“Does it hurt?” Hyukjae asked, gently dabbing the cloth onto the professor’s body. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have lost control like that.”

“It’s okay,” Donghae said with a wince as the student dabbed at a painful bite mark on his shoulder. “I hadn’t been truthful with you from the start and made you upset. I guess I deserved it.”

“No, you didn’t,” the student said firmly, casting his eyes downwards in guilt. “W-What you did was no excuse for me to come on to you like that. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, Professor.” He felt some tears pooling at the corner of his eyes and he hastily blinked them away. It wouldn’t do for Donghae to see him crying again over the same, stupid thing.

“Hyukjae, will you please stop apologising?” Donghae asked, patting the bed beside him and inviting Hyukjae over to sit. “Let’s just put it this way. We’re even now, okay?”

The student nodded meekly and crawled next to the professor on his bed. His eyes were on everything except Donghae. He twiddled with his fingers as he waited for Donghae to say something, anything, because he didn’t know where to start talking.

Donghae didn’t know where to start either. For being a lecturer, it was rare that he ever got tongue-tied like this. Besides, he never talked about any romantic issues with people other than Siwon anyway, and Siwon had always been the one doing most of the talking for them.

“Maybe… Maybe we should just start from the very beginning,” Donghae proposed after a minute of silence. He suddenly let out a laugh. “Problem is, I don’t even know how we started.”

“I like you,” Hyukjae blurted out. He squirmed softly on the bed. “I-I love you, actually, but if you think it’s too h-heavy a word then I won’t say it again.”

The professor sighed and leaned back against the headrest with his eyes closed. “Maybe we should take a few steps back first. Once you learn about the ugly side of me, you’re going to regret ever meeting me in the first place.”

“I won’t change my mind that easily.”

Donghae nodded slowly. “Hyukjae, do you still remember the last time you told me you liked me?”

“I-I do,” Hyukjae answered quietly. “But you didn’t really give me an answer then.”

“I still might not have an answer for you now,” Donghae chuckled humorlessly, “But I promise I’ll try my best to answer everything you ask tonight.”

“Anything? Pinky promise?” Hyukjae held out his little finger and shyly held it out. “Nothing but the truth?”

“I’ll do my best,” the professor said, hooking his own little finger around it. “Ask away.”

Hyukjae lifted his eyes to meet the professor’s gaze and hesitated. Might as well start off with the biggest question in his head and get it over with. 

“Why were you avoiding skinship with me all day today?”

Donghae frowned softly as he stared at Hyukjae. “When have I…?”

“This afternoon, when we went to the movies and at the cafe afterwards.”

“I thought I made up for it with the hugs and kisses afterwards,” Donghae half-joked before turning serious. He coughed slightly. “I-I just didn’t want rumours to start spreading. You know that lots of people from the uni go there on the weekend. I was just trying to be cautious.”

Hyukjae looked unsatisfied with the answer. “But you were flinching and avoiding me whenever people were around. It felt like you were on a secret ‘date’ while cheating on your significant other.”

Donghae didn’t quite like that Hyukjae was so sharp. His analogy was hitting a little too close to home for his liking. “I’ve told you before. You’re not a secret mistress or anything because I’m not dating anyone at the moment.” That was the truth. Oversimplified and not too accurate, but the general truth nonetheless.

“Fine, you’re not dating anyone. Not even Professor Choi,” Hyukjae said with a huff. “But you were flinching and acting weird all day while we were out.”

“I told you, I didn’t want people to start gossiping about us. It’s not nice to be gossiped about, trust me.”

“You didn’t mind it when people were gossiping about you and Prof Choi dating.”

“That’s because there was no way it was going to be true!”

Hyukjae furrowed his brows softly when he deciphered what Donghae had just said. “So… you don’t want people to gossip about us dating because… it might turn out to be true?”

Donghae kept his mouth shut and shrugged nonchalantly. Hyukjae pouted and tried pressing further. “Do you like me back, Professor Lee?”

“I…”

“You promised not to lie.”

