It's not everyday that we get to have a person who would try to understand us even when we're at our worst cases. When you found that person, don't take him/her for granted. Lesson 3: Learn to reflect. Ask for forgiveness.

 

Arin

 

Day 61 since the call.

 

Arin, 4 days ago : Jiho, please call me soon.

Arin, 4 days ago : I know I pushed you, I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry.

Arin, 3 days ago : It's been three days. Call me when you're ready to talk, okay?

 

Arin didn't expect Jiho was this serious about thinking. Is it that really hard.. She wasn't sure, she can't tell what's going on in Jiho's mind. 

 

"Arin.. You good?" Yubin pats Arin's shoulder as they eat, sitting together for lunch again. 

 

"It's my fault.. I might have said something that pushed her away." Arin knew she's pulling the mood down but she can't help it. These girls she's sharing the table with are her only friends.

 

"Oh.." Hyojung pouted a bit, witnessing Arin's sadness. "And you tried to reach out?" 

 

Arin nods, she's been trying. A part of her knows she may be acting too much on this but after recalling her relationship with Jiho and all the moments they shared, she thinks what she did was reasonable.

 

"Do you want to like, go on a party again? Just us four? Like the old times?" Yooa asks, trying to comfort her. She smiles at her.

 

Like the old times. Arin couldn't even look at Yubin.. She just knows some things have changed between them and Yooa; with all the Jiho thing, and the Yooa thing, and how Yubin has been giving her more attention these days. She glances at Yooa who's only looking down at her food. 

 

"Uh.. I'm lazy." Arin lied. Yubin always hated having Jiho around. Even though Arin doesn't like assuming things, she can't help but to think that Yubin is hitting on her now that Jiho is gone. It's that, even when Arin wasn't actually Jiho's girlfriend, she and Jiho are still something and she can't hurt both Yooa and Yubin in this one.

 

"You're my date, alright? Try to forget about Jiho, today." Yubin insisted.

 

"I'll get some water." Yooa excuses herself. Arin sighs and covers her face with her palm, what should I do now..

 

"I'm sorry.. I can't, you guys enjoy without me on this one." Arin smiled a bit and looked at both Hyojung and Yubin while biting her lower lip out of anxiety. 

 

Day 63 since the call.

 

Yubin is driving Arin home again. It's the new routine now ever since Jiho walked away from Arin. 

 

"You know.. we always talk about work." Yubin glances at Arin for a second with a smile. Arin hummed, they do.

 

"I miss my bestfriend. You seem uncomfortable being with the other girls but, do you want to.. like, hang out tomorrow? Just you and me, no pressure."

 

Arin giggles."Alright!" She thanks Yubin in her mind, she knew she needs to wind up somehow. Her thoughts have been very busy lately. Waiting for Jiho to come back is getting a little exhausting. Also, at least she wouldn't need to worry about Yooa for this one.

 

"Oh-kay~ You got a date with me. Don't forget about that." Yubin pulled over when they reached Arin's house. Arin smiled and nodded. She was about to remove her seatbelt when Yubin suddenly leaned to do it for her.

 

Arin had to hold her breath at Yubin's sudden action. Yubin looked at her after, their faces were so close. It was only after Yubin chuckles and pulled away when Arin finally calmed down.

 

Is this suppose to be weird? Or is it because Arin got used to being with Jiho.. and that Yubin was Jiho's ex girlfriend.. And maybe because she knows about Yooa too.

 

"I'll see you tomorrow."

 

"Yeah. Sure."

 

9:34 PM.

 

Arin didn't enter the house. Instead she went to walk around the neighborhood, particularly towards the familiar block to Jiho's house.

 

Only the lights of the living room was open. Jiho's room is dark and her window is locked. Arin sighs. What am I even doing here.

 

She stayed for another 10 minutes, just hoping she'd at least see Jiho but nothing happened. Arin smiled bitterly, she should try to let go a bit more.

 

The next day,  6:35 PM when Arin finished preparing to go out with Yubin. It's been a chilly day. Still no sign of Jiho. Arin is all ready, Yubin said she'll come by 6:45 PM but Arin knows her, she'll be there before 6:45. Arin wore a simple jeans and a blouse with a cream cardigan. It's still so cold outside. Must be raining soon.

 

"Yewon-ah! Yubin is here." Arin stood up from her bed and picked up her sling bag. Her parents love Yubin. The girl is capable of doing many things that's why she became Arin's parents' favorite among all of her friends.

 

Arin once talked about Jiho, of course she tried but her parents surely didn't like her. They said she's not a good kid whatsoever. Everyone said that too but from what Arin could see when she got the chance to know Jiho, the girl isn't so bad at all. She just.. seem very lost.

 

Arin thought she could be a guide for Jiho but as it turned out, no.

 

"Hi, you look so pretty." Yubin greeted her as soon as she stepped out from their gate. Arin chuckles.

 

"Since when did you start checking out my looks?" Yubin just shrugged at her with a warm smile.

 

In Arin's head, she's reminded of the times Jiho would suddenly text her 'i'm outside' and that she was always wearing that annoying charming grin on her face.

 

I miss her.

 

"Hmm.. is it okay if we go to our favorite cafe?"

 

Jiho never asks me where we are going.

 

My god Arin stop comparing them!

 

"Yes, it's been a while since the last time." Arin giggles and tried her best to look excited. In general, it's been a while since she and Yubin had their bestfriends date.

 

"Oh? It's raining." Arin looked at the backseat to check if Yubin brought an umbrella.

