For the first time in years, Taeyeon woke up happy, content, and looking forward to work on a Monday, shockingly.

She slowly released herself from Jessica, her big spoon, who has agape and softly snoring. She gently moved the hand that was holding her waist and the leg that was wrapping around hers. Jessica stayed in her deep slumber while Taeyeon tiptoed downstairs to workout.

Her last morning routine was having breakfast, and with the sound of sizzling and popping and a little whimper of when tiny droplets of oil splashed onto Taeyeon’s skin all transpired in the kitchen—which was a short distance away from their bed, that Jessica woke up just as happy, content, and looking forward in the morning. She unconsciously smiled at the blurry sight of her girlfriend frying eggs.

Taeyeon assembled her bagel as Jessica left their messy bed and had the smaller woman in a back hug. “You’re early,” she says, turning her head to face her as she places the top of the bagel on the fried egg.

“Thank you for the talk last night,” she mumbled as her chin moved against Taeyeon’s shoulder with each syllable.

“It is, Taeyeon. I’m certain,” Jessica said with conviction, her eyes twinkling in the night.

“What about your other job?”

“I’m quitting,” she answered, her tone unwavering.

“Just like that?”

“Like you said, I’m happy as a surgeon. I think the reason why I was so adamant in keeping my job as a director was for the sake of my dad and how I spent my entire life in the corporation,” she explained. “I was hardwired to keep working there, but not here. Not the hospital. My heart belongs here, with you, and in our workplace.”

Taeyeon doesn’t know what compelled her but she leaned in and kissed Jessica’s nose instinctively.

She laughed and felt her cheeks flush in the darkness. “What was that for?”

“I’m just happy that you’re happy,” she replied with a winning smile.

They laid on the bed and faced each other, talking all night. When the clock struck two, Jessica finally told her what happened on the way to Sunny’s OR, as much as she wants to keep it on the back of her mind, but Taeyeon deserves to know.

“I was enraged—no, I just said I won’t be making excuses. Let me start over,” she squeezed her eyes shut as if to redo her statement. She continued, opening her eyes to look at Taeyeon again, “I basically lashed out on Mrs Wang, Dr Kwon’s appendectomy patient, when she insisted on fetching her water. I was in a hurry that time and you can guess what happened afterwards. It was not my finest moment.” she faintly chuckled as she ended.

“Have you apologized to her yet?” she quietly asked, moving away a lock of light brown hair that covered Jessica’s eye.

“I have. And I hope she’s the last person I’ll ever apologize to because of my temper,” she feebly laughed again.

Taeyeon made Jessica a vegetable omelet and dark roast coffee. They had their meals together on the small breakfast bar that oversees their contemporary style furniture and television set (that they surely made plans to replace soon) and the window panel with newly bought white curtains. The sunlight seeping through the curtain reminds the neurosurgeon of a certain barrier that surrounds most of the blood vessels in the brain.

“I almost forgot,” she gasped, startling Jessica. “You’re on my service today, right?”

“Mmh,” she answered coolly, chewing her food.

--

Jessica almost gave up in the lab training—or specifically, a race—for the cerebral bypass simulation under Hyoyeon’s supervision. The fastest resident can “win” as Taeyeon’s right hand in her bypass operation that afternoon, and Dr Jung wanted to take the spot fair and square, but she decided to space out trying to secure an imitation artery without tearing it to pieces.

“Five minutes!” shouted Dr Kim.

As if she was an AI, hearing the remaining time got her working again. She grabbed the Potts scissors from the tray of sterilized instruments beside the 3D-printed simulation model, and began making an incision on the fake middle cerebral artery and attach the donor artery to the fine opening with sutures. Jessica rang the bell and she properly won the race to meet her cohabiting girlfriend in the OR for an operation.

“Congrats, Dr Jung,” said Hyoyeon with a smile, patting her back. She leaned in and whispered, “How are you still not sick of Taeyeon yet?”

“It’s called love, Dr Kim.”

“I have never wanted to projectile vomit so bad,” was her response, leaving a lovestruck doctor in her seat.

Carpooling to work was also a morning routine for the couple. One of the main reasons was that Taeyeon was too preoccupied to buy her own car, as most of her years in residency were spent academically and emotionally fighting herself by outdoing her past techniques and studies each year.

She replayed their conversation last night while showering, and until Jessica waited for her in the passenger seat because she forgot her house keys. It probably won’t help, but she purposely brought an old research journal where she took notes of every title idea, along with bored doodles and scientific equations for her past publications.  

Taeyeon flipped through a few pages and her eyes glimmered with nostalgia, smiling to herself. “I was too ambitious for my own sake,” she thought. Now she was running on crushed dreams. She dropped her smile and frowned, sighing, and she closed her journal. She stashed her notebook with the keys inside her bag and locked their front door as she exited. Jessica looked up from her phone and flashed a loving smile when she saw her girlfriend walking to their vehicle.

Seeing her face was like turning on a lightbulb in Taeyeon’s mind. “What do you love about medicine?” her own voiced echoed. She made it to the opposite side of the car and glanced at her bag that had the journal inside. That’s what she loves.

