Graduation caps were flying, the entire field filled with bustling laughter and joyful chatters amongst the people. Eunbi hugged her arms to herself as she watched the lively commotion. It was hard to believe two years had already passed by ever since she transferred to Songhwan High School in the city — an environment much, much different to the one she was used to.

Unlike her previous school in the outskirts of town, Songhwan was extremely lively. There were so many students in her year that it was nearly impossible to know who was who and which belonged in which class, but Eunbi found comfort in the fact she could easily blend in without standing out too much.

Now, two years later, Eunbi found herself with a high school diploma and a graduation cap that sat heavy on her head. Truly, she didn’t feel too happy or even melancholic. Her classmates shed tears and hugged one another, aware that they would all be now moving away for college and leading different lives. The place was a mix of joyful tears with a mix of regret and longing. Everyone was growing up too fast and these people had known each other for such a long time that being apart felt like having their hearts ripped in two.

Still, the smiles on their face couldn’t be mistaken. High School had been a wonderful journey for them. There were days that they giggled and stumbled upon one another when their crushes passed by, or even moments where they felt their whole world would come crashing down because of a failed test.

Eunbi found it funny how people lived too much in the future that they forgot the importance of the present. They worried about every little thing; such as if their lipstick was smudged, if they wore the right perfume, would joining the student council boost their grades, or even if the cute guy in class would even bother liking them back if they confessed.

They were all so simple things, yet they were also so beautiful. It was moments like those — the fleeting memories of life — that seemed so mundane at the moment, but it would become something to cherish later on in life.

Eunbi wished she could say the same.

Sure, she was going to miss her classmates. They were all warm and welcoming with her, even offering her seats at their lunch tables or inching their chairs closer to her when they wanted to gossip about something. But...Eunbi could never relate.

She did well at blending in, but never with fitting in.

And she didn’t mind. She liked her silence, her peace, and most of all, the lack of attachments. Her world was filled with nothing but her and herself was her top priority. It was a lifestyle she didn’t have a choice but to get used to, and she watched with a longing smile as parents hugged their children, showering them with hugs and kisses that tugged at Eunbi’s heart dreadfully.

She missed her Dad. She missed coming home from school, tired from all the work and head heavy with the unnecessary drama of high school life, only to have him sing a ridiculous song for her before preparing a wonderful meal. At the same time, she felt a little glad he didn’t have to be in pain anymore.

Eunbi took one last look at her classmates. She would miss them, that’s for sure. Her high school life wasn’t anything special, but it felt nice either way. Eunbi never cursed her awkwardness, but now she was more thankful of it more than ever because she had no attachments.

So she walked home with a light feeling on her chest, silently gazing out the window of the bus. Soon, she’d come home to the comfort of her television. She only had a few more weeks of staying in her new home before she packed her things again to leave for college. To others, the thought of moving away would probably be hellish, but Eunbi liked it.

She liked to have a fresh start. To feel like the past remained in the past and she only had nothing in the future waiting for her. She had to admit she wasn’t entirely sure what would happen next, but she didn’t want to worry about it.

For now, she just wanted to go home.

The first day of college.

Eunbi shifted at that. She’d been awake since five in the morning, worrying about what she had to wear. She didn’t have much clothes to begin with, but something in her gut told her to dress nicely for today. Not that she had anyone to impress, but wearing lousy clothes would only make her feel lousy and unprepared for college.

She tugged her shirt down, staring at her reflection. Her hair was already dry from the early shower she took, skin a little more moisturized than usual, and she even applied a bit of gloss to her lips. She wasn’t sure if she liked it.

Groaning, Eunbi trudged to her open suitcase, shuffling through the neatly folded clothes. An hour and a massive headache later, Eunbi crashed back down to her couch. She hadn’t realized looking for the right outfit to wear could be so tiring. It was worth it though, because she immediately felt better at her choice.

She wore a white turtleneck under a sky blue blouse with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows, while a silver necklace decorated her collar. Pairing it with light washed blue jeans and some boots her mom used to own, Eunbi felt ten times more ready than she was before. She actually felt and looked like a college girl instead of someone who couldn’t admit a part of her regretted leaving her new apartment.

Her nerves were a wrecking mess. She was a wrecking mess. Her forehead shone with a sheen of sweat already forming, and she wiped it away with the back of her hand. Eunbi took deep breaths, eyes closed and fists unclenching.

