───── ❝ still dreaming ❞ ─────

2018

𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐄 entered with a midnight blue off-shoulder sheath gown. Displayed are her assets indulged with her accentuated waist, hugging her hourglass body in the right places. Even her so-called haters turned their heads when she entered the room. God, her skin is literally glowing, picking a dark color matches her skin tone. I'd envy the boys she will dance with.

"Wendy, I just realized you like Irene in that way," Sejeong announced when we sat down.

"In what way?" I innocently asked.

"Like, if I can explain how Katie looks at Irene, it would be hatred. When I see you looking at her, I see the hearts floating above your head," she explained and I had to laugh at her statement.

"Do I really look like that?" I tried to verify.

Speaking of the devil,

"Hello. I love your black gown, Wendy." she greeted.

"Yes, Wendy. Be right back, Eunwoo is calling me." Sejeong answered then stood up from her seat to walk away. I'm pretty sure Eunwoo didn't call her. She just left so Irene and I will have alone time together. What a friend, I sighed, smiling. Irene doesn't seem to realize the situation. I pulled her hand, signaling her to sit beside me.

"You look stunning tonight," I whispered. Well, I could definitely shout it out but I think it's more intimate knowing she can only hear the words I say. When I saw a shade of pink on her cheeks, a part of me pine for her to feel the same. When she grinned softly, there was an urge to close the distance between us even with the people around.

Is this a want or greed?

I feel bad every time I look at her because there's a huge possibility she doesn't feel the same. And I'm looking at her more than that, every time she holds my hand, speak to me, laugh with me, sit beside me, whenever she's near. I see myself being selfish most of the time. Why does wanting a person feels like this? It .

The prom started, our Principal giving her speech and warnings during and after the party. Most of the students aren't listening and that includes me. I'm not in the mood to pretend anything.

"Will you dance with the guys?" I leaned in to whisper. Irene is listening, she always listens to the people around her.

"If Taehyung asks," she answered.

I knew she would say that and I hate the fact that there's still a disappointing ache spreading throughout my chest. It feels heavy that I want to scoff. I gathered all my will so I wouldn't do it, that would be too rude for her.

"Other than him?" I pushed. I'm just hurting myself at this point.

"Krystal asked me to be her last dance."

Oh.

You know Irene, sometimes I hate that you're honest all the time.

"Do you want to dance with me before that?" she offered. Even if I know I'll give her to Krystal after our dance, I don't have the guts to reject this once in a lifetime moment.

"Okay."

 

 

"Why do you look like you got rejected already?" Sejeong whined as we get our food.

"I wasn't. In fact, she asked me for a dance." I told my friend, grabbing some cordon blue and putting it on my plate.

"You need a booze for that," she whispered and I glared at her.

"Did you hear what our Principal said? Bringing of alcohol is equals to 50 hours detention." I reminded her, not wanting to be caught by any means.

"Who says they'll find out?"

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Irene delightfully dragged me to the dance floor. She guided my hands to her waist, while she put hers on my nape. It was tickling, the way she grasps me.

"Wannie, your pupils are shining," she told when she locked her eyes with mine.

"Wannie?"

"Isn't it cute? I'll call you that from now on." her satiated expression just made me agree to it. It's too cheesy for me. But hey, if that's what she likes, I'll give her that.

Still Dreaming by Raveena started to play, Irene swaying.

𝅘𝅥𝅮 Hiding in your room but it's useless

How much longer can we really do this?

Amphetamine, stars keep you nocturnal

We make love like our youth is eternal 𝅘𝅥𝅮

The alcohol might be sinking in since the distance between us irks me. Without telling anything, I pulled Irene in. I felt her little jump from my action and she seems to loosen up after a few seconds. Her flowery perfume spreads all over me. I slowly rest my cheek on her shoulder, the smell of her sweat from her neck intoxicating me. We continued swaying, not minding the people around us. She is surprisingly getting too comfortable with this, her hands caressing my nape.

𝅘𝅥𝅮 I don't want lose that feeling

Sleeping in your arms, still dreaming

And if I, if I froze time

Could you forever, could you forever be mine? Be mine

And if I, if I froze time

Could you forever, forever be mine? Be my baby 𝅘𝅥𝅮

"Can we stay still like this a little more?" I mumbled.

"I can feel your heartbeat, are you okay?" Irene asked back.

"I feel nervous."

