Taeyeon squeezed her eyes shut and covered her ears. This action reminiscent of Jessica during one of the couple’s movie nights from a few years back, where she’s usually the one refusing to witness anything in front of her, in which case, Taeyeon’s television showing her favorite horror film. Suffice it to say, they never watched horror movies again. At least, together, due to the amount of teasing she got.

And she endured quite a lot, while cuddled up under one blanket in the mini sofa.

Today, karma caught up five years late and Sunny was berating her best friend on behalf of her girlfriend in the on-call room.

Entering GUH after almost getting booted by, well, all of the higherups that aren’t Sooyoung and Tiffany – Dr Jung stepped in with her chin up, studded Chanel pumps clacked against the floor, and a familiar smirk was plastered on her face that gets the male population running to court her and the press writing up a storm as to what she could be up to.

Clinging onto Taeyeon was always her automatic response—if not inhaling an entire bottle of Sherry—for when her anxiety scale cranks up to a hundred. She’s thankfully progressed past those. In public, anyway. Horror movie nights are always welcome at the cozy tiny apartment, and perhaps she could cling onto her girlfriend for as long as she wants.

Jessica was expecting the chief of staff to approach her face-to-face, and be forced to look up from the 4-inch pumps Dr Jung proudly wore to work. She imagines the chief would speak to the resident in the most annoyed tone: “I didn’t think you’d be back,” and she would respond with, “I didn’t recall being fired.”

Okay, she has to give Tiffany credit for that part. Actually, she owes her a lot now that she thinks about it.

Regrettably, she only received a hard glare and a couple of deadly glances. Jessica kept a stable facial expression. It was quite difficult to maintain, though, when all she wanted to do was laugh so loud, she would need to visit the psych ward.

Dr Kim shares the sentiment. A few more minutes of pestering from Sunny and she’d have to voluntarily lock herself in a mental asylum.

“I shouldn’t even be surprised by your track record of breaking promises,” scoffed Dr Lee.

It was muffled, but Taeyeon definitely heard it.

“Says the soju lover,” she uncovered her ears and knitted her brows at the doctors who both drink like a fish, standing side by side to scold her while she was seated on the bed, and previously watching a viral documentation of a baby cub on the phone before the two newly besties interrupted her.

“Dr Lee, I think Taengoo already got the point…” Jessica tried to diffuse the situation, getting the sense of a real fight that could break out soon if she doesn’t interject.

“Dr Jung, quit it with the pet names,” she whipped her head towards her. “I’m in the middle of getting the upper hand here and now’s the only time this loser is going to listen to me.” Her pointer finger aimed at Taeyeon who just rolled her eyes.

“So, what if I did or did not smoke more than the recommended daily cigarettes? It’s all theoretical anyway. Like Schrodinger’s Cat,” she shrugged.

“This is between you and me now, Taeng. Not you two,” she waved off the half-assed reasoning. “I’m talking about you ghosting my calls for help and leaving me in a blind date.”

“Oh,” she said.

She blinked twice.

“You really went to the blind date… alone?” snorted Taeyeon and immediately composed herself once Sunny’s expression changed.

Dr Lee was silent for a moment, asking herself why she befriended someone like Dr Kim who lives off of her misfortunes. She asks herself that every day and never got an answer.

“Oh, and before you ask: I did outdrink them,” Sunny boasted as the corner of quirked up in a smirk. 

The humble-brag earned an applause from her two colleagues and she playfully bowed like she had just won an Oscar.

 “To be fair, Jessica-ssi and I are back together and we were searching for new apartments—”

“Loft apartments,” Jessica corrected, pointing an index finger up in the air.

“Yes, uh, loft apartments. I’m sorry I couldn’t return your calls.”

“…”

“I’m never gonna forgive you, Kim Taeyeon,” she deadpanned.

“I know,” she hung her head low as if she was in remorse.

Sunny’s phone chimed, signaling a call from the interns.

She accepted the call. “Okay. I’ll be there quickly.”

She questioningly looked at Jessica who seem to be thrilled to operate in utero. “Shouldn’t you be scrubbing in with the others?”

“Oh!” She gasped. “I’ll be back soon, darling.”