“Good afternoon, everyone,” the lead surgeon greeted everybody inside the operating room as she gloves up and gowned with assistance. A few people responded with weary mumbles. She stepped on a platform and assessed the patient, the workstation, and eventually making eye contact with a lucky student.

“Jessica—I mean, Dr Jung!” Taeyeon cried in pure shock and relief. “Hi,” her voice took a 360 degree turn and she smiled behind her mask.

“Hello to you, too, Dr Kim,” Jessica giggled.

“Congratulations on winning the training. I heard Dr Kim Hyoyeon praised your suturing skills.”

“Thank you. It was all luck,” she lied through her teeth. In truth, she had stayed up all night studying for weeks without Taeyeon knowing. “I hope I can learn more from you, Dr Kim.”

“I can say the same,” she replied with the proudest smile under the surgical mask. “Shall we start?”

Similar to a puff of smoke, a Moyamoya disease or Moyamoya syndrome is a rare and progressive disorder of blood vessels in which stenosis (narrowing) or occlusion (closing) occurs in the basal ganglia. It was named so by its angiogram which literally resembles a cloud of smoke. The disrupted branch of cerebral artery is taken to be attached to a healthy donor artery to maintain the blood flow. Otherwise, there is a risk of visual impairment, seizures, and hemorrhagic or ischemic .

Their patient was presented with hemorrhage from MMD, which various studies conclude that the occlusion of the blood-brain barrier are hemorrhage-induced, therefore, it can lead to devastating pathological consequences following the dysfunction of the BBB.

And just like that, a thought came into the neurosurgeon like a snap. As soon as the surgeons left the operating room after a successful cerebral bypass, Taeyeon was immediately called for a consult and Jessica was paged by the ER in need of more help.

Dr Kim, on her way, passed by the announcement board. She took a few steps backward and finally read about the contest, realizing she only has 48 hours left before submitting a proposal to serve as her entry.

Jessica was about to call but surprisingly, Taeyeon texted her first.

“remember when u owed me a favor?”

“i don’t think i do,” Jessica replied.

“okay. well. come meet me at the rooftop when ur free.”

She did go up, questioningly, with her brows curiously tied in a knot the entire time as she entered the rooftop. Taeyeon, with her lighter flame near the unlit cigarette in , quickly hid the fresh stick in the box with her lighter; dropping them on the bench once she heard the door click open.

“What favor do I have to owe my beautiful sunbae?” Jessica said in a mocking posh accent, closing the door behind her, and she walked up to her senior.

Taeyeon sat beside the new cigarette pack as to hide the fact that she almost used it. She patted the empty spot next to her. When Jessica finally sat down, she asked, “Would you mind if I bounce of some ideas?”

“Sure, what for?”

“I’m joining the research contest, last-minute.”

“Wait, really?”

Taeyeon nodded.

“O-Okay, whenever you’re ready,” Jessica sat up straight to prepare herself.

A while later, Taeyeon stood up from the bench to leave first, forgetting her pack. Her girlfriend followed and held her hand on the way down, intentionally leaving the box and knowing exactly that she was trying to hide it.

With not much on her schedule today, the fellow went to the doctors’ lounge and start her paper. She has a clear idea, she knows what materials to work off, and she can start writing. Any day.

But nothing. It wasn’t from being under pressure. She keeps telling herself that she doesn’t need to be afraid of her past as she courageously faced it before. As far as she knows. She had only written the title, but so many what ifs flooded her mind, hindering her from starting the abstract. “Why now and why today?” she keeps asking herself. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard as the gears hardly spun in her head. She’ll never submit it in time. She’ll always be a failure.

“so… have u, by any chance, seen a pack of cigarettes? i was holding it for a friend,” she sent to Jessica.

“kim taeyeon, i know ur lying.”

“i’m sorry but i badly need it rn.”

“i need wine rn too but u don’t see me whining like a baby.”

Taeyeon didn’t respond and she got sent another text.

“btw the attendings are looking for u in the er”

Closing her laptop shamefully, she went to the emergency department like she was Sisyphus eternally carrying a boulder uphill. She descended to the floor and there was Dr Choi, Dr Young, Dr Kim, and Jessica all waiting for her. Four pairs of eyes horrifically turned to the fellow when she approached them.

“This is a little ominous,” she commented.

“Intervention from besties, girlfriend, and Hyoyeon,” says Sooyoung.

“Hey!” Hyoyeon threw an accusatory gaze at the tallest doctor then chuckled.

“Oh no, did Jessica find my cigarettes?” she pretended to be caught red handed, but her eyes glimmered with hope.

“That’s for a different intervention, Taeng. Don’t push yourself,” Tiffany playfully informed with a straight face. “Jessica told us you’re joining the contest.”

“I wasn’t gonna tell you guys until I passed the second phase,” she shoots Jessica a why would you betray me like this look. She responded with a just trust me look.

“Yeah, you’re really pushing it,” remarked Hyoyeon.

“Sunny and Yuri are competing as well, that’s why they’re not here. I know you’re struggling, so if you’re stuck, you can approach us anytime,” says Tiffany with a reassuring smile.

“Thank you,” she responded in a low and grateful voice, her eyes glistened at the overwhelming emotions brought by her friends. “I actually wanna hear some gossip, to be perfectly honest.” she wiped her nonexistent tear before it even rolled down.