"Why?" I felt her head-turning down to check on me.

𝅘𝅥𝅮 Watching everybody getting older

Watch 'em leave New York, find their closure

Stay and kiss your neck a little harder

Chase you down to London to feel younger 𝅘𝅥𝅮

"Because I'm dancing with a beautiful woman."

"I am not." then I heard her chuckle.

"You are." I insist. "Look," I pulled my head from the crook of her neck and stared at her eyes. Then to her lips. "Sorry, I, I didn't mean-" and then Irene laughed.

"You look so red, I had to laugh. You're too cute." She was complimenting me, but I feel dejected by it.

I can never reach her.

𝅘𝅥𝅮 I don't want lose that feeling

Sleeping in your arms, still dreaming

And if I, if I froze time

Could you forever, could you forever be mine? Be mine

And if I, if I froze time

Could you forever, could you forever be mine? 𝅘𝅥𝅮

"The song's coming to an end. I'm going to take a seat." I removed my grasp on her waist.

"We still have time, are you tired?" she asked. I looked at the floor, avoiding her gaze.

"Yes." then I turned my back without waiting for her response.

I was gloomy when I went back to our table. Sejeong isn't here so I'm assuming she's taking her time with Eunwoo. I feel like , like, I'm taking advantage of her because she doesn't see me in that way. I'm trying my best not to cry because I'll cause an uproar with the people around me if I do.

The DJ announced that it will be the last song. I found Irene and Krystal easily, considering they look like a power couple dancing at their wedding. People were looking around, asking their friends why are they dancing together. Looking at them together, I realized I had nothing compared to Krystal, she'll graduate as a valedictorian soon while I'm behind my studies. Their heights are perfect, Irene can easily lean on if she feels like venting out. Krystal seems gentle while they dance, I can clearly see how she gazed at her lovingly, never leaving her eyes on her. Focusing only on her.

And that was the only time I felt I was clenching my hands too hard, my palms almost bleeding. I stood up and went to the back of the gym, catching my breath even though I never ran. There, I plopped myself down. I don't care if the concrete is dirty, I just want to escape from the scene.

", , !" I shouted at myself.

"Heartbroken, I see." a woman's voice spoke behind me. "I won't ask if you look okay because it's clear you aren't," she said. "I'm Wheein, by the way."

"Can you leave me alone?" I tried to ask nicely even though I feel irritated by her presence.

"I was here first."

I stood up and glared at her.

"You can stay though if you want. This prom anyway." she shrugged, resting her back on the wall.

"I'm assuming you're not my senior." Wheein talked again. I lied at the old bench near her, not caring for my dress anymore.

"No." I simply answered.

"What class are you?"

"3-1"

"Oh, a smarty pants. I'm from 3-2, we're neighbors then," she informed. Our classrooms are next to each other yet I never saw her before.

"I'm Wendy." I introduced even though it may seem late for that.

"Oh, you're that Wendy. The one who sticks with Bae." huh? Do people know me like that? "It's not like that's bad. I don't even get the hate Bae receives. The fact that she gives glory to our school is amazing." Wheein commended. This is the first time I heard Irene isn't a piece of bad news from our batch other than Sejeong. Hmm, I take back that I'm irritated with her presence.

"Now I know," she said, I shifted my gaze to her with a questionable look.

"Duh, you nearly cried because of Bae!" the way Wheein stated that was scary. Maybe because it's the truth and Irene will never know.

"What are you talking about?" my laugh turning nervously. There's no way I'm coming out to a complete stranger.

"Come on, I'm gay as . I can even smell you are, too, when you ran here." the way she said it without hesitation caused me to envy. She accepts herself and here I am, trying to deny what I am.

Pathetic.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to push you that hard. I can see you're still in the closet and that's fine. Your secret's safe with me." she explained. Without me saying anything, she knows how I feel already.

"Do you have magic powers?" I asked, Wheein laughing in return.

"Why would you think like that?" she continued laughing. "That's the first time someone said something like that to me."

"Because you're considerate. I didn't say anything yet, but you know what to say." I smiled sadly, Wheein seems to catch it. She sat at the side of my feet.

"You may feel like a now, but you'll laugh at this moment once you're okay, like, 'Holy , I can't believe I cried for her' and some s." Wheein chuckled at her own statement. I looked up to admire the stars twinkling above.

What if I'll never be okay again? I can't help but ask myself.

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