There were no tears, no violent reaction, no shouting, and no confrontation.

It just went silent, the moment they met each other’s eyes. Without being spoken it’s there- no explanation needed, the answers lie in both their eyes. One glance and they both knew or is it only her? She was clueless about everything and Ssamu seemed to have figured everything out from the start. She knew her and she has no idea, their lives are entangled and she will never see her the same way again

Minju bit the inside of her cheeks she’s been gritting it so hard it might’ve bled her yet she doesn’t feel the pain come in, she doesn’t feel it register, or maybe it did and she’s just too numb to feel. The world suddenly feels small, it feels wrong that she feels played, it feels wrong to be annoyed that Ssamu didn’t even tell her a thing. Well, what difference does it make now?

Ssamu’s comfort is gone, she feels suffocated and embarrassed as if she’s facing a nightmare, a nightmare she caused. It feels as though everything’s back into havoc. She bitterly smiled, the havoc never really went away she just seems to forget it for a while. She can never escape it unless-

She balled her fists, she can’t believe how any of this is happening the only thing that makes her sanity still intact is the sound of the crashing waves against the sand. It pulls her up from breaking down. Strange that she feels comfort from it, no wonder she let it take her. No wonder she’s here now, her reasons to go are coming back again.

There’s a long stretch of silence between her and Chaewon. Right, Ssamu is Chaewon. The Kim Chaewon, the one she ruined is right beside her. She can’t help but take all the blame,  she can’t help but take the responsibility. It’s on her that everything is ed up. They- no, she ruined Chaewon’s life…and yet Chaewon helped her. Chaewon took care of her in this strange place and gave her time to think. Chaewon saved her from further destructing her life and it seems like from the start she knew and still helped her. There’s a nudge in her stomach that makes her feel dizzy, Chaewon helped her but she can’t erase the thought-

It’ll be only because of two reasons- she doesn’t want her to regret like what she said and the other she wants her to continue living to suffer, she can’t put aside the possibility of the thought, after all, that’s a great way to get revenge.  

“D-do you want me to live… b-because you want me to suffer?” She can’t stop the shaking in her voice, she sounds so fragile and weak. She didn’t face Chaewon, she can’t take how she looks at her. And maybe if she looks at her she’ll lose it all, from the start she has the strange urge to breakdown when Chaewon looks at her in situations like this. That’s because of that eyes, her damn eyes that see through her and say she’s willing to be there for her and that she understands.

“Are you doubting me?” Chaewon’s voice cracked, she can’t help but be disappointed at what she heard

“Well I can’t blame you for feeling what you feel but I meant what I said Minju. I really want you to think about it because I don’t want you to suffer”

“A-am I that worse in your eyes?” Chaewon chuckled the bitterness inside her, Minju’s question stung but she knows it’s only right that Minju think of her that way. But she doesn’t have any ulterior motive other than saving Minju. She just doesn’t want her to waste her life but that’s something she has no say to.She looked at Minju with teary eyes, it even seems like Minju has no plans of even giving her a glimpse. She must really hate her. Minju breathed heavily as she nodded, she bit her lower lip. Chaewon’s words hit her straight in the face, she felt ashamed hearing the sincerity in Chaewon’s soft voice, she shouldn’t have asked in the first place. It breaks her heart hearing her like that.

“I don’t hate you nor your family Minju”

Minju only nodded as she can’t open , there are tears flowing on her cheeks that she tries to wipe every now and then. She nodded not because she agrees but she nodded because she knows that already. From the start, she can already feel Chaewon’s heart and she’s grateful for that. But that what makes everything hard for her right now, it would’ve been better, it would make her feel better if Chaewon would just be angry with her.

She wanted Chaewon to shout at her, to blame her and her family for the mischief, for the trouble, for the pain, and for everything unpleasant that they caused her. She wants Chaewon to despise her but she just doesn’t, what’s even worst is that there is a smile plastered on her face and she hates it. She hates it not because it’s fake but because it’s genuine, that ing smile- the smile that tells her that says she’s okay with it, that it’s okay and she accepts everything wholeheartedly. A smile that assures her, a smile that everything is not as bad as she thinks it to be.

“I’m sorry Chaewon” she whispered after struggling to find her voice. She knows it’s useless already but she just wants to do it, lives are caused, Chaewon’s life is already ruined. There is nothing she could do, nothing will ever compensate for everything that she’s lost. Such good lives were taken away… if only she can give her life away she will gladly do so but she can’t.

“Minju don’t you think we shall go together?” out of nowhere Chaewon said calmly, breathing in the salty wind around them. She didn’t look at Minju this time instead she looked at the horizon.  She smiled, it’s been a while since she last saw this, the dark slowly becoming light. She feels strange looking at the sky, if she can see this now then it is also the end for her.

“Long time no see” she whispered

Minju sat up, she looked at Chaewon who seemed to lose herself gazing at the sea. She uttered something but Minju was not able to catch it or was she even supposed to hear it in the first place, it looks like she’s talking to herself. Minju doesn’t want to disturb Chaewon but she also doesn’t want to lose this opportunity to further apologize for everything. She can’t let her chance slip, even if it annoys her- maybe that’s better… so that she can finally let out her pent-up frustrations, she’s sure she at least have one of those.  

“C-haewon I’m sor-” Minju still can’t stop her shaking. She thought she breathed in enough air to have her say what she wants without stuttering but turns out she’s wrong. She barely finished a word. She needs to get a hold of herself…like Chaewon. Chaewon always manages to stay calm she’s still wondering how can she do such a thing. There’s a rush in her wrists thinking about what she went through and how much pain it caused her that she’s able to bear all of this now. Everything makes her feel more sorry for her.

“Whatever it is that you’re trying to say, save it. We should not blame ourselves for something we have no control over. Stop blaming everything on yourself Minju…I know”