 

"Yeah, I'm ready. Don't worry." Yubin grins and starts driving. 

 

-

 

"What?! You said Yooa got it handled pff" Arin covers as she continues laughing. So far, they have eaten and talked about other things aside from work and it's actually working for Arin.

 

Yubin chuckles and took a sip from her coffee. "Yeah, but I was pretty drunk I don't know what Hyojung's talking about." Yubin raised her hands as if surrendering. They're talking about random things like what they did that Hyojung doesn't know and such.

 

"You're hilarious. Hahahaha"

 

It's still raining. Arin hugs herself, rubbing her hands on her arms as she and Yubin exchanged glances.

 

"Uh.. about Yooa-"

 

"Oh no, nothing's going on between us." Yubin said it immediately after the mention of Yooa's name, like she's defending herself. What?

 

Arin feels bad, again.

 

"If there would be someone I would date, it's you." Arin looked down on Yubin'a hand holding hers. She hates rejection but,

 

"Yubin.."

 

"Hm?"

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"Ah no.. I-I was just saying." Yubin moved her hand away and Arin started feeling the worst. She's so scared because this will surely affect their friendship.

 

She got lost for a moment. Was it because I miss Jiho that my mind is playing my eyes. Jiho was out there walking pass them with an umbrella on the side walk and Arin can see her through the window. She's wearing a bright red hoodie and black pants, pair of white rubber shoes, her hair still as dark and her skin looked so pale.

 

She looks.. tired.

 

Arin stood up in instant, picking up her bag from the seat. It's her chance to talk to Jiho.

 

"Arin." Yubin called her but her mind is occupied. Arin walked out of the cafe. She's welcomed by excess raindrops coming from the air due to heavy rainfall.

 

Thank god Yubin was there, she followed Arin and opened her umbrella as soon as she got out. "Hey where are you going? It's raining."

 

Arin felt Yubin's arm around her. She looked at the direction Jiho went and saw the girl looking back. Did she not see me? Yubin may have seen Jiho now too. "Jiho-? Arin, no. Dont follow her."

 

"Yubin. I just want to talk to her."

 

Yubin looked at her in the eyes. I'm sorry Bin.. Please let me do this.

 

"Fine." Yubin held her closer as they walk together under the umbrella.

 

"Aish. We lost her."

 

"No. I know where she's going."

 

"This..?" Arin can't believe this. She knows this bar is on Mimi and Seunghee's breaking records. The office got a report that this bar is a hit to most of their students.

 

"Yeah, she used to go here a lot before."

 

The place wasn't like the other bars where there are loud upbeat music everywhere. It's more of a chill vibe and if it wasn't for the loud rain, the whole room would be too quiet.

 

Arin felt bitter. Yubin seems to know a lot about Jiho than she does but the girl wasn't lying. Arin saw Seunghee and Mimi at a corner drinking together. She looked around more. Where are you..

 

"She's at the counter." Yubin whispered on her ear.  And Jiho was there. The red hoodie. From what Arin could see, Jiho is drinking while talking to the bartender.

 

"Arin. Don't. You told her you'll let her think."

 

"I-I'll.. just listen. Don't worry." Arin smiled a bit and sat close to where Jiho is sitting.

 

Yubin followed her.

 

"Arin."

 

"Yes?"

 

"I'll always be here for you."

 

Arin chuckles. Yubin is so sweet. The small chuckle didn't feel that real, it was just a quick one because as soon as the girl on the counter started talking, Arin started feeling nervous.

 

"You never budge about someone else before. Why are you losing confidence just because you and your ex likes the same girl?" Arin heard the other girl talking. She looked at Yubin who lightly shakes her head.

 

"Ah, I know." It's the other girl again, Jiho wasn't talking.

 

"Yubin's not the problem. It's you."

 

"...I just wanna forget her." Pain. Arin held on the table, her figertips pressing hard on the surface. Jiho wants to forget me?

 

"Because?"

 

"She's making me want her all the time but you know I can't do that." It's like a needle is pulled out from Arin's chest when Jiho said that. She was really getting worried of her sanity. 

 

"Yeah, miss I-hate-commitment."

 

"Don't you think it's time to settle on someone?"

 

"I don't know. Sometimes, I still get this feeling when I want to avoid her. I don't want to disappoint her."

 

"So you like her."

 

"I don't know.." She doesn't know, huh.

 

"Are you two just randomly flirting?"

 

Arin swallowed nothing but it's like there's a rock stuck on when she heard the question. Had Jiho been always like a player that girls she talks about can be considered 'randomly flirting'?

 

The question wasn't really the problem. It was Jiho's answer that made her feel worse.

 

"Yeah."

 

Jiho.

 

Day 11 since the call, morning after the party.

 

Jiho woke up with a headache. When she went home last, she plugs her phone into its charger. She had dead battery after 9 PM striked.

 

I should text Arin.

 

Jiho takes her phone from her side table but the first thing she saw are Yubin's texts.

 

What the hell.

 

Yubin, 9:26 p.m. : Kim Jiho, I know you're with Arin.

Yubin, 10:17 p.m. : Please let her go, Hyojung needs her here, we need her here.

Yubin, 7:05 a.m. : Do you know how much trouble Arin is in right now? If she wasn't Hyojung's friend, she would be kicked out from her position and might lose her credentials. All her hard work for the past 2 years.

Yubin, 7:10 a.m. : I hope you're not as selfish as I can remember. If you managed to fool me back then, you can't do it now. Please, leave Arin alone or else I'm guarding Arin from now on.

 

-

 

"Arin came to us earlier."

