It’s hard to force herself to remember things especially in her state but she still does, it comes in flashes, flashes of snippets that don’t make sense. Snippets that make her feel things, especially longing and heartbreak?

She remembers the cold, the darkness, the smoke which she can’t piece together. She also sees green, the scent of trees but at the same time, she smells of antiseptic. She feels trapped in a closed space unable to breathe, being cramped and overwhelmed whenever she tries to recall things. It makes her dizzy and weak, whatever her past memories are it does not feel good, she almost feels the need to just forget them. Something tells her that her forgetting is just right and if she remembers she will just get hurt. She’s starting to get afraid of her own memories. Just thinking about it churns her stomach. It suddenly felt that her energy is being taken out of her body.

“Breathe”

She turned to Ssamu, snapping out of her own thoughts she knows that her expression must not look that pleasant by now. There’s a look in Ssamu’s eyes that tells her that she is genuinely worried about her, she let out a faint smile feeling a bit shy towards the latter.

“You look like you’ll faint any moment if you’re pushing yourself to remember- just…breathe Minju” Ssamu reminded the younger, she can’t help but be worried. Anyone who will see Minju with her pale face and grim expression might think she’ll drop on the ground any moment.

“But my memories- never mind” Minju paused to grasp air, she needs to erase her worries and let her memories flow naturally. She’s scared of what she might know but it’s her memories, after all, she must get them back no matter how terrible they are. It’s still a part of who she is. If she’ll push too much it might strain her and end up not getting to remember at all or whatever they say in movies.

“Okay” she nodded and smiled at Ssamu cheering herself, she looked at Ssamu shyly as she tugged her sleeve. Ssamu gave her a questioning look, she swallowed before saying anything 

“Can you carry me on your back?” she boldly said after looking at her shaking knees which Ssamu’s line of vision automatically traced.

Ssamu grimaced but nodded later on. When Minju looked a bit hesitant to touch her she made the first move by bringing her arms around her shoulder and she squatted giving a boost for her to lift Minju.

--

“Oh my god!” Minju shouted that made Ssamu stop in her tracks. She slowly put Minju down and sat on the ground gasping for breath, surprisingly Minju is heavier than she looks if it wasn’t for the thought of Minju breaking down she would’ve given up already. Ssamu smiled faintly looking at the panicking Minju, she didn’t ask any question it’s already obvious. Minju seemed to have found her memories.

“The sea… the waves…. I’m-”

“Oh my god!” Minju hysterically whispered, unable to contain her feelings. The continuous flow of her memories fills in the blanks in her head, it’s not as painful as she expected it to happen but it makes her jumpy and panicky. Everything makes sense now, the smell of antiseptic- it came from the time when she spent days on a hospital bed, the trees-

She felt Ssamu’s stare linger on her, she’s silent and her eyes- her eyes, Minju can’t understand what her eyes are telling her but something about it makes her sad for some reason.  Ssamu smirked at her “Bummer” she commented, Minju creased her forehead as she walked towards the stoic Ssamu “Hey!”

“What?” innocently, Ssamu said while sitting comfortably on the ground.

“Are you a grim reaper? Am I dead? Oh my god! The last thing I remember is the sea eating me u-”

“And that’s a dumb choice,” Ssamu said diverting her gaze, she just really want to avoid meeting with Minju’s eyes… she just doesn’t wanna look. She busied herself by plucking the grass around her. Minju continues to panic “Oh my god! Am I dead? Is this heaven? Can I meet m--”

“You think you’ll go to heaven?” Ssamu with furrowed brows cut Minju off. Minju raised both her brows and put her hands on her waist. She took a deep breath before proceeding “Out of all my questions, that’s what you chose to react to? So I guess you’re also a pretty girl with bad choices” Minju said before crossing her arms above her chest, proud to get back at the other.

Ssamu rolled her eyes while getting up “Shut up”

“Heaven huh? Intrigued Minju shot

“Don’t answer, I’m only kidding” Ssamu said suppressing her laughter after seeing Minju’s reaction.  “What?!” Minju exclaimed as Ssamu’s eyes stayed on her. Ssamu shook her head, she kept both her hands on her jeans pocket as she walks ahead. She can’t believe her, Minju had tendencies to take things seriously even if it seems like a joke. She needs more common sense or that’s what she thinks.

She’s nothing but a kid after all.

“Why is she always leaving me” Minju groaned, letting her frustration be seen.

“Are you a grim reaper?” Minju said running a little, matching her pace to Ssamu which seems to always forget that she’s with her. Walking slower would be much helpful to her, she complained.

“I told you I am a fairy”

“A grim fairy then?”

Ssamu sighed and glared at Minju “I told you already, I’m a Ssamu fairy and a Ssamu fairy alone”

“Get it?” Ssamu growled

“Hehe okay, sorry sorry,” Minju said apologetically, shaken with Ssamu’s glare. But even though she received a growl, she felt like talking more and asking more. She doesn’t know why she gets a feeling that this time Ssamu will answer her. “But where