In a rather peculiar turn of events, Jessica was on top of Taeyeon, struggling to get back something the latter stole. She was pinning her empty hand, or wrist, eager to get it back. And yet, Jessica felt powerless seeing Taeyeon’s bare face that turned into a threatening-slash-flirting expression as she has the smaller woman in her clutches. Going top or bottom, Taeyeon doesn’t mind. She still has Jessica wrapped around her finger.

“Cheating doesn’t solve anything,” she dared, smirking.

“Yeah, but it’ll make me feel better,” Jessica smiled smugly.

--

There was a drunk unconscious woman on Taeyeon’s broken, single bed which is unintentionally comparable to her; in fact, the sleeping woman was the reason she stopped dating for a while because she has to work on her research. Jessica slept in a supine ‘starfish’ position as her arms and legs were stretched out and over the bed. Her chestnut hair was tangled, some of it was inside her open mouth. And she was snoring.

Taeyeon has certainly brought girls home before. Sometimes three of them at once. But bringing her ex, of all people? It was clearly Sunny’s fault.

After much silence in her own thoughts and away from Jessica as far as possible, it was already sunrise. The golden rays reflected on the dining table, declaring the sun’s presence, and the daylight emitted a radiant gold with deep blue highlights as seen from her window. The ephemeral serenity has always been like a drug to the surgeon. She loves making friends and hanging out with them, but she needs time to recharge on her own, too. In this case, a brief “me time” from an unconscious ex and her own guilt eating her up like a parasite is much needed.

The silent session ended when she realized that Jessica may wake up at any second.

Taeyeon searched for any leftover soup on her cupboards and fridge. Only two packs of spicy ramyun were there, all in its glory. Add a few vegetables, soy bean paste, pepper flakes, and maybe some fish cakes—and there you have a haejang-ramyun! She’s not the best cook in the world, neither is Jessica. She had seen her make brownies five years ago. It was more or less a blunt object that can be weaponized. Still, beggars can’t be choosers. Taeyeon simply threw her only fresh ingredients in the pot (she hasn’t gone grocery shopping in a very long time). But why is she suddenly so keen on impressing her?

After it was finished cooking, she placed the boiling pot on the silicon mat at the center of the table, along with two bowls, two pairs of chopsticks and a spoon, and finally, kimchi. A Korean household delicacy—that she bought from the nearest convenience store since she’s always busy to make herself one. You can’t have ramyun without it.

With their breakfast set, all that’s left is for Jessica to wake up. Naturally… by herself, as much as Taeyeon wants to kiss her good morning. Celibate thoughts. Celibate thoughts, she keeps repeating in her mind like a mantra. They haven’t exactly talked about the past yet, much less whatever they had going on in the ER and in the conference room.

Jessica woke up from a dream. Or a nightmare. It was unclear. Plus, a pounding headache. All she remembered in the ‘dream’ was slurring compliments at Taeyeon during a taxi ride home to thank her about letting her assist in a laminectomy operation and – oh my god, it’s not a dream. She looked around the place, vividly reminiscing their memories. Taeyeon’s tiny room, her bed, and the living/dining area that was literally four steps away from each other. As she practically grew up at a pile of golden bars, Taeyeon’s apartment somehow felt more home than her own. It just has the warmth and comfort her parent’s manor doesn’t, not even her own bed.

She left the bedroom and walked barefoot to the comfort room. She saw that the TV was still the same 16-inch flat screen that came with the apartment, and a PlayStation console plugged into the TV. She noticed that Taeyeon added more games in her collection.

“Oh, good morning,” greeted Taeyeon, holding her mug of iced coffee as she stood by the dining table.

“Morning,” she sheepishly greeted back before power-walking to the bathroom, face flushed. They were already accustomed to seeing each other’s makeup-ridden faces, yet it still makes her vulnerable. It feels like they’re strangers.