 

"We had lunch together~"

 

"I.. I don't care." Jiho pretends to be busy watching on the TV. Seunghee and Mimi came to her house after dismissal. Yes, she skipped school. After reading Yubin's texts, she couldn't help feeling guilty.

 

"Aww. You said she's not a week girl."

 

Jiho glared at Seunghee before looking back at the screen of the television. "She.. isn't."

 

"Really? Because it seems like you're getting tired of her like you always do with the others." Mimi stood up from the floor and lie down on the couch, her head leaning on Jiho's legs.

 

Jiho pretends to hit Mimi's face but the latter is fast, covering her face with the throw pillow.

 

Jiho sighs. "Think what you want to think." She pushed Mimi's head off her lap and just in time, her sister walked out of the kitchen.

 

"Hey Jiho, are your friends staying for dinner?" 

 

Seunghee and Mimi immediately looked behind them smiling wide like idiots in front of Jiho's sister, Seulgi. Both Mimi and Seunghee are fond of Seulgi, she's the 3rd eldest of their family. The one before Jiho.

 

"Nope. They're leaving now!" Jiho pushed both Mimi and Seunghee towards the door. Seulgi chuckles behind them and went back into the kitchen while Jiho's friends tries to get away from Jiho pushing them away. 

 

"We want dinner!" Seunghee exclaimed. The three friends are so loud until another sister came, Sandara.

 

"What are you two still doing here at this late hour?" Jiho grins and lets her eldest sister take care of the two. She let out a sigh and hopped back to the couch. Her friends are scared of Dara, must be because they never win against her like how they also can't with Jiho.

 

"Ya! Come to uni tomorrow. You shouldn't be skipping classes more often than we do." Jiho chuckles and waved goodbye to her friends.

 

After they left, Jiho saw her sisters both looking at her. She shrugged. 

 

Day 21 since the call.

 

"Welcome home, lover girl." 

 

Jiho couldn't brush off the smile on her face when she entered the house, her sisters are right there waving at her on the dining area with her parents. She covers her face one time to try suppressing her smile but couldn't stop it. 

 

"Come eat. Sooyoung brought food from the party." 

 

"Uhh, yes. I was there too?" Jiho chuckles but still joined her sisters. She was in Sooyoung's son's birthday party with Arin, Seunghee and Mimi earlier.

 

Jiho had to drive Arin home so Sooyoung got home earlier. Also, it's been a while since the four of them are complete in the dining table like this after Sooyoung got married.

 

"Jiho brought her girl earlier, dad." Sooyoung reported, Jihoo looked away but Dara next to her nudged her arm. 

 

"Is that Arin?" Jiho smiled and nodded. At first, she wasn't planning to tell them who she was but Seulgi told Dara about what Mimi and Seunghee talked about a week ago and the news got to Sooyoung until her whole family knew about Arin. 

 

Jiho had no plans telling them about her, she's just scared she can't take care of the responsibility it brings once they grew affection towards Arin. It's not so hard to love Arin.

 

But anyway, things aren't as bad as she thought.

 

"She even sang for her!" Sooyoung uttered in excitement and her sisters had gone wild again.

 

"Our Jiho's finally settling on one girl, huh?" Seulgi teased, there are other more talks in the table including her parents laughing because finally, Jiho is being constant with one girl. They usually just listen to them four talk at dinner. As they once said, the four of them are already too loud for them to try butting in.

 

"Don't tease me, you can't even choose one from your girls." Jiho teased back. 

 

"Ya!" 

 

"Aww, how cute is this. My sisters are such playgirls." Dara clasps her palms together while looking at the two with such loving eyes. 

 

"Wow right, Seulgi is stuck with three bestfriends and Jiho is dating her ex's bestfriend!" 

 

"I'm not dating Arin!" 

 

I'm just not ready.

 

Day 34 since the call.

 

It feels so good. For Jiho who has always been scared of commitments, it's the fact that a person could make her feel this so happy, euphoric without any efforts, just talking to Arin feels like cloud9 to her. 

 

Jiho admits she's always like an idiot smiling by herself even when just talking to Arin on her phone. 

 

Yewon, 8:27 a.m. : I haven't seen you in 3 days.

 

Jiho, 8:28 a.m. : excuse me, miss yewon. you're the one who's too busy to be with me.

 

Yewon, 8:29 a.m. : Sorry :( I've been studying for midterms.

Yewon, 8:29 a.m. : Hyojung gave me and Yubin a load of assignments too. :/

 

Jiho, 8:30 a.m. : just let Yubin do all the work since she's very good at everything.

 

Yewon, 8:31 a.m. : You're so mean, Yubin's actly sweeter than you, you know.

 

Jiho, 8:32 a.m. : do you want me to visit the office later?

 

Yewon, 8:33 a.m. : Really? You'll do that?

 

Jiho, 8:34 a.m. : yeah, i miss you too.

 

Yewon, 8:34 a.m. : Okay~ Can you buy me something to eat too?

 

Jiho, 8:35 a.m. : i'll be there ;)

 

"Here you go." Seunghee placed the small choco milk box on top of the snacks on Jiho's arm, made sure it was balanced. Mimi opened the door of the office for Jiho. 

 

"Thanks. I'll see you guys later." Seunghee and Mimi waved at her as they walked away. Jiho entered the office and like the usual mood, it was quiet. 

 

Yubin was the first one Jiho saw when she stepped in. She was sure Yubin was watching Arin-- who's sleeping on her desk. I want that too. 

 

Should've signed up as an officer.