She planted a wet kiss on Taeyeon’s cheek who immediately melted as Sunny pushed her student out the on-call room. She was never keen on PDA, but maybe change isn’t so bad. She thinks she likes it.

--

The enthusiastic jog to the OR was immediately replaced to a walk of shame as more and more people gossip and follow her with their eyes.

They haven’t forgotten. They were enjoying this.

Jessica felt like a caged animal where speculations confine her in a limited space and monitored her every move as if she was any different from the onlookers. The confidence she had this morning was long gone and she found herself inside a bathroom stall, crouched down, head on her knees, and heart torn to pieces.

Sadness and disappointment turned to fury. She wiped her tears off aggressively and stood up from the tiles, looking back to where she cried in the corner. Her face turned cold. She was neither selfish nor selfless, she tolerated them enough.

Taeyeon had just finished a successful benign tumor resection and is relaxing in the physicians’ lounge, stalking her girlfriend’s Instagram account. The food posts gave her an idea to surprise Jessica with a not-so-expensive but a lovely homemade dinner as opposed to just having take-outs or instant meals from the convenience store.

Interns poured inside, greeting the Attendings, including the two Dr Kims. As expected, the room was no longer peaceful. Most of them complained how exhausting their day was or bragged about the amazing time they had watching a surgery. One topic in particular got Taeyeon listening in while she pretends to read lasagna recipes online.

“Dr Jung loves attention, huh?”

“It runs in the family.”

“What did she do to have someone like Dr Young save her like that. Must be nice having so many connections.”

Taeyeon’s 5”2 figure would not create fear even if she tried. Her eyes, however, give off an aura that makes everyone in the room go mute. The group of interns slammed their mouths shut and one by one the rest followed suit. She didn’t need to say anything because it looks like they already got her point. She left instead; footsteps heavy but she was collected. Hyoyeon got up from the couch and ran to catch up to her colleague.

“Hey, are you looking for Jessica?” She asked.

“I know where she is,” she snapped.

“She didn’t make it to Sunny’s OR if that’s what you’re thinking. She caused a scene on the way and we don’t know where she went…”

She stopped to look at Hyoyeon, anxious to know Jessica’s whereabouts at this very moment. ‘Have you tried calling her?’ was what she wanted to ask, but knowing her girlfriend, it would go straight to voicemail until she decides she’s okay again. She thanked her then hurried off on her own.

It’s already past five and Taeyeon still hasn’t found her for an hour of searching. Panting, she sat down on one of the hard plastic chairs in the waiting room, a phone call being final move.

It rang for a while.

“Hey,” Jessica spoke casually.

“Hey?”

“What’s wrong, babe?”

“Wha – I,” she stammered, unsure where to begin. “Where are you?”

“I’m back home,” she said matter-of-factly.

Taeyeon only sighed. Her girlfriend must have her reasons. Engaging in a fight must also have its own explanation. At least, she hopes it will.

“Alright, I’ll come pick you up.”

“No need. I’m done for the day.”

“On who’s orders?”

“Mine.”

And she hung up.

Taeyeon came home with ingredients for lasagna. She was planning to go home early to surprise Jessica with a candlelit dinner of homecooked meal. This wasn’t the night she’d expected. But it would be fun to cook with her again.

“Babe? I’m here,” she called as she took off her shoes.

The sound of slippers tapped the wooden floor, running like a kid on Christmas day. Jessica grabbed the grocery bag and take out items on the dining table.

“What are you making?” she held a tomato beside her small face.

“Are you in the mood for lasagna?”

Jessica’s face lit up.

When they placed the pasta in the oven, Taeyeon decided to follow the nagging voice in her head badgering her about what happened earlier this afternoon.

“Why did you skip Dr Lee’s FETO procedure today?” she asked. “Do you dislike the subspecialty somehow?”

“That’s not your business,” she answered, a little hurt that Taeyeon assumed such a thing about her.

“Then, can we at least talk about what happened on the way to the OR?”

“I’m too tired for this.”