Jessica took the pink toothbrush that was on the sink in a separate cup, with a yellow sticky note conveniently labelled “J”. The towel rack also has the note on the clean cloth with her initial. This is so on-brand, she thought, smiling with a toothbrush in . She exited the bathroom and saw a pair of fuzzy slippers on the rug.

“Sorry you had to walk barefoot,” Taeyeon said.

“It’s okay,” she reassured. “What’s for breakfast?”

Taeyeon took the lid off the clay pot with steam coming out. “Sorry, the noodles got a bit soggy,”

“It’s fine, Dr Kim,” she chuckled. “I should be apologizing for getting drunk again. You’ve already done so much by letting me sleep here.”

Taeyeon was quiet. She silently gave Jessica a bowl. She chewed on her bottom lip to put her loud conscience to rest.

“We’re outside the hospital. You can call me Taeyeon.”

Jessica slurped her noodles while nodding.

“I actually don’t mind you in my home,” she continued. “Wait, did that sound creepy? I’m sorry, I couldn’t sleep last night.”

Again, no reply. She silently ate her food while remaining eye contact.

“I’m really sorry for being hostile back there, Sica.” Nicknames. Not using formal nor informal, it’s intimate. She decided she doesn’t want them to remain as strangers.

“No need, sunbae,” Jessica finally spoke.

“No, I should. You didn’t deserve being treated that way. I didn’t deserve you—”

“Why would you say that?”

“You deserve a better senior. I wasn’t one,”

The sound of chopsticks clanging against the ceramic bowl stopped. Their breathing was synced and the gentle humming of the air conditioner overtook the utter silence at their table.

“I’m not complaining about that,” Jessica broke the ice again. “I understand why you hated me.”

It was her turn to stay silent and listen to her guest.

“I wasn’t my best self in the past. I know how you trusted and tolerated me without even persuading me to fund your study,” she digressed. “Your feelings were pure and I was new to mine, so I couldn’t give you a clear answer to us being official. Long story short, I don’t blame you.” She gave a small, comforting smile.

It always ends with a smile. Jessica would never have any ill-will towards anyone who had hurt her. She always had good intentions and it pushed Taeyeon into becoming better, at least, to return to her old self before she was a failure: the Dr Kim who didn’t need validation from her colleagues. The Kim Taeyeon who loved as if it was her last. She was willing to control her temper and to be nicer to people starting now. As long as she has her around, she may be able to take a few notes on how to act less aggressively.

“Can I stay for a little while longer?” Jessica asked after a minute of silence. “I miss it here.”

Taeyeon’s face lit up and her lips curled into a smile. “Of course, you can.”

They finished eating and left the dishes in the dishwasher. Taeyeon went to her bedroom and stayed there for half an hour, making Jessica concerned as she watched TV. The door was wide open and she peeked inside. A bunch of black clothes were scattered on the floor and on the bed.

“Anything I help with?” She slowly walked over the doorframe while maintaining a safe distance in case she’s becoming too nosy.

“I’m okay.”

Taeyeon picked two pieces of outerwear from her bed. Both in black: a trench coat and a single-button blazer.

“Go with the jacket,” suggested Jessica.

She paired the blazer and the acid washed jeans on the bed. Looks good enough.

“Do you want me to accompany you?”

Her head turned to face her guest. Taeyeon looked distressed. Unlike from this morning when she was being cautious (and chaste) for Jessica’s sake. She was pale.

“Please?” She wasn’t the type to ask for favors. Taeyeon genuinely needs help to ask for forgiveness and to bid farewell to her friend.

“I’ll buy myself a jacket, then…”

“You can borrow mine,” she offered. It was the least she could do for her kindness.

On the car ride to the hospital where they’re holding the service, Jessica finally asked whose funeral they’re attending.

“A long-time patient and friend of mine,” Taeyeon almost whispers, gripping the steering wheel for dear life. She was scared to see Haneul’s blissful face in a frame surrounded by flowers, incense, and fruits. The last thing a child should be. And especially, the mother in mourning clothes for her only child. She knew, as a surgeon, resecting a malignant tumor can’t be done by confidence alone.