 

Yubin looked at her and Jiho could sense that she doesn't want her there. 

 

"I didn't know she's sleeping. Sorry for interrupting your staring." Jiho says as she carefully places the snacks at the sofa across Arin's desk. Yubin stood up from the chair and went to take the milk from the sofa. The same milk Seunghee placed on Jiho's arm earlier.

 

Jiho just rolled her eyes, but still lets her take it. In response to Yubin's action, she takes Yubin's former seat and finally gets the beautiful view of Arin's sleeping face.

 

Yubin quietly sits on the sofa and looked at Jiho.

 

"After you broke up with me, she became my safe space."

 

Oh, we're talking? Jiho didn't say anything. In the past weeks, she and Yubin never really talked. Even after they broke up, Yubin never talked to her like this.

 

"I know you, Jiho. I understand how she can be so interested in you." Yubin takes a sip on the straw of milk and Jiho could hear her slurping. This girl, really.

 

Jiho leans her head on the table as she stares at Arin's features. She's so pretty. Jiho wasn't expecting to see Yubin here, neither Arin sleeping. She thought she could sneak in and have a lone time with Arin.

 

"I just don't understand why she's not listening to me." Jiho had no plans talking to her but she can't let Yubin assume things about her again.

 

Jiho raised her head from the table and faced Yubin. "It's been two years, Binnie. I'm not the same person I used to be."

 

Binnie. Jiho looked away after realizing she called her 'Binnie' again.

 

Yubin scoffs at her. "That's why. That's why I'm warning her because you'll just hurt her."

 

"You don't know that." Jiho goes back to staring at Arin. Yubin won't listen to her anyway.

 

"We're already fine and everything was quiet. Why do you need to get yourself involve with us?"

 

It's the same thing all over again, Yubin would only think about herself. Jiho's tired of it, her ex-girlfriend's hobby is caging herself inside her own thoughts that no matter how hard Jiho tries, she never listens.

 

"You two are just bestfriends. Don't act like I ruined your relationship."

 

"You are going to ruin her." Yubin says as she stood up from the sofa and went to her desk.

 

Annoyed, Jiho placed a soft kiss on the crown of sleeping Arin's head before she stood up as well, ready to leave the office.

 

Oh, before she left, she looked back at Yubin and said, "Shut up."

 

Jiho's talk with Yubin kept her up every night. She knew in her heart that she likes Arin but there's this.. guilt inside her. The worse is that, she doesn't know how to deal with this.

 

Day 54 since the call.

 

It's a new day~ Jiho is grinning ear-to-ear as she enters the classroom for her second morning class. She went to the university early-- Seunghee and Mimi too, but for different reasons. She's early because she is. Her friends are early because they're bored.

 

Something happened last night. Jiho and Arin's first kiss. 

 

She's amazing.

 

Even with the complications and guilt Jiho had been feeling everytime she sees Yubin, she can't help but to miss Arin all the time. She doesn't need to wonder why, she likes her. That's it. Nothing less, nothing more.

 

Yubin was serious about 'guarding Arin'. She's serious and it gets harder because they're bestfriends and Arin is always with her on the office. The "guilt" thing adds to the reasons why she chose to lie-low with Arin. She doesn't want to bump on Yubin. Jiho has no choice but to find free Arin time when Yubin isn't around.

 

"Looks like someone had a nice sleep huh?" Seunghee whispers to Mimi but Jiho didn't mind. She's too busy being happy. 

 

Arin, 9:58 a.m. : KIM JIHO I HATE YOU

Arin, 9:59 a.m. : HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME ALONE IN YOUR ROOM

Arin, 10:00 a.m. : YOUR MOM SAW ME! ><

 

Jiho being inspired and motivated to come to school and do and study her assignments well, she forgot to check her phone on her first class. Jiho remembers when she woke up this morning, the first thing she saw is Arin's sleeping face and the first thing she could feel was Arin's arms around her waist. She never woke up too excited ever in her life.

 

She purposely left Arin sleeping in her room. The girl seemed so tired from work, Jiho thought she could get more sleep if no one would wake her up. Anyway, she told her parents that Arin was there. Thankfully, her sisters have work so Arin didn't need to deal with them.

 

Jiho, 10:15 a.m. : yewonn, i'm sorry. yoi

 

Jiho didn't finish her text, she accidentally sent it like that because someone came in. Yubin suddenly barges in, both Seunghee and Mimi stood up from their seats, startled when the university officer grabbed Jiho's shirt, pulling her up from her seat. 

 

Seunghee and Mimi tried to pull Yubin off Jiho but stopped when Yubin glared at them, Jiho shook her head anyway. Signalling that she'll handle this. What did I do now..

 

"Looks like someone didn't have a nice sleep." Mimi whispers to Seunghee.

 

"KIM JIHO WHERE DID YOU BRING ARIN LAST NIGHT?!" Huh? Jiho furrowed her eyebrows, thinking if she should really tell this girl where she brought Arin last night.

 

"What did you do to her huh?" Yubin gripped on the fabric of Jiho's clothers harder, Jiho could see the students outside the room peeking by the doorway. 

 

She looked back at Yubin whose eyes were really, really pissed.

 

"What are you talking about?" Jiho was about to remove Yubin's hands on her but before she could even touch her, Yubin pulled away. She still looks mad though.

 

"Her parents called me saying she didn't come home and they're worried sick!" Yubin shoots one more glare at her before pushing her back to the chair. Jiho groans as her back hits the chair. God she's this mad? 

 

"You'll never do good for her." Yubin leaves the room, some students passing by were watching them.