“I, um, I’m pretty fond of you,” Donghae said in the end, avoiding Hyukjae’s sad, hollow eyes. “I keep thinking of you when you’re not around. I enjoy spending time with you.”

“And you can’t even say that you like me,” the student said sadly. “Or maybe you only like the with me.”

“I—”

“It’s cool, I’m fine with that too,” Hyukjae quickly said, ignoring the dull ache in his heart. At least now he knew that he really ought to prepare for the worst case scenario. “Next question. Why were you exceptionally jittery at the cafe, especially after learning that Kyuhyun and Sungmin got together?”

“Because… because it felt like you were trying to hint at something, and I didn’t want to think about it when we were outside,” Donghae answered meekly. “It seemed like you were getting your hopes up and I knew I couldn’t fulfil it, so I was trying to avoid talking about it.” 

The frown on Hyukjae’s lips deepened. “I don’t understand why you keep thinking you’d have to disappoint me when… when it was clear that I’d worship the ground that you walked on.”

“I’ve been a jerk to you,” the professor said quietly. “You deserve a lot better than me. You can hit me if it makes you feel any better. I’d hit myself if I were you.”

“I’ll decide if I really want to hit you after I’ve got all my answers from you,” Hyukjae said, brows sternly knitted together. “Why do you hate the idea of dating so much?”

If you did, why did you still call today a date in your IG story?

Donghae had a wan smile on his lips. “To be honest, Hyukjae, I never approached you with the intention to date you in the first place.” He threw an arm over his eyes and continued, having neither the courage nor the desire to see Hyukjae’s crestfallen expression. If he wasn’t careful, he might just give in to Hyukjae’s eyes and end up making more promises he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep. “You were just supposed to be a fun little distraction outside of my rather mundane life.”

There, he finally said it, Hyukjae thought, quickly looking down when tears began to fall. Two wet marks appeared on Donghae’s bedspread. Hyukjae shakily inhaled as he angrily rubbed the tears away from his eyes. I really was just a plaything to him after all.

“But,” the professor continued, “You gradually made your way into my life with all the tiny, tiny things that you did, whether it was just running away embarrassed or stuttering whenever you tried talking to me. It turned from amusement to some sort of endearment real quick. Even Siwon thought that I was being too obvious about that, about you.”

“That you liked playing with my heart?”

“No…” Donghae let out a soft sigh. “That I liked… teasing you.”

“How’s that any different from what I said?” Hyukjae asked with a frown. “You just enjoyed ing around with me.”

“No, it’s different because I had no intention of hurting you.”

“And yet, here we are like this right now.”

Donghae kept quiet and chewed on his lips, unable to find a comeback for that. “I… I never wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry.” He sat up straighter and let out a hiss when his back began to throb. 

Hyukjae’s hand shot out to steady him before he even realised it, but when he did, he retreated his hand and folded his arms in his lap. “Careful,” he mumbled.

“Mmh.” Donghae removed his arm from his eyes but still kept them shut as he adjusted into a more comfortable position. “What else did you want to ask?”

“Technically, you still haven’t answered my question yet,” the student said. “Why do you hate dating so much?”

“I don’t hate dating. It’s just that I have too much baggage right now to think about dating,” Donghae muttered softly. “Does that answer your question?”

Hyukjae gave a half-nod. He really wanted to ask what Donghae meant when he said ‘baggage’, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready for another blow to his heart. Besides, there were other more pressing questions he had to set straight with the professor before he was done with today.

“Next question. What is your real relationship with Professor Choi? And I don’t mean ‘colleagues’ or ‘ buddies’.”

“Professor Choi…” Donghae hesitated once more. “Can I skip this question?”

“Why? Why do you keep brushing me off whenever I bring Prof Choi up?” Hyukjae asked in frustration. This was the third time he was trying to avoid talking about him. 

“Because if I really tell you everything between him and I… it’ll be over between us both.”

“‘Us both’ meaning you and me or you and Prof Choi?”

“You,” Donghae pointed at Hyukjae then at himself, “An