Class ended without Eunbi understanding a single thing. She loved her lecturer, she really did, but her mind felt so hazy today. She slung her bag around her shoulder, about to leave the hall when she heard her lecturer’s voice. “Miss Choi Eunbi, is it?” Eunbi looked around as her classmates left one by one, fidgeting with her jean pockets before approaching her. “May I talk to you for a minute?”

“Of course, Ma’am,” she scanned her lecturer’s face, her heart rate picking up at her lecturer’s pinched smile. Eunbi pinched her thigh to calm herself. “Is something wrong?”

“I don’t know what happened, Ms. Choi. You come to class every day and you pay attention most of the time but your grades are failing,” she pushed Eunbi’s paper towards her, “Look at your latest essay compared to the first few essays you passed. Here, I marked you for unclear structure. It’s like with each lecture, you’re getting more and more distracted,” her lecturer sighed, taking off her glasses. She stood up and squeezed Eunbi’s shoulders, making the girl wince a little bit. “I need to ask you if there’s something wrong. As your lecturer, I need to know if my students are okay,” her voice grew soft, and Eunbi looked down at her worn-out Converse. “Is everything okay, Eunbi?”

Eunbi lifted a shoulder weakly, “I’m just afraid of failing.”

“Sorry, honey, could you speak a little louder?”

“I’m afraid of failing,” she repeated a little louder, “I guess that fear prevents me from doing well.”

“Can you tell me why?”

“I just wanted to do well. I-I study hard as much as I can and even stay up late at night to finish everything, but I guess it’s taking a toll on me. The expectations I set for myself are too high. I can’t help but feel disappointed that I’m not doing this right.”

Eunbi expected her lecturer to scold her. Instead, the older woman smiled gently, tucking a strand of Eunbi’s hear behind her ear the way a mother would do to her child. “Your fears are getting louder than your motivation, Eunbi,” she prompted, her hands landing on Eunbi’s shoulders. “You need to relax. This is college, not a matter of life and death. No one’s going to bite you here.”

“But if I don’t do well, then I might not get a good job.”

Her lecturer chuckled, “Darling, don’t aim for a good job. A good job can be found anywhere and it’s all in perception. One might think being a librarian is a good job even when I personally feel it’s such a snooze,” she joked, and they both laughed. Her lecturer placed a palm over her chest, “People like me believe teaching is a good profession despite you guys thinking we’re lame. So don’t aim for just a ‘good job’ honey, you need to find what makes you happy.”

What if I don’t know what makes me happy? She wanted to ask, but all that ever came out was a weak, “Okay.”

“In fact, I think you’re not right for this class, Eunbi.”

Eunbi’s eyes shot up to her lecturer’s sympathetic smile. “A-are you making me drop this class?”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” she waved a hand reassuringly, “I see you sometimes when you’re not paying attention to class, Eunbi. I can tell you want art more. Theatrical production is probably not the best for you.”

*she thinks about how she wants to keep seeing Jongin* Her lecturer pulled out a transfer slip, one that was meant for major transfer recommendations. A part of her felt excited that maybe she could try art, but then she remembered Jongin. If she left, she wouldn’t see him anywhere. Before she realized what she was doing, Eunbi snatched the paper from her lecturer’s hands, bowing in respect. “Please, I want to stay! Art is…it’s just my hobby. I don’t plan on making a career out of it.”

“Stand up, dear. You don’t have to switch if you don’t want to,” her lecturer laughed, “Well, what career do you want?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“But you want to stay in performative arts?” Eunbi nodded. She didn’t have to think twice about it. Performative Arts was her home, and she wasn’t going anywhere. At her determination, her lecturer’s eyes gleamed, “Are you staying for a certain someone?”

“N-No, I’m not!”

“Whatever you say, Eunbi. I know who you’re looking at half the time,” she reminded, causing Eunbi to flush and stammer as she tried to lie. “Don’t be embarrassed, it’s okay! Everyone likes him and he’s a sweet kid. Why don’t you talk to him sometimes?”

Eunbi sighed. There was no use in keeping it a secret when her lecturer already knew. Besides, Mrs. Jang was a sweet woman. Surely she wouldn’t tell anyone about it, so Eunbi stared at her feet instead, scratching the back of her neck. “He doesn’t even know who I am. Besides, it’s much better this way. I prefer admiring him from afar.”

“That’s fine too, but you’ve got no idea how happy you’ll make him if you tell him you like him.”

“Everyone likes him already. It won’t be anything new.”

Mrs. Jang smiled sadly, one she didn’t know the reason behind, but didn’t dare ask. She went back to her seat, tucking Eunbi’s essay back to her folder. “Just live your life a little, okay, Eunbi?” she beamed, “You’re a bright girl. Shine in your way and never be afraid. Take risks and have fun. You only get one life – make the most out of it!”

Eunbi was at a loss for words. Her classmates from high school often told her that. It was safe to say she’d heard enough of it, although she never understood what that meant. Eunbi enjoyed things differently from others, so why did everyone think she wasn’t living her life?