 

Seunghee went to close the door "SHOW'S OVER, GET LOST." Then she turned to Jiho. 

 

Jiho sits back on her chair, massaging her shoulder. Seunghee grabs a chair and sat in front of Jiho. "Let me summarize.. You.. were with Arin last night?"

 

Jiho nods, Mimi sits next to her. "At your house, obviously. Where did she sleep?" Mimi asks calmly. Jiho looks at her friends anticipating, she chuckles before answering,

 

"My room."

 

"YOU SLEPT WITH HER?" Just as soon as Seunghee asked that, their classmates starts entering the room one by one. Jiho shushed them.

 

"Please lower your voice. It's nothing."

 

Mimi crosses her arms. "Nothing? Don't 'nothing' me!" Jiho's phone was taken from her pocket and when Mimi switched it on, Arin's sleeping face is on the lockscreen. Yeah, I can't help taking a picture of her, she's too cute.

 

Seunghee chuckles. "Mimi, calm down." 

 

Jiho takes her phone back.Mimi asked her again, "Kim Jiho, tell me again, why are you like this?"

 

"Stop, I didn't do anything to her!" Jiho defends herself and puts her phone in her backpack. 

 

Mimi shook her head, "Well news flash. Yubin hates you more than the office hates us now."

 

"The office isn't mad at you anymore." Jiho corrects them. For the record, these two should be thanking Jiho because their feud with the office got cleared up ever since she made a move on Arin.

 

"Why is Yubin so mad at you?" Mimi asks this time, about Yubin. Binnie has always been mad at me.

 

"Duh, she likes Arin too. If it isn't obvious." Seunghee answers, turning the chair back to its original position and sitting on the other free side of Jiho.

 

"Oh? I thought.. she and Yooa.." Mimi wonders. Jiho knew where her friend is going, She's not sure about this Yubin and Yooa thing but Mimi always tells them about Yooa liking Yubin, which Jiho doesn't really care about. But she's pretty sure Yubin has something for Arin for her to go this hard on 'protecting' the girl from her. 

 

"Yubin was my ex." Jiho plainly answers, it's about time they should know.

 

"Yubin WAS YOUR WHAT"

 

"SEUNG CALM DOWN!" 

 

Jiho explains to them. It was a pretty long story going back to her childish high school days, but those days were the reason why she became what she is now. 

 

Seunghee and Mimi understood Jiho's story pretty quickly. They realized why Jiho acted like how she did and all of Jiho's worries. "So.. Are you sure you want to continue doing this.. whatever this is, with Arin?" 

 

She shrugged, she hasn't decided yet. "I don't know.. but I'm trying to enjoy every bit of it." I love being with her.

 

"Just ask her to be your girlfriend." Mimi says as she pats Jiho's shoulder. 

 

JIho shakes her head in disagreement. "It's not that easy."

 

"Because?"

 

"Because I already hurt Yubin so bad before, what if I do the same to Arin? And.. Yubin likes Arin. I feel guilty that I have to take away the girl who pulled her up when I broke up with her." 

 

-

 

Jiho glances outside from the corridor, the skies aren't as bright as it was this morning. Rainy season is coming soon, I guess. 

 

She's walking to her locker now. After the Yubin encounter earlier, she thought of Arin. I don't wanna be a bad influence to her. Jiho got Arin's parents worried.

 

I didn't even think of them when I took Arin's hand. She realized, there's too much responsibility when things get serious in relationships.

 

Jiho sighs and took off her backpack and places it down on the floor as she opened her locker.

 

She's organizing her locker when someone called her. "Hey Jiho." 

 

Jiho turns to her right and saw the vice president doing her business on her own locker. A sly smile crossed her face.

 

"Hi.. Yooa."

 

"Have you seen Mimi? She told me she'll meet me but I cant find her or reach her."

 

Jiho grins, Yooa talks to her and looks for Mimi. What in the world, Mimi is getting this girl for real. But then she remembers what her friends talked about, Yooa may have something for Yubin. Poor Mims.

 

"I don't know." She answers honestly, after her class got dismissed, she left the room alone because both Mimi and Seunghee left earlier and she doesn't have any idea where they are.

 

"Ok, thanks." Wow, can't we be any closer.

 

"But I remember she said she'll meet you, maybe she's waiting on your last class?" Jiho lifts her backpack and starts putting more of her stuff in her locker. Basically putting everything in so she doesn't have to carry a heavy backpack.

 

"Uh.. no. Yubin and I head off early."

 

Jiho chuckles. "Maybe she saw you two and got jealous."

 

"What?"

 

"What?"

 

"What!"

 

Grinning, Jiho closes her now full locker and leaned on it as she faced Yooa. "Nothing."

 

Yooa rolls her eyes but still busy on her locker. "Arin and I are going to the market. In case you wanna hang out with her."

 

Jiho raises an eyebrow. Should I go? 

 

"How's it going with you and Arin?" Yooa asks without looking at her.

 

"Uh.. I don't know. She's your friend, why are you asking me?" Jiho answers sarcastically because she's trying to not talk about Arin with Yooa who is supposed to be Arin's friend. 

 

Yooa gave her a look. "You dont know? She seemed happy with you."

 

"I am too." Jiho says as she carries her backpack on her right shoulder while still leaning there.

 

She waited until Yooa's done.

 

"Jiho." The girl called her.

 

"Yeah?" 

 

"You're weird."

 

I think I am too.

 

Yooa closes her locker and faced Jiho. "But dont hurt her."