“I just want to understand where you’re coming from, it’s—”

She cut her off, palm facing forward to stop her. “I said I don’t wanna talk about it. I’m taking a break.” Jessica dropped her oven mitts and stormed off to an empty bedroom. A while later and their pasta was done. Taeyeon ate by herself at the coffee table in the living room, hoping Jessica would come out if she ate slower. The food only grew colder and she was left to store the rest in the fridge.

The right side of her bed was cold.

The following morning started off like normal. Taeyeon waking up very early to exercise, have breakfast, and bathe. Jessica groaning to stop the shuffling footsteps of her earlybird girlfriend was the only thing missing.

She was ready to go to work, but she made sure to knock three times in the separate bedroom where Jessica spent her night in. Thoughts such as “did she have a blanket?” or “what if the heater was broken?” intruded her mind the entire night. Giving her space is important, and so does her well-being. She just hopes she was doing okay.

“Sica, I’m leaving now. I bought yogurt since I know we ran out. Please eat breakfast, okay? Love you.”

The front door beeped closed and Jessica barely slept a wink that night.

--

Much like a swarm of bees, the interns and residents were attracted by the new announced that Dr Choi just pinned onto the board. Sooyoung’s mouth curled up with pride, crossing her arms, and seeing the bees push against each other trying to read the paper.

“You are a sadist,” Tiffany said, walking towards her to see the view.

“I am perfectly normal,” Sooyoung answered, her smile turned into a grin.

“What—what’s happening here?” Taeyeon, perplexed, just left the locker room after changing into her scrubs and noticed the mosh pit by the announcement board.

“You might wanna sit this one out,” responded Dr Young.

Taeyeon’s face twisted in confusion and looked at she Sooyoung, hoping she could provide an answer.

Seeing as she was backed into a corner, she answered, against her will, “Some tech company is sponsoring a medical research contest.”

“Oh, okay,” was all she said. Her two friends looked at her as if they were expecting more.

“Why are you staring at me like that? I get therapy.”

“Your girlfriend isn’t technically a licensed therapist,” Sooyoung said.

“I was talking about surgery, but, fine,” she shrugged it off with a playful scoff. “Speaking of, I’ve got some burr holes to drill. Enjoy being sadists together, I guess?” Taeyeon waved and jogged to the elevator.

Jessica arrived to work before noon. She changed into scrubs and wore her white coat.

“Good morning, sunsaengnim,” she bowed a greeting to Sunny and Hyoyeon chatting away at the nurses’ station.

“Jessica, what happened?” Hyoyeon had an apprehensive look as she saw her.

“I’m sorry about yesterday. It was wrong what I did and I’m willing to receive any reprimands for my actions,” she gave a deep bow, almost folding her body in half. The two doctors were startled.

“We understand you, Dr Jung,” Sunny patted her hoobae’s shoulder to get her back up. “But reserve your apologies to HR.”

She stood straight back like a toy springing to its original position. “Crap,” she blurted out.

“Yeah,” Hyoyeon said.

“Do you know where Taeyeon is right now?”

“She’s probably done with surgery,” Sunny tapped on her smartwatch. “You can meet her at the OR floor.”

“Thank you again,” she bowed a last time before sprinting to catch the closing elevator.

This was how Taeyeon felt when she searched for Jessica yesterday. The feeling of hopelessness and most of all, exhaustion. She didn’t want to call, but she was almost at that point of giving up looking for her.

The floor to the OR was empty. Her sneakers squeaked to a halt by the entrance of the bathroom once she saw Taeyeon fixing her makeup. She almost dropped her brush, both of them shocked to see each other.

“Hey there,” Taeyeon says, still surprised that Jessica found her in a bathroom.

“I was looking for you,” Jessica let out breath she didn’t realize she was holding and stepped forward a little. She left a few inches of space, knowing exactly where the boundary is.

“Have you eaten yet?” she put back the brush in a pouch and zipped it closed. She continued, “Are you ready to talk?”

Jessica shook her head. “Not yet. But all I know is that what I did yesterday was wrong, and if I say I acted on impulse, I’ll only be making excuses and I don’t wanna be like that anymore. I want to start over. With that said, I truly am sorry.”