She used to find those ‘encouraging’ words confusing, perhaps even offensive, but something about Mrs. Jang’s motherly tone had her thinking differently. She still didn’t have complete understanding of it, but she was right. Eunbi loved her life, but she was never a risk-taker. She was a law-abiding citizen. Her only crime was probably pirating movies or not paying for something because she spaced out, but nothing truly ‘crazy.’

Perhaps ‘crazy’ was just not in her dictionary.

Nevertheless, she didn’t want to offend her lecturer, so Eunbi smiled. She had a feeling Mrs. Jang’s words held a different meaning from her former classmates’. Maybe this time, Eunbi really should try doing different things.

Hitching her bag up higher, Eunbi gave one last bow. “Thank you, Ma’am.”

Mrs. Jang lit up. “I just want you to be happy, okay? College is memorable if you allow it to be,” she encouraged, Eunbi processing all the information. “I wish you luck, Eunbi. I’ll be cheering you on for whatever you choose.”

Whatever I choose? Eunbi asked herself. Even as she made it to her next class, she couldn’t stop pondering about what Mrs. Jang meant. What exactly did she have to choose from? Performative Arts or Visual Art? Talking to Jongin or not talking to Jongin? What choice exactly did Eunbi have to make that her lecturer would be so supportive of?

Eunbi gave up. She didn’t understand anything. It was much better to listen to her other lecturer despite the fact he was extremely boring, but it was way better than running around in circles. Eunbi picked up her pen, began taking notes, and just like that, she stopped thinking about what Mrs. Jang said.

“Okay, take a whole sheet out. We’re having a pop quiz.”

The whole class gasped, scampering around to scan their notes. Eunbi felt herself grow pale, not having been the best student either, but took out her paper anyway. She blinked rapidly as she scribbled down her name, cursing inwardly that she took notes but didn’t review them. It proved to be extremely difficult to focus in class when Kim Jongin sat in front of her, brown hair all tousled and lips pouted in his sleep.

Sehun hissed, pinching his friend. “Yo, Jongin, wake up, man!”

“What?” he mumbled sleepily. Jongin looked around only to see people arguing quietly amongst one another, and he frowned. “What’s going on?”

“Goddamn pop quiz! Did you study?”

“I was in training all night,” he scratched his hair, searching for something in his bag. “Damn it. Do you have a pen?”

“This is my last one, man, sorry.”

“Excuse me,” Eunbi said out of her will, her arm already extended with a pen. Sehun and Jongin both turned around at the sound of her voice, Sehun’s hawk-like gaze piercing. Eunbi’s cheeks warmed at his attention, more so when Jongin offered a confused smile. She stretched her arm out further, “Here.”

“Thanks,” he took the pen, his teeth displayed as he smiled. “You’re a lifesaver!”

If it was possible, Eunbi flushed even more. Her mind was a mess the whole time. Her lecturer’s voice was like white noise in the background, her attention focused on the man in front of her. Jongin would constantly whack Sehun on the thigh, begging him to help him. The latter was just equally clueless and his paper remained blank. Jongin managed to answer several, but in the end, Sehun laughed to himself. “We both failed!”

“That’s because you don’t listen to the lectures!” Jongin snickered.

“Says the guy who always sleeps in class!”

“You’re awake, so you should be the one taking notes!”

“I don’t even understand half of what she’s saying!” Sehun countered, crossing his arms before nodding to the other side of the study hall. “I only pretend to be in this class because Kwon Jia is here!”

“Kwon Jia?”

“Yeah, you know, the daughter of the news reporters,” Eunbi’s gaze followed their line of sight, eyes widening for a bit when she saw her. She was extremely beautiful. Although she was of average height, this Kwon Jia exuded elegance and grace of a high-born woman. Her back was straight, not a single hair out of place in her ribboned ponytail, and she diligently took notes. From the way her seatmates passed around her paper and compared it with theirs, Jia probably perfected the quiz.

“I heard she takes this class for extra credit. She’ll be a news anchor too, I think.”

Eunbi stopped staring when Jongin snorted, “If you like her so much you’re going this far, why don’t you just try talking to her? She looks nice.”

Sehun balked, his jaw dropping. “Are you insane? That’s the Kwon Jia. She’s selective of her people because apparently, nobody is ever good enough for her,” he shook his head, raising his hands as if surrendering. “No, man. I’m not gonna talk to her. Even if I wanted to, I’m too scared. She’s the definition of perfection. If I sit next to her, I’m gonna pale in comparison.”

“You’re overreacting.”

“I’m not!”

Eunbi dropped her head, though her eyes flitted over Kwon Jia. Sehun was right. Kwon Jia seemed like any man’s ideal woman. She’d never heard of her before, but even from this distance, Eunbi could see the clear, sharp features and how her collared blouse was free of wrinkles. Behind her, several guys in their class were also staring at Kwon Jia. Either she remained unaware of it all, or she was used to it. She merely continued fixing her things right before the lecturer dismissed.

Eunbi held back the slight feeling of pity. She could never imagine to be like Kwon Jia. To be so beautiful, intelligent, and sought after that she had boys taking classes just to see her. Eunbi felt uncomfortable at the thought of someone having their eyes on her, and with a sense of gratefulness washing over her, she left her seat, but not before her fingers brushed over her notebook.