 

-

 

Jiho decides she won't go home and just, go see Arin where Yooa said they'll go. At least she wants to surprise her. 

 

Yooa said they'll be at the supermarket. Honestly, the supermarket in town isn't that big, it's pretty easy to find them. But not really 'them', Jiho saw Arin alone, pushing a cart by herself. Maybe she and Yooa split.

 

Jiho quietly followed Arin. Sometimes, Arin would tuck her hair behind her ear as she scans the list she has. Sometimes, Arin would pout as she stares at the sections, maybe she couldn't find what she's looking for. 

 

Cute.

 

Sometimes, Arin would look sideways and behind her and one time, she looked behind and saw Jiho -- busted.

 

Jiho quickly took a pack of ramen to cover her face but of course, Arin would know it's her.

 

"Jiho?" Jiho couldn't help grinning as she heard Arin's voice, calling her name. She puts the ramen back to where it belongs and walks closer to her.

 

"Hey.. You saw me. ahaha.." Jiho took the cart from Arin and helped her by pushing it.

 

"I don't know if I should talk to you. You left me alone at your house this morning like I'm some kind of one night stand."

 

Jiho chuckles, she may not see Arin's face right now as the girl is walking ahead but she can picture her pouting.

 

"But I told my mom you'll have some breakfast!"

 

"Yeah about that."

 

That tone, Jiho suddenly got nervous but she tries to hide it by smiling and leaning on the section close to her.

 

"Don't you get tired?" 

 

Tired? "Of what?"

 

"Of always trying.. To make up for your absence."  

 

Jiho stared at Arin who can't even look at her in the eye right now. She shook her head and answered. "No."

 

"Why do you even go missing for days?" 

 

So it's about that? Jiho can't answer. I can't say 'because your bestfriend is making me feel guilty'.

 

"Jiho."

 

"Yes?" Jiho walked faster so they could walk together.

 

"Thank you for always.. giving me what I want." Jiho lost the cart because Arin took it. "I mean.. when you're with me."

 

"Oh that-" Jiho smiles, she's always ready to give Arin what she wants.

 

"But now, I want you to tell me what you want."

 

What I want?

 

"I don't want anything."

 

"What you want to happen between us."

 

Jiho took a few seconds thinking about what Arin said. Does she want to..

 

"I don't know what to say.." Jiho tells her honestly. She admits.. after their kiss last night, she thought of being more serious with Arin but after what happened with Yubin earlier..

 

Arin smiled a little before she says, "Well.. In that case, think about it."

 

Jiho repeats in her head, there's too much responsibility in this. Arin gave her an option, she could think about it. So then, Jiho nods to herself before walking away.

 

Day 59 since the call. 

 

Arin has sent her a few texts even after she walked away. 

 

Jiho badly wants to reply but she doesn't have the courage to do so. I should be careful.

 

"You know, Arin kept saying she's tired and hungry all day." Mimi said and finally Jiho found a reason to listen to Seunghee and Mimi talking.

 

"How do you know that?" Jiho asks, interested. It's not that she hasn't seen Arin in days. She checks on her constantly, even during lunch or in the office. Yooa sends her a text when the girl is sleeping.

 

"Well, we had lunch yesterday." Oh right. After Hyojung and Seunghee started dating, the officers sometimes invites the two over their table on lunch.

 

Jiho nods and lets her friends talk by themselves again. 

 

I miss her. 

 

-

 

"Yooa said she saw you and Yubin fighting outside the office earlier." 

 

Jiho sighs, what the hell Yooa, thanks for spreading the news. Yes, they fought. It's just a quick one but some students might have seen them.

 

"I went to the office to bring some snacks for Arin. Yooa said she's not there so I could sneak in." Jiho tells them. Seunghee and Mimi laughs at her. I want to laugh at my pathetic self too.

 

"Shut up. I just want to.. you know.." Mimi and Seunghee both nodded, they understand. 

 

Jiho wants to keep looking after Arin. 

 

"Don't you think.. there's no need to think about this.. thing. Like-" Jiho chuckles and pats Mimi's shoulder. 

 

"Yeah, think about what you wanna say first." She teases. At least I can still tease.

 

Seunghee laughs along but Mimi cleared .

 

"I mean, you, doing all these things for Arin, you already have your answer."

 

No, I don't.

 

Both Seunghee and Mimi knew the meaning of Jiho's silence after.

 

"Do you want to play with us tomorrow?" Seunghee asked again, Jiho could tell that her friends are trying to cheer her up and she's thankful but she doesn't really feel like playing these days.

 

Jiho shook her head but forces a smile. "I'm good, I'll just watch a movie with my sisters."

 

They're walking home again. Since Jiho and Arin aren't talking, she's walking with her friends again. 

 

"Jiho, you know we're always here if you want to talk about Arin." 

 

I know. Jiho smiles at them.

 

"Or if you want to court her." Mimi teases, poking Jiho's waist. Jiho bit her bottom lip and glared at her. 

 

"Just stop it." She told them. 

 

Jiho hates it that she's getting more confused when people talks to her about Arin. 

 

Day 63 since the call.

 

"Jiho, it's been long since we heard about Arin, how is she?"

 

Here it is, that annoying feeling. Jiho couldn't understand or rather point out the reason why she's annoyed. There are so many things going on for her to think about.

 

She sat on the floor because the couch is occupied by both Seulgi and Sandara. Why are my sisters all "S" and I'm the only "J".

 

Oh, yeah Jiho. That you need to think about.

 

Jiho didn't answer her sister. This is exactly why she didn't want to tell them about Arin because once things start to fall apart, they would look for Arin and Jiho doesn't know how she'd explain it.

