Chaeryeong was quite sure that the whole ‘finding myself’ journey was going a bit too fast. Just a week ago she was completely terrified about even thinking that she was gay or something even close to that. Now she found herself unconsciously checking out the new barista at her favourite coffee shop. For her defense she was really pretty, wait...that didn’t defend her at all. 

From the start of the day she slowly began to notice that her ‘gayness’ was alway there, quietly lurking in the shadows of her mind, waiting for the right moment to show itself, which just happened to be right now, with Yeji standing in front of her. 

“Yah! Chaeryeong-ah, are you even listening to me?” No, in fact she wasn't, for some reason her brain decided to focus only on the way her eyes sparkled in the sun like diamonds. 

“Uhm...sorry, what were you saying?” She needed to snap out of it, this was her best friend for Christ’s sake! “Felix and I decided to make it official!” Chaeryeong felt like the ground underneath her started to crumble. 

“W-what?” The smile on Yeji’s face began to slowly fade away. “Aren’t you happy for me? I mean, you’re my best friend, I thought you’d be more supportive.” 

“No!, I mean yes, I am happy for you! I just didn’t expect it.” Chaeryeong decided to just stop talking, she was sure that if she continued, the only thing she would do was kick the ladder under her own feet. 

“Okay, I guess.” 

Yeji didn’t look at her again that day and she knew she ed up.

------

“What’s with the long face Chaeryeong-ah?”

“I don’t have time for this Ryujin…” She was occupied with trying to figure out how she can apologize to Yeji. 

“What? Maybe I can help.” Chaeryeong was pretty desperate at this point, for some reason she couldn’t think of a single way to show Yeji she was sorry. 

“Okay...I need to apologize to Yeji and I don’t know how.” Ryujin scrunched up her eyebrows. “What did you do?...C’mon, I need to know so I can help you.” Chaeryeong sighed, she really didn’t want to reveal her, rather big, crush on Yeji. But when she looked at Ryujin she felt like she could share anything so she took a deep breath and for the first time said everything out loud. 

“Wow….I..” Chaeryeong was sweating bullets. The long silence that followed Ryujin’s exclamation made her extremely nervous. 

“I never expected the school’s top student to be a raging lesbian…”

“WHAT?” Chaeryeong was instantly on her feet, her face red as it can get. “I’m not..g..gay! It’s just a..a...FAZE, yes a faze!” 

Ryujin didn’t seem amused by the slightest. Her eyebrows were raised, eyes piercing her soul as if she knew her deepest secrets. Chaeryeong gave up, turning her eyes away from the older girl. 

“Look, I..I just need help with apologizing, I don’t need you to say...stuff like that.” She heard Ryujin sigh, and for a moment she felt bad but brushed it away quickly. 

“So will you help me or what?” Ryujin rolled her eyes at her, she DEFINITELY didn’t know why for the record. 

“Alright...just go to her and sincerely say your sorry, you have to show her that you really regret doing what you did, otherwise you will get nowhere. You need to be true to her, and most importantly to yourself.” 

And with that she left, leaving Chaeryeong with a heavy feeling that she couldn’t shake off for the rest of the day. 

—————

Chaeryeong was standing in front of Yeji’s door, nervously biting her lip, trying to gather the courage to knock on the door. 

Today was the day. After a lot of thinking, Chaeryeong decided to finally admit that she was...that she was gay. It was still a bit hard for her to say it out loud but she knew that if someone was going to have her back, it was going to be Yeji. 

“Yes? Oh Chaeryeong…what are you doing here?” Yeji’s mother asked her with a smile.

“Uhm...I want to talk with Yeji, can I go inside?” She asked, scratching her neck.

“Of course, come on in, she should be in her room.”

Each step made Chaeryeong a bit more nervous. She had to stay strong. Ryujin’s words echoed inside her head, giving her the last push she needed as she took the final step and opened the door to Yeji’s room.

“What mom- Chaeryeong?”

Said girl waved awkwardly. “Hey… I came to apologize and talk to you about something important. If you could just hear me out I’d be very thankful.”

She heard Yeji sigh. “Okay, fine.”

“Thank you so much...I’m sorry about the way I reacted when you told me you and Felix got together, I just wasn’t expecting it and it caught me off guard, plus...there has been something that was bothering me a lot and I couldn’t focus on anything else and it made me minda snappy towards everyone, I’m really sorry about that, it was never my intention to make you feel like I didn’t support you one hundred percent.”

There was a long pause after that Yeji was absorbing Chaeryeong’s words and Chaeryeong was trying to find the best way to tell her best friend what has been going on in her head the last few days if not weeks. 

“About the thing that kept bothering me...I wanted you to be the first one to know it as I trust you the most and I...I just hope you won’t judge me, so please think about it a bit before you say anything...okay?”

Chaeryeong could tell that Yeji was confused, her eyebrows were furrowed slightly and she looked at her with suspicion in her eyes. 

“Okay…” There was slight hesitation in her voice that made Chaeryeong even more nervous, but she couldn’t back up now, not after everything she did to get to this point. 

“I...I think, no, I am...gay.”

Yeji opened to say something, but Chaeryeong stopped her.

“I-I know it may be surprising, but just think about it for a while before you say anything, please Yeji.”

Chaeryeong could basically see the gears turning in Yeji’s head as she tried to comprehend everything that was thrown at her in such a short period of time.

“I-I didn’t expect this...I mean, you don’t have a crush on me or something right?”

The silence that followed her question made Yeji’s eyes pop open, hanging as she looked at Chaeryeong with such...disgust, that it almost made her throw up.

“I-I it's just a small crush! I…I completely respect your relationship with Felix and you don’t have to worry about me ever acting on my feelings, we can just keep being friends! Please Yeji…”

“Get out…”

Yeji said it so quietly that Chaeryeong almost didn’t hear it, but she did and she wasn’t sure what was better. 

When she didn’t move, Yeji repeated her words, this time loud and clear, Chaeryeong felt like she was dying.

“Get out! Get out of my house before I do something...I said get the out!”

Yeji was screaming at this point, Chaeryeong trembled as she tried to talk to her.

“Yeji, please...I-“

“GET OUT!”

Yeji stood up and pushed Chaeryeong outside,

“Never talk to me again, until you fix yourself.”, slamming the door in front of her face.

Chaeryeong felt the tears build up inside her eyes, she suppressed them, refusing to cry. She stood up, her knees were trembling as if they were about to give up on her any moment. She ran down the stairs and out of the house, she didn’t stop running until she reached the park. The sky was beginning to darken, hues of orange and red highlighting the trees, Chaeryeong couldn’t see it, everything seemed so incredibly dull and grey to her. 

With shaking hands she took out her phone, tears she finally let free blurring her vision, before falling onto the bright display.

The phone started ringing as she placed it next to her ear, hoping they would pick up. 

“Hello?” A quiet voice could be heard.

“C-can you *sniffle* please c-come to t-the park?”

A short curse echoed in her ear, a beeping noise following, leaving Chaeryeong in silence again, only her sniffles filling the emptiness around her.

Loud footstep brought her from her trance, a panting silhouette stood in front of her.

“Ryujin-ah…”

That was all it took for the short haired girl to embrace her in a warm hug, tears damping her sweater as she let Chaeryeong cry into her 

shoulder.

This day definitely wasn’t like what she planned.