The resident was at a loss for words. Nothing would’ve helped her senior feel better during this time. She badly wanted to say “I’m sure their family forgives you,” or “It’s not your fault,” which are just empty words. She looked down at her hands, playing with her thumbs and trying not to look at her with pitiful eyes nor say anything dumb for Taeyeon’s sake.

Arriving at the service, the two doctors took off their shoes and walked to the main room. Ms Eun was dressed in a black hanbok and wore a white ribbon on her hair. She has her mother with her, Haneul’s grandmother. The surgeon couldn’t stop thinking about the joy she took from them. They gave their donation, lit the incense, and bowed to the portrait and then to the family of the deceased.

“I’m truly sorry, Ms Eun. Please tell me if there’s anything you need,” She held the chief mourner’s trembling hands.

“You being here is enough, Dr Kim. I know you did everything,” said Ms Eun sincerely. Jessica went to talk to the family next.

“Can you hold your alcohol now?” Jessica questioned as they sat on the floor around the low table.

“I’m driving,” she replied. “I’d still get knocked out after one and a half glasses.”

Haneul’s mother arrived at their table to personally serve them yukgaejang, soju, rice, and side dishes. After placing the meals, she sat beside Jessica and thank them again for coming.

“This means a lot for me and my daughter that you came. I’ve forgiven you, Dr Kim. I know you did your absolute best and I’m sure my Haneul knows it, too. You’ve done a lot for us, please learn to forgive yourself as well,” said Ms Eun, her forehead creased with worry. Before Taeyeon could respond, the mother added—in hopes to stop herself from crying in front of her daughter’s surgeon, “Dr Kim and Dr Jung, please eat up.”

The doctor initially had no appetite, but it’s paying respect to the child’s soul. It hadn’t been an easy road for Haneul with yearly surgeries and a tumor. Eating the bowl of red stew helps her cross over; and if reincarnation was real, Taeyeon hopes that whichever deity was in charge should take her friend to a happier life. For her part, she must learn from her mistakes and use the newfound knowledge to treat patients better.

“Ms Eun’s right. Don’t be too hard on yourself, sunbae,” Jessica gave a small smile.

The surgeons stayed a little while longer after eating until it was time to prep for the operation they have that Saturday. Taeyeon would never forget Haneul and her mother’s kind heart.

--

The chief of the neurosurgery department, Dr Na, examined the whiteboard near the OR with his arms crossed. One particular schedule made him explode upon seeing his missing name.

“Why is a fellow taking my case?!”

“Sorry, doctor, but Dr Kim said she diagnosed the patient first,”

“Well, Dr Kim can kiss my !”

“Bold of you to assume I like kissing men’s asses,” Taeyeon remarked snarkily as she emerged from the corridor with Jessica, already off their white coats and ready to scrub in the operating room.

“I already promised Mr Gu that I’m operating on him,” he stressed, grinding his teeth.

“That’s too bad. I guess he trusts me more than you,” Dr Kim clicked her tongue.

“That says a lot,” Jessica accidentally voiced out her thoughts then instantly snapped shut. Taeyeon squeezed her forearm in response and Jessica took that hand to clasp onto hers, taking her senior by surprise.

While Dr Na had steam coming out from both his ears, gears on the verge of malfunctioning, their patient was already being wheeled to the elevator and just a few steps behind the head of neurosurgery.

“Mr Gu,” he turned around, speaking in desperation in an attempt to take his case back.

“Good evening, doc. I’ll see you when I wake up,” he laughed weakly before his bed went inside the elevator, followed by the surgical staff and his surgeons, giving Dr Na one last look.

“Do you think he deserved that?” whispered Taeyeon to Jessica when the doors closed.

“Oh, he needed that,” she convinced, grinning.

