelled at the top of my lungs when i came across the corner with Seunghyun. 

DRUNK AND HIGH.

YOU and blah blah blah. I kept on cussing him from head to toe but he doesnt seem to give a at all. 

He sat on the sofa and stared blankly on the tv that was turned off. It kinda scares the out of me when he did not followed me to the kitchen. This is our routine already. He'd come home, it doesnt matter what time of the day it is. Day or ing night, he's drunk as hell or high, or both. No matter how ing wasted he is he'd still follow me around to ease my pissed . He'd kiss me beg for my attention and ends up in a mind blowing afterwards but this time it's different. He's mum and doesnt say a would. He'd usually give me snarky remarks or either ing mad at me the same time I'm ing pissed at him. 

After grabbing a bottle of water to drink i immediately went back to him. 

I stood in front of him and held his head in my hands. 

He's eyes are ing dilated and he looks like he's in limbo already. I slapped his face multiple times before staring at me dead in the eyes then bursting laughing.

"You've gotta be kidding me!" then i slapped his his head hard. 

Then he hugged my torso, sing songing how he loved me. How he's so thankful I chose him and sticked by his side no matter what. 

I knew this isn't the best time to ing scold him and do a head on fight with him.

I assisted him in our bedroom to sleep for a bit because it's still 3 in the morning.

We lay on the bed til it's sunrise.

Seunghyun woke up before me, managed to cook some breakfast like he'd usually do after being a headache the night after. This has been our routine for the past month or so. Few months after moving in my mom's house here in Colorado, he seems okay. Doing his best to justify that he deserves me. 

I was woken up by his phone's notification. It keeps on popping continuously. 

"Just make the drop tonight" from an unknown number. I did not bother to read the whole conversation because i knew it already that it's all about the drugs. 

I feel like it was a ing mistake to stay in US than be in Korea with him. Atleast there he have his own support system, he'll have Ji, his estranged family and the whole YG family to clean up his mess rather in here he's like a lost puppy migling with the wrong people and getting into trouble most of the time.

Because of my pride I insisted to be here. After my dad passing away the whole controvery about his silicon valley money never went away, Khal was able to save most of money. Have some under my name under a swiss bank. The mansion I grew up with took all the toll, it was taken away from me. The money can't be move from the Swiss bank anytime soon because it would be too suspicious. I was left with the Colorado house my mom left me and some cash in the bank form my inheritance from her family. Don't get me wrong, we still live in a lavish lifestyle. Few hundred millions I got and Seugnhyun's money from being an Idol plus the monthly income he gets from his real estate investments in Korea is still all too much for two people living trying not to be seen under the radar. 

The messages on his phone was enough to fuel my anger even more. I'm still not okay from the fight last night and being woken up by this bull is too much. I immediately grabbed his phone and made my way to the kitchen.

I threw the phone at his back and I was immediately faced by his annoyed face.

"What the actual , Dani? What's that for?" he snapped at me. 

"Do you think im dumb enough not to know your , huh? "

"Oh . , , babe "

He now suddenly realizes that I know all of it now. 

"Come on baby, this is the last time. I promise you" 

Why the you do this ? is it about the money? We got more than enough. Are you rebelling against me? waht is it all about? I dont ing get it. I really dont.

The endless fight went on again. We've been on it for months already. The first few months was a bliss, almost a year actually. Everything went smooth despite all the heat from my dad's death and bankruptcy and Seunghyun going AWOL on his idol life and military service, we manage to stay afloat in life. I missed a few therapy sessions and Seunghyun being out most of the time was the start of everything going haywire. It's ing amazing how Khal is staying calm despite all of this. He'd usually swoop right in the minute he hears that Seunghyun managed to things up again. He'd come to my rescue when he knows that Im having a hard time. I know, I know you'd think that I'm such a and weakling to just easily go and agree to him when things went south. This has been my life, the only life I know how to live. I wasn't built strong. I'm super lucky to have my dad pay for all the therapy I needed to survive. Im lucky I have Khal to save me from all of the I mess up. 
 

Later that night. 
 

Having the worst fight of all time. Seunghyun slammed the door shut in my face still left the house this morning. It's almost midnight and the dickhead haven't come home to me. I know he'd still continue to sell drugs today with Tablo. Big er Tablo never changed. I met him in Japan once, new face for me so I asked Kiko who's he. Kiko said he's on the run, banished from Korea by YG's boss because of dealing drugs. I dont ing get these guys, they have the money why the they still wanna be involved in this kind of ? 
 

Trying to calm my self down, I drew a bath for my self and poured a glass of wine. Staring blankly at the bathroom walls. My thoughts were interrupted, my phone is ringing. With a little struggle I manage to get a hold of it on top of my soiled clothes near the tub. 

"Colorado police station.....

My mind went blank, as if I went deaf with both ears. The guy on the other end of the line keeps on and on.

"Hey! Hey! Will you be able to pay the bail tonight so this Korean dirtbag stop making a mess in our precint? "

"ugh, yes, yes. I'll be there soon"

I hang up the phone and drank all the wine left on my glass. 

I hope this all stops. I went under the water, close my eyes and wish to wake up to this nightmare both Seunghyun and I is living at the moment.