 

"Huh, silence means 'No, she and I broke up and I don't wanna talk to her.'" Her sisters laughed at her when she glared at them. Seriously. 

 

"She wasn't my girlfriend!" Jiho takes a pillow and hits both of her sisters with it.

 

"But you settled on her!" 

 

No.. Jiho wants to prove them wrong that moment. I'm not settling on Arin.. and I wasn't. I'm just confused. 

 

I don't need heartbreaks and commitments. 

 

There again, Jiho tries to fool herself, must be her way to self-comfort.

 

9:56 PM.

 

Jiho walks out of their house to get some fresh air. She's not really the type of person to take a stroll at night alone but for some reasons, 

 

she ends up walking around the neighborhood, or particularly aiming to walk and check Arin's house.

 

God I hate myself, why do I want to see her now?

 

I don't want to see her.

 

I'm not serious about her.

 

I can hookup with other girls!

 

Things went really fast with Arin.. but when it hits Jiho, she started to think. How did I last this long? Liking just one girl for months now.

 

Arin's house has lights opened all over it, she doesn't know where would be Arin's room but it seems like everyone's home. She smiles thinking, and hoping Arin's not thinking about her too much-- like how she does for the girl.

 

I wish I could get a glance of her.

 

Jiho didn't know that-- if only she was 2 minutes earlier, they could've met.

 

When Jiho got home, her sister, Seulgi was waiting for her on her room.

 

"You may have forgotten, your room is across this one." Jiho says when she saw Seulgi on her bed, reading a book. She puts her keys on the side table and looks at her sister. 

 

"You can come by my bar tomorrow, I'll tell Saerom to give you free drinks." Seulgi said. Closing the book on her hand, she gave Jiho a smile.  

 

Jiho sits on the edge of the bed. "What- Really? Why the sudden?"

 

"Because you're so bad at relationships. Also, I'm proud you haven't gone there during class hours." Seulgi stood up from Jiho's bed and the owner of the bed immediately scoots to dust off where Seulgi lie down.

 

Seulgi chuckles, watching Jiho. Although, it was just Jiho trying to avoid this relationship talk again but with Sooyoung being married now and Dara, being busy at work, only Seulgi was there to notice that Jiho isn't doing well. 

 

"How'd you know about that- those?" Jiho didn't look at her sister, she takes her pillow and hugs it.

 

"Seunghee and Mimi comes often so."

 

Jiho nods slowly. "Oh.. Yeah they're a bit crazy these days."

 

"Don't look so down, okay?" Seulgi pats Jiho's head, messing her hair a little.

 

"Aish. I'll try. Thank you.." Jiho says are she gave a look on her sister, her hands busy brushing her hair.

 

"Aww, you're thanking me?"

 

"Yeah, like what you said to Joohyun unnie when she said "I love you"."

 

"You prick!"

 

Seulgi left soon and Jiho's alone again. She leans her head on the headboard and thinks of.. Arin, again. Her eyes landed on her window and through the glasses-- to the nightsky. 

 

She smiles by herself. Face it, Jiho. You're not free anymore. You can't find a reason not to be with Arin.

 

The next day, Jiho went to her sister's bar. It's crazy raining the whole day. Jiho had to wear a hoodie and bring an umbrella with her. 

 

I don't know, maybe the weather is sympathizing with my miserable and pathetic decisions. 

 

Have you ever felt that feeling when you're going to a familiar place but there's something that changed? And what changed is not the place, but you. 

 

Seunghee and Mimi are already at the bar when she got there. The two are regulars. She waved at them and the two waved back. Jiho decides she'll drink first before joining her friends.

 

"It's been long since the last time I saw you here." That's Saerom, the bartender. She's the same age as Jiho and a part-timer here.

 

Jiho smiled at her, the girl started mixing a drink for her. She remembered Seulgi informed Saerom she'll come here.

 

"Saerom." She calls her. For some reasons, Jiho thinks there's some sort of comfort if she'll talk to someone who doesn't know Arin.

 

"Hm?"

 

"There's this girl.." Jiho speaks slowly, Saerom gives her a cup of drink, sliding on the smooth marble table.

 

"That's new." Saerom chuckles. Jiho raises her head and looks at the girl.

 

"What? I used to tell you about the girls." Indeed, Jiho used to come here before, when things were not this difficult.

 

"Yeah? And you were never this down sad about this girl." Both of them chuckled. She's right.

 

Jiho could only nod, she realized Saerom's right, she was never this sad about a girl.

 

"Hmm.. I guess you found your match?" Saerom teases, Jiho shook her head immediately, obviously taken aback at how fast Saerom got to her situation.

 

"I-I don't know. She's Yubin's bestfriend.."

 

"Wow."

 

"And Yubin likes her."

 

"Oh.."

 

"And-"

 

"You like her."

 

Jiho smiles a bit. "I don't know anymore."

 

I think I don't just like Arin anymore, maybe.. something more.

 

"You never budge about someone else before. Why are you losing confidence just because you and your ex likes the same girl?"

 

I don't know too.

 

"Ah, I know." Jiho looks at Saerom, waiting for what could be her conclusion. "Yubin's not the problem. It's you."

 

Yeah, maybe I'm the real problem. Jiho sighs. She hates being confused. "I just wanna forget her."

 

"Because?"

 

"She's making me want her all the time but you know I can't do that."

 

"Yeah, miss I-hate-commitment."

 

A customer came and so Saerom has to pause from talking to her for a moment and when she got back, Jiho's already finished with her drink.

