It has been long and bumpy road since I met Seunghyun. I can't deny I constantly think of him even if I'm in LA or other places. My life has been the same. Day in, day out. Functions after functions, social events that I've been obligated to attend. My life in LA is like that ever since. I've been carrying the name my father built and the reputations Khal's been maitaining to be on top of the business. Sometimes these I feel like these guys are using me for marketing. I feel like this is the only contribution I got and I'm obliged to do since they are the ones who give me a good life. But no one has really asked me how I've been. I feel like an empty shell. The trauma and the hurt no one really understands me. 

I somehow feel attached to the man whom I don't constantly see. Whenever I am with him he somehow feels like home. Someone who understands me even if I dont say a word. It's seems like our lives is the same. He's constantly ranting how he wants to quit the job he got, he's tired being an idol and regrets the first time he went on stage. Hell, I regret being on this world. I'm not much of talker, I dont share or tell stories most of the time. But the connection is there and even if we don't talk about it that much he seems to know where I stand in this somehow relationship. We don't see each other often but if there's a chance he always seems to end up on my hotel room, drunk or not. I guess that's how Seunghyun is. 

I don't understand it at all. The feeling is knew to me. I've known Khal for the longest time but I don't feel it with him.

I'm in Switzerland right now. Signing papers after papers with crazy numbers on the paper to hide the illegal money my dad and Khal has been securing because turned up in LA. My dad is accused of embezzlement of money in his own company. Fraud cases filing on top of the other. I knew they're both in trouble. I might not understand it all but all I know is that we're all ed up. I'm not allowed to go back for the mean time and I'm staying here in Geneva for the mean time or for good. I don't know for sure.

I've gotten more sicker than ever because of the stress and the press constantly on my heels trying to get something from me. Hell i don't know a thing except for the latest collection in Chanel and Louis Vitton. 

I knew all the things you can read in the paper is really bad. Kiko called me already, asking where I am and if I'm okay. She still caught up in Japan and can't come to my rescue. 

I don't pray but it seems to me like an answered prayer that Seunghyun came at my hotel room one tonight. 

With his hoodie and coat hiding half of his face. I barely recognize him. He lost a ton of weight. I knew he's in trouble as well. With the drug issue and he got kicked out of his military service. I sometimes keep tabs on him but not enough to call him or be there for him to go to Korea. 

I let him in. 

Not long after I feel him back hugged me. It lasted for a long time.

After he took off his coat and got settled in he came to me again and hugged me. Not saying a word why he's here or what happened to him we cuddled in bed the whole day. Much needed rest for both of us. 

It was 3 am already and I'm having anxiety attacks. I woke up and went to the balcony. 

Looked for his cigarettes because I knew he always had a pack on him. He's a heavy smoker. Grabbed a bottle of liquor to drink hoping it would help me sleep.

While drinking straight up from the bottle of vodka and lighting a cigarette on my other hand I heard him get up as well and followed me. 

He signalled if it's okay to have a puff on my lighted cigarette and i politely offered it to him. 

I'm scared to open my mouth because I might end up crying or jumping out the balcony because of a mental break down. 

I'm seated on the chair while he's leaning on the balcony in his robe. 

After minutes of silence he finally spoke. 

"Let's be together." he said.

"We're together right now." I said sarcastically.

"Dumb , I mean really be together." he said. 

I just let out a long sigh.

"The last time you asked me this is when we we're in Rio because you heard I'm getting married already. You're just scared Seunghyun. You don't mean it."

"No, Dani. I mean it this time. I'll be good I promise." 

"Bull. Remember the last time you told me that? I saw you with another woman in bed. We had our shot on this already and it doesn't turn out that great." I told him.

"Or you feel pity for me, with all the bad things happening on my life right now. Don't be silly. I had worse. Khal and my dad will take care of it. I'll be okay. And you'll be okay. YG will get you out of the hole you went in yourself just like old times." 

"You might be right, Dani. But what if it's our last chance to be together? or this is the last shot we got in life? I wanna spend it with you. For the past five years of this, you're the only constant in my life. With all the good and the bad I always wanna come home to you."

I took another chug at the bottle of vodka on my hand and offered some to him.

"What do you think our life gonna be? We're two ed up people trying to survive on a daily basis. I can't take care of you. I only look after myself. I don't know how this will work out." i said to him honestly.

He took a long drag of his cigarette and let it all out. Maybe what all I'm saying is true and he agrees with it. 

He reached on the inside of his robe and in his pocket. He gave me a black box.

I opened it and there it was. 

A pear shaped diamond ring.