In the scrub area, the fellow was going over the procedure in her mind, mumbling to herself while she scrubs her arm with antibacterial soap. Like following instructions on baking a cake, Jessica memorized her senior’s technique almost immediately.

“Is this your first minimally invasive laminectomy?” she asked, scraping dirt under her nails using a pick.

“I’ve assisted a sunbae once, but her approach is much different,”

“In other words, you haven’t done it yourself before?”

“Are you worried?” Taeyeon turned her head to face Jessica. She had that look again from the funeral.

“I have you with me.”

The resident had a puzzled expression.

“You’re like my guardian angel. I may be the demon on your shoulder, but you also make me better,” she showed a tight-lipped smile with a dimple on her chin. “Take this surgery as a teaching moment from your senior: I teach you my technique and you just be your caring self who subtly helps me become better.”

“I’m your guardian angel?” was her response.

“I didn’t mean it to sound selfish. I just really like having you around again,” she winced, thinking she may have ruined another moment.

Jessica was done sanitizing her hands and arms, holding them up above her waist. “And me to you.” She smiled behind her mask and opened the automatic door to the operating suite with her foot, keeping her hands up and entering the OR first. Taeyeon trailed behind after cleansing the lather off, she said: “You’re a woman of few words, you know?”

“Your babbling can make up for it.”

“Says you,”

“He deserved it!”

“Yeah, okay.” Taeyeon searched her eyes and smiled to herself.

--

“Mr Gu did really well,” Jessica delivered the good news with a wide grin. The ajumma embraced both the surgeons with gratitude, muttering thanks for their hard work.

Finishing their last schedule for the weekend, Taeyeon pushed a different floor in the elevator after they stepped in together.

“I need to talk to Dr Young,” she explained, seeing the confusion dawn on Jessica’s face.

“Ah,”

“I’ll see you at the parking lot.” The doors slid open and she handed her keys to Jessica before leaving.

Taeyeon slowly walked to Tiffany’s office, deciding not to mentally rehearse a speech to ask for her forgiveness. It wouldn’t be sincere if she made a script in her mind. She hovered around the door for a few moments, then knocking after clearing her thoughts. She is just going to talk to a long-time friend. Nothing to be nervous about. She is being responsible. She didn’t commit a crime. She—

“Taengoo?”

“Fany?”

Tiffany stood up from her chair and approached her friend.

“Are you okay?”

They went to their chairs sat at opposite sides.

“Actually, I wanted to say sorry about dragging you in my .”

“Hm?” Her eyebrows drew together.

“I’m sorry for putting you in a position where you can’t even think about yourself because it might hurt me in some way...”

Out of nowhere, the blonde stood up again and hugged Taeyeon in her seat. It wasn’t unexpected if you know the woman. And she does, yet she doesn’t think this situation merits a tight embrace. “Thank you for being here, Taengoo,” she sighed, letting go of her. “But I did hurt you in some way, you’re not the only one in the wrong.”

“It’s still my fault it tormented you. I know how hard it must’ve been to tell me the truth. I promise I won’t let this come between us again,” she held up her pinky finger to their faces.

“Pinky promise? At our age?” Tiffany snorted.

“You started it.”

“I promise I won’t keep any secrets from now on.” Sealing the promise in a childish way, Taeyeon felt the weight on her shoulders lessen. Tiffany brought her in for another hug before letting her go home.

“Miss, do you need a ride home?” Jessica was leaning on the car they rode, acting tough like some random guy looking for a potential lover for the night.

“No thanks, I’m gay.” Taeyeon snatched her keys and went to the passenger seat with a smirk playing on her lips.

“Where to?” she plopped down on the driver’s seat and started the engine.

“Do you wanna order in dinner or do you need to go to your parents’ now?”

“Oh,” Jessica’s smile faded. “Way to ruin the mood.” She huffed, shifting the gear.

“You’re not talking to them?”