 

"Don't you think it's time to settle on someone."

 

Jiho stares down at her reflection on the table, "I don't know. Sometimes, I still get this feeling when I want to avoid her. I don't want to disappoint her."

 

"So you like her."

 

"I don't know.."

 

"Are you two just randomly flirting?" 

 

We weren't. But..

 

"Yeah." There, Jiho tries to fool herself again and again.

 

"JIHO!!"

 

"JIHO!!!!!!"

 

Jiho heard Mimi and Seunghee calling her name from the corner. When she turned to look at them, someone suddenly grabbed her collar.

 

Yubin?

 

Yubin looks pretty mad. What the hell is she doing here? Jiho could feel how mad she was while holding her collar but she didn't push her away. Can't I catch a break?

 

"You never changed." Yubin let go of Jiho and pointed at the door. Arin? She's certain she saw Arin before the door closed.

 

"Arin heard everything. This is your last chance, Jiho."

 

There was a sudden wave of regret and anxiety in Jiho's stomach as she ran out of the bar as Yubin told her.

 

It was raining really hard. All Jiho could hear was the loud rain noise from the big constant raindrops banging the roofs of the houses and building close to that bar. She didn't care, she run through the regular street to follow Arin who had been running away from her since the scenario from the bar two minutes ago. 

 

"CHOI YEWON TALK TO ME!"

 

"GO AWAY!"

 

"ARIN! PLEASE!"

 

Her heart was beating fast as she finally got the chance to grab Arin's arm to stop her. Jiho was fuming with all the emotions bothering her in the past few days and adding this worry and horrified feeling Arin suddenly gave her from running on this dangerous road. All of these feelings melted when Arin looked at her. 

 

"L-leave me alone."

 

"I won't!"

 

"I SAID. LEAVE ME ALONE. LET GO!"

 

It may be raining hard and their whole bodies are wet, the effect of the rain may be causing blur in Jiho's sight but it's too evident, Arin is crying.

 

"Arin we'll get sick."

 

"Sick? Aren't you always sick?! You always say you're sick when all along you're just randomly flirting with me! I'm so done with your excuses!"

 

Arin pushed Jiho's shoulders but Jiho held the girl's arms to keep her from moving. Arin looks so hurt.

 

I won't hurt her. That's what Jiho told her friends months ago. I didn't mean to.

 

"You know what? I never really thought of being in a relationship until you came."

 

Jiho's grip on Arin's arm lightened as Arin started calming down.

 

"I-I'm falling in love with you! How can you do this to me?"

 

Arin hits her once again and Jiho just.. takes all of it. I deserve this.

 

"You can't even say that you like me! Oh right.. We're just randomly flirting."

 

Jiho couldn't say a thing, she knows it'll be useless at this moment. Arin still looks upset that she's hitting Jiho so light because of exhaustion. When Arin slowly weakened, Jiho pulled the girl in a hug.

 

With the rain and the cold breeze, Jiho felt Arin shivering.

 

"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry." Jiho whispers as Arin sobs on her shoulder. 

 

The rain wouldn't stop, but it's not as heavy as it was earlier. Arin slowly pulls away from Jiho and gave her a kiss on her cheek.

 

"Please let me go, I just want to go home.." The girl says without looking at her in the eye. 

 

Jiho didn't want to let go, until Yubin came with an umbrella and took Arin from her arms. 

 

-

 

Jiho went straight home right after she realized Arin won't come back to her. The heavy dark clouds left the wide skies too, funny.

 

"Want to play your favorite games?" Seunghee asks, the two are following behind her.

 

"No."

 

"Want to watch 'Another Miss Oh'?" Mimi asks and Jiho shook her head again.

 

"No."

 

Seunghee and Mimi said they'll stay at Jiho's house. Jiho knows it's to comfort her.

 

"I just need to sleep." Jiho tells them, lying down on her bed when she reached her room.

 

Seunghee and Mimi stood by the doorway. "You sure you're okay?"

 

Jiho raises her thumb up and turned around, hugging her pillow. "Yeah. I'm good"

 

Seunghee closed the door behind them and Jiho's back alone in her own room. It's been a long day, really took most of Jiho's energy today. She wants to sleep but tears started falling from the corner of her closed eyes.

 

That night, her eldest sister came to deliver dinner to her room since she wouldn't eat.

 

"Life is short, Jiho. Just like you always say, life is just one shot. Why don't you take it more seriously?" Dara asks her, Jiho sighs. Don't really wanna talk about this more but okay.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"If you like Arin, then you're into her. Not Yubin. Don't think about Yubin." Dara says and scoots closer to her. "Don't hurt the possible future love of your life just because of the guilt caused by your past."

That's when I realized that.. I'm in love with Choi Arin- Yewon, or if she'll ever let me call her that again.. But, I had no courage to come to her and say I love her after what just happened.

 

Jiho looks at the roof of the garage just outside her window and reminded herself of how she felt for Arin that night.

 

My first kiss was on the garage's roof at 1:07 a.m. Not very ideal, isn't it? But I love it, and the stars witnessed that huge moment I shared with Arin. Way to love the stars more, huh? I told you, mistakes aren't always as bad. It can give you a chance to experience overwhelming things too.

 

I didn't tell her back then how much she made me feel.. things. I couldn't tell her that I love her. I wasn't sure. But you know, it takes time.

 

And that's the end of Jiho's story. I lost my last chance. But who knows, I'm the Kim Jiho. I never lose. One day soon, a new Jiho story will emerge. A Kim Jiho who learned.