It’s okay, Eunbi, she told herself, You’re gonna be fine.

She chanted it a few more times. When she felt reassured enough that she could do this, she finally took her bags away. She looked back at her place one last time, the apartment she moved into right after her dad died, and she couldn’t stop the tears welling in her eyes. It would’ve been nicer if he sent her off and made those cute lunch boxes again for her, but he was no longer around.

He wouldn’t see his daughter go to college.

But, Eunbi believed, he would’ve been proud.

She nodded to herself, whispering “Fighting!” under her breath. It was just college - not a matter of life and death. She could totally do this. It wasn’t going to be a mess at all.

She spoke too soon. The university grounds were packed with people. Everyone hopped out of buses or cars, the whole place filled with excited chatter. Suitcases were wheeled to their respective dorm rooms before the opening assembly began. Eunbi’s roommate still hadn’t arrived, but she prayed hard enough to the heavens that she would get a nice one who respected her lack of social skills.

She met a lot of girls in school who forced her to join their parties or getaways. While being invited felt nice, she also wished they understood she preferred to be in her own company. Eunbi didn’t do well with huge crowds, especially noisy ones.

On the way to the assembly hall, Eunbi fumbled with her purse. She wasn’t looking for anything in particular, but the simple action of pretending to do something somewhat soothed her. She swallowed her own saliva when everyone’s voices got louder. Eunbi wanted nothing more than to turn back, skip this assembly, and call it a day.

She wasn’t ready, she wasn’t ready, she wasn’t ready—

A body bumped into her, well, more like collided since she nearly fell. Eunbi lost her own footing and she yelped, eyes widening as she braced for the impact. But it never came. A warm, golden hand wrapped itself around her wrist to steady her. The person who caught her was a boy - a beautiful boy that left Eunbi speechless.

He was ridiculously handsome. With luscious dark hair, golden brown eyes that gleamed with worry, and a set of full lips that begged to be kissed — Eunbi couldn’t help but stare.

Suddenly, the young man’s eyes travelled from her stupefied face to her purse. The contents were scattered all over the ground. Her phone, chapstick, dorm keys, and wallet were spread out everywhere. The guy gasped, letting go of her (which she sort of wished he didn’t, because he was actually really warm) before crouching down to pick her stuff up.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!”

“It’s no worry, I’m fine,” she reassured as she bent down to help him. He handed her her phone and keys, his touch sending waves of electricity down her spine. Eunbi retracted her arm in a flash, forcing a smile his way to hide her nervousness. Jesus, he even smelled good. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just wasn’t looking where I was going. First day jitters and all,” he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly when they both stood up.

“Yeah, I get you.”

“You do?”

“Of course. First day of college is pretty scary.”

She may sound calm and composed, but deep inside she was losing it. Her hands were trembling as she zippered her purse, sweat already coating her palm. She had an idea something weird would happen today, but she never expected she’d actually be trying to strike a conversation with someone.

Not just someone, but an attractive male around her age.

Eunbi’s cheeks flushed. She wasn’t ready for college or for anything it came with. While her classmates had boyfriends in high school, Eunbi refused to participate in gym class during dance class. It wasn’t that she was repulsed by boys. She was just too awkward...and it made the others feel awkward. To spare everyone from their demise, Eunbi always pretended to have an upset stomach or headache - something even her male classmates were thankful for.

In a way, she wished this guy would also just leave. She wanted him to feel her inner discomfort or to see that she was looking at anywhere but him so they could call it a day. It would be easier that way. They’d part ways, never meet again, and live life normally. A win-win situation, right?

“My friends were all excited about it,” he began, a shy smile on his face. God, Eunbi groaned inwardly. She didn’t know whether to feel happy or disappointed that he was now walking beside her to the hall. But of course, she didn’t want to seem rude or cowardly, so she kept up with his pace, biting the inside of her cheeks. “They couldn’t understand why I was so scared. ‘Said university life would be the turning points of our days, but if I’m going to be honest, I don’t think I’m quite ready to face the real world yet.”

Eunbi’s head zeroed in on what he said.

“Real world?”

“Yeah, you know, like growing up and finally becoming an adult.”

“I guess that makes sense,” she blinked as she pondered about it. “But it’s not like the past was such a fantasy either.