“When have I ever had a decent conversation with them?” she gritted her teeth. She’s silently praying to drop the topic. This is where she’s most comfortable at. Now Taeyeon seems to be siding with her parents, completely defeating the purpose of staying with her.

“They didn’t contact you, did they?” she said in an accusing tone.

“No. I just thought they’d be worried of where you’re staying,”

“I’m not a teenager anymore, Taeng,” Jessica audibly exhaled through her nose. “Let’s just enjoy the night and forget about them for a while, okay?”

“Sure.” She conceded, afraid that if she kept pressing, she’d see her infuriated.

Jessica’s temper had always been exemplary, she learned to control and mask her feelings through a forced smile and a “Yes, father. Yes, mother.” Needless to say, it was childhood trauma that made her like this. She just needed a weekend away from the damned foundation that she never wanted to be a part of.

In contrary to the “I’m not a teenager anymore” sentiment, Jessica urged Taeyeon to let her play games on the PS4. It was the couple’s favorite leisure time when they were just fresh in their careers and in their relationship. The foundation director was the happiest staying in a home that’s not her own and revisiting memories with a special person. At least, thankfully, that hasn’t changed. Taeyeon shared the feeling.

Playing Mortal Kombat X gives a different form of rage from one of them. Taeyeon was too good at fighting games, which brought into question the benefit of being a sharp button-masher in the society.

“I’m not button-mashing. You are,” she corrected. Each button on the controller serves a different move or attack. Jessica was dodging, jumping and kicking the air using Kitana, barely landing a hit on Predator, a fine example of button-mashing.

Frustrated, she climbed on the sofa and tried to get her opponent’s DualShock from behind. Unbeknownst to her, Taeyeon had a quick reflex, stealing Jessica’s controller first but landing under her.

In a rather peculiar turn of events, Jessica was on top of Taeyeon, struggling to get back something the latter stole. She was pinning her empty hand, or wrist, eager to get it back. And yet, Jessica felt powerless seeing Taeyeon’s bare face that turned into a threatening-slash-flirting expression as she has the smaller woman in her clutches. Going top or bottom, Taeyeon doesn’t mind. She still has Jessica wrapped around her finger.

“Cheating doesn’t solve anything,” she dared, smirking.

“Yeah, but it’ll make me feel better,” Jessica smiled smugly.

“If you let me teach you how to not break my controller, we wouldn’t be in this position.”

“We’re not at the hospital. Let me be your teacher for now,” she spoke in a whisper.

That came out wrong.

As they both realized what that meant, they released each other’s grips and stayed silent for a good minute.

“Should we get dinner now?” Taeyeon cleared .

Jessica nodded vigorously as she reached for her phone to order food.

Eating together never felt more uncomfortable. The tension gradually disappeared and they had a mutual agreement to forget that ever happened by speaking with their eyes.

“I’ll tell my parents the truth soon,” Jessica suddenly made up her mind once they started to speak casually again, throwing the awkwardness out the window.

“The truth? Y-you mean your job at the hospital?” Taeyeon stammered. She had met the latter’s parents once, and reminiscing the memory ties a knot in her stomach.

“Yeah. Can you be with me tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow already?”

If her anxiety has a scale, it would be breaking by now. Cracking like it was the glass case enclosing the rose in her hypothetical castle, and Jessica’s parents brought a hammer to smash it all to indiscernible pieces. She was unsure if she was scared for the daughter or scared for herself.

“Yeah, you’re the devil on my shoulder, right?” Her tone changed.

Taeyeon cursed herself internally. She never thought that sweet (debatable) metaphor from earlier would be used against her.

“I—”

“You enable me…” Jessica showed a close-lipped smile, hinting a small devious look under her puppy eyes.

“I don’t think that’s how you—”

“You’ll come with me, won’t you?”

“Sure, hm-mm.” Taeyeon was frozen still and glued to her seat.

Girlboss? Dominatrix? Yandere?!

“Right, let’s play Mortal Kombat again!”