Donghae woke up with a start when he heard a muffled alarm going off. He frowned when he didn’t recognise the ringtone. That wasn’t his phone, and besides, he briefly remembered texting Jungsoo hyung last night that he wouldn’t be coming in for work today. Surely he wouldn’t have been so dumb to forget turning off his work alarm?

A sudden movement next to him made him jump. He nearly shrieked when he saw an arm fumbling about through the layers of pillows and sheets until it finally found the offending phone and turned it off. “Ugh, sorry,” its owner groaned.

“Wonnie?” Donghae called out, recognising the voice at once and feeling relieved that it wasn’t just some random person who’d crawled his way into his blankets with him the whole night. 

“Mmh, sorry I woke you up,” Siwon’s groggy voice appeared again, his last words swallowed by a sudden yawn. “Ugh, I’m so hungover.”

Hungover? Donghae thought, his eyes suddenly widening as he sat up in shock. “W-wait, did we have last night?!”

Siwon pulled off the covers and narrowed his eyes at Donghae as if trying to focus through a headache, but to Donghae, it just felt like Siwon was looking at him like he couldn’t believe he’d forgotten the they had, if any at all. They were both half- on the top, and Donghae kept staring first at Siwon’s body then at his own to see if there were any telltale signs that they’d ed.

Donghae could feel his eyes and nose tingling slightly when Siwon kept quiet for a long while. His heart dropped to his stomach, thinking of the worst. “S-Siwon, we didn’t… didn’t f- last night, did we?”

Possibly thinking that Donghae was taking his silence the wrong way, Siwon finally responded with a shake of his head. “No, babe, we didn’t. You said you didn’t want to.”

“B-But you drank—”

“I did, but you didn’t, and I wasn’t drunk enough to forget it if I did anything to you last night,” Siwon said with another groan as he forced himself to sit up in bed. “I hope you’ve got some painkillers around.”

“I-I do,” Donghae said softly, chewing on his lip as he stared at the half- man who’d been sleeping next to him the whole night. He was a little surprised that he hadn’t clung to Siwon throughout the night since he’d always had a habit of doing so whenever anyone else was in bed with him.

Back when Siwon used to come over, they’d always slept in the same bed after doing things together, so drunk Siwon was probably just sleeping where he used to sleep out of habit. Donghae wasn’t going to question the man too much anyway, since he’d been quite a mess yesterday as well. He could barely remember the bits and pieces of last night, just that he’d been crying all throughout, if his puffy eyes served as any reminder to him.

In fact, once Donghae thought about it, he felt rather silly to have made such a big fuss about breaking up with a student he’d barely been seeing for a month. Even if his heart had hurt so badly, he was still a thirty-something-year-old man now, but he certainly hadn’t been behaving like one in the past few days, at the very least. Still, Siwon hadn’t said anything about it and still looked after him like he was just a little kid.

As he always did, Donghae thought, feeling guilty about having to ‘break up’ with Siwon after everything the other had done for him.

We aren’t dating. This isn’t a break-up. The actual break-up happened aeons ago, he kept reminding himself.

Siwon frowned when he saw tears pooling in Donghae’s eyes again. “Hae, go back to sleep if you’re not feeling that well. It takes a while to get over heartbreak. You need to give it time.”

Donghae just hummed in reply and laid back against the headboard. “The pills are in the kitchen cabinet.”

“Don’t change the topic,” Siwon said with a sigh, but still got up and headed towards the door. “We still need to talk, you know.”

“I-I think they’re in the first drawer on the right,” the younger said with a stammer. “Along with the other first aid stuff.”

It was only after Siwon closed the door behind him that Donghae let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He quickly wiped off the tears that were starting to roll down his cheeks now that Siwon was gone, even if just for a short while. He folded up his legs, ignoring the slight sting in his back as he hugged his thighs and rested his forehead against his knees.

Why did he have to keep on hurting and disappointing the people around him? They were the people who cared for him the most, and he wanted to say that he loved and cared for them equally as much, but that would just be lying to himself. 

He hadn’t been giving as much as he’d been taking, and maybe that was why his closest relationships were finally starting to break apart now. First Hyukjae, and now Siwon. He suddenly felt so lost, so small, so useless. 

Siwon wasn’t the type who would up and leave at any conflict, rather, he was the type who would face it, embrace it, and maybe pummel it a couple of times until it was finally resolved. So, Siwon wanting to have a talk with him after what Donghae said at the dinner table last night made total sense. 

Of course, that didn’t mean that he was looking forward to it at all.

Donghae had felt well enough to get up and cook some eggs and toast for Siwon while the elder showered for work. Luckily, they’d managed to find a small bottle of hangover drink in one of the overhead cabinets, and Siwon had downed it all at once. 

Siwon came out of the bathroom just as Donghae placed the last plate on the table. It was just a simple breakfast — scrambled eggs, some smashed avocado on toast, and orange juice from a carton. His usual breakfast, nothing too fancy.

“Mmh, is that your famous avo toast?” Siwon asked as he took a seat at the table, looking a lot better and less hungover as compared to this morning. He took a bite of the toast and hummed in satisfaction. “I missed this.”

“It’s not like I haven’t given you the recipe for it before,” Donghae said quietly as he sat opposite Siwon, taking a bite of eggs instead. Hmm, a little too runny, but still edible, I guess.