Taeyeon took in every word Dr Jung uttered. She didn’t respond for a while, she only searched for Jessica’s eyes as if she was looking to find something. Then she softly replied with a smile, “Thank you, Dr Jung.”

Jessica drove them home. It was nearly 3AM and Taeyeon intentionally waited for her shift to be done. They stopped at a red light, and the brunette unlocked her phone, opened the gallery, and showed a screenshot of a loft apartment for sale. “Wow,” Taeyeon says.

“This is affordable!” she exclaimed like she had won the lottery, taking the phone to look at the image closely. “It looks really cozy, too.”

The apartment wasn’t spacious, but it was certainly better than where they’re currently residing. It was partially furnished, and Taeyeon’s current appliances and furniture can still work in their soon-to-be new home. They mutually agreed on having large apartments checked off their list because a new home just means they’re accepting change. It’s not good to always confine yourself in the past. They’re willing to explore the future together.

“Should we call them as soon as we get back?” Jessica asked and Taeyeon gave a thumbs up while bobbing her head up and down in agreement.

--

Juggling work, moving out, following many rituals and traditions from their moms, and making rice cakes for the new neighbors—It all turned out to be a rough week and they still have yet to unpack. Opening the boxes seems to be draining already.

As part of the (unofficial) tradition of moving into a new home, Taeyeon busily chews away on jjajjangmyeon, with jjamppong soup and sweet and sour pork. The sauce is separated, obviously. Although, it was the fourth consecutive day where Chinese food was all they had for dinner since moving in.

“Taeyeon,” Jessica says, looking up from her phone and is one tap away from ordering chicken salad. “If this is all we eat for the next few months, I will drag you to a gym myself.”

“God, no,” Taeyeon stared at her in revulsion with a mouth full of noodles and lips covered in black bean sauce.

“Good,” the corner of her lips quirked up into a smirk and tapped the Place Order button, satisfied by her reaction.

By the time her dinner arrives, Taeyeon went to clean up the empty dishes on the tiny dining table. Jessica had her meal on the turquoise sofa while watching TV and her girlfriend retreats to their bedroom to do more work.

It was past midnight when she decided to turn off the television and the lights. She entered their bedroom and Taeyeon was on her laptop in bed, on the verge of dozing off, and too tired to notice her glasses slipping from her face.

“Taengoo,” Jessica whisper-screamed, tip-toeing to the bed. She carefully climbed in, eventually waking her up.

“Morning, sunshine.”

“Eurghm,” she groaned, taking off her glasses and closing the laptop in screensaver mode.

“I wanted to talk to you about something, but you’re already tired,” she says quietly in her normal voice.

Rubbing the sleep off her eyes, she said, facing Jessica, “It’s okay. What is it about?” she blinked a couple of times and fixed her gaze on her.

She bit the inside of her cheeks in contemplation, wondering if she should continue.

“I…” she began, and exhaled loudly. “What should I do now?”

The ambiguity of her words sobered up Taeyeon in no time. She stared at her with nothing but perplexity written all over her face. “What—what do you mean?”

“Is medicine the right career for me?”

As if dropping a hundred-ton weight from above, Taeyeon immediately felt the burden from the question alone. Not as her girlfriend, but as a senior.

“Do you wanna keep working?” she responded with another question. Jessica feels very vulnerable right now and she needs to help her get through it as delicately as possible.

“I, I don’t…” she stammered and closed shut like she just spoke without even thinking about her answer yet. She broke eye contact and stared at her hand that was clutching the bedsheet.

“Let me rephrase it,” Taeyeon sits up straight with her eyes still fixed on Jessica. “Are you happy at your current job?”

She looked up straightaway and answered, “I-I suppose so.”

“What do you love about it?”

Jessica’s lips curled up in an idyllic smile as she thought of a list of things she loves in healthcare. “I love learning new things every day.”

“Okay…” Taeyeon smiled at her fast reply.

“I love that I’m lucky enough to be able to help people,” she continued, not losing momentum. “I love the adrenaline I get in the ER. I love the complexity of medicine, and I love meeting new people in the same field.” she finished, showing a toothy grin.

“So, do you think this career is right for you?” Taeyeon repeated the question from the beginning.

“It is, Taeyeon. I’m certain.”