She was a decent note taker and even added her own little reminders to chart the lessons to her understanding. Jongin was nearly out the door, fists tiredly rubbing his eyes, when Eunbi rushed to him. Thankfully, Sehun left earlier, hot on Jia’s heels, leaving Jongin alone walking in a slow pace.

Mustering the courage, and wondering why the hell she was doing this, she cleared . Jongin kept walking as he yawned, leaving Eunbi with no other choice but to tap him on the shoulder. He turned around, eyes narrowed as Eunbi handed her notebook. “I heard you had trouble with the pop quiz,” she said, eyes looking at anywhere but him. “Here are my notes. If you want.”

Just like in the café, their hands brushed together when Jongin took it. This time, Eunbi didn’t pull away. “Eunbi, right? The barista?”

She nodded slowly, trying to still her frantic heart. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“Thank you,” he raised the notebook, a sweet smile on his face that made her knees feel weak. “I’ll make sure to ace next time’s test.”

Eunbi smiled, unsure of what to say. They stood there in the middle of the hallway for a minute before it got unbearable for her. Jongin looked like he was waiting for her to say something, and her neck was getting warmer with each passing second. Her nails dug into her palm at her awkwardness. The moment Jongin opened his mouth to speak, Eunbi took an unnecessary deep bow, and left the boy hanging with a stupefied look on his face.

Once she was sure he could no longer see her, Eunbi exhaled. Her hand was on top of her heart, her lungs frantically trying to keep up with her mini jog. She didn’t even know why she was nervous, let alone trembling over the fact she actually talked to him.

It dawned on her that he would probably remember her now – a thought that made her heart sink – when she realized that he was Kim Jongin and that no, she wasn’t important enough to be remembered. Eunbi made a mental note to switch seats next time in class. It didn’t matter that she would never get her notes back.

She needed to avoid Kim Jongin before he realized her feelings.

The next week, Eunbi avoided her seat like the plague. She sat in the middle rows instead, cheeks resting on her arm as she traced patterns on the table. The lecturer ran late, so most of the class was already there. No one paid much mind to Eunbi, considering an apparently celebrities’ daughter shared the same class as them, and she swung her feet back and forth in peace.

“Is this seat taken?” Eunbi sat up at the sound of their voice, about to answer when her words died. Jongin stood in front of her, wearing glasses and a white short-sleeved button up shirt. His brown slacks looked formal, and with the books he carried in his arms, she could’ve mistaken him for a TA. Eunbi was so distracted by his presence that Jongin’s smile turned awkward, gesturing to the seat again. “Sorry. I need to sit next to someone who actually pays attention in class so I don’t fall asleep.”

Eunbi forced a smile, clearing her things away to give him space. “It’s alright.”

“I heard we’re talking about film today,” he continued, bewildering Eunbi. Her hands froze on her satchel, straining her ears to see if Jongin really was talking to her out of all people. “What’s your favorite film genre?”

He was. And Eunbi didn’t know how to respond.

“Uhm… I don’t have one. I just like whatever I like.”

“That’s actually cool! My favorite genre would be psychological, although Interstellar is my favorite movie. Not that you asked, but,” he chuckled to himself, unaware that Eunbi lit up at the mention of it. “It’s a wonderful movie.”

“No way,” she breathed out, facing him until their feet were pointed to each other. “Interstellar is my comfort film!”

Jongin’s eyes widened so much his eyes nearly popped out. He pointed a finger to her, his laughter increasing. “You’re a Christopher Nolan enthusiast too?!” Eunbi nodded eagerly, making Jongin shake his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe this. Most of my friends don’t like English films because they hate reading subtitles. They tell me it’s much better to watch a movie without having to worry about reading anything.”

“Interstellar is worth the effort.”

“I know, right? Who was your favorite character?”

“Definitely not Cooper,” she scrunched her nose, and Jongin looked offended.

“Why not? He sacrificed a lot for the sake of Earth!”

Eunbi rolled her eyes. “No, he sacrificed a lot for Murph. He had favoritism over her and that’s not right. Tom was such a good, obedient kid who loved his dad just as much as Murphy did, yet he was ignored. When he went to outer space, only Tom ever made the effort to still communicate with him. What did Murph do? She was just whining.”

“Okay, in Murph’s defense, she was hurt. She didn’t want her father to leave like that.”

“My dad went to military enlistment, but my mom was never mad at him. She even kissed him goodbye.”

“Yes, but this is different. Cooper went into outer space with no idea if he was ever coming back. Murph didn’t want to lose her father.”

Eunbi shrugged. She remained firm that Cooper had been unfair. “Cooper didn’t want to leave his daughter too, but he had to save the world.”

“What if you were in his shoes?” Jongin challenged, resting his arms on the table. Eunbi looked away from the way his muscles flexed at the movement, swallowing silently. How did he get so muscular? Maybe swimming and dancing really helped, although his constant trainings did not help her poor heart one bit. “Or even Murph’s? If the world was ending, and you had to leave your loved one in ord