“You know it doesn’t taste the same,” the elder said with a quiet chuckle, determined to lift the mood a little before he left. “This has just the right taste of Donghae in it.”

He succeeded. Donghae let out a soft burst of laughter. “Yah! You make it sound like I rub the avocado all over my body before serving it to you!”

Siwon grinned and took another mouthful of toast before swallowing. “Well, we’re no strangers to extra stuff in our food, after all—”

“Choi Siwon, please shut up before I throw my eggs at you,” Donghae deadpanned. 

“And make me late for work? You wouldn’t,” Siwon answered with a playful wink but dropped the subject nonetheless. 

They ate in comfortable silence for a while, the quietness of the morning just being interrupted occasionally with the clinking of utensils against the plate or the sounds of eating. After finishing everything on their plates, Donghae refused Siwon’s offer to do the dishes and just shooed him towards the door. “You’re gonna be late for work.”

“It’s fine, fifteen minutes won’t make much of a difference,” Siwon said. “Besides, Sunny can handle things for me if it gets really urgent.”

“Mmh I know, but you’ll get dishwashing soap and water on your clothes.”

“Uh, that’s what aprons are for?”

Donghae rolled his eyes. “My house, my rules. I’m not letting you do the dishes. Maybe for dinner, but not now.”

A soft smile stretched across Siwon’s lips as he bent down slightly and pecked Donghae on the forehead. Donghae, too used to these random acts of intimacy from Siwon, forgot to pull away right after and just let the kiss linger. It felt familiar, comforting, and most importantly, it was an unspoken promise that Siwon would never leave him, no matter what. He found himself leaning in a little more, wanting the feeling to last a little longer.

“Hae.”

“Mmh?”

“What do you want to have for dinner? I’ll bring it on the way home after work,” Siwon said, muttering softly against Donghae’s hair as his hands gently caressed the younger’s shoulder. “Then we both can have a good talk without needing to worry about who’ll be doing the dishes.”

Donghae drew in a deep breath and pushed Siwon away, suddenly remembering that he was supposed to cut down on the touching and kissing between them both, even when other people weren’t around. This was all for his conscience to feel slightly better about approaching Hyukjae again, after all. “A-Anything will do,” he said, avoiding Siwon’s eyes. “I’m not extremely picky with food.”

“I know, but I thought maybe the talk would be less stressful if we were eating some of your favourite food,” Siwon said gently. “How does tteokbokki sound?”

“We could just get that delivered,” Donghae mumbled, shrugging nonetheless after a short pause. “Sure. I want one of every topping they have in the shop. And extra sauce.”

“Okay, I’ll get that for you. Don’t forget to eat lunch as well.” Siwon ruffled Donghae’s hair one more time before stepping out of the door, his work bag in hand. “Bye, Hae. Try not to think too much and just rest.”

“I’ll try my best,” Donghae said, crossing his fingers behind his back. Who was he kidding? Overthinking was Donghae’s middle name. 

Once Siwon was finally out of sight, Donghae shut the door behind him and leaned back against the door as he sank to the floor, suddenly feeling drained of all his energy. He was going to be alone by himself for the next 9 hours or so, without Hyukjae, without Siwon, without Kyuhyun, even. There was a reason why he rarely ever took days off by himself because he couldn’t bear being alone for the whole day.

He took one long, hard look at the empty apartment and sighed.

Today was going to be a hell of a long day.

~

Sungmin leaned back against the studio mirror, taking long swigs of water as he watched the lean dancer in front of him going through the last few steps in their complicated dance routine. They’d already been at it for four consecutive hours, and Sungmin was more than ready to call it a day and cool off, but Hyukjae was adamant that they perfected their choreography first before even thinking about taking a break like Sungmin suggested.

“Midterms are coming up. Can’t afford to slack off.”

“Hyukjae, you’re gonna hurt yourself if you continue being like this.”

“It’s none of your business,” Hyukjae said, doing another spin and accidentally tripping over his feet, stumbling forward with a gasp. Luckily, Sungmin was there to catch him before he hit his head against the practice mirrors.

“You’ve been dancing for hours. Give your muscles a break,” Sungmin chided. “If you continue dancing in your condition, you’ll end up with a sprained ankle or a pulled muscle very soon, and then you can kiss your midterms goodbye.”

“Don’t curse me like that,” Hyukjae grumbled, stumbling back onto his feet and pushing his friend away. He was determined to get the routine memorised by the end of his session, and there was only about half an hour left in their practice room booking. He had to make the best use out of it. “Just because you don’t care about your grades, it doesn’t mean I don’t either.”

Sungmin narrowed his eyes at the other. “I understand you’re suffering from a heartbreak, Hyukjae, but you’re treading on thin ice here,” he said, folding his arms over his chest. “Careful I don’t taekwondo you right out of the window.”

“I’m just trying to dance, Sungmin, is it wrong for me to want it to be perfect?”

“If it causes over-exhaustion to the point of getting you injured, then yes, it is very wrong,” Sungmin said sternly but not unkindly. He held out a water bottle to the dancer. “Take a break. Just ten minutes won’t kill you.”

Hyukjae stared at his best friend and finally caved, taking the bottle from him and collapsing onto the floor in a heap. He chugged the water thirstily before handing it back to Sungmin. “Thanks.”

Sungmin sighed as he watched the dancer mope. It felt like there was a gloomy thundercloud following Hyukjae around for the ent